AKA Buying a Car
"The ninth, and final, circle of Hell is reserved for sinners who committed treachery. Dante thought there was no sin worse than betrayal of trust."
Seems appropriate.
While places like AutoNation and Carmax would have you believe that they've "streamlined and perfected" the car buying experience, it's complete bullshit.
Granted, their no-haggle pricing is a thing. The number quoted online was the price I paid for the car itself, but everything else—getting financing, buying an extended warranty—was the same bartering bullshit as it's always been.
It didn't help that my salesman (let's call him Derek) didn't score points right off the bat by saying, "I'll need you to move the car; I can't drive a stick," as we were walking toward a totally different MINI than on the printout I'd given him.
"That's not the car," I said.
"My apologies." (This was to become his mantra for the rest of the afternoon.)
It also didn't help that Derek—or apparently his service team—also didn't have a clue about the workings of a MINI, which certainly did not inspire my confidence. Even losing track of all the technological changes in the MINI line in years since I bought Anderson, I still had a better understanding of the car than he did.
I knew the moment I got behind the wheel of Rabbit, that I wanted the car. But I wasn't blind. Right off I noticed that the rear passenger tire was throwing a low pressure warning, as well as some other, undefined warning symbol was appearing on the display. After inspecting the tire, we both decided the sensor just needed to be reset, but at the time I didn't have a clue how to accomplish this.
"I'll have my guys take care of it."
The test drive was uneventful. I was doing this for more than anything to see if I'd be happy going back to an automatic transmission. While I definitely prefer the control a stick provides, this tranny was responsive and something I could live with.
And then the bullshit began.
Considering the history I shared with Anderson, I knew an extended warranty on any MINI going forward was a must—especially since this might very well be the last car I can afford to buy and would realistically want to keep it running as long as I did Anderson. (I do want to retire at some point, after all.) I specifically set my upper limit on a monthly payment below what I was actually willing to spend to account for the added expense of an extended warranty, but even I was taken aback when the finance guy returned with a full warranty package that added nearly $6K to the price of the car and pushed the monthly payments well over $500 a month.
That wasn't happening.
Thankfully there were several different packages I could choose from, with each offering customizable options. I didn't need or want routine oil changes to be covered, appearance (paint) protection, or a host of other items that were available. I simply wanted the drive train and basic electrical and mechanical items covered. Back and forth we went, with a string of indomitable 20 minute periods spent sitting and waiting for that blasted finance guy to return return with a new offer. I mean seriously.
"I apologize for the wait."
They really wanted to sell me more bullshit coverage than I wanted or needed. (Must be a cash cow for the dealership.) After nearly 90 minutes of this crap I agreed to take the fucking oil change service in addition to the mechanical/electrical breakdown coverage in exchange for a much lower interest rate on the loan. Done.
And then it was another forty-five minute wait while they prepped the car.
(Note to Derek: When you have nothing else to do when they're getting the car ready to deliver or the finance guy is bullshitting backstage, do NOT come and sit at the table with us without saying a word. It is creepy as FUCK.)
When the car was finally ready, I got in and saw that now ALL FOUR tires were showing low pressure, and the undefined warning symbol was still illuminated.
"I apologize."
"They said the warnings will disappear once you drive it for a while."
From experience I knew that was also bullshit, but I also knew it was only a matter of resetting the computer to accept the new pressures (I'd done this often with Anderson). The undefined warning light was more concerning, but they had a 5-day return policy, and I figured if I couldn't discern what was happening and it didn't disappear on its own the car would go back.
Like I said, I wanted the car, but not so much that I wasn't willing to walk away from the deal.
When all was said and done, it was 4:30 pm. (We had been there since noon.) After getting the car home, I had time to look through the manual (still brand new and unopened – obviously the previous owner had never even looked at it) and found the reset procedure, which took care of the four low air pressure warnings. The undefined warning symbol was oil related, so I checked the oil level (which was fine), replaced the dipstick, and after restarting the car that warning disappeared as well. (I guess it's like the unseated gas cap warning? The stick hadn't been fully inserted.)
Since that time I noticed that one of the license plate bulbs was burnt out, the stubby antenna was missing and—probably most troubling of all—the center console that was shown in the online photos of the car—had mysteriously disappeared between the time the photos were taken and my test drive.
I've already replaced the bulb and antenna, and have emailed them regarding the console, but I seriously doubt I'll hear anything back.* (The car was sold "as-is") and frankly at this point I hope I never have to set foot in that dealership again.
*Update: I just got an email from Derek telling me he'd "find out what happened to those items." Ugh.