Author: Mark Alexander

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We’re Living In The Worst Timeline

 

oh yes he did, and a camera captured the entire dirty deed. I promise, we’re going to talk about it. but first…

sometimes you just want to take your average Republican aside and go ‘what’s the deal with you? as an infant, were you dropped on your head, like, over and over? did you eat ALL the lead paint chips? was there a gas leak in your house?’

how the fuck else do you explain this?

“just so people understand, wind and solar only work when there is wind and sun. we don’t have technology to store the energy from wind and solar. so if you make yourself reliant on wind and solar, then if there’s no sun and no wind, you get no energy. it’s insane.”

oh my sweet Jesus on a pogo stick, how does Republican hand-puppet Marc Thiessen not know about the existence of batteries?

what other modern-day advances is Thiessen serenely unaware of? does he serve his children uncooked meat, cheerfully explaining that ‘just so you understand, we don’t have the technology to get food really hot’?

of course, there is an actual explanation for Theissen’s apparent ignorance of twenty-first century tech — and, sadly, that explanation has nothing to do with paint chips or head trauma. it’s worse.

Thiessen knows how storage batteries work. he’s just pretending to be a dipshit because he — along with the entire Republican establishment — have sold their souls to this fucking imbecile.

President Paintchips McDroppedonhead is a genuine fuckwit who knows dick about dick. he really does imagine that solar planes drop out of the sky when they fly under a cloud.

because Dear Leader is a volatile toddler who can Never Be Wrong About Anything, everyone is forced to play along, and insist that ‘we don’t have technology to store the energy from wind and solar.’

if Thiessen went on TV and said, ‘Donny is so wrong about renewable technology,’ his career as a speechwriter and a think tank fellow and a WaPo columnist would be over.

it would be fuckity-bye, fat paycheck. so long, invitations to the best cocktail parties. sayonara, appearances on Fox News.

same deal with Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin.

Markwayne’s already stood up in the well of the Senate and loudly proclaimed that, regarding Donny’s dead pedo bestie, ‘what we’re simply trying to do is give [Donny] cover’ — so you know that everything that falls out of his dumb mouth is compromised.

to stay in Dear Leader’s good graces, Markwayne has to pretend that he has no idea how years work, or when anything happened, ever.

Markwayne Mullin: “remember, there was a plea deal that was struck in 2009, way before I was in office, way before Trump was even considering to be in office, way before Pam Bondi was in office, way before Kash Patel was director, 2009, there was a sweetheart plea deal that was made underneath the Obama administration with Epstein, and that sweetheart has not been exposed.”

Jake Tapper: “no, it was 2008. the US attorney at the time was a guy named Alex Acosta. he was a Bush appointee. He went on to become President Trump’s secretary of labor. that all took place in 2008.”

Mullin: “who was in office at the time?”

Tapper: “2008, George W. Bush.”

Mullin: “no, 2009 was when the case came out, and Obama was in office at the time.”

Tapper: “it’s not true.”

imagine being so pig-headedly wrong about something that even that grinning hack Jake Tapper is forced to commit a journalism and fact-check you.

oh look, America’s self-appointed panty inspector has found something she gets off on more than doing Restroom Dick Patrol.

“one of my favorite things to watch on YouTube these days are the court hearings where illegals are in court and ICE shows up to drag them out of court and deport them. I can think of nothing more American.”

ugh. just … ugh.

the thing is, Nancy isn’t pretending. unlike her colleagues Marc and Markwayne, she’s not making up some story in order to mollify Dear Leader.

she really is this fucked in the head.

I have no problem believing that Nancy Mace, at the end of a long day, kicks back by settling in with a box of wine, opening a browser tab, and laughing out loud as immigrants who have shown up in court to fulfill their legal duty are wrestled to the ground by masked goons, dragged away in handcuffs and disappeared into Salvadoran slave-labor torture gulags.

and how does Nancy explain her over-the-top glee at the expense of other peoples’ misery?

“I can think of nothing more American.”

what a horrible excuse for a human being.

here you go, Nance. you win today’s Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck Award.

all this Republican psychopathy is in service of a preening narcissist who has been coddled to the point where an entire infrastructure of cheating has been created around him, so he can blissfully live inside a fantasy-bubble where he’s the very bestest of the best at everything.

check out what happened yesterday at Donny’s Scotland golf motel. Donny had hit his ball into the rough, or the sand trap — it doesn’t really matter where it is, because Donny’s not going to play that ball. watch:

that’s right, Donny’s caddie casually pulls a new ball out of his pocket and tosses it on the ground for Donny to take a swing at.

that caddie didn’t have to be told to cheat. he walks around with pockets stuffed with extra golf balls, because — just like Marc Theissen and MarkWayne Mullin — he knows what’s expected of him.

that’s how Donny — a mediocre golfer at best — has “won” eleventy skillion consecutive championships at his own golf motels: by cheating his cheating ass off.

and everyone around Donny is expected to shut the fuck up and pretend that cheating isn’t really cheating when Dear Leader does it.

let’s zoom in and slow that shit down.

when I showed this clip to Ms. Spouse just now, she shook her head and said ‘he really is a piece of shit.’

no lies detected.

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Ya THINK?!

My instagram is being inundated with posts about the Star Trek: Strange New Worlds third season. You think they’re realizing they—as my mother used to say—bit off their nose to spite their face? Star Trek is a huge franchise and you do not piss off Trekkies.

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The Week In Stupid From Jeff Tiedrich

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: stop the presses! no wait, start them back up

here’s Utah Senator Mike Lee with some stunning news — the kind of five-alarm shit you can only announce with flashing siren emojis.

holy shit. Fed Chair Jerome Powell is out! fuck yeah! BUH-BYE, Jerome, you obstructionist cum-sock! rack up another win for Dear Leader!

I mean, it’s totally weird how no actual news source is reporting this, but look: Mike’s posted the resignation letter — and Mike’s an actual US Senator, so it’s got to be legit, right?

hang on — wait just one goddamned minute, what’s going on with that seal down at the bottom? let’s take a closer look.

Mike Lee, you fucking imbecile. you got taken in by some shoddy AI-generated slop.

look at the lettering, you dunce. “Odeo of Govery8s8 of the Eirebal Reserve SielVa” — which just happens to be my favorite branch of government, because they’re the ones who sAe our en5rre coun!ey’s in#riiet r4t88.

the Senator Dipshit deleted his tweet, but — look, Mike, I hate to be the one to break this to you: you do know what the internet never does, don’t you?

that’s right, it never forgets.

tuesday: cloudy with a chance of dumbfuck

what happened to Naomi Wolf? she used be a garden-variety ‘wellness’ crank who dabbled in vaccine denial, but evidently the covid pandemic completely clownfucked her brain, because now she’s a full-bore conspiracy loon.

not only does Naomi find the evil machinations of the Deep State lurking around every corner — she seems completely befuddled by the sky.

“I don’t even know what this is, Salem MA”

ooh! ooh! ooh! pick me! pick me! I know the answer!

oh wait, the entire internet got there before me.

now comes the part where we throw our heads back in laughter —

— because the entire internet also showed up to mock the shit out of Naomi’s dumb-as-fuck tweet.

undaunted, Naomi’s back for more.

ok, I confess, Naomi. this is what clouds look like when the Jewish Space Lasers are scanning the Earth in search of fuckwit conspiracy loons to torment.

don’t mess with us.

wednesday: the more you know

hey, remember Glenn Beck? me neither. as one of Fox News’ original found objects, he was fucking huge back in the day, with a highly-rated daily show. but that was then, and this is now. Glenn still does a show. you can see it on the who even cares, nobody watches it network.

what happens when a parody becomes a parody of itself? get ready to find out, because here’s Glenn to explain exactly how Barack HUSSEIN Obama treasoned with Russia.

oh my god, Obama’s evil conspiracy has so many tentacles that TWO chalkboards can barely contain the ginormity of it.

good lord, Glenn Beck has meme-ified himself.

but of all the questions raised by Glenn’s two chalkboards, there’s only one that I need answered: has Glenn Beck been filching his wardrobe out of the dumpster behind Steve Bannon’s house?

thursday: you know a lot of what now?

listen up, all you commie rat bastards trying to take down our Great Dear Leader. Tennessee Rep Tim Burchett has a question for you: what’s the big deal about Donny having a dead pedo bestie? don’t we all?

“they knew each other. they ran in the same circles. it’s just like me. I know a lot of dirtbags myself.”

excuse me, you what?

that’s a stunning confession, Tim — and we’re going to need to know a lot more about these ‘dirbags’ you’re hanging out with.

does your name show up over and over on their flight logs?

do your dirtbag friends have 14 different phone numbers for you in their little black books?

do you encourage your children to hang out with your dirtbag friends?

most importantly, do you and your dirtbag friends get up into the kind of madcap hijinks where you invite a bunch of young “calendar girls” to a “party” at your tacky Florida golf motel, and when they get there, they find out that the only two dudes in attendance are you and your fuckface pedo pal?

just asking questions, Tim. we’re still allowed to ask questions in the Mad King’s hellish dystopia, aren’t we?

friday: you see what kind of people?

you may have asked yourself, how did Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden and Barack HUSSEIN Obama find the time to gin up all that fake Epstein File flim-flammery, just to make Dear Leader look bad?

I mean, they produced hundreds of thousands of pages of documents. that’s a lot of work for just three people, isn’t it? even with the help of James Comey and John Brennan, come on, that’s still a fuckload of effort.

QAnon conspiracy crank Scott McKay has the answer: ginning up all that bogus data is a piece of cake when everyone involved is dead.

my contact called me afterwards and gave me an amazing drop of information, or confirmation, of what exactly has been going on in this battle. number one is that Hillary Clinton has been removed from the playing field. she was removed December 31st, 2018, I believe it was, at Gitmo. Trump witnessed it. horrible thing he saw, he said. apparently she wouldn’t die. so, he said he never wanted to see it again. also there were six, five different Bidens that have been playing out that role. I just got off the phone with the same person, who is now overseas. I sent him a text earlier about something, and he said, by the way, and I won’t mention the woman’s name, who this came from, this is a high-level official. but he said, the text that I just got from her, said, ‘fake Obama — arrest coming soon.’ so, once again, these players have already been removed from the playing field.”

um, Scott? Nurse Ratched is here to remind you that it’s medication time.

now here’s the nice attendant to help you back to your bed, bro.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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I Asked ChatGPT To Generate A Report on the Current State of the USA from an Alien Anthropoligist

And I can’t say I disagree with a single word of it.

Field Report: Sociocultural Assessment of the United States (Terran Subregion)

Observer: T’lenn 47-A, Anthropology Unit, Galactic Survey Corps

Planet: Earth (Sol III)

Region Focus: United States of America

Date of Observation: Terran Year 2025

I. Political Structure and Stability

The subject entity exhibits a constitutional-democratic framework in form, though in practice it is experiencing elevated internal discord. Two dominant political factions—nominally committed to representative governance—display increasingly oppositional behavior. Legislative gridlock and erosion of trust in electoral integrity are prominent.

Assessment: Fragmented political identity. Signs of institutional fatigue. Tribal allegiance superseding collective governance.

II. Economic Conditions

Economic indicators suggest extreme productive capacity and technological sophistication. However, wealth stratification is acute. Despite an abundance of resources, substantial populations experience housing insecurity, inadequate medical care, and food instability.

Assessment: Advanced technocapitalist system with malfunctioning redistributive mechanisms. Resource surplus coexists with systemic deprivation.

III. Technosocial Dynamics

Civilians possess high-access to digital systems, artificial intelligence, and near-instant global communication. Yet social cohesion is in decline. Widespread misinformation, addictive interfaces, and algorithmic echo chambers contribute to psychological distress and civic fragmentation.

Assessment: Neural overload from information ecosystems. Adaptation lag between cognitive architecture and technological environment.

IV. Cultural Output and Influence

Despite domestic turbulence, the entity remains a prolific generator of cultural content—music, cinema, fashion, digital media—consumed globally. Narrative control and emotional resonance through storytelling remain potent instruments of influence.

Assessment: Cultural hegemon. Exports identity-forming content at scale. Myth and media deeply intertwined.

V. Ecological Behavior

Empirical evidence of ecological decline (climate variation, biosphere stress) is broadly available. Responses are fragmented. Resistance to mitigation stems from industrial interests and short-horizon political calculations.

Assessment: Cognitive dissonance between awareness and action. Evolutionarily maladaptive prioritization of immediate economic benefit.

VI. Ideological Constructs

The region is structured around self-perpetuating ideals: individual freedom, exceptionalism, meritocracy. However, operational reality increasingly diverges from foundational mythologies. Internal debates over identity, history, and justice intensify.

Assessment: Mythic dissonance. Foundational narratives both unify and destabilize.

Conclusion

The United States represents a paradox: a civilization at the apex of capability yet mired in internal contradiction. It is uncertain whether the entity will stabilize, bifurcate, or collapse under the weight of its own complexity.

Projected Trajectory:

Outcome indeterminate. Requires continued observation.

Recommendation:

Reassess in 5–10 orbital cycles or upon evidence of major systemic shift.

 

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For Any Of You Following Along…

September 2nd.

That’s the tentative date of my surgery and the inflection point [I may not be using that term correctly, but you still get the idea] marking a new chapter of my life.

We’ve now met with everyone involved in my treatment and care, and I have to say I feel a hell of a lot better about what is coming. All my doctors have exuded confidence without cockiness. While this diagnosis is certainly not something I would’ve wanted if given the choice, I’m happy I have the medical team I do.

More to come…

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