I’ll Pray for You

From Rosa Rubicondior:

What the Pious really mean.

I’ll pray for you because:

  • If I tell the truth and say I hate you people won’t think I’m a kind, caring person.
  • I want you to think I have some power over you that you can’t do anything about.
  • I like to think I have some power over you that you can’t do anything about.
  • I like to think I have an invisible friend who gets those who won’t agree with me about everything.
  • I can’t be bothered to learn stuff but I want people to think I’m better than you in some way.
  • I want you to feel guilty about beating me in an argument because I should be allowed to win every time even though I can’t be bothered to learn stuff.
  • You won’t agree with me so I’ll try threatening you with my really powerful imaginary friend.
  • I want people to think I’m religious because I’m hoping to get away with people thinking I’m a person they can trust.
  • I can’t counter your argument so I want to threaten you whilst making other people think I’m your morally superior.
  • I want my friends to be impressed with my smugly self-satisfied piety.
  • I want people to think I’m so special I have a close personal relationship with the Creator of the Universe who makes my wishes come true.
  • It costs me nothing and is much easier than doing something practical to help.
  • Pretending to be other peoples’ moral superior makes me feel good about myself.
  • If there really is a god I’m hoping to impress it with my piety so I show it off at every opportunity.
  • What use is religion if you can’t use it as a weapon when you need to?
  • What use is religion if you can’t use it to try to elevate yourself above other people?
  • I’d really like to abuse you physically but I can only use words and make-believe.

Isn’t it great the way religion can be used against other people is so many different ways? Has mankind ever devised any better source of excuses for the morally bankrupt than religion?

Ten

With everything else that’s happened in my life since the start of 2013, I’m not surprised that a rather important anniversary slipped by under the radar.

I am now a ten-year cancer survivor.

April 1st came and went this year with none of the fanfare my 5-year anniversary garnered. I guess it was a combination of everything else that’s been going on coupled with a clean exam last November and the doctor’s pronouncement, “At this point, for all intents you’re cured and can relax. See me in two years,” that put this on the back burner in my mind.

That’s not to say I hadn’t thought about about it entirely. Almost immediately after getting inked for my 5-year anniversary (something that did not turn out the way I’d hoped; something you’ll remember if you’ve been reading the various incarnations of my ramblings for that long) I started wondering what I’d do for the big one-oh.

About a year ago it hit me.

Ten, ten, TEN:

Because I like dual meanings.

And who have I chosen to poke me, to guarantee that this time will not be a repeat of the last? Why, Erik of course!

Ben and I are planning a road trip in August, and a visit to Pea Ridge is definitely on the agenda.

Oops, I Did It Again

Say hello to my new little friend.

Why did I replace my MacBook Air with a MacBook Pro Retina after only about a year and a half of ownership? Most importantly, it was because I got tired of feeling like I had to treat the Air with kid gloves every time I picked it up, and worrying that the slightest little thing would crack the display panel (yeah, it really is that thin). Secondly, having come from a regular MacBook Pro, I was never completely happy with the quality of that ultra-thin display. In comparison to the Pro, the colors were washed out no matter how much I messed with the color profiles.

There was also issue of case noise. Almost from the very beginning, the Air suffered the most horrible squeaking from the bottom case whenever it was picked up. Some creative engineering on my part minimized it, but even then it still required periodic attention and was by no means a permanent fix.

When the display started developing small “oil slicks” under the glass a few weeks ago I knew I it was time to at least start considering a replacement for those other reasons, even if Apple Care would cover the replacement of the display because of the Newtonian Rings.

When I started looking at replacements, I wasn’t immediately sold on the retina display models per se; I just wanted something more robust than the Air. There was also the issue of image retention, or “ghosting” that plagued the first generation of Retina machines that came out. Additionally, at first blush my aging eyes really didn’t see that much of a difference in the display to justify the price difference, but when I priced out a regular MacBook Pro with a SSD (having had one in the Air it was now an absolute requirement for all future machines) it was actually cheaper to get the equivalent Retina model. (Apple ain’t stupid, people. They want to move these Retinas.)

Of course now that I have it, I love it.  I also appear to be among the lucky ones who have a flawless display. (Or maybe it’s because I have one of more recent models and the issue has been corrected.)

No Spring For You!

While I know certain people are going to laugh and call me a wimp when they read this, but after having gone through two winters in Colorado, I now know why many more people move to Arizona instead of from there in spite of the batshit crazy political climate.

Last year the final snow of the season occurred in February and we had a delightful spring. “That wasn’t so bad,” I thought. It corresponded in an inverse way to roughly the same length of time you can be expected to run your air conditioning in Arizona. This year, however, it seems the fucking white shit just won’t go away. “Oh, we usually get our craziest weather in March through May.”

Really? May? Seriously?

So essentially what I’m being told is that if we’re lucky, we’ll get four months this year when it doesn’t snow at some point.

My sister is tired of hearing me complain about it. “Well, you did move to Colorado.”

My dad was big into astrology (an understatement if there ever was one), and before Ben and I moved he printed out and gave me an astrological “relocation report.”

I never read it, preferring instead to discover life in Denver without any preconceived notions, but at this point I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if it read, “You’ll hate it.”

 

I’m convinced…

…that when Colorado was being settled, cities built, and transportation routes laid out, someone looked at a hundred year history of weather patterns and said, “Let’s put everything where it snows the most!”

Seriously.

Word

Eventually, either the rich will pay taxes or they’ll be lined up in front of this generation’s guillotines.

Dodged a Bullet

Let’s face it: no one likes getting one of these things in the mail. In fact, I can’t think of a single person I know who’s been summoned for duty who woke up that morning and said, “Finally! I get to go to Jury Duty!”

I’ve been summoned only once before in my life, about six years ago while living in Phoenix. It wasn’t a bad experience, but I think that’s because the Phoenix court system really goes out of its way to make the the process as pleasant as possible. Big screen movies, wi-fi, fully stocked break room, comfy chairs, workstations, plenty of electrical outlets for your devices…

Contrast that with Arapahoe County in Colorado. The place was like waiting at the DMV. Two small screens showing the History Channel, no wireless, no electrical outlets to charge phones, and chairs so uncomfortable it was a relief when they finally started calling out the groups of 50-70 people for screening. They told us we would be divided into four groups; one for a civil trial and the other three for criminal cases—all of which were expected to last 3-5 days.

Great. Just fucking great.

I really wouldn’t have minded serving the 3-5 days away from work if it had been the middle of summer, but hearing this, my heart sank because a major—and hopefully for the season final—snow storm was predicted to roll in tonight and last until early Wednesday morning, dropping 12-14 inches in the process. I mean c’mon, guys. It’s fucking April!

While I would have no trouble getting to the courthouse without having to drive on my nearly-bald tires, I didn’t relish the thought of having to get up at 5 am to do it.

This obviously wasn’t going to be a repeat of my experience in Phoenix where I basically waited around a single day to be called into a group, only to have each successive case be dismissed or settled before trial.

I was selected for the third group today, and just as we were about to be called to go upstairs to the court for screening, they announced that our particular case had been extended because the witnesses failed to appear and we were free to go.

Woo! Paid day off! (And if it snows as much as they’re predicting, I may get a snow day tomorrow as well!)

This.

“Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more.

You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. They are not embarrassed to cry with you when you are hurting or laugh with you when you make a fool of yourself.

Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. There is never any pressure, jealousy or competition but only a quiet calmness when they are around.

You can be yourself and not worry about what they will think of you because they love you for who you are. The things that seem insignificant to most people such as a note, song or walk become invaluable treasures kept safe in your heart to cherish forever.

Memories of your childhood come back and are so clear and vivid it’s like being young again. Colours seem brighter and more brilliant. Laughter seems part of daily life where before it was infrequent or didn’t exist at all.

A phone call or two during the day helps to get you through a long day’s work and always brings a smile to your face. In their presence, there’s no need for continuous conversation, but you find you’re quite content in just having them nearby.

Things that never interested you before become fascinating because you know they are important to this person who is so special to you. You think of this person on every occasion and in everything you do. Simple things bring them to mind like a pale blue sky, gentle wind or even a storm cloud on the horizon.

You open your heart knowing that there’s a chance it may be broken one day and in opening your heart, you experience a love and joy that you never dreamed possible. You find that being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure that’s so real it scares you.

You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.”

― Bob Marley

Via.

Bottoming Out

No, not that kind of bottoming, you pervs.

Shortly after I received my cancer diagnosis in 2003 and preparing to undergo a PET scan, I—like millions of other Americans—was also diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes. Needless to say, this news coming on the heels of the cancer diagnosis—while not totally unexpected because of a family history of the disease—was nonetheless devastating. I remember leaving the PET center and sitting in the car with my father (because they couldn’t perform the scan until my glucose levels were brought down) and began to openly weep. I thought, “What more can possibly go wrong?”

I made an appointment to see my GP the next day and since he was not there, I was stuck seeing his entirely disagreeable nurse practitioner assistant. She ordered blood tests and the next day the results were in. Definitely diabetic. The NP phoned in a prescription for insulin and syringes, and booked an appointment for the following day so I could be trained in their use.

Upon returning the following day, I got to see the regular GP and he was aghast. “You don’t need insulin. We can bring these numbers down with oral medication.”

And so began my relationship with Metformin.

My numbers had been quite good with the oral medication until about four years ago when they slowly started creeping up. The dose was raised and they were brought back under control. For the last couple years, however, they’ve been totally out of control, despite now being on two different medications, and they weren’t showing any improvement.

That’s why, late last year, my current GP suggested we try an insulin regimen in addition to the oral medications. He started me out with a long-lasting, once-a-day shot that brought my numbers down about 70 points. Not good enough, because I was still only rarely hitting below 200.

About a month ago, we decided to change up to a 2-shot a day regimen of a 70/30 mix. My numbers were finally going below 200, but varying wildly during the day.

Yesterday I was searching for an online image of the insulin pen I was using (to incorporate in a medication reminder app—yes, I’m a total geek) and I made the unsettling discovery that what I’d been using for the last month wasn’t the 70/30 mix as my doctor had prescribed, but just the regular, short-acting insulin. After speaking with him last night, it was determined that indeed, I had been on the wrong drug for the last month—with the fault falling somewhere between him and the pharmacy. He phoned in a new scrip for the proper drug and told me to continue using what I had until I could pick it up.

Last night right before dinner I did my usual dosing with the short-acting insulin I’d been taking. By the time we got home and sat down to watch television, I started feeling a bit…off. I was lightheaded and everything was starting to look like the brightness and contrast had been turned up to full. Fearing that my glucose was high from dinner, I checked and couldn’t believe my eyes. My glucose was 86. I have never had a reading that low, not even when I was well-maintained through my oral meds. Fearing that either the test strip or the draw had been bad, I rechecked and it was 83. I checked again and it was 80.

I was crashing.

I had no idea why because I’d been using this particular dose for over a week with no ill effects, but being warned of this possibility by my doctor (but always feeling that I was reasonably safe because my levels had been consistently so high), I pulled out my emergency 12 oz. bottle of Dr. Pepper and downed it. About ten minutes later I checked again and my glucose was up to 90. Another ten minutes and it was 114. I checked before going to bed, and was up to (for me) a very respectable 141 and I was feeling much better.

I picked up the proper insulin this morning. My doctor has knocked me down to a low dose to begin with again, and I’ll slowly working my way up as needed as I’m back to being over 200 tonight…

 

 

Quote of the Month

“I’ll just say this: in my opinion Fux News is a last resort for kinda-sorta-almost-journalists whose options have been severely limited by their extreme and intolerant views; a media colostomy bag that has begun to burst at the seams and should be emptied before it becomes a public health issue.

“I sincerely believe that in time, good people will lose patience with the petty and poisonous behavior of these bullies and Fux News will be remembered as nothing more than a giant culture fart that no amount of Garlique could cure.

“I wish them all the luck that accompanies such malevolence.” ~ Jim Carrey, 24 March 2013

I’m not a big fan of Mr. Carrey’s movies, but day-um, girl! This at least made me respect him as a person.