Author: Mark Alexander

it’s been nine days since Prenit Fuckwit waged his glorious Three-Hour War against Venezuela, declared permanent victory and preened for the cameras.

now that Maduro — the thieving rat-bastard who had the temerity to steal Donny’s slick dance moves — has been kidnapped from his Caracas home and chucked into some hellhole jailhouse in Brooklyn, I’ll bet Venezuela has become a paradise on Earth. I’ll bet its grateful citizens are throwing flowers at Americans right now, and hailing them as liberators. it’s probably a—

oh dear.

The United States has urged its citizens to leave Venezuela immediately amid reports that armed paramilitaries are trying to track down US citizens, one week after the capture of the South American country’s president, Nicolás Maduro.

how awesome. both the government and citizens of Venezuela are super fucking pissed at us — and are out for revenge. here’s what the State Department posted to Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium:

lovely. by acting first and thinking never, Donny and his merry band of warmongers have painted a target on the back of every American in Venezuela.

“There are reports of groups of armed militias, known as colectivos, setting up roadblocks and searching vehicles for evidence of U.S. citizenship or support for the United States.”

oh, huh. that seems bad.

how did the shitwits who cooked up the cockamamie scheme to kidnap Maduro not foresee this? they removed exactly one person from Venezuela’s repressive regime — and left everyone else in place. what in the hallowed name of Magical-Thinking Jesus did they imagine would happen? the national guard, the army, the national police, the intelligence service — they’re all still run by Maduro loyalists. did Donny’s flunkies think they could just click their heels three times and all that shit would go away?

it’s so obvious that there was no planning whatsoever for dealing with any of the fallout from their actions. not one of these shit-kazoos bothered to ask ‘and what happens next?’ — it was just ‘grab Maduro and hope for the best.’ and now, as a result, every American down there has to run for their lives.

newsflash: this isn’t reality TV. this isn’t The Apprentice, where the producers could just edit out every disastrous decision of Donny’s, and make it seem like he was some kind of business savant. this is the real world. you can’t hide the dumbfuckery.

look at Little Donny Fuckface. he has no idea that he’s no longer part of some stage-managed entertainment spectacle. he’s still imagining that he can pretend everything is hunky-dory, just by saying so. here’s what he was posting at the same time the State Department was issuing its warning.

“I love the Venezuelan people, and am already making Venezuela rich and safe again. Congratulations and thank you to all of those people who are making this possible!!! President DJT”

on what fucking planet is any of that happening? oh, my dear sweet lord. shitting out hallucinatory nonsense on his crappy app doesn’t make it so.

you look at the collection of oddballs and chowderheads running our government and that famous line from All the President’s Men keeps running through your head.

the truth is, these are not very bright guys, and things got out of hand.’

except in our case, the truth is that these people are complete fucking imbeciles, and everything is getting out of hand. lucky us.

and for what? Venezuela’s oil? ha fucking ha. it’s becoming more clear with every passing day that Big Oil wants very little to do with Donny’s plans to steal all that crude. it’s too expensive to extract.

Paul Krugman has written an excellent post about all of this.

the long-story-short of Krugman’s post is —

• • Venezuela’s oil infrastructure has been fucked to hell, and will take years and many billions of dollars in investment to restore.
  • it would be insane to invest that much time and money in a politically-unstable country.
  • Venezuelan crude is damn near worthless, because it’s difficult to extract and difficult to refine.
  • there’s an oil glut right now. the world doesn’t need more oil.

you can’t explain any of that to Donny. his brain is stuck in the 1950s.he doesn’t want to know that the world has changed. all he wants is for his lizard-brain to be fed. he wants all the power, all the money and all the attention — and now you can add to it all the oil. it doesn’t matter that it’s worthless. he just wants to show it off, just like he wants to show off all the hideous golden tat in the Oval Bordello, and the future Epstein Dance Hall. it’s just another totem of wealth.

and it’s going to be the same deal with Greenland, too, should that clusterfuck-to-come ever happen.

“Greenland’s harsh environment, lack of key infrastructure and difficult geology have so far prevented anyone from building a mine to extract the sought-after rare earth elements that many high-tech products require. Even if President Donald Trump prevails in his effort to take control of the arctic island, those challenges won’t go away.”

as with Venezuela, there’s a reason all of Greenland’s resources remain buried — it’s just too fucking expensive to extract. and in Greenland’s case, it would be an ecological disaster.

Another concern is the prospect of mining rare earths in the fragile Arctic environment just as Greenland tries to build a thriving tourism industry, said Patrick Schröder, a senior fellow in the Environment and Society program at the Chatham House think-tank in London.

“Toxic chemicals needed to separate the minerals out from the rock, so that can be highly polluting and further downstream as well, the processing,” Shröder said.

but again, you can’t explain this to Donny. he’ll just wing a ketchup bottle at your head and scream at you to get it done.

Donny’s destabilizing the entire planet — and destroying decades-old alliances — all because he has a toddler’s understanding of how the world works.

we really do live in the stupidest fucking timeline.

by the way, you have to love this line from the State Department’s warning.

“Venezuela has the highest Travel Advisory level – Level 4: Do Not Travel – due to severe risks to Americans, including wrongful detention, torture in detention, terrorism, kidnapping, arbitrary enforcement of local laws, crime, civil unrest, and poor health infrastructure.”

did your irony detector just start shrieking? mine did — because you can replace ‘Venezuela’ with ‘Minneapolis’ and not have to change one word in the rest of that paragraph.

ace job, you assholes — you’ve turned an entire American city into a South-American-style banana republic.

loyal and patriotic citizens, please stand by for a message of the utmost importance from the President of the United States, Royal King of America, and God’s Own Avatar on Earth.

“The New York Football Giants should hire, without question, John Harbaugh – And John, a great guy, should TAKE THE JOB!!! President DJT”

Christ on a corkscrew, with all the chaos and crises going on — all the result of his own fascistic overreach — this is what Lord Fucksnot is focused on: the hiring decisions of the ‘New York Football Giants.’

that’s it, his brain is cooked. 25th Amendment — now. I’ll take my chances with Couchfuck McGee.

here are your heroes of the day: We the People of the United States of America. massive, peaceful anti-ICE protests took place across the nation yesterday. let’s just briefly sample a few.

here’s what went down in San Francisco.

and in Portland.

and in the rain in New York City.

and, of course, in Minneapolis, the scene of the crime.

thank you, everyone, for keeping it peaceful. Donny and his minions are super fucking horny to invoke the Insurrection Act and declare martial law. we must not give him reasons.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.