For the past year or so we've had a guy come out once a month to trim the hedges, weed the flower beds, and mow the front and side yards . He usually brings a team of two additional guys and between the three of them they bang it all out in about a half hour. (It would take me that long just to mow the front yard.) He charges a very reasonable $60 for the service, and I tip them 20%.

We usually discontinue service for the winter, since the lawn goes dormant, but once things started warming up in March and everything was growing again, I started the service back up. For the first mow of the season, he had his usual crew with him. The second time I noticed it was just him and I asked what happened to his workers. He said, "They just don't show up." This week it was the same. I asked him again what happened. He just shrugged. "It's ICE, isn't it? It's all so stupid!" He nodded and said, "Yes."

Daughterfucking Madness, Friday Edition

Little Donny Fuckface knows more about being a greedy, corrupt sleazebag than all the other greedy, corrupt sleazebags put together.

just look what he's been up to lately: Qatar gave Donny his very own $400 million vulgar flying bordello — in return for favors. Bone Saw Arabia gave him a bag of burgers — in return for favors. Syria promised he could build a gaudy tower in Damascus — in return for favors. Serbia, too, is getting in on the golden tower game — can you guess why?

and last night, 220 winners of the Who Can Give Donny The Most Money Contest got to have dinner with Dear Leader.

Mr. Trump and his business partners organized the dinner to promote sales of his $TRUMP cryptocurrency, a memecoin launched just days before Mr. Trump's inauguration. A memecoin is a type of digital currency tied to an online joke or mascot; it typically has no function beyond speculation. But Mr. Trump's coins have become a vehicle for investors, including many foreigners, to funnel money to his family.

it's fucking stunning how shameless this grift is. when you buy one of Donny's 'memecoins,' you're not buying anything tangible. it has no value. it's not even an investment. no one expects its price to increase.

Its price peaked at $75 in January before plummeting to less than $8 in April – it was trading at around $12.50 at the time of writing.

it's simply a way to funnel money straight into Donny's pockets — and here's the beauty part: it's anonymous. no one knows who these 'investors' are. they could be CEOs looking to curry favor. they could be foreign countries seeking tariff breaks. we have no fucking clue.

"Its only function is to make money for the Trump family crypto empire," CNN business journalist Allison Morrow said of the meme coin.

"We don't know their identities. And that's partly because crypto is anonymous by design. You can't quite track crypto wallets all the way back to the individual or to the entity that gave the money," she continued.

cranking the greed dial way past eleven, Donny held a Who Can Give Me The Most Money Contest to reward 'investors' who bought the most memecoins.

last night, the top 220 shovelers-of-cash-into-Donny's-pocket got to have dinner at his Virginia golf motel — and today, the top 25 shovelers will get a personal tour of the White House.

here's what we know about what went on last night: fuck-all.

you want to know who attended Donny's corruptionpalooza? fuck you, that's their names.

you want to know what countries they came from? fuck you, that's where they live.

you want to know how much Donny personally profited off of each attendee? fuck you, that's how much.

here's the only thing we do know: that Donny is a Very Special Boy Who Gets To Be Corrupt, because reasons

reporter: 'on the president's dinner tonight, will the White House commit to making a list of the attendees public so people can see who's paying for that kind of access to the president?'

Karoline Leavitt: "the president is attending it in his personal time."

oh, his personal time. Donny's off the clock — so everyone wondering exactly what kind of corruption is being perpetrated right under our noses can go fuck themselves, am I understanding this correctly?

I have a question. between golfing and watching himself on TV and jamming burgers down his gullet and babysitting Elon's kid, the Crown Prince Snotwiper, when is Donny actually on the clock?

it is that one hour a day around 3pm when the laziest fuck on the planet finally waddles into the Oval Office to sign some executive order about how everyone at Harvard has to wear their underpants on their head? is that when Donny's officially presidenting, and can't be openly soliciting bribes?

let's recap where we are: the Supreme Court says that when Dear Leader is presidening, he's a Very Special Boy Who Can Break All The Laws, because immunity, and Karoline Lie-vitt says that when Donny isn't presidenting, he's still a Very Special Boy Who Can Break All The Laws — because it's his personal time.

isn't that special?

oh look! CNN stopped sniffing up Joe Biden's pantleg long enough to actually commit a journalism. they tracked down White House Energy Vampire ~~Colin Robinson~~ Kevin Hassett and asked him pointed questions about all this corrupt fuckery.

CNN: 'Trump is gonna host hundreds of people who have purchased millions in his memecoin at the White House. today, you heard the press secretary Karoline Leavitt say that he's doing this on his personal time at his private club — but tomorrow, the top 25 people who spent the most money on his memecoin are eligible for a private tour of the White House. are you comfortable with this dinner and these tours, which are likely to go to wealthy foreigners?"

Hassett: "everything the president done has been carefully scrutinized by White House counsel and they've given him the guidance that that's okay, and that's enough for me."

oh, the White House Counsel — the guy Donny hand-picked from his own team of ace parking garage lawyers to be a yes-man and rubber-stamp everything Donny wants to do — said it's okay. well, that changes everything. I feel so much better about all this corruption, now that ~~Colin Robinson~~ Kevin Hassett has explained that.

it's all so shameless. everyone in the White House knows exactly what's going on, and they're all lying about it right to our faces.

Donny and his overgrown failsons are openly corrupt, and they don't give a crusty fuck who knows it. one of Cokey McSniffles' advisors actually said this in so many words.

Arthur Schwartz, an adviser to Don Jr., downplayed his influence in the White House but declined to respond in greater detail when asked whether his activities create ethical problems. "Write your ridiculous story. Literally no one cares," Schwartz said via text. "We don't actually give a fuck."

because, seriously, who's going to stop them? certianly, none of the spineless shitweasels in the Republican party.

and now, here's your daily dose of batshit — and before we get into it, I want to caution you that listening to this clip of President Pudding Cup may actually make you stupider.

so, please take that into consideration. ready?

"they will fight the drug companies. the drug companies are very worried that they're gonna fight, and that's okay. if they fight, we'll just say, 'that's ok, we're not gonna let you sell any more cars into the United States or we're not gonna let you sell any more wine or liquor or alcohol' or something that's actually way more important to them than the drugs."

yeah, that'll show those drug companies. no more car or liquor sales for you.

I wonder if one of the worthless scribblers might like to take some time from their months-long obsession with figuring out exactly how old Joe Biden is, and check out the current occupant of the White House.

Donny's brain has dripped out of his ears to the point where no one can even decipher what he's yammering about. doesn't that sound like something worth investigating?

I thought so.

May 23, 2025May 23, 2025

365 Days Of UNF: May 23rd

May 22, 2025

You Can Teach An Old Dog New Tricks

I've spent the day pulling out what remains of my hair attempting to change some basic coding built-in to the template this blog uses. (That's why, if you happened to peek in at various times it looked wonky.)

I do not know CSS. I was relatively proficient in HTML twenty years ago, but I haven't had much use of it since then.

All I wanted to do was to automatically have the blog posts appear in bold type, without having to use the deprecated <b> and </b> commands every. damn. time and maybe change the color of the font as well.

So like any deprecated nerd, I went to the font of all wisdom, Google. That led me to several YouTube videos that explained how to do it. Unfortunately, even when following the instructions to the letter, I wasn't getting what I wanted. The titles would go bold and colored when you clicked on them and opened the individual pages, but it wasn't working on the main page. They remained stubbornly black and not bold.

I finally grabbed the CSS Style sheet off the blog and started pouring through the code. From what I learned from the videos I needed to find anything that said entry-title. Slowly but surely I went through and added the additional code—one entry at a time—to the Additional CSS pane in the editor until I got the desired results. This may ultimately have some unintended results, but we'll have to wait and see. All in all I'm satisfied with the results now, however.

May 22, 2025

I Pity Whoever Has To Clean Ketchup From The White House Walls

May 22, 2025May 22, 2025

Released 44 Years Ago Today

Jean-Michele Jarre: Magnetic Fields (1981)

May 22, 2025

Just When You Think It Can't Get Any Worse

From Jeff Tiedrich:

he's such a fucking embarrassment

Mad King Donny ambushes South Africa's President Ramaphosa

at this point, you have to wonder why any world leader would agree to an Oval Office meeting with Little Donny Fuckface. there's just no way of knowing what you're in for.

at best, you'll merely sit there — like Macron — with a fake smile plastered on your face as the Boy King of America plays his impotent little dominance games. you then get to go home without having created an international incident.

at worst, you'll walk straight into an ambush, as happened to Zelenskyy.

yesterday, Cyril Ramaphosa, the president of South Africa, had a sit-down with Donny — and Donny zelenskied the shit out of him.

"what would happen if you put the black president of South Africa in a room with a demented white supremacist" is a question no one asked — but yesterday we got the answer: it was a distressing-to-watch five-alarm shit-show.

just look at what a ginormous asshole Donny is. he can't even introduce Ramaphosa without gratuitously insulting him.

"it's a great honor to be with the president of South Africa, President Ramaphosa, and he is a man who is certainly in some circles really respected, in other circles a little bit less respected."

gee, thanks for that, shithead.

things took an immediate turn for the worse. Donny had a huge TV rolled in, started yammering about the completely imaginary issue of "white genocide" in South Africa — and then the situation went from bad to fucking surreal.

That was followed by what Trump claimed was video showing over a thousand "burial sites" in South Africa, with aerial footage of a long procession of vehicles moving in one lane of traffic between rows of white crosses. Trump lied that each cross marked the grave of a white farmer or murdered family member.

a mystified President Ramaphosa had no clue what he was looking at

Ramaphosa: "I'd like to know where that is, because this, I've never seen it."

Donny: "it's in South Africa."

oh, well that narrows it down. thanks for clarifying that, dumb-ass.

here's what Ramaphosa was looking at. it wasn't a graveyard. it wasn't a "thousand burial sites," as Donny claimed — and it had nothing to do with "white genocide." it was one protest of the non-race-related murder of two farmers, who were killed during a botched robbery.

It was a protest in response to the murder of a farm couple, Glen and Vida Rafferty, who were killed during a botched robbery of their farm in 2020. Nothing I can find suggests that they were targeted for being white; the robbers broke into their home to get at the safe, couldn't open it, and waited for them to return home. After ambushing and shooting them, the murderers stole their car and some home items. Horrible, but not anything at all close to what Trump said about the video.

Donny then pulled out visual aids. he held up photos that he claimed were of murdered white South African farmers. spoiler alert: they weren't.

"Look, here's burial sites all over the place," said Trump. "These are all white farmers that are being buried."

But the image is a screen grab from a February YouTube video of Red Cross workers responding after women were raped and burned alive during a mass jailbreak in the Congolese city of Goma, according to its caption.

for fuck's sake, the incident Donny is claiming proves "white genocide" didn't even happen in South Africa. but I guess if you're a racist, all African countries are interchangeable.

so, where did this misleading material originate? from the darkest fever swamps of the internet, where conspiracies run wild, that's where. someone downloaded this vile shit, printed it out, and handed it off to Donny — who gobbled it right down because it confirms his 'white people are the real victims' worldview. and we know who that someone is, because Donny comes right out and name-checks him.

"Elon is from South Africa. I don't want to get Elon involved. that's all I have to do — get him in another thing. this is what Elon wanted."

Donny gives away the whole game: this is what Elon wanted. the Space Nazi is a busy guy, so he's outsourcing his racism to Donny, who's more than happy to take it and run with it.

it's so fucking embarrassing. in my lifetime, we've gone from Dwight Eisenhower and John F. Kennedy — who famously read seven entire newspapers every single day — to Donny, a low-wattage illiterate who gets his information from drug-addled conspiracy cranks.

bear in mind, all of this is happening on live TV, in front of a room full of reporters. Donny is hectoring the leader of a country that's supposed to be our ally, and demanding he account for a bunch of made-up racist shit.

what the fuck has happened to America?

thank God there was at least one sane voice in the room. here's South African billionaire Johann Peter Rupert to correct Donny, and explain that South Africa has a crime problem, not a race war problem.

"we have too many deaths, but it's across the board. it's not only white farmers. it's across the board."

of course, no Oval Office Shitacular would be complete without the ritual dressing-down of a reporter.

NBC's Peter Alexander had the temerity to ask Dear Leader about that vulgar flying bordello — which Qatar had delivered to the US that very day — and Donny was all dude, I'm trying to do a racism here, why the fuck are you bringing up my blatant corruption?

"what are you talking about? you know, what are you talking about? you know, you oughta get out of here. what does this have to do with the Qatar jet? they're giving the United States Air Force a jet, OK? and it's a great thing. we're talking about a lot of other things. just NBC trying to get off the subject of what you just saw. you know, you're a terrible reporter. number one, you don't have what it takes to be a reporter. You're not smart enough. but for you to go into a subject about a jet that was given to the United States Air Force, which is a very nice thing.they also gave $5.1 trillion investment in addition to the jet."

wait, wait — let's pause the Boy King's infantile tantrum for a second just to note that no, he fucking didn't get five trillion from anyone — or six trillion, or nine trillion, or any of the ever-changing numbers Donny's been mouth-farting all this week. it's a big ball of never happened.

ok, back to Crazy Donny's meltdown.

"You oughta go back to your studio at NBC, because Brian Roberts and the people that run that place, they oughta be investigated. They are so terrible, the way you run that network. And you're a disgrace. No more questions from you!"

the Mad King is so upset that no one will let him enjoy his golden jet that even when he turns back to Ramaphosa, he won't stop whining about it.

"we need an Air Force One, it's being built. two of them being built. and Boeing's a little bit late, unfortunately. so why did they give us a plane, to the United States Air Force? that's what that idiot talks about after viewing a thing where thousands of people are dead."

an exasperated Ramaphosa finally has had enough, and says —

"I am sorry I don't have a plane to give you."

and Donny, of course, is too dimwitted and self-absorbed to realize he's being mocked.

"I wish you did. I'd take it. if your country offered the US Air Force a plane, I would take it."

it's just so fucking embarrassing.

world leaders, stay out of the Oval Office. no good can come of it.

May 22, 2025May 22, 2025

365 Days Of UNF: May 22nd

May 21, 2025

Paging Charles Darwin…

May 21, 2025

May 21, 2025May 22, 2025

Wednesday Madness

From Jeff Tiedrich:

'because fuck you, that's why,' helpfully explains ICE Barbie

how does this ninny not know what habeas corpus is?

Kristi Noem — concentration-camp-selfie enthusiast and darling of the puppy-perforating set — was Capitol Hill yesterday, to do some performative jack-assery about why the Department of Homeland Security needs its budget set sky-high for 2026.

airfare and wardrobe for weekly prison-guard-cosplay photo-ops down in El Salvador doesn't grow on trees, you know.

Democratic Senator Maggie Hassan had a question for Noem: 'what is habeas corpus?'

let's gaze in awe as Kristi takes careful aim and shoots the Constitution square in the face.

"habeas corpus is a constitutional right that the president has to be able to remove people from this country."

bzzzzzt! sorry, no — not even close.

Senator Hassen, would you like correct our confused cosplayer?

"habeas corpus is the legal principle that requires that the government provide a public reason for detaining and imprisoning people. if not for that protection, the government could simply arrest people, including American citizens, and hold them indefinitely for no reason. habeas corpus is the foundational right that separates free societies like America from police states like North Korea."

oh, huh. then it doesn't mean that Dear Leader can eighty-six whoever he wants? oopsies!

how the fuck could Noem get that wrong? there are three possible explanations for why Kristi answered as she did — none of them good.

the first is that Kristi has no idea what habeas is, and just blurted out the first thing that popped into her vacant skull.

the second is that Kristi actually believes the answer she gave — because morons gonna moron.

the third — and scariest — possibility is that Noem knows full well what habeas corpus is, but deliberately gave a wrong answer — because fuck you, that's why. how dare you question Kristi the All-Powerful? do you want to live out the rest of your days in a Salvadoran slave-labor gulag? no? then shut the fuck up.

Little Donny Fuckface was also on Capitol Hill yesterday, to rally support for his 'big beautiful bill' that chainsaws social programs to the bone, in order to finance another round of massive tax cuts for our oligarch overlords.

a reporter had a pretty decent question for Donny: "you campaigned on lowering the price of groceries. how can you justify cutting food assistance in this bill?"

Preznit Fuckbrain's answer was one for the ages.

"the cut is gonna give everybody much more food."

huh?

I know I've been saying this for years, but it's never stopped being true: the first reporter to stand up and ask "what the fuck is wrong with you" should get a lifetime Pulitzer.

Donny goes on tell a bunch of lies about how the price of food is already down because of of his amazing job of presidenting the shit out of the economy. (spoiler alert: no it isn't, and no has hasn't.)

Donny doesn't have an answer to why are you cutting aid to the poor, because coming up with one would require an attention span — and Donny's mind has already drifted off to thinking about how the Saudis gave me my own mobile McDonald's. that was so cool, why can't Mike Johnson do that when I come to the House. mmmm, burgers.

n place of an actual answer, Donny starts making mouth-noises about how everyone's going to have so much food, you're going to get tired of all the food.

or course, the real answer to "why are Republicans cutting food assistance to the people who need it most," is because fuck you, that's why.

if The Poors didn't want their social safety net taken away from them, then they should have given Dear Leader a vulgar flying bordello, like Qatar's royal family did. that's the kind of shit that opens doors. for fuck's sake, Poors, show some initiative. don't you know how the game is played in Donny Convict's Washington?

no wonder you lazy slugs are all hungry.

"in March, you boasted about revoking student visas, saying, and I'm quoting, 'we do it every day. every time I find one of these lunatics, I take away their visa,' unquote. let's look at one of those 'lunatics,' Mr. Secretary. Ms. Öztürk. her crime was co-authoring an op-ed in her college paper critical of Tufts University's response to the war in Gaza. your own department found zero links to terrorism, no antisemitic statements, but you still yanked her visa and shipped her off to detention in Louisiana. and the list goes on and on.

"the federal judge in the case of Mohsen Madawi, who was the Columbia student who was ambushed by federal agents at his citizenship appointment, said, and I quote, this is the judge, 'legal residents not charged with crimes or misconduct are being arrested and threatened with deportation for stating their views on the political issues of the day. our nation has seen times like this before, especially during the Red Scare and Palmer Raids.'

"like the McCarthy-era witch hunts of the 1950s, your campaign of fear and repression is eating away at foundational values for democracy. back then, it took one voice—Attorney Joseph Welch—to cut through the hysteria with the simple question that marked the beginning of the end of that shameful era: 'Senator McCarthy, have you no sense of decency?'

"I would ask you the same, Secretary Rubio. you have shown through your words and actions what the answer is. I have to tell you directly and personally that I regret voting for you for Secretary of State."

now, let's allow Marco Rubio to show everyone what a ginormous asshole he is. here's his response to Senator Van Hollen's tongue-lashing.

"your regret for voting for me confirms I'm doing a good job."

what an arrogant prick. go fuck yourself, Liddle Marco.

lastly, here's your daily dose of What the Actual Fuck.

Nancy Mace has become the Lauren Boebert of Marjorie Taylor Greenes. Nance is mad as hell, and she's brought her own visual aids.

some context: Nancy's stunt was to ostensibly raise awareness of revenge-porn, which Mace claims to be a victim of — and make no mistake, revenge porn is a serious issue, and the people who disseminate it are scumbags who need to face consequences.

but set that aside for a moment. how starved for attention does one have to be, to be constantly drawing attention to one's own body?

look, Nancy — nude photos have no place in a House committee room. unless, of course, the photos are of Hunter Biden's freakishly-oversized trouser hog.