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Friday Madness From Jeff Tiedrich

Mad King Donny — the total obliterator who once totally obliterated five Atlantic City casinos — has returned to an old goal: to totally obliterate any dissent from the press. to accomplish that, he’s picked the Fox News chat show host who’s spent many a night totally obliterating his liquor cabinet on the way to getting himself totally fucking obliterated.

Donny commanded Pete Kegstand to hold a press conference yesterday, at the ungodly hour of 8am — totally obliterating any chance for Plastered Pete to sleep off his total obliteration from the night before.

Pete was not in a good mood. check out Old Yeller, as he totally obliterates any notion that he wasn’t up there performing for an audience of one: Dear Leader, who was back in the White House, watching it all on TV.

“President Trump directed the most complex and secretive military operation in history, and it was a resounding success resulting in a ceasefire agreement and the end of the 12-day war.”

wait, Donny directed the most complex and secretive military operation in history?

fact check: true.

that’s right, Donny traveled back in time, like the Terminator, and nailed the shit out of D-Day.

D-Day, the June 6, 1944, Allied invasion of France, took a year of planning, involved 156,000 Allied soldiers and 195,700 naval personnel, and required cooperation of leaders from thirteen countries. It remains the largest seaborne invasion in history.

then he thanked everyone for their attention to that matter, and returned to the present in time to catch himself on Fox News.

Donny knows more about D-ing a day than all the D-Dayers — and you ungrateful fucks won’t give him one ounce of credit for it.

but let’s get back to our current shitty timeline — because we’re all trying to square in our minds this claim of absolute secrecy, when in reality, President Blabbermouth spent so much time yammering about US plans that Iran was able to move all their enriched uranium to who the fuck even knows where.

reporters wanted to know about that thing we definitely all saw: the satellite images of transport trucks lined up outside of Iran’s Fordo fuel enrichment facility.


even Fox News was all ‘hey Pete, how can you be so sure that Iran hadn’t moved and hidden all their enriched uranium?’

‘shut the fuck up,’ Pete helpfully explained.

Fox News’ Jennifer Griffin: “it’s about highly-enriched uranium. do you have certainty that all the highly-enriched uranium was inside the Fordo mountain, or some of it, because there are satellite photos showed more than a dozen trucks there, two days in advance. are you certain none of that highly enriched uranium was moved?”

Pete: “Jennifer, you’ve been about the worst. the one who misrepresents the most. intentionally.”

Griffin: “I take issue with that.”

here’s reporter Kyle Clark’s comment on that exchange.

“When an official responds to a question with anger and insults rather than an answer, that’s every journalist’s signal that they’ve asked a good question.”

by the way, the Mad King has his own explanation of what was going in those satellite images — and please sit down, because this is going to be one of the dumbest fucking things you’ll ever read.

“The cars and small trucks at the site were those of concrete workers trying to cover up the top of the shafts. Nothing was taken out of facility. Would take too long, too dangerous, and very heavy and hard to move!”

wait, what? concrete workers, doing what? covering up the holes in the ground? why? so the bombs wouldn’t go down the holes? the bombs that the Iranians didn’t know were coming, because the whole operation was the most secretive secret ever secreted?

does Donny ever listen to the shit that falls out of his own mouth?

tell me, do you think Donny came up with that bullshit story all on his own? or did Donny wave that satellite photo in the air and demand an answer, and one of the Sewer Clowns sat him down and made up that fairy tale, while Donny nodded sagely and took it all in?

now tell me, which is the scarier explanation?

oh, and Donny also knows who the leakers are.

“The Democrats are the ones who leaked the information on the PERFECT FLIGHT to the Nuclear Sites in Iran. They should be prosecuted!”

oh, okay. are the Democrats in the room with us right now?

Plastered Pete never answered Fox News reporter Jennifer Griffin’s question about those satellite images — because he wasn’t there to answer any stinking questions. he was there yell, to hector, and, above all, to whine about how mean everybody always is to Dear Leader.

“because you — and I mean specifically you, the press — because you cheer against Trump so hard. it’s like in your DNA and in your blood to cheer against Trump, because you want him not to be successful so bad, you have to cheer against the efficacy of these strikes. you have to hope maybe they weren’t effective … and manipulate the public mind over whether or not our brave pilots were successful.”

for fuck’s sake, could this administration please stop trying to pretend this is about the bravery of the pilots. this is about knowing the truth about one thing only: is our country more safe, or less safe, as a result of this bombing?

don’t fucking lie right to our faces, because what’s at stake is our national security — which should be more important than stroking ego of the fragile shitbag in the Oval Office. but unfortunately, to this gang of fucksticks, it isn’t.

this incompetent fool has a lot of goddamned gall lecturing anyone about how to do their jobs. really, we should all be thankful that Fumblefingers Pete didn’t text plans for the Iran bombing to a journalist — or to his wife.

wait. how do we know Pete didn’t blab Iran attack plans to his wife?

by the way, nice hair, Pete. you’ve totally obliterated the notion that the makeup studio you built in the Pentagon wasn’t worth the thousands of dollars you spent on it.

oh, and Mission Accomplished.

“One of the greatest, most professional, and most ‘confirming’ News Conferences I have ever seen! The Fake News should fire everyone involved in this Witch Hunt, and apologize to our great warriors, and everyone else!”

it all just one big performative circle-jerk to these clowns.

here’s your hero of the day: the Netherlands’ Queen Maxima, who met Donny prior to Tuesday’s NATO meeting, took look one look at his rancid anus-mouth and totally mocked the shit out of it — because when you’re a queen, they let you.

uck yeah — let’s slow it down and gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

 

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Transplant Successful

As I mentioned a couple days ago, I had two more “junk” Minidisc players  arriving for my little project; one a rare sapphire blue MZ-E75 and a teal MZ-E630. At the time I said since the red E75 I’d received for my ahhhhrt project turned out to be fully functional and just too good to not use in my regular rotation of players, that if the blue E75 arrived and it wasn’t working I would simply swap the two shells since I have a sentimental attachment to that device in the blue color.

It turns out that indeed, that blue player (and indeed the other Sony I also received today) are both non-functional as advertised.

Win some, you lose some. But I remind myself I didn’t buy these to use, but rather to take apart.

So—while I continue to fancy myself a bit of a tech wiz (something based only on my experience troubleshooting PC hardware that has sadly not been borne out once I step outside my area of expertise)—and armed with the service manual for the E75 I removed the shells and successfully swapped them between the two units. 5 tiny screws were all that was holding them on, so as far as techie things go this was pretty damn easy.

That’s not to say I didn’t breathe a sigh of relief when I reassembled everything and the working mechanism transferred to the blue shell fired right up and played flawlessly.

 

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I Don’t Know If I’m Flattered Or Insulted

I threw a few very poor (they were shot on a Sony Mavica diskette-based camera) photos of me from 2000/01 and said, “Make photorealistic.”

I’m kind of surprised at the results. As you can see, some are certainly better than others. But like all AI generated images of humans, they still suffer from the “uncanny valley.” It’s art to be sure, and as good as they are, no one is ever going to mistake these for real photographs. There’s just something off about them.

I then asked ChatGPT to describe the person in these photos:

The man in these images appears to be a middle-aged adult with a friendly and approachable demeanor. Here are some consistent traits and observations based on the visual cues across the photos:

        • Facial Features: He has a round face, expressive eyes, and prominent eyebrows. His expressions vary slightly, but overall he maintains a warm and slightly amused look, often accompanied by a smile or smirk.

        • Facial Hair: The first image shows him with a goatee, while the others depict him with a full, thick mustache. This suggests some variation in grooming over time or for different styles/contexts.

        • Setting: All images appear to be taken indoors, in casual home settings — often with an aquarium in the background, indicating it might be his home or a familiar space.

        • Style: His attire is casual (T-shirts, flannel, casual button-downs), suggesting a laid-back personality. The “Roswell, NM” alien-themed shirt hints at a sense of humor or an interest in pop culture, sci-fi, or Americana.

        • Mood/Expression: Across the board, his expressions are relaxed, slightly playful, and self-assured. One photo features a tilted head resting on his hand, which gives a thoughtful, personable vibe.

Oh my.

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I’m An Idiot

So a couple weeks ago I decided I was going to start a new hobby, combining my love of minidiscs and of taking shit apart. No, I wasn’t going into the repair business (although I understand that can be very lucrative). No, I’m going to create ahhhhhhrt.

Inspired by this photo as well as a video from a few months back I can’t seem find anywhere now, I decided I’m going to try this myself. I’ll buy up a few cheap “non-working” or “untested” MD players, disassemble them, and mount them in a shadowbox like this. Hardcore Minidisc fans will lay out good cash for this shit…

TRUE NERD stuff, I know, but hey…it will at least temporarily get my mind off the decline and fall of civilization.

To that end, I found three players online that were cheap as dirt and at the very least “untested,” if not outright “not working.” Two of them, Sony MZ-E75s, were the first model of portable player I owned back in 2000. I got rid of mine in 2002 when the new MDLP (long play) format became available because discs were still relatively expensive and you could now double the amount of music you threw on one disc. (A real boon for those pesky double LP/CD recordings in your library.) . Through some black magic and voodoo known only to Sony engineers, you could now double or quadruple your recording length on any given minidisc—although it should be noted that the quadruple length mode was only satisfactory for something like the spoken word; it sounded awful when recording music because of the extreme compression use The LP2 mode sounded —even to my much younger ears at the time—indistinguishable from regular SP (standard play) mode. The only downside was that if you recorded a disc in LP2, you couldn’t play it on a non-MDLP player. It was not backward compatible; hence the reason I needed to throw everything out and start fresh if I was going to adopt it.

So back in the day, I sold both my MZ-E75 portable and my MDS-JE630 deck and upgraded them both.

I received the first of those two E75 players today (“no battery, untested”). The battery terminals on the device were pristine, showing none of the all-to-common corrosion from 20+ years of leaking batteries, so I figured what the heck? Pop in a battery and see what happens. I gingerly inserted one of my gumstick batteries, connected the inline remote and popped in a disc. Surprisingly, the player came to life and the disc was registering on the remote. I connected my headphones, pressed play, and…no sound. The display on the remote showed it was playing and even showed changes in volume, but it remained stubbornly silent.

Even though this was bought with the sole intention of tearing it apart and mounting its bits and pieces for display, I was still kind of disappointed because I was secretly hoping it worked and the seller really didn’t know what they’d sold me. I was about to get out my screwdriver and begin disassembly when I popped out the disc and looked at what I had been playing.

Suddenly it all made sense. It was Sylvester’s Greatest Hits (the disc I featured a couple days ago); recorded from a two-CD set onto one mindisc using LP2 mode.

No wonder I got no sound!

I popped in a disc I knew had been recorded in SP mode and…you guessed it. It played fine.

So now I’m in a quandary. I bought this to disassemble, but it works and is in near-mint condition. It’s far too nice to take apart but I really don’t need another player—especially one that only plays SP discs.

I will admit, however that to my utter surprise, this little nugget sounds good. Maybe even better than my MDLP players. Oh lord…am I going to have to go back and re-record everything in SP mode now?

But I think I’ll hold off deciding anything until the blue one arrives. If that one’s truly not working as well, I’ll swap the outer shells (because my original one was the blue color and it’s very, very rare to find one these days) and then mount the non-working guts with the red shell in the shadowbox.  If they’re both working, I’ll probably just throw the red one back up on eBay and hopefully get more money back than I paid for it because now it is tested and working.

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Midweek Madness From Jeff Tiedrich

barely a month ago, America’s Mad King was zipping around the Gulf, scooping up tribute — a vulgar flying bordello here, a mobile burger truck there — as amirs and crown princes jockeyed to curry favor.

when Donny spoke, people fucking well listened!

now it’s all gone to shit. nobody pays attention to the Mad King any more. world leaders have figured out they can get along just fine without him.as a result, he can’t do trade deals. he can’t end wars. Donny can’t even arrange a ceasefire between his butt and his diaper.

look at how mad the Mad King is. he’s a frustrated little rageaholic. let’s watch him melt down after Israel and Iran were all ‘ceasefire this, pal,’ when he begged them to stop bombing the shit out of each other.

“Israel, as soon as we made the deal, they came out and they dropped a load of bombs the likes of which I’ve never seen before. the biggest load that we’ve seen.”

no, Donny. you’re the biggest load that we’ve seen. but please, do go on.

“I’m not happy with Israel. you know, when I say, ‘okay, you have twelve hours,’ you don’t go out in the first hour, just drop everything you have on them. so I’m not happy with them, I’m not happy with Iran, either. but I’m really unhappy if Israel’s going out this morning, because the one rocket that didn’t land, that was shot, perhaps by mistake, that didn’t land. I’m not happy about that. you know what? we basically have two countries that have been fighting so long, so hard, that they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.”

bro, u mad?

I’m going to go out on a limb here and posit that Israel and Iran know exactly what the fuck they’re doing, and it’s Donny who never knows what the fuck he’s doing.

presidents dropping f-bombs, it must be said, should be a big bowl of so fucking what. in case you haven’t noticed, people fucking swear — but I need to point that a couple years ago, after it was reported that Joe Biden cussed like a sailor in meetings, every Republican clutched their pearls and fainted dead away.

naturally, they tried and failed to blow it up into a scandal.

anyway, back to Donny. in that clip above, the Mad King was on his way to a NATO summit in The Hague.

(yes, I know — the only reason Donny should be in The Hague is to stand trial for his crimes. but unfortunately, that’s not the timeline we’re living in.)

that NATO summit is just getting underway, as I write this — and by the time you read these words, the summit will have ended, and Donny will be on his way back to the White House.

now, I can hear you asking: but Uncle Jeff, aren’t NATO summits usually three-day affairs? why is this one only a few hours long?

the answer is simply this: this summit is only hours-long because Donald J. Trump is an asshole.

Nato has cut back the upcoming leaders’ summit to just one working session to avoid Trump walking out early as he did recently at a G7 meeting. Originally supposed to take place over three days, the summit will be limited to just a two-and-a-half hour working session among the 32 leaders.

The decision was taken to ensure Trump did not get bored and leave early, three officials briefed on the preparations told the Financial Times.

holy shit. nobody wanted a repeat of what happened at the G7 last week, when the narcoleptic old fart factory fell asleep — and probably filled the meeting room with the pungent aroma of ass music.

dammit, Donny, we beg of you — CEASE FIRE.

and then, of course, Donny left early, in a big huff — the official story being that he had to rush home so he could END ALL WARS FOREVER. the real story that eventually came out was that if Donny had stuck around, he would have had to rub elbows with the G7’s guest of honor, Volodymyr Zelenskyy. the horror. the horror.

there’s your Dear Leader, cultists. aren’t you proud? he’s such an unpleasant son of a bitch that no world leader wants him around. NATO switched around their whole schedule just to get him the fuck out of their sight as quickly as possible.

it’s all so embarrassing.

 

apparently, Donny was in a pretty good mood by the time his plane landed in The Hague. his plan was to saunter into that NATO meeting as if he were God’s own gift to the world, puff out his chest, and brag about having blown Iran’s nuclear fuel program back into the stone age — but then word got out that yeah, no, none of that shit was true.

The report’s finding, while preliminary, was particularly damaging because it emerged from inside the Pentagon, which had carried out the strikes, and it concluded that the military action had only set Iran’s nuclear program back by a number of months.

in the end, it was just another adventure in clownfuckery by Team Donny. first we find out that because Donny couldn’t stop running his rancid anus-mouth, Iran had enough advance warning to hide their enriched uranium — and now we find out that all those multimillion dollar bunker-buster bombs barely busted any bunkers after all.

this is what happens when you put a Fox News dunk-tank clown in charge of the military, and then that same dunk-tank clown fires everyone in the Pentagon who would have known how to get that shit done.

Donny was livid — but not with Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand, for being a fuck-up. he was mad at the media, for reporting the truth.

“it’s gone for years. years. very tough to rebuild because the whole thing is collapsed. in other words, inside, it’s all collapsed. nobody can get in to see it, because it’s collapsed. it’s a room that has ten million tons of rock in it.”

fact check: Donny is making shit up. he’s living in a narcoleptic fart-enhanced dream world, and contradicting his own Pentagon’s reportthat Iran’s nuke program has been set back ‘only a few months.’ apparently, Donny knows more about collapsed rocks than all the rock collapsers.

“this was an unbelievable hit by genius pilots, and genius people in the military.”

fact check:

“and they’re not being given credit for it because we have scum. CNN is scum. MSDNC is scum. the New York Times is scum. they’re bad people. they’re sick.”

bro, u still mad?

here are your heroes of the day: the voters of New York City.

with 93% of the votes counted, Zohran Mamdani — a genuine progressive — appears set to win the Democratic primary for Mayor of NYC.

Zohran Mamdani, a little-known state lawmaker whose progressive platform and campaign trail charisma electrified younger voters, stunned former Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo in the Democratic primary for mayor of New York City on Tuesday night, building a lead so commanding that Mr. Cuomo conceded.

props must be given to Andrew Cuomo, for surprising the hell out of everybody by graciously conceding defeat last night.

Fox News, of course, is already trying to terrify their viewers with visions of the communist hellhole that a Mamdanified New York City will become.

look at all this scary shit.

building affordable housing! providing free mass transit! protecting LGBTQIA+ rights! raising the minimum wage! telling ICE to fuck all the way off!

don’t threaten us with a good time, Fox.

 

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Released 41 Years Ago Today

Prince: Purple Rain (1984)

One of my grails is to own this on purple vinyl, but sadly prices on the resale market remain astronomical.

This is just the “near-mint” grading. The two “mint” copies listed were both selling for $400.
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Released 49 Years Ago Today*

Alan Parsons Project: Tales of Mystery and Imagination (1976)

And thus began my love affair with the music of APP…

I first heard this at my buddy Gary’s house the summer immediately following our high school graduation. He had, in my mind, an absolutely killer system: a Kenwood KR-7400 receiver, Infinity 1001A Speakers, and a Technics SL-1400 turntable. I remember sitting there just mesmerized as this album played.

Gary and I had been friends since grade school. I remember him being a brilliant kid and we shared the same dry sense of humor as we moved into high school. We stayed in contact for years after graduation. He worked in high school as a stock boy for one of the local supermarket chains, and as I understand it, he went on—following the American dream of old—of rising up in the ranks, eventually becoming store—and later regional—manager.

We lost touch after I moved to Tucson in ’85. Though a mutual friend we briefly reconnected via email a couple years ago, exchanging photos and a brief outline of what had happened in our lives over the past 40-odd years. I never heard back from him after the second round of emails, but he seemed uninterested in rekindling our friendship. I have a feeling that in the intervening years he—like so fucking many of my absolute best friends from that period—had found religion and/or taken a political hard right and judged my lifestyle unacceptable. (There’s a reason you can never go home again.) But I’ll always be grateful to him for introducing me to the Alan Parsons Project.

*There are a couple different dates on the internet as to when this album was officially released, but I’m going with this one.

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Good Vibes

As a newly minted gay in the spring of 1977, I first heard this album in the dorm room of one John…McGuire. He was first man I ever did the deed with, and he was shocked—shocked I tell you—that at the time I had no idea who this Bette Midler was, and quite frankly her music did not appeal to me in any way. (I know, right? Should’ve turned in my gay card then and there.) But ya know, over the years it grew on me to the point that as I said, I know every note forward and backward and can now quote from it as effortlessly as I can from Personal Services.

I was just texting my old friend and housemate Michael (who shares my love of Bette and Personal Services) and in discussing Miss M., he said he was now going to have to dig out his copy and give it a listen because he—like most of us these days—needs some cheering up.

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Tuesday Madness Courtesy Jeff Tiedrich

welcome to the dumbest fucking twenty-four hours in the history of United States foreign policy.

before we try to make sense of the stupid shit that happened yesterday, let’s back it up a bit. remember that bombing mission that set off this whole shit-blizzard of clownfuckery? all those big bunker busters that Donny was so horny to drop on Iran? it turns out that almost none of that mission’s objectives were accomplished by the bombing.

why? because Donny is a blabbermouth.

it turns out that Donny spent so much time over the last few weeks flapping his rancid anus-mouth about how he was going to settle Iran’s hash that Iran was all ‘hey, you know what? we should probably hide our stockpile of enriched uranium.’

and guess fucking what: that’s exactly what they did.

According to the IAEA’s Grossi, Iran moved their stockpile of enriched uranium from the sites targeted by the US before the attack. This includes “400 kilograms, or roughly 880 pounds, of uranium enriched to 60 percent purity.” The material is “stored in special casks small enough to fit in the trunks of about 10 cars.”

here’s a satellite image of transport trucks lined up outside of Iran’s Fordo fuel enrichment facility.

and now the US has no idea where Iran stashed their near-weapons-grade shit.

awesome job, motormouth.

so, on to current events. settle in, because we got an entire year’s worth of batfuckery packed into about eighteen hours.

here’s the first item on the shit that went down list.

Iran launched missiles at a US military base in Qatar on Monday, in what it said was retaliation for American strikes against its nuclear sites over the weekend.

Witnesses reported hearing loud bangs in the sky above the capital, Doha, while videos showed bright flashes in the sky as air defense systems attempted to intercept missiles.

well, that seemed pretty serious — but it turns out that Iran was just doing Big Bomb Kabuki.

It became apparent soon afterwards that Iran had given warning that it was preparing to launch missiles. Three Iranian officials quoted by the New York Times said that Tehran had told Doha of its intentions, as a way to minimize casualties.

this was all Donny needed to clear off a spot on his mantel for that Nobel Peace Prize, and declare himself the Greatest Peacemaker of All Time.

but here’s the not-tweet that really cranked the crazy into high gear: Donny decreed that an immediate ceasefire was now in effect.

awesome! but also not awesome! here’s a pro tip for DONALD J. TRUMP, DUMB-ASS PRESIDENT: when brokering a ceasefire, it’s probably a good idea to get the countries who are lobbing missiles at each other involved in the process — because both Iran and Israel were all ‘huh? what the fuck are you babbling about, old man?’

the Foreign Minister of Iran confirmed this on not-twitter.

how fucking delusional is Mad King Donny that he just assumed he could bark STOP WARRING and everyone would snap to attention?dude, this isn’t like pressing that button on your desk that makes Walt Nauta come running with a Diet Coke. these are sovereign nations.

I love that Donny thinks he can just yell shit.

in fact, Israel was in the middle of raining down bombs on Tehran at the same time Donny was declaring that war was over and now everyone loves each other — and they, too, were all ‘what ceasefire?’

can I just point out how infuckingsane it is that three countries are bickering at each other on social media?

oh, and speaking of infuckingsane, check out this big bowl of holy shit.

Did I hear Former President Medvedev, from Russia, casually throwing around the “N word” (Nuclear!), and saying that he and other Countries would supply Nuclear Warheads to Iran? Did he really say that or, is it just a figment of my imagination? If he did say that, and, if confirmed, please let me know, IMMEDIATELY.

what is Donny threatening to do here? and did Donny really just appeal to the dipshit users of his janky app to help him gather intel?

doesn’t Donny have an entire Department of National Intelligence to do that for him? or has he stopped talking to Tulsi Gabbard?

this became the template for the day: Donny would mouth-fart some crazypants shit onto his hellhole app — and then five minutes later, Iran or Israel would deny whatever had been mouth-farted. it devolved into farce — and the media twisted themselves into fucking knots, trying to keep up.

you know, a lot of things in this world have never happened, and here’s something that never happened the most.

Donny, we need more info here. are Israel and Iran in the room with us right now? are they big and strong? are tears of gratitude running down their cheeks as they say ‘sir! sir! no one has ever brokered peace like you! how do you do it? sir!’

Iran turned the tables on Donny and gave him a bit of his own medicine, claiming it was he who came begging to them.

are you confused yet? it’s okay, so are the rest of us.

through all of this, was Donny conferring with his NatSec and DOD people? fuck no, he was watching TV, to see how he was being covered on Fox News.

priorities!

through all of this, Donny keep farting out batshit not-tweets.

he also took a minute off to scream at the oil industry.

and the Department of Energy.

fun true fact: the DOE has nothing to do with oil extraction. that’s the Department of the Interior’s purview. but don’t bother telling that to Donny. he’s having such a good time ranting and raving, let’s not spoil his fun.

by the way, in the middle of all of this, The New York Times decided to commit a journalism, and do a little bomb-dropping of their own.

here’s why our manbaby-in-chief decided to wade into the Iran-Israel conflict: he saw how well it was playing on Fox News and he decided he wanted a piece of the action.

The president was closely monitoring Fox News, which was airing wall-to-wall praise of Israel’s military operation and featuring guests urging Mr. Trump to get more involved.

…

Later that day, Mr. Trump asked an ally how the Israeli strikes were “playing.” He said that “everyone” was telling him he needed to get more involved.

elect a reality-show president, get a reality-show war.

finally, at 1:08 in the morning, Donny posted that THE CEASEFIRE IS IN EFFECT, AND THIS TIME I REALLY MEAN IT.

but because Donny forgot to end his not-tweet with THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER, the ceasefire was not legally binding — so of course you’ll never guess what happened next.

and that is the situation we all woke up to this morning.

right now, as I’m writing this, it’s 9:22am EDT, we still don’t have an actual ceasefire — and Preznit Fuckwit is still yelling at clouds.

and — oh look! — Donny continues to hallucinate fever-dream ceasefires.

what the fuck is a ‘friendly plane wave’? I’m guessing it involves dropping more bombs, because that’s exactly what happened next.

because of course they did. nobody listens to the befuddled old man, shouting into his phone. why should they? he’s a joke — an international laughingstock.

Donny’s on a plane right now, headed to a NATO meeting. let’s all hope to fuck that he goes sleepy-bye during the flight, and gives us a few hours of peace and quiet. because holy shit. that was a day.

THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER!

https://youtu.be/NZgiYjrE3YY?si=8LjQTIh4uaJ2GG2S

NEW: Activists unveiled a giant banner at the Piazza San Marco in Venice, Italy ahead of Jeff Bezos’ wedding, reading “If you can rent Venice for your wedding you can pay more tax”

truer words.