We all grieve in our own ways. I'm obviously spending money to try and fill the Sammy-sized hole left in my heart. I won't have that luxury in a month, but I have it now, and I'm not going to apologize to anyone for it.
The other night as I was getting ready for bed, I flashed on how—since we'd gotten a higher bed frame and mattress a few years ago—I recently starting having to lift him up onto the bed for the night. He could almost always get down on his own (although he wasn't one to refuse help in that area either), but for the last couple years he just didn't have the strength to jump up any more. I flashed on him there standing on his hind legs, front paws outstretched, leaning against the side of the mattress waiting for me to help him up and I just broke down and lost it…
At least I recognize and acknowledge what I'm doing.