Loss

I have been following this cute Spanish photographer on Instagram (@stuckkinabox aka @sergioheads) for several years now, and he posed an interesting question today:

What do you miss most about our previous lifestyle?

It's something I haven't considered specifically; it's more of just a nebulous feeling of loss for me, but I shall try to elaborate.

I think that after the past two months (has it really been only that long?) the reality of our previous existence being gone is now finally hitting home. As I've written before, things are never going to go back to the way they were before.

But what do I miss? Even though I am an inveterate introvert, I still do miss the daily human interaction that we all took for granted. I miss being able to just go out and do things without having to worry about face masks and social distancing and the possibility of being infected by yahoos who are only thinking about themselves. (Trips to the grocery store are fraying my last nerve.)

I miss whiling away weekend afternoons with Ben at Starbucks. I miss going to restaurants. I miss having the ability to go on spontaneous road trips, without knowing that once we reach our destination there isn't actually anywhere to go. I miss visiting friends. I miss going to movies. I miss going to IKEA for no reason at all. All these are admittedly small, first-world problems, but nonetheless they are things I miss being able to do.

And while I certainly enjoy the relative freedom of working from home, I do miss being able to go into the office and connect with people in person. Now one day just runs into another to the point that I really have to think about what day of the week it is. (I feel like Dolores in Season One of Westworld, waking up in the morning, gathering her supplies and heading out in the fields to paint the same thing day after day.

But you know what I miss the most? I miss every other waking thought not being about this pandemic and the damage it's doing to our global society, about Trump, about his cabal or his brain-dead zombie supporters, about masks or gloves or hand sanitizers, or about whatever the next horrific stream of effluent will be that spews from the White House. That is what I miss the most.

But, if this self-quarantine ensures that I and those I love live through this horrible period in our history, so be it. It's a small price to pay to see the new world that will spring from this nightmare. And a new world will spring from it.