Author: Mark Alexander

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#Mood

I think everything is finally catching up with me. In a deep funk tonight. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of keeping everything in check, but when we made a brief run to Target this morning it all started falling apart. Whereas a week ago, with the exception of the paper products aisle and anything disinfectant-related being sold out, pretty much everything else was the same as always. There were fresh veggies, meat, frozen items, and ready-to-eat products in quantity. Not so today. It was as if a swarm of locusts moved through the store. And it still makes absolutely no sense to me at the items that are sold out. We were able to get the items we needed, but it was just…sad.

So then we came home to another rambling bather-fest by the orange menace in the White House. When are these news organizations just going to stop broadcasting his every dim-witted word salad? We need leadership, not bullshit.

And it doesn’t help that AutoNation is still dicking around with my financing. I was told a week ago the loan had been approved by Belco Credit Union and I’d shortly be getting a welcome call from them. Lies. AutoNation’s finance guy called this morning asking me to send them proof of employment because Belco was asking for it—even though I’d sent this to my salesman earlier in the week when he requested it. I swear one hand doesn’t know what the other is doing at that place.

Frankly, I don’t mind being cooped up in the house. Truth be told I was looking forward to this scenario as my retirement. You know, not having to go out and deal with people on a daily basis. The dogs obviously love it, even if they seem a bit confused why Ben and I are home all day. And they’re certainly enjoying their evening walks (because neither Ben or I are used to just sitting at a desk all day; even I am used to walking to and from the parking garage, walking across the building to hit the restroom, and going to lunch).

So that’s where we stand at the moment. I’m in a deep Sunday evening funk (deeper than my usual Sunday evening funk). I know there’s a light at the end of this tunnel, but no one can see it yet, and the Federal Government is doing nothing to install confidence that they even know what they’re doing. Thankfully local and state governments seem to be stepping up as best they can.

So how are y’all doing? Leave a comment below…

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So This Happened Last Night


As I’ve mentioned, since last Tuesday I’ve been working from home. I won’t lie. It was stressful, and I swear I did more during those four days than I normally do in twice that amount of time.

My boss was kind of surprised that I hadn’t brought my company-issued laptop home, and was instead connecting back to the office via a perfectly serviceable Dell desktop that I’d pulled out of storage and just upgraded in anticipation of all this going down. Not knowing at the time how long all this would last (or if we’d even ultimately get approval to do this) I didn’t want to have to drag the laptop back and forth in addition to my personal Mac.

He was also surprised I didn’t have a dual monitor setup at home. I told him it’s no big deal; the ol’ Dell supported only a single VGA connection without a separate video card and like I’d said, it was working just fine.

“Order yourself a video card and go downtown and grab a second monitor,” he said.

I reluctantly said I would, but as long as my current setup was getting the job done, I didn’t feel any urgency.

Well, a lot can happen in 48 hours amid this Coronachaos. Friday evening we received a notice that starting Monday all our facilities would be closed to the general public except by appointment. Shit was getting real. Add to that rumors were circulating that Phoenix was going to join other municipalities and go into lockdown mode next week.

So after some further contemplation, I last night I texted my boss and told him that instead of ordering a card for my personal PC, I was just going to go downtown (while I still could) and retrieve my company laptop. He said that was great; he was planning on heading down with his wife after dinner to retrieve her equipment (same organization, different department).

We met downtown last night around 7:30, and I have to say it was eerily quiet. Phoenix has always pretty much rolled up the sidewalks after dark (even on weekends), but last night it was dead.

We grabbed his wife’s equipment and then headed to our work area. Once I got to my desk I realized that the docking station for my laptop only had display port and HDMI video. I know we didn’t have any VGA adapters, but I knew I had a USB C-to-VGA dongle at home that I occasionally used with my Mac.

Since I was there, however, I decided to just grab everything: the dock, my company-supplied Verizon hotspot (the power went out at home briefly last week), my wireless keyboard and mouse, and finally the incredible Bose noise-isolating over-the-ear headphones we got a few weeks ago—the reason for which I’m still trying to determine

We had the cart loaded and were heading to the elevator when my boss said, “Where’s your monitor?”

I would’ve loved to have taken it as well, but I told him I didn’t think I could.

“Of course. Go back and get it. Anything to ensure you’re as productive at home as you are when you’re here, especially since this telework situation may last weeks…or longer.”

So there we were.

This widescreen monster has been on my radar as something I’d like to get for for home since it first appeared on my desk at work, but could never justify the cost considering I mostly use my Mac in the evening on the coffee table or on my lap. But this is definitely a joy, even if it means I have to work in the den.

I think I’m going to get spoiled.

 

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Some People

From Jason Kottke:

Some people feel helpless & anxious.
Some people are bored.
Some people are self-quarantined alone and are lonely.
Some people are realizing that After will be very different from Before.
Some people are really enjoying this extra time with their kids and will miss it when it’s over.
Some people just got off their 12th double shift in a row at the hospital and can’t hug their family.
Some people visited their favorite restaurant for the last time and didn’t realize it.
Some people have died from COVID-19.
Some people can’t stop reading the news.
Some people cannot afford soap.
Some people are learning how to bake bread.
Some people are working from home while simultaneously trying to homeschool their kids.
Some people are single parents trying to work from home while simultaneously trying to homeschool their kids.
Some people are living paycheck to paycheck and the next one will not arrive.
Some people are unfit to be President.
Some people left the city for their home in the country.
Some people can’t go to the grocery store because they’re at risk.
Some people lost their jobs.
Some people can’t sleep.
Some people are watching free opera online.
Some people have been quarantined for weeks.
Some people can’t work remotely.
Some people have contracted COVID-19 and don’t know it yet.
Some people can’t concentrate on their work because of anxiety.
Some people can’t afford their rent next month.
Some people are still gathering in large groups.
Some people are keeping the rest of us alive at significant personal risk.
Some people didn’t buy enough hand sanitizer.
Some people bought too much hand sanitizer.
Some people are missing their therapist.
Some people can’t go to work but are still being paid by their employers. For now.
Some people are mainly concerned about what to watch next on Netflix.
Some people are volunteering.
Some people are going to lose their business.
Some people are realizing that teachers are amazing.
Some people are ordering takeout from local restaurants.
Some people would really just like a hug.
Some people can’t convince their elderly parents to take this seriously.
Some people are worried about their 401K.
Some people have never had a 401K.
Some people will face increased abuse at home.
Some people are going to get sick or injured and will have a harder time getting medical care.
Some people can’t buy the food they need because the WIC-eligible stuff is sold out.
Some people won’t stop partying.
Some people lost their childcare.
Some people are doing everything they can to remain calm and hopeful and it’s not working.
Some people are watching Outbreak & Contagion and playing Pandemic.
Some people don’t know what they’re going to do.
Some people are overwhelmed with advice on how to work from home.
Some people are drinking or eating too much.
Some people are thinking about after.
Some people are upset because they can’t travel.
Some people are horny.
Some people are planning for a larger garden this year.
Some people won’t see their families for months.
Some people are logging off to stay grounded.
Some people can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Some people will realize they need to split with their partner.
Some people are singing Imagine.
Some people aren’t on this list.

These are all based on the experiences of real people drawn from news stories, social media, and friends. Take heart: you are not the only person experiencing what you are going through. But be mindful: not everyone is having the same experience you are. Ultimately though, we are all in this together.

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Cruelty is an Outlier

simhealing:

Everything is terrifying, but humans are so strong.

Societies at my university are doing food bank drives. Italians are singing on their balconies and cheering health workers that go by. My university originally wasn’t going to close so lecturers took matters into their own hands and cancelled their classes, and now the university IS closing. When the government response isn’t strong enough, people are cancelling mass gatherings themselves and isolating to limit the spread. One of my friends is streaming to her self-isolating friends. My mum is going back to work tomorrow in an NHS reception. The Australian Grand Prix got cancelled and now 10,000+ people are watching an esports game version of the race on Twitch and making memes about it. All over the world, people are trying to cheer each other up.

My biggest problem with apocalypse movies, with zombie tv shows, has always been the way it portrays a world post-disaster. When humans were living in caves and hunting for survival, they drew art on the walls and told stories that were passed down in oral tradition. When London closed for the plagues, theater troupes would go around the country performing for the smaller villages instead. The human drive to create, to entertain, to adventure, to see and do new things, has always been and will always be unmoved by a crisis.

So yes people are panic buying, yes employers and governments are being selfish and cruel. But more than ever this has highlighted that, that is not what humans are. It’s something we’re pushed to be by this society, actual cruelty is an outlier.

I’ve been clinically depressed for a long time, so it feels bizarre to say: I love humans. I am overflowing with how much I really, truly, love us. Humans are silly, tender, hopeful, and social creatures. Even something as small as a long train journey, delayed and late at night, is enough for humans to take up solidarity. No matter what happens, what state the world is in, what alterations we have to make to our lives, we will never escape being recognizably, inherently human. Thank god.

Cruelty is an outlier.

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Don’t Let Anyone Tell You Different

Working from home is hard.

People have this fantasy that you lazily roll up to your computer with coffee in hand, wearing your pajamas and robe (people wear pajamas?), and it’s just clickity-click-slippered-feet-on-your-desk and before you know it the day has passed and it’s time for you to log out.

I still get up at the same time I always do. I still shower, shave, and dress like I’m actually going into the office. I put my shoes on. At about the time I’d normally leave the house to head downtown, I get in my car and drive over to Starbucks to pick up my morning coffee. Then, instead of heading downtown, I turn around and go back home. I log into my computer, remotely connect to my machine back at the office, and join the group peer chat that’s already been going on for an hour (we’re all maintaining our normal schedules). At that point the flood gates open and the tickets start pouring in.

I have done more work over the past three days than I do in a typical week.  It’s a little more difficult because I’m not physically there to troubleshoot issues, but so far that hasn’t been insurmountable. (We have one guy—someone who still maintains COVID-19 is all a hoax—he read it on Facebook!—on the ground who is handling the stuff that requires a physical presence.)

The biggest issue right now—and the one that absolutely galls me no end—is the sheer number of people who discover they’re going to be working from home and don’t. have. a. clue. Today, in a continuation of yesterday’s theme, was last minute VPN requests. And then there are the, “Do you guys have an extra laptop I can borrow?”

No Karen, all our spares were loaned out last week. “But, but, but…”

Sucks to be you, beyotch.

This (emailing them directions) is how you set it up VPN on your home PC. And this is how you start up Remote Desktop to connect to your machine at work. I had one user yesterday who I swore had Rip-Van-Winkled in from 1992 because he couldn’t comprehend any of what I was telling him.

Yesterday I was so wrung out, after I logged out for the day I went to lay down and take a short nap and I ended up sleeping for four hours.

Today isn’t quite as bad, but I’m ready for this week to be over. At this point, however, with all the news about the country facing an unprecedented eventual 20% unemployment rate and poverty the likes of which the United States hasn’t seen in a century in the forecast, I’m thankful that Ben and I both have jobs that seem to be—at least at the moment—fairly secure.

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Some Thoughts

Welcome to a Brave New World.

I’ve been meaning to write this for the past few days, but I—we—have been…distracted…from our normal routines.

Repeat after me: We’re going to make it through this.

Like everyone else, I too went into panic mode when COVID-19 hit our shores. I’m in a vulnerable (i.e. I’m old) population group and I have certain health issues that put me at risk, but it’s not that. I’m not scared of the virus itself. It’s the fucking human herd-mentality hoarding going on, and the absolutely appalling response from our so-called “administration.”

You wanted history to remember you, Donald? You wanted a legacy? Well, you’ve got one. Congratulations, daughterfucker.

And then I stepped back and took an assessment amid the swirling chaos that was building. How could I ground myself and make sense of it? Somehow—and to this day I still think amazingly—I made it through the AIDS crisis. I made it through cancer, forchrissake! And that journey in particular is what surprisingly gave me the focus and solace I needed to approach this crisis as well.

More than AIDS, I liken what the country (and the world) is facing with COVID-19 to my personal cancer journey.

Let me explain.

Initial diagnosis was a shock. Treatment was a trip through hell. And when I came out the other side, I was a totally different person than I was going in. And that was a good thing. A very good thing. To this day I look back at the Mark who existed prior to 2003—his dreams, his philosophy, his motivations—and I scarcely recognize him. I am a better person now than I was before cancer walked up to my door and said hello.

It seems that our country, our world—our society— is about to go through the same thing. We’ve all been joking that “this planet needs an enema” for years. Well, it appears the enema has arrived and pretty soon there’s going to be a flood of shit coming out. We’ll come through this okay, but everything will be different afterward. This is the paradigm shift we’ve all sensed coming—and perhaps silently prayed for—for the last few decades. We instinctively knew this capitalist-consumption-fuck-the-planet view of the world was unsustainable. We knew changes had to be made, yet as a people, we lacked the courage to do what needed to be done.

I had a friend years ago who often recognized when changes needed to be made in his life, yet resisted making those changes happen. Ultimately the Universe would step in and make those changes for him—perhaps not as smoothly or as painlessly as would’ve been the case had he made them himself on his schedule, but the changes were made nevertheless. The same thing is happening to our society as a whole right now.

There’s no going back to the way things were even a few weeks ago. The system was broken, and while this transition is going to be painful, ultimately we will all be better for it.

Maybe I’m delusional. Maybe I’m just manufacturing bullshit to calm my own jittery nerves, but there’s no denying that viewing what’s happening through this lens has certainly helped me to find some peace.

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