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Slap Me With That Thang
Just Because
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Appropriate, Considering My Recent Posts…
Thursday Madness – Sanctus Cacas!
if ever there were a holy shit moment, we got one last night, when the three judges on the U.S. Court of International Trade were all ‘Taco Donny, put an end to this tariff bullshit right fucking now.’
I know, right? I’m shocked, too.
no, really — even Paul Krugman was all holy shit.
I googled it, Paul. in Latin, it’s ‘sanctus cacas.’
the court cockblocked Donny for a simple reason: presidents cannot levy taxes (which is what tariffs are, duh) — that’s the job of Congress.
it’s right there in that pesky little thing we call the Constitution.
Article I, Section 8 says that “The Congress shall have the power to lay and collect taxes …” Article I, Section 7 says that “All bills for raising [tax] revenue shall originate in the House of Representatives …”
Donny had been imposing his incoherent tariffs through a farcical misreading of a 1977 law that allows presidents to ‘regulate commerce’ during ‘national emergencies.’
to be fair, ‘the president is a fuckwit fueled by stupidity and spite’ is in fact a genuine national emergency — but not the kind that would allow Donny to ‘regulate commerce.’
so the Trade Court made the only logical move, which was to tell Dear Leader to piss straight up a rope.
of course, this whole episode should never have ended up in court. Congress could have ended all this trade war fuckery in a heartbeat — because Donny never had the authority to impose tariffs in the first place. Donny glommed that power illegally — and because no Republican wanted to stand up to Donny, and risk making the Boy King mad, they let him get away with it.
in fact, Congress has blocked every Democratic effort to restore sanity to American trade policy.
I have a question: how many Congressional Republicans made a fortune from trading off of Donny’s tariff incoherence?
Congresswoman Sporkfoot, might you have any idea?
crickets. I thought so.
this is the exact same bullshit we went through with Donny’s unconstitutional executive orders. EOs are not laws of the land — but they got treated as such, because Republicans just stood around with their hands in their pockets, and did fuck-all to stop it.
same deal with kidnapping migrants off the street and disappearing them into foreign slave-labor gulags, which Donny based off a farcical misreading of the Alien Enemies Act.
it took a court to put an end to Donny’s unconstitutional EOs. it took a court to put an end to (some) unconstitutional kidnappings — and now it’s a court that’s blocked Donny’s unconstitutional tariffs.
all because Congressional Republicans are fucking cowards who don’t want to rock the boat.
the Trade Court has given Donny ten days to comply. there’s no doubt that Donny will go blubbering all the way to the Supreme Court about it.
there’s also no doubt there’s a Category Five ketchupnado going on in the White House right now, but Nosferatu McGoebbels must have hidden Dear Leader’s phone — because as I’m sitting here writing this at 8am on Thursday morning, there’s nothing at all about tariffs on Donny’s Truth Social feed.
sanctus cacas!
all around, it was not a good day for Taco Donny. he found out about his new nickname in the most clownfuckingly hilarious way possible: from a reporter.
reporter: “Wall Street analysts have coined a new term called the ‘TACO trade.’ they’re saying Trump always chickens out on tariff threats, and that’s why markets are higher this week. what’s your response to that?”
Donny: “I kick out?”
reporter: “chicken out.”
Donny then launches into a two-minute-long whiny tirade during which he brags about all of his imaginary accomplishments, insists that changing his mind every other day is actually a strength, and culminates in—
“but don’t ever say what you said. that’s a nasty question. to me, that’s the nastiest question.”
oh noes, Dear Leader heard a nasty question. the horror.
boo fucking hoo. dry your eyes and grow the fuck up.
that Donny had to hear about his new nickname from a reporter is indicative of the fact-free bubble Donny lives in. his handlers have to keep him in the dark about every fucking thing, because they know the thin-skinned bastard can’t handle reality. that’s why, when four soldiers were killed in a training mission in March, he was all huh, what when asked about it by reporters. same deal with Signalgate. when reporters asked him about that, he didn’t even know what a group chat was.
don’t nobody upset the Boy King.
so of course no one in the White House was going to tell Donny that Wall Street is mocking the shit out of him. no one wants a ketchup bottle whipped at their head.
and because the internet never disappoints, I give you —
sanctus cacas!
a couple of days ago I joked that Donny thinks he’s on a mission from God.
at least, I thought I was joking. it turns out I wasn’t. here’s a thing our batshit president actually posted yesterday on his crappy app.
sanctus cacas!
get a grip, you delusional asshole.
here are your heroes of the day: the good people of Seward, Nebraska.
at a town hall in Seward, Republican Rep Mike Flood was bullshitting his way through a justification of cutting social programs, when the crowd grew tired of being lied to and drowned him out with a chant of “tax the rich!”
sanctus cacas!
365 Days Of UNF: May 29th
Released 43 Years Ago Today
Roxy Music: Avalon (1982)
IMHO, one of the best sounding albums ever recorded. Even after all these years, if I just need to unwind, this gets put on.
Mid Week Madness
the Oxford English Dictionary — the go-to for all things wordtastic — defines diplomacy as ‘the profession, activity, or skill of managing international relations, typically by a country’s representatives abroad.’
the key words in that definition are ‘profession’ and ‘skill.’
sane countries chose their diplomats from a body of skilled professionals who have made it their life’s work to know how to say exactly the right thing, in any situation — because it makes no sense for a country to have hothead fuckwits mucking about, barking out crazy shit and blundering into wars.
that’s why it’s always super fucking hilarious to watch Mad King Donny conduct high-level foreign policy by the seat of his pants while melting all the way down on his crappy app.
“What Vladimir Putin doesn’t realize is that if it weren’t for me, lots of really bad things would have already happened to Russia, and I mean REALLY BAD. He’s playing with fire!”
is there any other country on the planet whose chief executive’s social media is a 24/7 firehose of petty grievances?
spoiler alert: the answer is no, because it’s just fucking insane.
I cannot stress this enough: Mad King Donny should not be conducting foreign policy via a series of colicky rage-posts. it accomplishes nothing, and it’s just embarrassing. the world is laughing at us.
can someone please take away Dear Leader’s phone?
but let’s look at what Donny’s saying: ‘if it weren’t for me, lots of really bad things would have already happened to Russia, and I mean REALLY BAD.’
excuse me, but what ‘REALLY BAD things’ has Donny personally kept from happening to Russia? who the fuck does Donny imagine he’s working for? last time I looked, Donny’s title was President of the United States, not Protectorate of Russia.
I’m so old, I remember when American presidents looked out for the interests of their own country — not those of our adversaries.
Donny’s having the saddest of saddy-sad sads right now because — after twelve years spent sucking up to Putin in a pathetic effort to be his bestie —
it’s finally dawning on this dilapidated old dotard that Vlad is never going to be his friend. Putin’s been playing Donny like a fiddle since day one.
remember how Donny campaigned on the ludicrous boast that he would end Russia’s war on Ukraine in one day? well, here we are, 128 days later — and guess what: Putin’s war rages on, with no end in sight.
Putin’s an expansionist. his goal is to rebuild the Tsarist Russian Empire of the 19th Century. it’s a goal that includes annexing Ukraine.
but here comes Mad King Donny, the delusional dipshit who imagines he’s The Greatest Deal Maker of All Time. he’s gonna fix everything. he’s gonna solve all this war shit by flattering Putin, and remind him what great pals they are — and maybe even throw in the promise of a golden tower in Moscow.
but none of that laughable bullshit’s worked, so now Donny’s gonna try threats — by telling Putin he’s “playing with fire.” oh joy, one nuclear power telling another that they’re ‘playing with fire.’ what could go wrong?
tell me, Donny, does this look like a guy who gives one fuck about your threats?
Putin’s laughing at Donny. all of Russia is laughing at Donny. for fuck’s sake, even Russia’s official state media is laughing at Donny. look what Russia Today posted to their not-twitter account.
President Trump warns Moscow, claiming Russia avoided ‘REALLY BAD’ consequences only thanks to him ‘Putin doesn’t realize… he’s playing with fire!’ — Trump’s message leaves little room for misinterpretation. Until he posts the opposite tomorrow morning.”
does Russia have Mad King Donny’s number, or what? they know he’s an erratic dope who can be depended on to contradict himself the very next day — and they’re taunting him about it, right to his face.
hey, remember when Donny said this about Putin in 2016?
“I don’t know anything about him other than he will respect me.”
yeah, I don’t think so.
Donny is all ‘come on, Vlad, you owe me one’ — and Russian state media is all ‘die mad, you salty bitch.’
no one respects Donny.
“I told Canada, which very much wants to be part of our fabulous Golden Dome System, that it will cost $61 Billion Dollars if they remain a separate, but unequal, Nation, but will cost ZERO DOLLARS if they become our cherished 51st State. They are considering the offer!”
I have a question for President Dumb-Ass: is Canada in the room with us right now?
Golden Dome, to catch you up, is Donny’s expensive, unworkable fantasy to protect America from the threat of missile attacks — but it’s basically just a scam to shovel billions of dollars into the Space Nazi’s pockets.
Golden Dome is based on Israel’s Iron Dome defense system — but because Donny is a fucking child, everything always has to made of gold.
so here’s Donny, claiming that he’s been talking to ‘Canada,’ and that they’re ‘interested’ in become our 51st state, so they can get in on some of that sweet golden domey goodness.
I guarantee that none of that is true. Donny didn’t ‘talk to Canada.’ Canada isn’t ‘interested.’ Donny’s just making shit up.
once again, the president of the United States is typing fever-swamp hallucinations into his phone, and farting them out into the world. why? to accomplish what? does Donny imagine that Mark Carney is going see Donny’s not-tweet, and go ‘oh yeah, I guess we should become America’s hat’?
Donny is living a dream world. Canada does not want to be our hat — and the promise of an expensive, unworkable, pie-in-the-literal-sky defense system that will never be built isn’t going to change that.
it’s bad enough for Canada that they find themselves living above a meth lab. they don’t want to become part of that shit.
oh look, it’s not just Russia who has no respect for Mad King Donny. Wall Street is mocking the shit out of Dear Leader, too.
that four letter code word is TACO. here’s what it stands for:
Trump Always Chickens Out.
It refers to the president’s tendency to announce massive tariffs, causing the markets to plunge, only to back off days later, causing them to rise again.
TACO is now an official investment strategy.
Ted Jenkin, president of Exit Stage Left Advisors, told the New York Post there’s now a simple strategy on Wall Street based on those shifts.
“Once he delivers bad news, investors are buying those stocks when they are beaten down waiting for him to chicken out and watching those stocks rebound in value,” he explained.
so now, even Wall Street is laughing at the Mad King — and enriching themselves at the same time.
heck of a job, Donny.
???? ???? ????
SO True
That Explains So Much
Vomiting It All Up
Do I Really Need To Name Names?
Near And Dear To My Heart
The prompt: Show me the star Rigel and it’s double companion sun from the surface of a planet orbiting at 2000AU distant. Provide planetary atmosphere (blue sky) and red vegetation.
Wanna Play?
♫ I Wear My Sunglasses At Night ♫
365 Days Of UNF: May 28th
Quote Of The Day
If Putin doesn’t watch out, Trump might be forced to go ALL CAPS on him.” ~ Ron Filipkowski
A Certain Aesthetic
One More…
Mail Day
I’ve been looking forward to these!
Embrace Your Inner Geek
Post Memorial Day Madness
yesterday morning, the president of the United States woke up, picked up his phone, and tapped out a Memorial Day message of peace and love — and that message was WAAAAAH MY DIAPER IS FULL WHY WON’T ANYONE CHANGE MEEEEEEEE?
HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY TO ALL, INCLUDING THE SCUM THAT SPENT THE LAST FOUR YEARS TRYING TO DESTROY OUR COUNTRY THROUGH WARPED RADICAL LEFT MINDS, WHO ALLOWED 21,000,000 MILLION PEOPLE TO ILLEGALLY ENTER OUR COUNTRY, MANY OF THEM BEING CRIMINALS AND THE MENTALLY INSANE,THROUGH AN OPEN BORDER THAT ONLY AN INCOMPETENT PRESIDENT WOULD APPROVE, AND THROUGH JUDGES WHO ARE ON A MISSION TO KEEP MURDERERS, DRUG DEALERS, RAPISTS, GANG MEMBERS, AND RELEASED PRISONERS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD, IN OUR COUNTRY SO THEY CAN ROB, MURDER, AND RAPE AGAIN — ALL PROTECTED BY THESE USA HATING JUDGES WHO SUFFER FROM AN IDEOLOGY THAT IS SICK, AND VERY DANGEROUS FOR OUR COUNTRY. HOPEFULLY THE UNITED STATES SUPREME COURT, AND OTHER GOOD AND COMPASSIONATE JUDGES THROUGHOUT THE LAND, WILL SAVE US FROM THE DECISIONS OF THE MONSTERS WHO WANT OUR COUNTRY TO GO TO HELL. BUT FEAR NOT, WE HAVE MADE GREAT PROGRESS OVER THE LAST 4 MONTHS, AND AMERICA WILL SOON BE SAFE AND GREAT AGAIN! AGAIN, HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY, AND GOD BLESS AMERICA!
Donny’s such a funster, isn’t he? stay classy, you deteriorating homunculus.
where do you even start with this toxic all-caps sump-pit of grievances? these daily assaults by a tinpot dictator wanna-be make it easy to forget that none of this is normal. normal people don’t act like this. they don’t wake up and immediately bark out a childish rehashing of every grudge. they don’t lie awake a night, plotting revenge.
as always with the shit Donny pulls, it’s just so fucking embarrassing. this is our president, and the rest of the world can only look on in horror.
with the Airing of Grievances out of the way, it was time to do some presidenting.
it being Memorial Day, Donny made an appearance at Arlington National Cemetery — and oh look! he brought his Emotional Support Flunkies along with him.
check out Couchfuck McGee and Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand, doing Donny blue-suit-red-tie cosplay. together with Dear Leader, they were the Three Treasonous Stooges.
Donny laid a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier Who Went To Vietnam In Donny’s Place After Donny Got A Quack Doctor To Gin Up A Bullshit Note About Imaginary Bone Spurs.
then it was time for speechifying. if you had Donny Makes A Solemn Occasion All About Himself on your Batshit Bingo card, congratulations, you win!
let’s listen in as the dilapidated dotard with the attention span of a coked up squirrel pinballs from reading from prepared remarks to getting distracted by a big number to praising himself for his imaginary accomplishments to concocting a whole new theory of why the 2020 election was stolen.
“…immense and ultimate sacrifices they offer. only the faintest glimpse at the—infinite grace we—have received from all who laid down their lives for America over the last two hundred and fifty years, we’re gonna have a big, big celebration, two hundred and fifty years. in some ways, I’m glad I missed the second term where it was, because—I wouldn’t be your president—for that most important of all in addition we have the World Cup and we have—the Olympics. can you imagine? I missed that four years, and now, look what I have, I have everything. amazing the way things work out. God did that.”
oh great, Lord Fuckwit thinks he’s on a mission from God
what our demented president is telling us here is that God himself rigged the 2020 election so that Donny could preside over America’s big birthday. delusions of grandeur don’t get any more grandly delusional than that.
why do these megalomaniacal shitwits always imagine that their entire life is some divine journey cooked up by their sky-daddy?
does Donny really imagine that God was up there somewhere, watching that Arlington speech on some ethereal flatscreen turned to Fox News, a beer in one hand, punching his fist in the air with the other, and going ‘fuck yeah, that’s what I’m talking about. hey Jesus, get in here and check out how a real president acts.’
how sad for Jesus, to have a parent brainwashed by Fox. we’ve all been there, bro.
do you think Donny runs this drek by anyone before he sends it dripping out of his rancid anus-mouth?
“hey Stephen Miller, listen to this. I’m going to tell everyone I was sent by God.”
“oh that’s great, sir. now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to lunch.”
now let’s all gaze in wonder as Mister All The Best Words invents a new one
“… as a linguist, translator, and cryptologogic …”
I love how Donny’s left hand flails helplessly as a word he’s never seen before appears on the teleprompter and he mangles the shit out of it. he has no fucking clue what he’s looking at, and his hand gives it away. that’s why you’re supposed to read this stuff in advance, dumb-ass.
so, did The New York Times sanewash that shit? of fucking course they did.
if you were watching Donny’s speech, you may have assumed you were witnessing a grandiose narcissist in the full bloom of cognitive decline rambling incoherently about a bunch of shit that never happened, but no — Donny was just praising some of his personal achievements.
thank God we have The New York Times to set us straight.
it’s all part of His plan, right?
here’s your hero of the day: 60 Minutes correspondent Scott Pelley.
this past weekend — while our dipshit president was blithering incoherently about yachts and trophy wives to West Point cadets — Pelley gave the commencement address at Wake Forest University. he ripped Donny-Convict-style fascism any number of new ones.
but in this moment — this moment, this morning — our sacred rule of law is under attack. journalism is under attack. universities are under attack. freedom of speech is under attack. and insidious fear is reaching through our schools, our businesses, our homes, and into our private thoughts. the fear to speak — in America.”
“power can rewrite history with grotesque false narratives. they can make criminals heros, and heroes criminals. power can change the definition of the words we use to describe reality. diversity is now described as illegal. equity is to be shunned. inclusion is a dirty word. this is an old playbook, my friends. there’s nothing new in this.”
in a time when so many of our institutions are failing us and kowtowing to God-Emperor Donny, it’s refreshing to hear a journalist finally speak truth to power, plain and simple. thank you, sir.
did MAGA lose their shit over Pelley having the temerity to call out Dear Leader? of fucking course they did.
boo fucking hoo, New York Post. put a binky in it.
365 Days Of UNF: May 27th
Wow. Just Wow.
It’s like after nearly 40 years my visions have finally come to life.
(The Pilitian) Wanted A Room With A View
The Hitchhiker
This is one of my favorite paintings, done in…1979?
Getting a version from ChatGPT took a lot of work. A dozen iterations and it’s still not exactly what I want, but it’s damn close.
For some reason it really wanted to put the guy in the road instead of off to one side. The trouble is, with each generation it changes the car itself.
By the time I finally got the perspective right, and the hitchhiker the proper distance down the road, the vehicle had completely morphed into something that bore little resemblance to my original painting.
Maybe the guy just can’t get picked up, and these are all separate cars…
I Don’t Know If I Should Be Flattered Or Outraged
Prompt: Make photorealistic using color palette of original image. Place two suns in the sky and make both characters male.
I know what I’m going to be doing for a while.
That being said, ChatGPT does manage to come close to my original vision for these pieces, although it misses details here and there. I don’t hate them, and truth be told I’m kinda surprised at just how good they all turned out. I’m sure I can get them even better if I add more to the prompts.
*This was painting based off what came to me in a meditation one afternoon. I was sunning myself on the deck of an ancient Egyptian vessel in the Mediterranean, when all of a sudden I heard a strange noise in the distance and saw the white vehicle appear on the horizon and fly overhead.