Author: Mark Alexander

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Tuesday Madness

From Jeff Tiedrich:

rejoice, America! Dear Leader’s gonna lower the price of the ‘fat shot drug’

what the fuck is Donny gibbering about?

yesterday at the White House, a bewildered old man in obvious cognitive decline somehow wandered in off the street. the Secret Service must have taken pity on the pathetic old coot, because they did nothing to stop him as he shuffled into the Oval Office and started free-associating into the microphone.

“I’ll tell you a story, a friend of mine who’s a business…man, very very very top guy, most of you would have heard of him. highly neurotic. brilliant businessman. uh, seriously overweight. and he takes the fat— the fat shot…drug. and he called me up, and he said, uh, president— he calls me president, he used to call me Donald, now he calls me president, so that’s nice respect, but he’s a rough guy, smart guy. very successful, very rich. I wouldn’t even know how he would know this but, ’cause he’s got comments, ‘uh president, could I ask you a question?’ I said what. ‘I’m in London and I just paid for this damned fat drug I take.’ I said ‘it’s not working.’ he said, he said, ‘I just paid eighty-eight dollars and in New York I paid thirteen hundred dollars, what the hell is going on?’”

what the fuck was that?

are you telling me that was the actual president of the United States up there, gibbering like a lunatic?

that was the kind of disjointed tale your demented granddad might fart out at the dinner table, right before falling asleep face down in his mashed potatoes.

what we got is a variation of the classic “sir story,” where Donny typically meets up with some fictional blue collar dude who bursts into tears of gratitude upon getting to meet Dear Leader.

now we have a “president story,” where Donny is apparently besties with Jabba the Billionaire, some ‘very very very top guy’ who evidently tips the scales at over a fucking ton.

Jabba’s dealing with his weight issues by mainlining what Donny calls ‘the fat shot drug.’

Donny’s no doubt talking about Ozempic, right? he’s reading off prepared notes, so why doesn’t he just say that? I guess that Dear Leader is so illiterate that when his eyes got to a word that began with ‘ozy,’ his brain seized up and his panicked mouth had to hastily improvise ‘the fat shot drug.’

nice bit of fat-shaming, too, with ‘I said it’s not working.’

‘bro, you’re a fucking whale’ is a pile of stones that President Glass House definitely shouldn’t be throwing at anyone.

but I digress.

Donny had called that press conference in order to announce his latest and awesomest executive order, one in which he was going to lower the prices of all prescription drugs by at least a skillionty percent, and maybe even more.

nice bit of Sewer Clown Theater, too, with Donny flanked by fake-diet-pill-scammer Dr. Oz, and heath nut Bobby Brainworms Jr, who was just back from taking his grandkids for a healthy swim in a bacteria-infected creek.

how does Donny imagine he’s going to accomplish these lower costs? apparently by demanding real hard — because (let’s say it one more time) executive orders are not laws.

Executive orders are issued from the executive branch of the government, specifically the U.S. President. An executive order is not a law in the sense that it does not go through the legislative process. It is not binding on everyone, only on employees of the executive branch.

last time I looked, multinational pharmaceutical conglomerates are not part of the US executive branch — so Big Pharma can pretty much tell Donny to piss straight up a rope, and he can’t do shit about it.

Donny’s insistence that he can lower drug costs through kingly fiat is so nonsensical that even The New York Times had no choice but to commit a journalism and point out that Dear Leader was blowing smoke up an entire nation’s ass.

President Trump on Monday signed an executive order asking drugmakers to voluntarily reduce the prices of key medicines in the United States.

But the order cites no obvious legal authority to mandate lower prices.

the order cites no legal authority, because Donny has no legal authority.

let’s back up and take a look at the larger context: there shouldn’t have been any need for Donny to issue his idiotic order in the first place — because if Donny had just done nothing at all, we would already have lower drug prices.

in August of last year, the Biden administration announced that they were lowering the prices on prescription drugs.

how did Team Biden accomplish this? by negotiating with drug makers.

HHS has reached agreements with all participating manufacturers on new negotiated, lower drug prices for the first 10 drugs selected for the Medicare drug price negotiation program.

cool deal, right? not bad for the guy who got hounded out of the presidential race for being icky and old and probably already dead.

hey, you’ll never guess what Mad King Donny did on the VERY FIRST DAY of his second reign: he look one look at those lowered drug prices and said fuck that shit and fuck it hard.

On Monday, Trump signed a sweeping order aimed in part at reversing several Biden administration executive orders on health care, including efforts to lower the cost of prescription drugs for people on Medicare and Medicaid, enhancing the Affordable Care Act and increasing protections for Medicaid enrollees. The so-called initial rescissions order, according to the Trump White House, is aimed at Biden policies that it says are “deeply unpopular” and “radical.”

why would Donny deliberately screw over the American public like that? say it with me: because fuck you, that’s why.

so now, four months later, Donny’s got a cunning plan to bring drug prices back down to where they already would have been if only he had just done nothing.

here’s a question: Donny’s supposed to be the greatest deal-maker of all time, right? so why didn’t he just negotiate with the drug makers, like Sleepy Joe Brandon did?

because kings don’t negotiate, duh! they just break shit they don’t understand, and then pretend to fix it.

you’re welcome, peons.

can someone please develop a ‘smart shot drug’ and jab it into Dear Leader’s ass? please?

here are your heroes of the day: this group of high school students on a field trip to the US Capitol. they had a very important question for GOP Rep. Brian Jack:

“why is Trump so orange?”

and now, through the magic of the internet, we can reveal why.

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Cheeto Satan

Orange Russian Wig Stand, Felon 45, The Orange Felon…what are some of your favorites?

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Monday Morning Madness

From Jeff Tiedrich:

what kind of shithole country allows its president to accept ginormous bribes

Donny’s gifted his very own jet — and gets to keep it

remember that beady-eyed clown-college reject, Comer Fudd? remember how he squandered four entire years tying to catch that wascally wabbit, Bugs Biden?

Comer Fudd was so convinced that the so-called “Biden crime family” had taken a five million dollar bribe from China that he wasted everyone’s time on one pointless hearing after another — and the only thing he ever found was Hunter Biden’s freakishly oversized trouser snake.

where the fuck is James Comer now? has anyone seen him lately? because at this very moment, we’ve got an actual corrupt president enriching himself off easily-provable bribes from foreign actors — and all we’re hearing from Republicans is crickets.

look at this flagrant in-your-face bullshit.

The Trump administration plans to accept a luxury Boeing 747-8 plane as a donation from the Qatari royal family that will be upgraded to serve as Air Force One, which would make it one of the biggest foreign gifts ever received by the U.S. government, several American officials with knowledge of the matter said.

that’s right: you get two government-approved dolls and five pencils, and Donny gets his very own private jet worth four hundred million dollars — because fuck you, that’s why.

Donny’s getting a new Air Force One because he absolutely loathes the current one. he’s been whining about it for years. he thinks it’s a shithole. why? because there’s no tacky gold crappery in sight. it’s just some ordinary fucking airplane. how boring, and how unbefitting of the self-styled Pope-Emperor of America.

so here comes the Qatari royal family, and they’re all hey Donny. we’ve got a big Boeing jet, just for you. you’ll love it — it’s packed to the gills with gaudy golden tat. here, it’s yours. out of the goodness of our hearts.

Donny’s been pining after this vulgar flying bordello since forever.

It’s bigger and newer than Air Force One — and so opulently configured that it’s known as “a flying palace.” (No report on whether it contains a golden toilet.)

Apparently he’s been talking about the plane for months. In February, he toured it while it was parked at Palm Beach International Airport.

here’s a fun quiz: when is an Air Force One not actually an Air Force One? give up? it’s when all protocols for accepting presidential gifts are ignored.

The Constitution (Article I, Section 9) prohibits anyone in the US Government from receiving a personal gift from a foreign head of state without the consent of Congress.

this garish jet not a gift to America. it’s a personal gift to Donny Convict. the short-fingered fuck gets to keep it when his nightmarish time in office finally comes to an end.

The plane would then be donated to President Trump’s presidential library when he leaves office, two senior officials said. Such a gift raises the possibility that Mr. Trump would have use of the plane even after his presidency ends.

“donated” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that paragraph. way to greedwash naked corruption, New York Times.

“Trump’s presidential library” — what a laugh. Donny doesn’t need a ‘presidential library’ — the illiterate shitwad doesn’t read. what’s going to be in Donny’s library? a well-thumbed stack of golf scorecards and boxes of pilfered classified documents?

it’s embarrassing that the leader of our country is such an easily-bribed child. just wave some gold-painted piece of shit in his face and he comes running.

if you went to any Hollywood studio and pitched a movie about some gold-obsessed halfwit boy-king who went around accepting bribes — and got away with it — they’d throw you out of the office, because who would believe such obvious twaddle?

yet, here we are with Golden Donny, the greedy dumbfuck who’s tarted up the Oval worse than some Las Vegas dog’s breakfast.

so, what is Qatar getting in return?

any fucking thing it wants — because that’s how the game is played in Donnyville. one hand washes the other.

This week Trump takes the first overseas trip of his second presidency. He’ll land in Saudi Arabia on Tuesday, followed by a visit to Qatar, and then to the United Arab Emirates (U.A.E).

That’s a big boost for Qatar right there.

Trump also just did what Qatar has been wanting done for years — announcing that the Persian Gulf (as it’s been known since at least 550 B.C.) will henceforth be known as the Arabian Gulf.

Trump’s company has just announced a new golf resort in Qatar, reportedly partnering with a company owned by the royal family.

Qatar is also pushing the Trump regime to lift sanctions on Syria.

just what the world needs, another skeevy golf motel — and since when does Donny get to rename any body of water he wants? who granted him this power?

I don’t recall the Supreme Court ruling that Donny is a Very Special Boy who gets to sharpie the shit out of the globe, do you?

so where are all the congressional investigations? imagine that Sleepy Joe Brandon had accepted some $400 million flying abomination. Comer Fudd would have ogasmed on the spot. he would have thought he had died and gone to heaven.

hello, Jimmy? are you there?

where is Attorney General Pam Bondi? oh wait, never mind.

US President-elect Donald Trump’s new pick for US attorney general, Pam Bondi, worked as a lobbyist on behalf of the government of Qatar.

In July 2019, Bondi, a partner in the DC office of the powerful lobbying group Ballard Partners, was registered through the firm to influence Capitol Hill on human trafficking issues on behalf of the Gulf state for a fee of $115,000 per month.

but Uncle Jeff, I hear you asking, what if I want to bribe Dear Leader, but I’m not a member of a royal family with spare jets lying around?

no problem, pal — just “invest” in one of Donny’s crypto scams. all the cool countries are doing it.

are you in private industry? no worries, ace — Donny’s happy to take your money, too.

An international trucking logistics firm is buying as much as $20 million worth of President Donald Trump’s crypto coins to influence the administration’s trade policy — the precise sort of corruption that experts warned Trump was encouraging when he unveiled his venture.

Freight Technologies Inc. CEO Javier Selgas said in a Wednesday news release that buying Trump coin would be “an effective way to advocate for fair, balanced and free trade between Mexico and the U.S.”

it doesn’t even matter if the price of the crypto goes up or down — Donny’s raking in billions just on transaction fees alone.

hey, here’s a fun story that I’m including here for no particular reason.

In 1946, a group of Russian children from the Vladimir Lenin All-Union Pioneer Organisation (sort of a Soviet scouting group) presented a carved wooden replica of the Great Seal of the United States to Averell Harriman, the U.S. Ambassador to the Soviet Union.

The gift, a gesture of friendship to the USSR’s World War II ally, was hung in the ambassador’s official residence at Spaso House in Moscow. It stayed there on a wall in the study for seven years until, through accident and a ruse, the State Department discovered that the seal was more than a mere decoration.

It was a bug.

oh. huh.

so, how many hidden microphones are Qatari agents installing on that flying monstrosity even as I type this?

on the other hand, who needs hidden microphones, when Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand will happily add you to his Signal chat group? just hit him up, bro.

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ICE=Gestapo

This is appalling.

Bet also in a LOT of the videos I’m seeing the heavily armed fatigue wearing “agents” look a lot more likely Proud Boys & Magamilitia & NOT trained feds or cops.

This is EXACTLY what was said would happen when he released the Jan6ers.