This is what he does. He bluffs. He stalls. He blue-balls the nation with performative nonsense and calls it leadership. He governs like a sweaty improv comic on Ambien—no script, no sense, just vibes and screaming. Every policy is a trailer. Every disaster is an opportunity to roll out merch. He treats war declarations like cliffhangers: Will we bomb Tehran? Will we not? Tune in next week on “Who Wants to Start World War III?”—brought to you by MyPillow and reverse mortgages for dogs.
