Author: Mark Alexander

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Good Advice For Any Age

Since once in a blue moon I actually discover a decent rule for adulting, and even though most of my followers are around my age, there’s still the off chance that someone younger may wander into this den of iniquity in search of smut, and I wanted to pass on this sage piece of advice to tell you about a very important phrase.

“I won’t be available.”

Imagine you’re at work and your boss asks you to come in on Saturday. Saturday is usually your day off and coming in on Saturdays is not an obligation to keep your job. Maybe you were going to watch a movie with a friend, or maybe you were just going to lie in bed and eat ice cream for eight hours, but either way you really, really don’t want to give up your day off.

If you consider yourself a millennial you’ve probably been raised to believe you need to justify not being constantly at work. And if you’re a gen-Z kid you’re likely getting the same toxic messages.  (Note: it’s just as true for Boomers who are still in the workforce.) So in a situation like that, you might be inclined to do one of three things:

● Tell your boss you’d rather not give up your day off. Cave when they pressure you to come in anyway, since you’re not doing anything important.

● Tell your boss you’d rather not give up your day off. Over-apologize and worry that you looked bad/unprofessional.

● Lie and say you’ve got a doctor’s appointment or some other activity that feels like an adequate justification for not working.

The fact is, it doesn’t matter to your boss whether you’re having open heart surgery or watching anime in your underwear on Saturday. The only thing that affects them is the fact that you won’t be at work. So telling them why you won’t be at work only gives them reason to try and pressure you to come in anyway.

If you say “I won’t be available,” giving no further information, you’d be surprised how often that’s enough. Be polite and sympathetic in your tone, maybe even say “sorry, but I won’t be available.” But don’t make an excuse. If your boss is a professional individual, they’ll accept that as a ‘no’ and try to find someone else.

But bosses aren’t always professional. Sometimes they’re whiny little tyrants. So, what if they pressure you further? The answer is–politely and sympathetically give them no further information.

“Are you sure you’re not available?” “Sorry, but yes.”

“Why won’t you be available?” “I have a prior commitment.” (Which you do, even if it’s only to yourself.)

“What’s your prior commitment?” “Sorry, but that’s kind of personal.”

“Can you reschedule it?” “I’m afraid not. Maybe someone else can come in?”

If you don’t give them anything to work with, they can’t pressure you into going beyond your obligations as an employee. And when they realize that, they’ll also realize they have to find someone else to come in and move on.

IMPORTANT!! PLEASE READ!!

Just like with many other parts of life, learn to say ‘no’ to people. You are important. Don’t kill yourself for r another person, especially if they are your boss.

On the other hand, if you like your boss and really don’t mind making some extra coin, go ahead and say yes. Or negotiate taking another day off that week. Whatever works.

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I Approve Of Young Bearded Spock

I remember when I first heard that CBS was bringing out a new Star Trek series a few years ago. Immediately my heart sank because it was going to be subscription only. “Fuck that,” I thought. I like Trek, but not that much.

I’ve been a fan of the franchise since the late 60s when it first appeared on our small, 19-inch television at home. It was one of the few shows my dad would let me stay up past my bedtime to watch. My level of fandom precludes me from calling myself a trekkie or even a trekker, but that doesn’t mean I’m not engaged with that universe. I’m enough of a fan that I’ve seen all the episodes of all the series (with the exception of Deep Space Nine and Voyager, both of which lost me about halfway into their runs) often enough that I can turn one on and within seconds say, “Oh, it’s that one.” But I’ve never been to a Con, met any of the actors, or have I ever owned any memorabilia beyond a couple plastic model kits of the Enterprise (the ones with the lights that never worked) and a couple other trek-related gifts given to me over the years.

I enjoyed the J.J. Abrams reboots as well as the oft-maligned Star Trek: Enterprise, a Trek some 35 years after the original, that my dad and I still enjoyed watching together.

A combination of things ultimately led me to buy a subscription to CBS All Access. Firstly, Ben and I cut the cable cord and took up streaming various services a couple months ago in an effort to cut expenses. Secondly, this all happened around the same time CBS announced Picard, and that was one I definitely wanted to see, what with The Next Generation being my favorite series of the franchise. Since we had to get All Access in order to see Picard, we bit the bullet and subscribed.

Shortly thereafter we started Star Trek: Discovery, and I have to say that in spite of a rather slow start, I’ve grown to love it. I appreciate how they pay homage to the original series, but have put a new coat of paint on the tech and the stories themselves, and (despite the lens flare it inherited from Mr. Abrams) I think It’s beautiful. I know some fans loathe it, and my personal beef at this point (which may be explained at some point) is that if they have all this tech (mycelial drive, 3d holographic projectors, touch displays, and a plethora of other goodies supposedly in place and well integrated into life years before the events of the original series, what happened? Where did It all go? On the other hand, I can just sit down and enjoy it for the eye candy it is and imagine Kirk and crew utilizing the same tech.

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I Never…

…went to the tubs because I wasn’t that kind of boy in my 20s. Drop to my knees at the gloryhole at the Univeristy of Arizona Main library yes, but go to a bathhouse? Never!

Until we moved to San Francisco and I discovered the 1808 Club.

The 1808 wasn’t a bathhouse per se. The 1808 was among the first of many “sex clubs” that rose up in the City following the closure of all traditional bathhouses in the mid 80s. It differed from a bathhouse in that there were no private rooms and the only acceptable (and yes, it was monitored) interaction between patrons was jacking off, but it was still insanely hot. Lots of very hot men more than willing to lend a well-lubed hand when needed.

From an entry in my August 1991 Journal:

It’s been an interesting evening.  I went to the 1808 Club.  I hadn’t been there in over four years, and it was like becoming reacquainted with an old friend.  Some things had changed, but for the most part it’s still the same as it was.  There wasn’t anyone there I especially wanted to set up house with, but there were a few hunks running around; none of whom wanted anything to do with me.  But that’s fine.  It’s one of those places where you can still stare at ’em and whack off anyway; like live porn.

I don’t know especially why I went…I just had a need to get naked with a bunch of naked men.  Probably some sort of unconscious male-bonding thing.  Yeah, right.  I wasn’t especially horny, but the thought of spending another Saturday night at home didn’t appeal to me, and neither did going to the Night Gallery.*  I sure as hell didn’t want to deal with attitude and smoke in some Castro bar.  Sure, there was attitude at the 1808, but at least you got to look at all the wonderful glistening naked bodies and  throbbing cocks!  It was kinda magical and the music was excellent.

*a.k.a. Mike’s Night Gallery, another story for another time…