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Monday Madness

let’s be clear: Preznit Fuckwit needed a distraction. his tariff scheme went tits-up. everyone’s laughing at Taco Donny. Putin’s ignoring him. no one’s impressed with his vulgar flying bordello. his ‘big beautiful bill’ is a big beautiful clusterfuck. DOGE is a bust. his bromance with the Space Nazi has gone fuckity-bye.

the Mad King had to come up with something, anything, to make him feel better about his own worthless, failing self — and so he decided to go full fascist.

a lot of fucked-up shit went down this weekend in Los Angeles. let’s let California Governor Gavin Newsom sum up perfectly why the blame for all of it needs to land squarely on the Mad King’s shoulders.

“Let’s get this straight:
1) Local law enforcement didn’t need help.
2) Trump sent troops anyway — to manufacture chaos and violence.
3) Trump succeeded.
4) Now things are destabilized and we need to send in more law enforcement just to clean up Trump’s mess.”

let’s back this up one step further: none of this had to happen at all.

Donny’s ICE thugs strolled into downtown Los Angeles, looking to fuck shit up.

On Friday morning, federal agents from ICE, the Department of Homeland Security, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and the Drug Enforcement Administration conducted raids across Los Angeles, including at two Home Depots, a doughnut shop, and a clothing wholesaler, in search of workers they suspected of being undocumented immigrants.

got that? ICE went on a fishing expedition based on zero evidence. they invaded places of business. they targeted random brown people at locations where they were likely to be found. which, in Los Angeles, is everyfuckingwhere.

ICE went looking for trouble — and when they didn’t find any, they started some.

none of this was necessary.

it’s really weird how Joe Biden managed to deport undocumented migrants — in greater numbers than Donny — without shitting on the Constitution, without stomping all over human rights — and without disappearing cancer-stricken children who happen to be American citizens.

you know who else took care of immigration policy without fucking everything all to hell? Barack Obama. Bill Clinton. both Smirky Bush and Poppy Bush. Ronald Reagan. Jimmy Carter. Gerald Ford. on and on.

it’s only the Mad King who turned the simple task of managing the border into a five-alarm shithole nightmare. I guess that’s just a coincidence.

or maybe it’s that Donny is a racist chaos-junkie who gets off on violence. his lust for blood was so off the charts that he took a victory lap even before the National Guard arrived on the scene.

“Great job by the National Guard in Los Angeles after two days of violence, clashes and unrest … Again, thank you to the National Guard for a job well done!”

it cannot be stressed enough that Donny posted this about six hours before a single National Guard deployed in Los Angeles.

Donny needs you to believe that all of Los Angeles is a hellish, smoking ruin right now.

“A once great American City, Los Angeles, has been invaded and occupied by Illegal Aliens and Criminals. Now violent, insurrectionist mobs are swarming and attacking our Federal Agents to try and stop our deportation operations.”

none of that shit is true. Los Angeles hasn’t been ‘invaded’ or ‘occupied.’ violent mobs aren’t ‘swarming.’

do you know how many undocumented migrants were arrested by ICE after their Friday sweep of the city?

They arrested 121 people.

one hundred and twenty one people. in a city of 3.821 million. that’s not an invasion, nor an occupation. that’s a rounding error away from zero.

this isn’t the first time Donny’s pulled this “everything’s burning to the ground and only I can save it” bullshit. during the George Floyd protests in 2020, Donny never stopped beating the drum about how Portland, Oregon was a smoking ruin.

fact check: fuck straight off.

Portland’s fire department has a message for President Donald Trump: the whole city is not on fire.

At a Monday news conference, Trump claimed that protests in Portland have been so damaging that “the entire city is ablaze all the time.”

the Portland protests were confined to a small, downtown area — but Donny did such a good job of lying that to this day, there are cultists who will swear to you that the entire city of Portland remains a smoking pile of ashes.

and now the Mad King is doing it all over again with Los Angeles.

did you notice that Donny referred to the protestors as ‘insurrectionists’? that’s because words no longer have meanings in America.

here’s Nosferatu McGoebbels, joining the party and cranking the Orwell dial so far past eleven that it snaps off in his vampyric hand.

“An insurrection against the laws and sovereignty of the United States.”

and when there was only one set of footprints, that’s when Jesus was standing behind Pee Wee German, rolling his eyes and miming jerkoff motions.

yeah, no, jackass: protesting human rights violations is in no way an insurrection. do you really need a definition of an insurrection? here’s one: an insurrection is when you’re such a big fucking baby that you can’t deal with losing an election, and so you whip your deranged worshipers into a frenzy, and then send them off to storm the Capitol, beat the shit out of cops, and stop the certification of votes.

and while we’re on the subject of beating the shit out of cops —

“Hit a cop, you’re going to jail… doesn’t matter where you came from, how you got here, or what movement speaks to you. If the local police force won’t back our men and women on the thin blue line, we will.”

hey Krazee Eyes, what about these guys?

every single one of these cop-beating shitbags got pardoned by Dear Leader on his first day in office.

but wait — we’re not done with our Grand Tour of Sewer Clown Hypocrisy. I’m so old, I remember when a President deploying the National Guard was bad.

“if Joe Biden federalizes the National Guard, that would be a direct attack on states’ rights.”

that was ICE Barbie all the way back in 2024, when she was merely the puppy-perforating governor of South Dakota.

back then, Joe Biden was trying to prevent Texas’ sadistic governor, Greg Abbott, from using razor-wire booby traps to slice the shit out of border-crossing migrants.

hyperventilating Republicans had a message for Joe: deploying the National Guard would be a bridge too far, because states rights!

but now, when Dear Leader wants the Guard to patrol California, suddenly states’ rights are no longer an issue, because — well, frankly, I’m having a hard time deciding if it’s because reasons or because fuck you, that’s why. maybe it’s both.

meanwhile, Donny remains glued to the TV and rooting for bloodshed — in his own country. what kind of broken-inside fuck does that?

arrest the people wearing face masks? who, the ICE goons?

you know, I seem to remember someone warning us that all this would come to pass, if Donny were elected. I also remember that the media was all shut the fuck up, laughing lady.

“Kamala’s newest lie: Trump will send the army after you.”

uh-huh. tell me, is it a lie if something comes true?

the press is continuing to be no help at all.

got that? the Mad King isn’t using the laws of our land for toilet paper — he’s ‘charting new territory.’ thanks for clearing that up, LA Times.

Donny spent his entire first presidency chipping away at the Constitution. now he’s traded his chisel for a blowtorch — and the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press are still treating Donny’s ever-quickening rush to fascism as if it were just some interesting variation on governance.

what are we even doing here, worthless scribblers?

stay angry.

stay safe.

and never lose your sense of humor.

Trump nearly falls flat on his face while struggling to walk up the steps to Air Force One today

[image or embed]

— MeidasTouch (@meidastouch.com) June 8, 2025 at 1:49 PM

let’s gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

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Giving Up On The Gumstick

I love this R900 that I got a few months ago. The seller indicated that the internal battery wasn’t working, but the unit came with the AA sidecar (the black thing connected to the player in the photo above) so I wasn’t too concerned. I figured it would just be a matter of cleaning the internal battery contacts and it would be good as new. When I received it, the internal battery contacts were a hot mess (the original Sony gumstick battery was stuck inside the unit), but I got it out and cleaned the contacts with vinegar and IPA. Afterwards, it worked with a new gumstick, but performance (i.e. how long the battery actually lasted) was less than satisfactory. A lot of the gold plating had been lost from the contacts on the battery door (the end where the leakage occurred) from the corrosion, so I tried re-tinning the contacts on the door, hoping to restore a bit of that conduction. No matter what I did however, it seemed the full charge segment on the battery indicator would never stay lit for more than a few minutes (not normal operation). After months of dicking around with this I finally threw in the towel a few nights ago and removed the gumstick battery, attached the sidecar, and put a drop of super glue on the door (because it wouldn’t stay closed) and called it finished. The sidecar is obviously not as elegant a solution as just using the gumstick, but it works. The new AA battery I put in it last night has been in use nearly all day today and the full battery indicator stayed lit for nearly 10 hours.

I’m inclined to believe that the majority of the R900s out there suffer from this same internal  corrosion because nearly all the working ones you see for sale are shown with the sidecar attached. Ideally I’d like to find a working, non-corroded unit of any color and swap the guts into this one, but then I’d also need to find another red unit with a door that latches properly to harvest, so I think I’ll just live with this as it is.

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last week, as the world’s richest burnout and the world’s most erratic imbecile were distracting us with their pig-wallow slap-fight, Republican fuckfaces were fuckfacing up a storm.

let’s catch up on some of the clownholery that might have flown under your radar.

granny-starving Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick can fuck all the way off.

Congresswoman Madeleine Dean: “what’s the tariff on bananas?”
Lutnick: “generally 10%”
Dean: “Walmart has already increased the cost of bananas by 8%.”
Lutnick: “if you build in America, there is no tariff.”
Dean: “we cannot build bananas in America.”

this smug fuck has just one stock answer that he shoehorns into every situation, even if it makes no sense: build it in America.

yeah, let’s do that. let’s open dozens of banana factories all across the land, with hundreds of thousands of workers screwing billions of tiny little screws into millions of bananas as they roll down the assembly line. fuck you, Guatamala! eat it, Ecuador! bananas are American now!

lord save us from these out-of-touch idiots.

wouldn’t you like to see one moment of honesty from Howard the Lut?

“don’t you think I fucking know we can’t build bananas? my boss is a moron, and I have to say shit like this to keep my job. do you think I enjoy lying to you?”

wait, no — strike that last bit, because yeah, actually, I do think that Granny-Starvin’ Howard enjoys lying to everybody. that’s the way sociopaths roll.

wait, what’s Lutnick doing back? didn’t we just tell him to fuck off?

“the idea is to automate that, to put it on the cloud, so that the 2,100 meteorologists and the hundreds of hydrologists can forecast the weather from central locations, and back up each other, and be more appropriate.”

that’s Howie, buzzwording at a mile a minute, explaining why it was totes cool for the Space Nazi’s merry band of pimply DOGE incels to walk into the offices of the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration and fire everyone in sight.

it cannot be overstated just how much Howie has no fucking clue what he’s talking about. all he’s doing is mindlessly parrotting the incoherent gibberish that Kid Ketamine yammered at him whilst in the middle of a ten-day bender.

 

…and then all the spoons and the forks will be up in the cloud which will be so much more appropriate to the hydrologists…

meanwhile, the National Weather Service has been gutted to the point where it can’t even predict a fucking tornado.

awesome job, Lutnick. why don’tcha go out and starve a few more grannies. you’ve earned it.

White House energy vampire Colin Robinson Kevin Hassett can fuck off— but before he does, could he please wipe that annoying smirk off his face?

 

“the federal government workers, they’re hard-working, a lot of them are highly-skilled, but they’re sitting doing government work that isn’t much value.”

oh, please piss straight up a rope with this “not much value” horse shit. it’s all fun and games until your food stops being inspected, and planes start falling out of the sky.

I can think of one government worker who adds ZERO value to our country: Kevin Hassett. does he even have an office? in every single interview, he’s on the lawn in front of the White House.

here’s some rando ‘economic advisor’ who apparently also lives on the lawn. he can fuck off.

Stephen Miran: “there are a lot of deals in the works. I expect a flurry around the deadline.” Fox host: “I’m sorry to interrupt but every time we do these segments, I’m just looking for the name of a country. can you give me a name?”
Miran: “I cannot.”

bro, if you can’t give us a name, can you at least tell us if any of these countries are in the room with us right now?

another day, another round of dissembling from one of the Mad King’s ass-clown stooges. look, on April 12th, we were promised “90 deals in 90 days,” as the Greatest Dealmaker of All Time was going to astonish us all with bang! bang! bang! one amazing trade deal after another.

the reality is that we’re getting 90 fuckwits on the White House lawn in 90 days — because it turns out the dipshit in the Oval Office isn’t the Greatest Dealmaker. instead, he’s Taco Donny, and he has no fucking clue what he’s doing.

by the way, mad props to Matthew Budman on bluesky, who reminded me that I tweeted this six years ago today.

in six years, not one fucking thing has changed. Donny is still praising himself for imaginary accomplishments — and now, even Fox News is getting fed up with the constant dog-and-ponying.

before we get into this next clip, let me remind everyone that Louisiana Senator John “Not The Good John” Kennedy is an actual Oxford-educated Rhodes Scholar who pretends to be a moron in order to pander to the rubes who vote for him.

keep all that in your mind as the Esteemed Senator does his Mushmouth McYokel act.

oh, and Senator Kennedy can fuck all the way off.

Kennedy: “Harvard is in many respects violatin’ federal law.”

Morning Joe: ‘what federal law is Harvard violating?”

Kennedy: “Harvard practices ideological capture.”

now, I’m not a fancy-shmancy Rhodes Scholar like the esteemed senator here, so I had to google ‘ideological capture’ to find out what it is — and what I found were a shitload of right-wing thinks tanks all whining about universities that are — to put it in terms that Senator Kennedy would understand — ‘they’s teachin’ things ah don’ like.’

but you know what? whatever ‘ideological capture’ is or isn’t, there’s no federal law against it — so Senator Marblemouth can stick a fucking sock in his performative-nonsense grandstanding. that shit might impress his dumb-as-rocks constituents, but we’re not buying any today.

here’s your hero of the day: Patricia Eguino, who used both a bullhorn and an air-horn to disrupt an attempted press conference by Proud Boy Enrique Tarrio. she completely derailed that shit. enjoy

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A Great Series

Highly recommended. Well known renditions, but definitely not just “greatest hits” albums.

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Michael C. Hall & Adam Scott
Six Feet Under — 2.05

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The Week In Stupid

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: twice as nice

when last we checked in on pig-castration aficionado and noted philosopher Joni Ernst, the Iowa senator was being royally roasted for having told a town hall audience to basically shut the fuck up and stop complaining about people being thrown off Medicaid, because — and I’m quoting here — “we all are going to die.”

not content at having shot herself in one foot, Joni reloaded her rhetorical shotgun, took careful aim, and began blasting away at the other.

“hello everyone. I would like to take this opportunity to sincerely apologize for a statement that I made yesterday at my town hall. see, I was in the process of answering a question that had been asked by an audience member when a woman who was extremely distraught screamed out from the back corner of the auditorium, ‘people are going to die’ — and I made an incorrect assumption, that everyone in the auditorium understood that yes, we are all going to perish from this earth. so, I apologize for this, and I’m really, really glad that I did not have to bring up the subject of the tooth fairy as well.”

ah yes, the tried-and-true “I’m so sorry … that you people are fucking morons” tack.

holy shitballs, get a load of where Joni Ernst is recording herself. she’s actually walking through a cemetery while shitting on the heads of her constituents. the arrogance is off the charts.

I would love to predict that Joni’s condescending video will be the end of her political career. I’d love to go on about how the Democrat who runs against her in 2026 will turn her own words into a devastating campaign commercial, and that Ernst will be crushed in the next election.

never forget, however, that we live in the stupidest possible timeline — and Iowa voters are gluttons for punishment.

Iowa’s the state that has re-elected Chuck Grassley to the Senate a record three hundred and sixteen times. dude’s been in office since before the Revolutionary War. so I’m not holding out any hope for Iowa’s voters to come to their senses any time soon.

tuesday: a mind is a terrible thing to not have

when they build the Stupid Hall of Fame, Marjorie Three Toes Greene will have her very own wing. imagine having one of the most important jobs in America and sleepwalking your way through it.

“Full transparency, I did not know about this section on pages 278-279 of the OBBB that strips states of the right to make laws or regulate AI for 10 years. I am adamantly OPPOSED to this and it is a violation of state rights and I would have voted NO if I had known this was in there.”

that’s a stunning confession. ‘I would have voted no if I had bothered to read what I was voting on.’

good job doing your job, Marge.

this is how we ended up with all those space lasers, by the way. Marge voted yes on the Jewish Space Lasers Act Of 2022 without even glancing at the title of it. so she has no right to complain about any weather-related incident.

the thing about this current budget bill, however, is that Congresswoman Sporkfoot is not wrong about AI. it’s an environmental disaster, it steals intellectual property, and we need to heavily regulate the shit out of how it’s implemented before it’s too late.

so fuck every Republican for making me agree with Marge Greene.

we’ve sure been getting a lot of use out of the “worst person you know” meme lately, haven’t we?

wednesday: how about taking a vacation from being horrible, Tom

leave Tom Homan alone, you monsters.

“I had over a thousand protestors at my lake house just a month ago.”

OH MY GOD, NOT THE LAKE HOUSE.

look, self-styled “border czar” Tom Homan didn’t sign up for any of this crap. all he ever wanted to do was kidnap innocent immigrant families off the streets and deport them to who the fuck cares, just get them out of my sight. and you people have the nerve to protest about it — at his lake house.

I have to confess that when I heard Homan whining about a “thousand protestors” in some small upstate NY town, my bullshit detector started clanging — because the whole deal sounded like a big bowl of yeah, right. so I decided to investigate. guess what—

fact check: true.

after ICE goons kidnapped a mother and her three kids from their house in Tom Homan’s home town, about a thousand protestors marched from the center of town down to his beloved lakefront property.

do you know what? the protest worked. the mother and her children were released.

A mother and three children who were “snatched” from their home by Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents and detained for 11 days were released Monday following an outpouring of community anger — including a protest outside the house of Donald Trump’s border czar.

so boo fucking hoo, Tom. for once, justice prevailed. stop whining about it.

eat binky, creep.

thursday: wut

good lord, he’s so fucking stupid.

“I’ve uncovered the human mind, I was in a debate with the human mind.”

gee, that’s nice.

but let’s set aside President Yap Yap’s tapioca-filled head for now, and focus instead on his administration’s latest abomination.

that’s right: to get a civil service job in the Royal Kingdom of Donnyland, it’s no longer enough to merely have a cool nickname like “Big Balls.” you now have to sit down and compose a love letter to Dear Leader.

One of those “assessments,” the memo explains, is four 200-word essay questions each applicant must answer in order to prove that they would be a good fit for the Trump administration.

here’s one of the questions.

“How would you help advance the President’s Executive Orders and policy priorities in this role? Identify one or two relevant Executive Orders or policy initiatives that are significant to you, and explain how you would help implement them if hired.”

I’ve been thinking of applying for a job in the Mad King’s royal court, and I’ve been working on my essay. here’s what I’ve got so far.

“dear shit-for-brains,
what the fuck is wrong with you? this is America — and in America, government employees are loyal to the Constitution, not to some syphilitic megalomaniac.”

friday: dessicated corpse speaks!

now let’s check in on the world’s oldest living human fossil.

Chuck Grassley: “my hunch at the moment is they’re gonna come up with a lot of things President Biden did not sign, maybe thousands of things signed by autopen.”

Fox: “It’s not illegal to use an autopen, is it?”

Grassley: “I can’t answer that question for you. maybe I should be able to, but I can’t.”

here’s a fun fact: at one hundred and sixty four years of age, Iowa Senator Chuck Grassley is twice as old as Joe Biden. he’s been in government long enough to know that there is nothing illegal about a president using an autopen to sign documents.

for fuck’s sake, Mad King Donny uses an autopen. do you think he actually sat there and personally signed over one thousand pardons for Jan 6 insurrectionists? his tiny little fist would have fallen off.

there are two possible explanations for Chucker’s insistence that he “can’t answer that question” — and both of them suck. one is that Grassley genuinely hasn’t a clue how his own government functions, in which case he’s a disgrace and needs to resign yesterday.

the other (more likely) explanation is that Grassley has to pretend to be an idiot in order not to anger Dear Leader by giving the honest answer, in which case he’s a disgrace and needs to resign yesterday.

welcome to America 2025, where one entire political party tiptoes around their Mad King, pretending it’s perfectly normal for a country’s chief executive to accuse his predecessor of being a crime-committing robot — while the rest of us are left to gape incredulously at how fucking idiotic it all is.

stupidest. possible. timeline. ever.