Bathing Beauties
Seems About Right
There’s a lot of speculation going on about what Apple’s going to call their next version of OS X since they’re running out of big cats…
Reason #678,004 That I’m Glad I’m a Guy
Monday
Internet Fun
I’ll save you the effort. (Let it run for about three minutes to get the full effect.)
Married Men (NSFW)
Blowing Smoke (NSFW)
The Eyes Have It
Guys in Caps
Wood in the Woods (NSFW)
Surprising
Maybe Ben is keeping me young.
Dumb Ways To Die
The Song of Pi
Dear Red States…
Dear Red States:
We’re ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we’ve decided we’re leaving. We in New York intend to form our own country and we’re taking the other Blue States with us.
In case you aren’t aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast.
We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).
To sum up briefly:
You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.
We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.
We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
We get Harvard. You get Ole’ Miss.
We get 85 percent of America’s venture capital and entrepreneurs.
You get Alabama.
We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.
Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition’s, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.
With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country’s fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation’s fresh fruit, 95% of America’s quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.
With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.
We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.
38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we’re discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.
We’re taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.
Sincerely,
Citizen of the Enlightened States of America
Friday
Disgusting
I’ve been a very bad boy.
I don’t remember the last time Anderson’s air filter was changed. Probably at Service I (30K miles). I’ve now got more than twice that on the odometer.
Now that I know how ridiculously easy (and inexpensive) it is to change on my own, I’ll be setting up a six-month reminder on my calendar to swap it out.
And the cabin air filter? Even worse. I knew it was overdue for replacement prior to our relocation to Denver, but I kept putting it off, and putting it off, and…
Ugh. I can’t believe we’ve been breathing through this. Again, ridiculously easy to change. I should’ve done it a year two years ago.
A Letter to Texas
If that isn’t enough ammunition to use when beating back the st00pid, you can grab a lot more here.
Sorry, I Couldn’t Resist One More Poke in the Eye
I love the smell of schadenfreude in the morning.
Quote of the Day
“We shouldn’t even need the word atheism. If people didn’t invent ridiculous imaginary gods, rational people wouldn’t have to deny them.” ~ Ricky Gervais
Yup, This is Me
Quote of the Day
“There is, of course, no reason to take these secession petitions at all seriously. There is probably a fourteen-syllable German word that precisely captures the combination of juvenile whining, sour grapes and goofy anti-government fervor that drove an infinitesimal number of Americans to submit and support these petitions, but the word that the kids in America use to describe this is “butthurt.” ~ Jason Linkins, writing at The Huffington Post
Describes My Workplace Perfectly
Separated at Birth
One is a fictional character. The other is evil incarnate.
Married Men (NSFW)
10—No, 11—Things Facebook Has Taught Us
1. Punctuation. is. a… lost cause.
2. People who use the word “FIRST!” to comment are rarely over the age of 15.
3. Lose and Loose now mean the same thing.
4. Spelling is a loost cause.
5. Their, There, and They’re are now all interchangeable as well.
6. Trolls usually have pseudonyms.
7. Some people think “Wat” is a word.
8. People think other people really want to see pictures of what they’re eating.
9. I can’t believe you’re still reading this.
10. People like to click “like.”
11. People are fucking stupid, and the human race is doomed. Think Idiocracy, but much worse.
Quote of the Day
“Whenever men like this plebe, or the Rick Santorums of the world, vent their nonsense all they’re really saying is ‘I got busted with a j/o buddy when I was a teen and I’m still trying to live it down.’ Behind every anti-gay male is an insecurity about his own sexuality.” ~ LittleKiwi, commenting on deep-in-denial Frank Schubert opining that the losses suffered by the anti-gay forces really don’t matter.
Monday
Submitted Without Comment
Quote of the Day
“When you rape children, cover it, rape them again, cover it up, rape them again, finally get caught, still cover it up, apologize, recant your apology, then blame the victim, you have zero moral authority to lecture others about their supposed sins.” – John Aravosis at AMERICAblog, writing about the Catholic Church’s most current bit of pearl-clutching over marriage equality.