that’s a doozie of a headline, isn’t it? I promise, we’re going to get to it. but first, we need to talk about Mad King Donny’s Director of National Intelligence, Tulsi Gabbard.

you see, Tulsi has a wee bit of a problem. it seems her boss is a cognitively-impaired old fuckwit whose brain left the station ages ago.

I know, right? that’s the entire world’s problem, not just Tulsi’s — but here’s how working for an erratic imbecile with the attention span of a coked-up squirrel is affecting Tulsi’s ability to do her job: she can’t get Donny to even look at his daily intel briefing. so she’s been trying to figure out what the fuck to do about it.

President Donald Trump’s intelligence chief is exploring ways to revamp his routine intelligence briefing in order to build his trust in the material and make it more aligned with how he likes to consume information.

how surreal is it that Tulsi Gabbard — of all people! — has become the voice of sanity regarding national security? folks, that’s how far down the fucking rabbit hole we’ve fallen.

obviously, ‘making it more aligned with how he likes to consume information’is not a new problem. all during the Mad King’s first reign, his staffers had to pretty much trick him into reading his daily brief. they dumbed that shit down until it was just bullet points and pictures, and they’d be all look, Donny! it’s a photo of you with words underneath. can you read what those words say about you?

imagine having to treat a person in command of a nuclear arsenal as if he were a colicky baby. now imagine reelecting him. what the fuck, America?

here’s the perplexing pickle Tulsi finds herself in during the second reign of the Mad King: Donny’s brain has puddingfied to the point where even simple bullet points and photos are too complicated for the deteriorating old coot to deal with.

on top of that, Donny seems unclear on the concept of a daily brief. most days, he just waves it away. Tulsi walks into the room and he’s all get that thing away from me, for fuck’s sake, I’m watching myself on TV.

Since his inauguration Trump has taken the PDB 14 times, or on average less than once a week.

now, because Tulsi is a sewer clown, she’s come up with the most sewerclowntastic solution to her problem:

One idea that’s been discussed is possibly creating a video version of the PDB that’s made to look and feel like a Fox News broadcast.

I don’t know about you, but I’m loving this idea! the whole government is already an extension of Fox News. right now there are no fewer than twenty-three former Fox bobbleheads working for Donny.

our Secretary of Defense is a chat-show host who doubled as the buffoon they’d send out to Times Square to get piss-drunk on New Year’s Eve.

a tipsy fake TV judge is now the Attorney for DC.

so let’s go all-in. let’s turn the entire government into one big Fox studio. over at the Pentagon, Pete Kegstand already has his own makeup studio — so we’re almost there, right?

but wait — how about if Tulsi just put TV over her head and pretended to be Fox News?

think of all the money that would be saved. now that’s efficiency in government!

perhaps Tulsi should be putting Donny’s intel briefing into his Truth Social feed — but maybe it’s too late even for that. Mad King Donny is apparently already getting his daily briefings from QAnon.

(hey, I told you we’d be getting to the headline.)

look at this fever-swamp lunacy that Donny posted over the weekend.

There is no #JoeBiden – executed in 2020.
#Biden clones doubles & robotic engineered soulless mindless entities are what you see.
#Democrats dont know the difference.

nothing to see here, right? just the president of the United States endorsing a QAnon trope that Joe Biden got snuffed years ago — and the dude we saw in the Oval Office was a robot the whole time. perfectly normal stuff.

let’s consider the double triple quadruple-think at work here.

according to Donny — and, by extention, MAGA — Joe Biden is the mastermind of an entire crime family that regularly shakes down world leaders to the tune of millions of dollars. and the whole time he’s been doing this, he’s been a drooling demented mess who no longer has any clue which end is up. ok, that makes perfect sense, right?

now, let’s slather on top of that the fact that real Joe Biden was executed (by who?) years ago and was replaced by a robot. which means that someone purposely constructed a malfunctioning crime-robot with dementia.

and, on top of all of that, now the robot has cancer — which is just fine with Donny. he doesn’t feel sorry for the malfunctioning crime-robot with cancermentia, because it’s a vicious malfunctioning crime-robot who does vicious things.

“not a smart person, but a somewhat vicious person, I will say. if you feel sorry for him, don’t feel so sorry for him, ’cause he’s vicious. what he did with his political opponent, and all of the people that he hurt. he hurt a lot of people, Biden, and so I really don’t feel sorry for him.”

to recap, Joe Biden is a not-smart malfunctioning crime-robot with cancermentia who does vicious things.

ohhhhhkay, President Pudding Cup. let’s get you to bed.

here’s another perfectly normal thing our perfectly normal president did this weekend: he threw a shitfit because no one told him about his new nickname.

Donny is fucking pissed that he had to find out from a reporter that Wall Street is mocking him.

but look at it from the standpoint of a White House staffer: do you want to be the one to tell an erratic rage-monkey that TACO stands for Trump Always Chickens Out? of course you don’t. so you’re fucked if you do and you’re fucked if you don’t. keep Donny in the loop, or hide the bad news from Donny — either way, you’re going to end up with a ketchup bottle chucked at your head.

at this point, why would anyone want to work for Mad King Donny? it’s a loser’s game. the only winning move is not to play.

buckle in, it’s only Monday. this is going to be a long week.