Fucktacular!

From Jeff Tiedrich:

want to construct a clusterfuck? it's easy.

start with the smoking rubble of a burned-out brain in steep cognitive decline. add a dollop of acute megalomania. pour in a generous amount of greed. now add the impulse control of a coked-up squirrel. toss in some ignorance, along with the inability to learn from mistakes, or even admit that mistakes were made.

now take that shitpile of defects, shake well, and bingo! you've ended up with Donny Convict's completely incoherent tariff policies.

on February 2nd, Donny announced he was slapping a 25% tariff on all Canadian and Mexican imports. markets crashed — the Dow dropped 600 points in one day.

the very next day, Donny announced that he was putting a month-long hold on the tariffs, because both Canada and Mexico agreed to his list of demands. the markets calmed down.

but then out of the clear blue, Donny was all fuck it, ima do these tariffs anyway — starting tomorrow. have fun!

markets freaked out all over again. so did business leaders.

Fox Business interviewed the owner of a Pennsylvania auto dealership. the poor schnook is at his wit's end over what's happening.

"I had an order from a customer. $80,000 truck. it's a hundred thousand dollars now. so he's not gonna buy the truck. it's gonna sit on my lot. and you know, the higher interest rates we're paying now for floor space. and nobody's going to buy the truck, because it just had a twenty thousand dollar price increase."

and then, yesterday —

Donald Trump has temporarily spared carmakers from sweeping US tariffs on goods from Canada and Mexico, one day after an economic strike on the US's two biggest trading partners sparked warnings of widespread price increases and disruption.

After a call with top executives at General Motors, Ford and Stellantis, however, Trump approved a one-month exemption from tariffs on "any autos coming through" the US, Mexico and Canada, the White House press secretary, Karoline Leavitt, announced on Wednesday.

The exemption has been granted "at the request of the companies," Leavitt told reporters, "so they are not at an economic disadvantage."

so, Mister Car Dealer no longer has to worry about that truck that was going to be sitting on his lot, taking up space. how convenient.

Donny's reckless tariffs impacts all industries — so why did he choose to cut the auto industry some slack? because they're big, powerful fat cats who can be relied on to shovel money into Donny's pockets.

that's the way it's gonna be from now on. the plutocrats with the scratch — the corner-office honchos who can plunk down five mil for private dinners with Dear Leader at Motel-a-Lago — they're going to get all kinds of special carve-outs to Donny's tariffs. one hand washes the other.

he little guys who can't afford to pay-for-play — the ones who don't have Donny on speed dial — well, they're going to be cordially invited, as always, to go fuck themselves raw.

mind you, Canada isn't taking any of this fuckery lying down.

if you're a Canadian right now with a hankering for some California wine, or Kentucky bourbon, forget about it. that shit's been taken off the shelves.

The Liquor Control Board of Ontario (LCBO), one of the largest buyers of alcohol in the world, removed US-made alcoholic drinks from its shelves on Tuesday.

don't fuck with Canada. they're not playing around — and the Canadian public thinks this shit's hilarious.

US distilleries are less than thrilled.

March 5 (Reuters) – Jack Daniel's maker Brown-Forman's (BFb.N), CEO Lawson Whiting said on Wednesday Canadian provinces taking American liquor off store shelves was "worse than a tariff" and a "disproportionate response" to levies imposed by the Trump administration.

reporter: "respectfully, It's just 43 pounds that were found last year. that's less than a carry-on suitcase. is that a lot of fentanyl compared to, say, Mexico? the vast majority of fentanyl is brought in though Mexico, not Canada. so what else does Canada need to do?"

Karoline Leavitt: "last year alone, there was a 2000% increase in illegal fentanyl."

Reporter: "it was only 43 pounds, Karoline."

that's a verifiable fact — but Donny and his toadies are going to keep pretending otherwise.

Leavitt, by the way, was not pleased about being fact-checked by a reporter doing his job. check out her totally mature reaction.

You're asking me for what the president's justification is for these tariffs. It's not up to you. You're not the president, Gabe!" Leavitt snapped.

"And frankly, I think it's a little bit disrespect-ul [sic] to the families in this country that have lost loved ones at the hands of this deadly poison.

hissy much, Karoline?

and oh look, Team Donny has invented a whole new reason to be mad at Canada.

when last we saw Peter Navarro, he was being mocked mercilessly by the legendary Anarchy Princess while on his way to prison for contempt of Congress

well, Big Pete's done his time. he's back in Donny's good graces and has an office at the White House.

here he is, dropping a whole new truth bomb on Fox News, with his unique blend of ignorance and arrogance.

"Canada has been taken over by Mexican cartels."

don't you love how these bold-face fucksticks just keep piling fantastical new lies on top of the old lies?

Peter, are these Mexican cartels in the room with us right now? no, they're not—because apparently they're right inside Justin Trudeau's office—much in the same way the Space Nazi shares the Oval Office with Donny.

for all we know, there's probably the son of some drug lord, right now, wiping his snots all over Canada's version of the Resolute Desk.

so, for those of you keeping score at home,

— we have to take over Canada because it's being run by Mexico.
— we have to take over Panama because it's being run by China.
— we have to take over Greenland because it's being run by … fuck it, who cares. we're gonna invade them anyway.
— and the one country that really does need our protection because they've been attacked by Russia, they can go eat an entire bag of dicks, because Zelensky was very mean to Dear Leader.

here are your heroes of the day.

when some DOGE dipshits showed up at the headquarters of the U.S. African Development Foundation (a division of USAID) and demanded to be let in, staffers working there were all yeah, you pimply teenage incels can fuck all the way off.

thank you, USADF, for showing everyone how it's done.