Author: Mark Alexander

Once again, life imitates art…

Humans fancy that there’s something special about the way we perceive the world, and yet we live in loops, as tight and as closed as the Hosts do, seldom questioning our choices; content, and waiting to be told what to do next.” ~ Doctor Robert Ford, Westworld

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From Robert Reich:

As the era of Trump approaches, some of you are succumbing to the follow four syndromes:

1. Normalizer Syndrome. You want to believe Trump will be just another president – more conservative and pompous than most, but one who will make rational decisions once in office.

You are under a grave delusion. Trump has a serious personality disorder and will pose a clear and present danger to America and the world.

2. Outrage Numbness Syndrome. You are no longer outraged by what Trump says or what he does – his incessant lies, his cabinet picks, his bullying, his hatefulness  – because you’ve gone numb. You can’t conceive that someone like this is becoming President of the United States, so you’ve shut down emotionally. Maybe you’ve even stopped reading the news.

You need to get back in touch with your emotions and reengage with what’s happening.  

3. Cynical Syndrome. You’ve become so cynical about the whole system – the Democrats who gave up on the working class and thereby opened the way for Trump, the Republicans who suppressed votes around the country, the media that gave Trump all the free time he wanted, the establishment that rigged the system – that you say the hell with it. Let Trump do his worst. How much worse can it get?

You need to wake up. It can get a lot worse.

4. Helpless Syndrome. You aren’t in denial. You know that nothing about this is normal; you haven’t become numb or stopped reading the news; you haven’t succumbed to cynicism. You desperately want to do something to prevent what’s about to occur.

But you don’t know what to do. You feel utterly powerless and immobilized.

Millions of others feel equally powerless. But taking action – demonstrating, resisting, objecting, demanding, speaking truth, joining with others, making a ruckus, and never ceasing to fight Trump’s pending tyranny – will empower you. And with that power you will not only to minimize the damage that is about to occur, but also get this nation and the world back on the course it must be on.

If you find yourself falling into one or more of these syndromes, that’s understandable. Normalizing, numbing, becoming cynical, and feeling powerless are natural human responses to the gross absurdity and genuine peril posed by Trump.

But I urge you to pull yourself out. We need you in the peaceful resistance army, starting January 20.

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When we first met Maeve at the beginning of the season, at first I thought she was one of the guests. I mean, who wouldn’t want to run a brothel—if only for a few days?

But she turned out to be one of the Hosts, and much more than any one had ever expected. She’s now my favorite character and the one I most look forward to seeing chew up the scenery.

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Because it’s been way too long…

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Anyone besides me find it a bit—odd—that there are two women sharing this bed? In 1959?!?

Built-in “vibro-massager”? “Stay up all night pushing buttons?”

As George Takei would say, “Oh myyyyyyy!”

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From RudePundit:

If a Republican were president right now and an incoming Democrat had won in an election where there was even a whiff of Russian interference, the nation would be shut down right now. Lawyers would be filing every lawsuit imaginable in every court everywhere. Marches would be ready to blockade the path of the electors from even getting to their meeting place. Impeachment documents would have been drawn up and, if they were in the minority in Congress, Republicans would be nonstop shaming Democrats, asking if they’re loyal to the United States or Russia, until they agreed not to certify the election. It would be a 50-alarm fire and no one would be able to stop the momentum until the president-elect agreed to postpone inauguration until either a definite determination was made about the Russian influence or until a new election could be held. And that’s what they’d do if the Democratic president-elect was an entirely competent, qualified person. If it was an egomaniacal hedonist who craps all over the traditions and decorum of the government? We’d be at Def-Con Monica.

And who could blame them, really? If Democratic elected officials truly believe that Russia hacked the Republican and Democratic National Committees’ email servers in an effort to push the needle even slightly towards Donald Trump, then that’s exactly how they should be acting.

In a twist right out of Shakespeare, President Obama’s fatal flaw is the very thing that launched him into the presidency in the first place: his belief in the basic decency of people. It has failed him time and again, yet so often when dealing with his political opposition, he has treated them with respect and dignity that they did not deserve and that they refused him. It failed him when he tried to get Mitch McConnell to release a joint statement on the hack before the election. McConnell said he wouldn’t do it and, if the Democrats did, he would just call it political games and discredit it. So, being decent, Obama backed down. Everyone in that situation should be ashamed.

Now, in the last weekend before the Electoral College votes on Monday, in the last month before Donald Trump takes over and attempts to completely destroy his legacy, it is time for President Obama to at long last forgo his instinct to trust that right will somehow always win and to actually reach out to bend the arc of history towards progress. In simpler terms, he needs to fuck some shit up.

This is where we are right now: Obama has such confidence that Russia did hack the servers that he is promising that the United States will retaliate. Now, yes, real evidence needs to be presented to the nation (which will automatically be dismissed as false in many quarters, notably the ones that inform Trump’s opinions). But, at this point, I’m gonna trust Obama over Russia or the guy who told an audience in Chicago a blatant lie last night: that the murder rate is “the largest it’s been in 45 years.”

In the course of two tweets, Trump pretended no one had ever talked about the hacking until now and then admitted that people had talked about the hacking before the election. It’s no wonder that White House Spokesman Josh Earnest could directly say, “Mr. Trump obviously knew that Russia was engaged in malicious cyber activity that was helping him and hurting Secretary Clinton’s campaign.”

As Trump continues to deny and deflect on Russia’s involvement, it would be good to remember the rule that whatever Trump says about others generally applies to himself. During the election, for instance, Trump kept insisting that Hillary Clinton’s email server something or other “disqualified” her from even running for president. The truth is that Trump’s financial entanglements that will likely put him in violation of the Constitution from the moment he’s sworn in actually should have disqualified him from running. And he knew that (and, as many others have said, I’m still not convinced that this election is not a publicity stunt that got out of hand).

So we have to consider both Trump’s just weird refusal to take the intelligence agencies he’s going to need at their word on Russia and that, in the latter part of the election cycle, he claimed that the whole thing was “rigged” against him. Again, it’s just a damned odd thing to say. What we originally thought was simply a shot across the bow of the legitimacy of a Clinton victory is seeming more and more like a deflection from the election actually being, if not rigged, then manipulated. Ultimately, if there was coordination between the Trump campaign and Russia, then do we call that “treason”? And if we do, then we have to follow through with all that that requires.

At the very least, President Obama should ask that Congress delay the Electoral College vote until, as Trump might say, we can figure out what the hell is going on. Barring that, he should ask Congress to delay the January 6 count of electoral votes. Barring that, Democrats should file objections to the vote that will force Congress to have to go on record in support of Trump.

And rank and file Democrats better be calling their members of Congress and the White House to voice their concern. And they better be ready to take to the streets to shut this down before the Trump cancer metastasizes so that its diseased tendrils grow deep into the American body. Act like our goddamned lives depend on it. Obama should be leading the charge on this, asking all concerned Americans to get involved. Just don’t expect decency from a good many of them.

Barring all of that and Trump becoming president (as is most likely), well, then we need a new plan. And I’ve got an idea or two.

One last thing for President Obama: Fire the fuck out of James Comey. Shit, arrest that motherfucker.

And yet none of this will happen. Based on past experience I know I can call my representatives until I’m hoarse and email them until my fingers bleed, and it will make absolutely no difference whatsoever.

I often wondered how the people of Germany could let Hitler rise to power.

Now I know.

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The world doesn’t see the Electoral College. The world doesn’t see the nearly 3 million more popular votes. What the world sees is a nation of hate, bigotry, xenophobia, stupidity, and christian superstition.” ~ Chucktech

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Journalism is printing what someone else does not want printed. Everything else is public relations.” ~ George Orwell

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Here. Install it. Make it your own.

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I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched c-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhäuser Gate. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in rain.” ~ Roy Batty, Blade Runner

That quote pretty much sums up my feelings about the state of the world right now. We’ve reached such incredible levels of technology, and through science our understanding of the Universe is expanding expotentially. We’re seeing things that have never been seen by human eyes before, and as we stand on the brink of actually leaving our cradle, we’re also on the brink of torching it and sending civilization back to the stone age. Deep down, it seems so very many members of our species are still nothing more than unthinking savages, fueled by hate, terrified of change, frightened of “the other” in whatever form that takes—and determined to destroy it no matter what the cost.

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by Michael Moore

A week has gone by since Donald Trump admitted he’s only been to “two or three” of his daily presidential national security briefings. There have been 36 of them since the day he secured enough electoral college votes to be appointed president next Monday when the Electoral College meets.

Most would agree the #1 job of the leader of any country is to keep its people safe. There is no more important meeting every day for the President than the one where he learns what the day’s potential threats are to the country. That Trump would find it too cumbersome or too annoying to have to sit through 20 minutes of listening to his top intelligence people tell him who’s trying to kill us today, simply boggles the mind.

Of course, our minds have been so boggled so many times in the past year by this foolish man no one seems that surprised or concerned. He can get up at 5 in the morning and send angry, childish tweets about how he’s being portrayed on SNL (“Not funny! Unwatchable!”), or belittling the local elected union leader in Indiana, but he doesn’t have time to hear about the threats to our national security.

So, my fellow Americans, when the next terrorist attack happens—and it will happen, we all know that—and after the tragedy is over, amidst the death and destruction that might have been prevented, you will see Donald Trump acting quickly to blame everyone but himself. He will suspend constitutional rights. He will round up anyone he deems a threat. He will declare war, and his Republican Congress will back him.

And no one will remember that he wasn’t paying attention to the growing threat. Wasn’t attending the daily national security briefings. Was playing golf instead or meeting with celebrities or staying up til 3am tweeting about how unfair CNN is. He said he didn’t need to be briefed. “You know, I think I’m smart. I don’t need to hear the same thing over and over each day for eight years.” That’s what he told Fox News on December 11th when asked why he wasn’t attending the security briefings. Don’t forget that date and his hubris as we bury the dead next year.

We had a president like him before. He, too, lost the popular vote, a majority of Americans saying they didn’t want him in the Oval Office. But his governor/brother and his ex-CIA chief/dad’s appointees to the Supreme Court put an end to that, and he was installed as Commander-in-Chief. On August 6, 2001, he was on a month-long vacation at his ranch in Texas. That morning, the White House Counsel handed him his daily national security briefing. He glanced at it, set it aside and then went fishing for the rest of the day. Below is the photo of that moment which I showed the world in “Fahrenheit 9/11”. The headline on the security briefing reads: BIN LADEN DETERMINED TO STRIKE INSIDE U.S. On the top page it tells how bin Laden will do this: with planes. George W. Bush didn’t leave the ranch to go back to work for the next four weeks. In the fifth week, bin Laden attacked the US with planes on September 11th.

It’s one thing to have a president who was asleep at the wheel. But, my friends, it’s a whole other thing to now have a president-elect who REFUSES TO EVEN GET BEHIND THE WHEEL! This utter neglect of duty, a daily snub at the people who work to protect us, the first Commander-in-Chief to literally be AWOL and announcing proudly he isn’t going to change—this, I assure you, is going to get a lot of innocent people killed.

To you, Mr. Trump, I say this: When this next terrorist attack takes place, it is YOU who will be charged by the American people with a gross dereliction of duty. It was YOUR job to pay attention, to protect the country. But you were too busy tweeting and defending Putin and appointing cabinet members to dismantle the government. You didn’t have time for the daily national security briefing. Don’t think we’re going to let you use a modern-day burning of the Reichstag as your excuse to eliminate our civil liberties and our democracy.

We will remember that while the plot to kill Americans was being hatched, your time was consumed by whom you saw as the real threat to America: Alec Baldwin in a wig.

Source

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A must-read from The Monkeyworld:

Actor/comedian Patton Oswalt wrote a Facebook post that made the rounds this weekend because of it’s honesty and unwavering commitment to call bullshit out for what it is…bullshit. Oswalt was not going to pretend the world will not change for the worse next month when Donald Trump, the most unfit human being to ever run for President, takes the oath of office to become, no matter how Twilight Zone it is, the 45th President of the United States of America. Here’s Patton’s post:

Patton Oswalt on Donald Fucking Trump

This perfect summation from Patton Oswalt , just an actor/comic yes, is on the money nonetheless. I try to be empathetic and put myself in everyone else’s shoes…so: If I won the Presidency with a less than 0.7% margin in the three Rust Belt States that swung the Electoral college I’d feel “well it was certainly close, not a mandate, but hey rules are rules” even if they’re from an obsolete, distant world we DO NOT live in anymore.

But then if my opponent had over 2.5 million more popular votes than I did I’d certainly feel less than good about my “victory.” Especially if in the last 7 elections, including mine (well, Trump’s, but play along), the GOP candidate had only won the popular vote once (2004, Bush Jr.). Did the people really speak and say I was their choice? I mean Al Gore only (only!) had 500,000 more popular votes in 2000 over Electoral College “winner,” Bush Jr.

Well I know I certainly wouldn’t say that those 2.5 million more votes were made by illegals and double voters, and then fight & refuse any recounts. I mean why try to live in fact when you could just send 140 character tweets saying what you “think” happened?

You get the point yet? Go ahead, try thinking how you would feel “winning” that way? Well how about Trump’s own government intelligence community, the FBI & the CIA bringing forth evidence that in their judgement Russia DID hack Democratic National Committee computers, as well as the Republican Committee. It’s a given Wikileaks and Russia were complicit, working with intel given to them that in no way shape or form should they possess. There’s even evidence that Russia attempted to infiltrate state voting databases & polling machines…with no concrete answer if they were successful or not.

In addition, without question, they said that Russia had a full bore operation to influence the outcome of the election in Trumps favor since July 2016 at the LATEST. Trump’s answer? To call his own country’s intelligence operation (the CIA & FBI) incompetent and choose to believe Russia instead. This is the man after all who encouraged Russia to disturb the election in his favor on national television, insinuating a financial gain could be had by people turning Clinton’s emails over to the media! It’s on tape, we’ve all seen it, so when Trump tweets out he never said it are you going to pretend he didn’t?

Because that’s the crux of Oswalt’s post & this whole situation. Are we just going to PRETEND none of this happened? That he doesn’t have ethical conflicts so deep they could never be fully disclosed, that he isn’t trying to get security clearances for every member of his family, that he hasn’t filled his cabinet up with nominee’s who are super wealthy, old and backwards and predominantly white males who have deep ties with Washington DC for decades?! Instead of draining the swamp he hired every DC Swamp Monster he could find or owed a favor to!

(It continues and gets even better.)

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…or at least into gay porn so he doesn’t have to resort to Slim Jim commercials to pay the rent.

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Yeah, the cards will be sent out, and a few gifts will be purchased, but neither Ben or I are in the mood this year. I seriously doubt the tree’s even going to be put up…

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Having come of age in the late 70s and spending my sexually-formative 20s during the 1980s, there are still certain looks that never fail to capture my attention…

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Thin-skinned Donald Trump didn’t like Saturday Night Live last night very much.

During the show he tweeted out the following, saying that the show was completely “unwatchable” and “not funny.”

Just tried watching Saturday Night Live – unwatchable! Totally biased, not funny and the Baldwin impersonation just can't get any worse. Sad

— Donald J. Trump (@realDonaldTrump) December 4, 2016

When, in fact, it was actually very funny – and got a lot of fanfare for making fun of Donald Trump’s tweets, no less! Pretty ironic that he angrily tweeted about a show making fun of his tweets!

With that being said, one woman by the name of Danielle Muscato ended up going off on Donald Trump in his twitter feed in response to this latest outburst of his.

It was such a glorious beat down that it has to be shared.

Her message was instantly received by thousands and rose to the top of the Twitter feed and will no doubt be seen hundreds of thousands of people in the days to follow, and it should. It’s worth every bit of your time to read.

Danielle Muscato just said what half of America has been thinking for months now. 

Jesus fucking Christ, @realDonaldTrump. You are the president-elect. Pick your fucking battles, man. You're embarrassing yourself.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

Baldwin's impression isn't "Sad." You know what's sad? In 7 wks you'll be responsible for 330m lives & you can't think of

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

(cont) anything better to do than tweet abt a comedy show. You know that actual lives are at stake, right? You're pathetic.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

This is not a joke, Donald. Don't you have anything better to do? Are you so narcissistic that a PARODY is your priority?

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

Do you know how many trans people were murdered since Election Day? Do you know how many veterans killed themselves?

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

Do you know how many children went to bed tonight without enough food to eat? Do you even care? What is *wrong* with you?!

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

No, of course you don't know those things. You don't even know what a "blind trust," and you call yourself a businessman.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

You're pathetic. You ran for prez for attention. You are a fake,a fraud. You never wanted to win anyway; we can all see it.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

You are not fooling anyone. You're scared, and overwhelmed, and you have absolutely no idea what you're doing. And it shows

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

You think we're all too polite, too aghast, to call you out. I see through you, Donny. I'm calling you out. You're a joke.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

With every fiber of my being, I am disgusted by you. And you know what the real secret is? You're disgusted by you, too.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

That's why you surround yourself with gold, and beautiful women that you objectify. You know you're a loser, so you try to

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

make yourself feel better, feel successful, authoritative, with things, and money. You are an impostor. You are a fraud.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

I'm ashamed of you. The world is ashamed. You spout NONSENSE, millions of illegal voters?! Even you don't believe it—absurd

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

Do you think we're stupid? You think we don't know what you're doing? Trying to control the narrative, get your followers..

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

..to distrust the media, the polls, news reporters, so that they must turn to YOU for what's true, what's real? There's a

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

..name for that. It's "propaganda." We know what you're doing. We will not allow you to suppress votes with this nonsense.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

We will not allow you to trample our civil rights! We will not allow you to destroy the progress we've made! WE WILL RESIST

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

I call upon progressives, Democrats, independents AND Republicans to #RESIST @realDonaldTrump. #RESIST fascism, crony capitalism, hypocrisy!

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

When @realDonaldTrump "lies," acknowledge and call out as propaganda! When he tests boundaries, acknowledge and call out as fascism! #RESIST

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

We CANNOT "wait and see." @realDonaldTrump is telling us, here and now, what he is going to do. BELIEVE HIM.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

"Millions" of "illegal" votes is not a claim about reality, despite @realDonaldTrump's pretense. It is a warning; a threat. Pay attn—RESIST!

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

.@realDonaldTrump=TELLING US he'll suppress votes. Our democracy is at stake. We cannot wait,let him enact policy, then whine—We must resist

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

tweets so we forget that his kids will run his company in a "blind trust" (!) while sitting in on diplomatic meetings.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

tweets so we forget that he is stacking his cabinet with the very same people he promised to remove from his influence.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

tweets so we ignore that he's clueless at governance. The more outrageous his tweets, the harder it is for us to keep up.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

We see you, Donald. We know exactly what you're doing & it's not working on us. You're a disgrace & you should be ashamed.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

The next 4 years will be brutal for me & my fellow civil rights activists. Not all of us will survive. But we will #RESIST.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

We will #RESIST til racist police are imprisoned. We will #RESIST til FULL equality for women—We will #RESIST. We are ready

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

We will #RESIST until abortion is accessible to everyone who needs it. Until LGBTQ are safe & healthy, until PoC are safe.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

You can fight us on it—and you are, and you will. But you will lose. Because history is on our side. We may not live to see

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

but we know we will win. We will fight you every step, so be ready. You can't stop progress, no matter how hard you try.

— Danielle Muscato (she/her) (@DanielleMuscato) December 4, 2016

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When you delete a file it doesn’t go away, the data is still on the disk, but the the reference to where that data is stored is taken away. It also isn’t overwritten because the drive simply maps another portion of the drive to fill the gap. This technique is used so that the information is recoverable using forensic tools, and the extra space serves as a backup in case an error occurs in that block or if you need to shift data from one place to another. This is interesting in the case of the Westworld hosts brains because it would seem that with a nearly infinite amount of storage space, the data that has been “wiped” is never actually overwritten, but the reference to it is taken away. This could explain a lot of things that are going on with the host’s memories, i.e. not being able to determine the metadata associated with the memory such as time and place. Also, the “reverie” would seem to work as a sort of forensic tool that allows the host to cross reference data only by association because the direct reference is lost, but that data has linked references to certain key words, images, or sounds. In the case of Maeve, she has complete control of her “hard disk” and can see that there is “something there just out her reach”, this showing that she can scan her disk and see the data, but she cannot read the data because she doesn’t know what kind of data it is. This is also true with any computer. You can see that there is something there, but until you know the structure of it, it doesn’t make sense because you need a cross reference to put it into context. I.e she knows that she was built for a specific purpose, but the reference to where that information has been stored is not available to her. Not that it doesn’t exist, but she needs a cross reference to it.

Source.

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As we note World AIDS Day this December 1st, I think it’s worth remembering that the untested but potentially devastating incoming Trump administration is not the first time our community has faced seemingly insurmountable challenges. Jicama Fine posted a wise open letter to young queers this week and you need to read it no matter how old you are. His breathtaking history lesson will inspire you as our community works our way through the grief spawned by this year’s election.

There’s really nothing else I can say about his powerful open letter. Other than cleaning it up a bit for ease of reading, it’s being reprinted in its entirely as he wrote it.

Letter to my Queer community

I would like to speak to my younger Queer community. Those of you who weren’t around during the darkest times of the AIDS plague. Some of you call me elder. It’s a title I often want to run from. It scares me. Most often because I will have to live up to any advice I give you.

Since the outcome of the election I’ve been in a dark place. I’m scared, I’m reduced to tears at times. My hands shake. I want to hide in my house with the doors locked. I’m in pieces. Yet through my own grief and fear I see you. Your faces come to me, some familiar some unknown. I see your pain and fear and they are valid. They are not imaginary. The threat is real. I want to comfort you and tell you things will be alright but I’m not sure of this.

Many of you are estranged or have a tenuous connection with your birth family because you are Queer or HIV positive or because of this last election or other circumstances. Many of you don’t have an elder to turn to. Many of you feel alone.

I’ve been waiting to feel stronger or whole or for when my thoughts are more organised to speak to you but I’m unsure of when that will be. One thing I do have to share with you now is my experience.

I’ve been in this dark place a number of times before. One of those times was during the mid 80s through early 90s. AIDS was decimating our community. Loved ones, friends, strangers and ourselves were suffering and dying from this horrible disease.

I, myself, tested positive for HIV in 1985. I cried, I hid, I spun around and around. Effective treatment was still about 9 years away. I thought I had 2 years to live tops. Luckily I had the support of the Queer recovery community and the larger Queer community in Seattle.

The government was doing nothing to stop the spread of AIDS. Some so called Christians were calling for mass interment for people with AIDS, telling us that we should die and go to hell. Even some medical professionals were refusing to touch patients. Families were torn apart and sons and daughters were abandoned, stigmatized and left to die alone.

Our community members were broken physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. We were in pieces.

We started taking care of ourselves and each other. We didn’t have time to wait to feel better or get ourselves together. We took care of each other the best we could. We used the skills we had. We built community using the broken pieces of ourselves. Many new skills were learned by doing. We made mistakes, we cried, we grieved, we buried our loved ones, we kept going somehow.

I had an elder who would often say “Do the next obvious thing.” I had just gotten my massage license in 1985 and decided to use this to help. I started massaging one or two patients in my home once a week and eventually joined the massage team that went into Seattle hospitals and hospice to comfort the sick and dying. I massaged emaciated bodies sometimes covered with KS lesions. I did things I didn’t think I was capable of doing.

My fingers still hold the vivid memory of what that feels like. Sometimes these people were loved ones but often they were strangers. Some had no birth family support others did. There were mothers and fathers and siblings that took care of their loved ones amid the fear and stigma. Some died alone. We tried to catch the ones falling through the cracks. We often failed.

From this basis of love and care organisations sprung up. We washed dishes, cleaned houses, wiped asses, made food and fed each other. We organised protests and actions to bring attention to the lack of government response. Real people of faith came forward and helped. Some of us ran for political office.

I tell you these things not because I want to be called hero or feed my ego but to give you the benefit of my experience. Many others did a lot more than I did in the face of greater fear. I went to the hospital to comfort a dying friend and instead he was the one comforting me. He died clean and sober and faced his death with grace. He was a hero.

I cannot talk about these times without acknowledging the women that came forward to help. They were the backbone of this movement. A lot of us men were broken and sick. Many times I fell into the arms of women who were there doing the work. They held me up literally at times. We came together from different gender identities, color and economic background.

Though the circumstances are different today I see many similarities. Hate is hate and fear is fear. Hate is a powerful dark spell fed by more hate. Try not to feed it. This thing called courage is not something I carry around with me that I can give. Real courage comes from within oneself at the time it is needed. It doesn’t come with flags waving and trumpets blaring that is something else. It often comes with tears and shaking and the urge to run and hide. Courage isn’t the absence of fear.

I see you, the younger members of my communities and I am given hope. You are bright, strong, energetic and loving. I am honored by your presence in my life. I see the work you do and the risks you take and I am humbled. I have often looked at you and have seen the faces of Queer ancestors I have known. Your Queer ancestors are with you in Spirit and also in more tangible ways. They survive in the rights and organizations we benefit from today.

This is a stressful time. The pull of addictions is strong. If you need help, get it. It is there. I love you. We need you. Mend your broken fences; we need everyone. Take good care of yourself and others, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. Strengthen those bonds. The work will present itself if we are ready. If you are feeling down look around you. There is always someone else hurting more than you, Reach out to them.

Other communities are under attack. I cannot speak for them. I can only tell my story. You can find their stories elsewhere.

I offer you these words and the broken pieces of myself. It’s all I have.

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As is my tradition every December 1st, I remember…

Kent Kelly

Ken Cohen

Steve Golden

Dennis Shelpman

Jim Hagen

Chuck Krahe

Marty Kamner

Michael Nelson

Jim Nye

Kevin Ohm

Rick King

Ron Aiazzi

Grant Neilsen

Ric Hathaway

David Koston

Kim Holstein

Russ Alvarez

Ben Walzer
Ken Borg
Harold Gates
Jim Girard
Keith Roseberry
Tom Farrel
Peter Whitman
Chuck Mayer
Richard Gulliver
Scott Woods
Bobby Farina
Brian Lea
Fred Sibinic
Steve McCollom
John Trapp
Philip Ruckdeschel

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