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One Of Two Films This Year That I’m Actually Going To A Theater To See

Backrooms is one of two films I’ll be venturing out to actually see in a theater this year. (The other being DUNE3.) I purchased my ticket today, not that I fear I’ll have any trouble getting in…

I first stumbled across The Backrooms on YouTube back in 2002. Posted on the Kane Pixels channel, at the time the initial video terrified me because I hadn’t run across anything like it previously. Was this real? Rationally I knew it couldn’t be, but the environment was so damn convincing.

In the intervening years, The Backrooms has become somewhat of an internet sensation, with multiple videos being produced by dozens of creators. Some of the videos are really good, expanding upon this strange universe and some are…well…not.

There were rumors last year that a feature-length film was in the works, even though I couldn’t imagine how this story would be brought to the big screen. Well, apparently it was more than just a rumor. Kane Parsons—the original creator of The Backrooms—is directing this A24 production, which is being released later this month (on my birthday, no less!).

If you’re curious, Kane’s original videos can be seen here,

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I Could Live There

Beautiful.

I can smell these pictures. Over the course of my life I’ve spent enough time in homes of this vintage to recall that very specific smell produced by wood, old plaster, and time…and it’s wonderful.

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Who Remembers?

I can close my eyes and taste it like it was yesterday…

I haven’t been to a Taco Bell in nearly two years. The last time I was there I ordered the (reintroduced) Mexican pizza (one of my favorites) and it was horrific. And then I learned they’d discontinued the Taco Salad and the regular, plain ol’ tostadas—and saw no reason to return after that.

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When Was Your First?

And don’t tell me you’ve never had a three-way.

I’ll go first. It was 1978 I was working part time at Broadway Southwest in the housewares department. A very nice looking man came in looking for some kitchen gadget. I was apple to find what he was looking for, and after making the sale (accompanied with whole lot of flirting) he went on his way.

Fast forward to the following Friday or Saturday night at my usual hangout, Moon’s Truck. Who should show up? Yup. Same guy. “I could see the outline of your dick in those Angel Flights from across the store. Are you sure those pants meet The Broadway’s dress standards?”

We started chatting, and one thing led to another and he asked me home. He mentioned that his lover was there and would undoubtedly want to join in.

What the heck, I thought. I was young, foolish and about to go to a stranger’s house to engage in In flagrante delicto with him and another, unknown man. Try anything once, y’know? Hey, it was the 70s; it was what we did.

Long story short, it was underwhelming. His lover wasn’t bad looking, but I wanted to have sex with Craig alone. As I recall his lover had horrible B.O., bad breath, or some other hygiene problem (dirty ass, maybe?) and it was a complete turnoff.

I did connect with Craig one-on-one subsequently, but at that point it too was underwhelming and wasn’t repeated.

I did get a life tip from Craig that same afternoon and that’s the reason I will always remember him. I mentioned that my soft contact lenses—the kind that came in glass vials and were intended to last for a year (this was long before there were single-use or even monthly lenses) were becoming increasingly uncomfortable and driving home at night there were bright rings around every light source. “When did you enzyme them last?” he asked. “Enzyme them?” He looked at me incredulously. “Didn’t you know you’re supposed to soak them in an enzyme solution weekly to break up the protein that accumulates on them?” I told him I’d never heard of such a thing; my Ophthalmologist had never mentioned it. Needless to say I immediately went out and got the tablets and soaked my lenses overnight. They felt good as new afterward.

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