An Email from Elphaba Throppe

We've had a new middle manager for less than a year. She came from another division, where she had been working as a senior Desktop Tech. Why they hired her is beyond me, because she is so obviously in over her head it ceased being funny about two weeks after she assumed command.

Micro-managing is her modus operandi, and my immediate supervisor (he reports to her) has had to tell her to back off several times; that we are his team (she oversees two teams in our department) and it is not her job to direct our daily activities.

I started referring to her privately as Elphaba several months ago. [The name is more indicative of The Wizard of Oz than of Wicked, BTW.]

Since before the lockdown there were plans to expand and reorganize our work area. All of that got put on hold during the pandemic, but now that we're all back in the office (in my team's case, three days a week), apparently it's now time to do this. I'm not thrilled about the reconfiguration because I'm currently tucked away in a spot between a column and a window that overlooks the street below. It's cozy, it's quiet, I'm not immediately visible the minute you walk in the department, and the location allows me a degree of privacy to work without unnecessary interruption since we get a lot of walk-ups and drive-by users who—no matter how many times we tell them—are incapable of understanding the concept that we need a ticket from the Service Desk to do anything, thinking that if they pay a personal visit it will drive home how important their particular issue is.

Anyhow, we got an email from Elphaba early last week (names redacted to protect the innocent) that went something like this:

Hello IT Team,

I have an update on the schedule and the arrangements I have shared earlier in my email below on 6/2/22.

Goodmans are still scheduled to perform the work on Thursday June 23rd, however they will take longer than just a day and need to start the prep work a day earlier. So the new schedule for this work is from next Wednesday June 22^nd till the following Monday June 27^th. During that time, we only need 1 person from the IT team to be working in the office, at a temp cubicle outside of [Director]'s office, it is [Programmer who is no longer with the enterprise]'s old cubicle (her name plate is still on it).

On the day of the 21st:

We need to disconnect all devices within the IT area and pack all items in boxes and move them to the south west conference room by [Director]'s Office.

[Immediate supervisor] you can pack your stuff on the 17^th before you go on vacation and put the boxes in my office if you like, or you can keep them in the vacant cubicle in your [Remote programmer]'s area  and we will move them with everything else to the south west conference room on the 21st.

[Colleague #1] since you telework on Tuesdays, you can pack on Friday the 17^th as well, as Monday the 20^th is a Holiday.

Mark and [Colleague #2], you are scheduled to work in the office and will pack your stuff before you leave for the day.

On the day of the 22nd:

We have [Immediate supervisor] out of the office (on vacation)

Mark is teleworking

[Colleague #1] and [Colleague #2] are scheduled to work in the office. I want to ask [Colleague #1] to telework on that day, and [Colleague #2] to provide in-person coverage. Please use the temporary location identified above for that day.

The IT area will not be accessible to any of us for the entire day.

On the day of the 23rd:

We have [Immediate supervisor] out of the office (on vacation)

[Colleague #2] and [Colleague #1] are teleworking

Mark is scheduled to work in the office to provide in-person coverage. Please use the temporary location identified above for that day.

The IT area will not be accessible to any of us for the entire day while Goodmans are working.

 On the day of the 24th:

We have [Immediate supervisor] out of the office (on vacation)

[Colleague #2] is teleworking

Mark and [Colleague #1] are scheduled to work in the office. I want to ask Mark to telework on that day, and [Colleague #1] to provide in-person coverage. Please use the temporary location identified above for that day.

The IT area will not be accessible to any of us for the entire day.

On the day of the 27th:

We have [Colleague #2] out of the office (on vacation)

[Immediate supervisor] and Mark are teleworking

[Colleague #1] is scheduled to work in the office to provide in-person coverage. Please use the temporary location identified above for that day.

The IT area will not be accessible to any of us for the entire day.

On the day of the 28th:

We need to bring everything back and unpack our stuff and reconnect all devices.

Mark and [Immediate supervisor] will be working in the office that day and will be moving everything back to the NEW IT area.

[Colleague #1] can connect his devices on the next day Wednesday the 29th.

[Colleague #2] can connect his devices after he is back from his vacation on Tuesday July 5th.

If any of the details provided above is changed I will update you. If you have any questions please let me know.

Because apparently we are incapable of orchestrating this incredibly difficult bit of logistics ourselves…

After I finished reading this, my initial reaction was to text my supervisor who was sitting about fifteen feet away—and based on his facial expression had also just read the email. My first impulse was to say, "I'm sure she had a wet spot on her seat when she finished writing that," but it would've been wildly inappropriate even for me (and I'm not known among my colleagues for mincing words). Instead, I just wrote, "Would it be unprofessional if I just responded, Whatever."?

He said that yes, yes it would be.

So instead I just responded to the email with, "Acknowledged."