Category: 2025

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Midweek Tiedrich

oh look, White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles is a bit of a blabbermouth. who knew?

it seems that over the last eleven months, Overly Talkative Suze has sat for eleven interviews with Vanity Fair’s Chris Whipple, which VF just published in a two-parter here and here.

here’s the beauty part: this Vanity Fair two-parter ain’t some rote, by-the-numbers snoozefest about how honored Susie Wiles is to be working with some of the finest minds yadda yadda yadda zzzzzzzzzzzz.

she actually takes a big stinky shit all over her co-workers.

the Dem Party’s social media team has put together a lovely highlight reel.

so, Donny Convict ‘has an alcoholic’s personality.’ Couchfuck McGee is ‘a conspiracy theorist.’ Pamnesia Pam Bondi has ‘completely whiffed.’ and the Space Nazi is an ‘avowed ketamine user.’

to which I say: tell us something we don’t already know, Suze.

all this is old-hat to anyone who’s been paying attention from the get-go.

Donny assembled his cabinet from a putrid grab-bag of fuckwads and found objects. you’ve got the piss-drunk Fox News dunk-tank clown. the crackpot who keeps a chainsaw in the trunk of his car on the off chance he happens upon into a dead whale. the lady who perforates puppies for fun. and let’s not forget the vice president who molests furniture.

as I wrote last February,

basically, America’s getting a clown show — and not a funny ha ha! clown show. nope, we’re getting sewer clowns.

Donny put zero effort into finding out if any of these shitwits could actually do the jobs he assigned to them — so it is any wonder that the past eleven months have been a master class in incompetence and disaster?

but still — for someone actually inside the White House to shit-talk the people she works with, that’s quite a thing. especially since Dear Leader expects infinite loyalty and obsequious flattery from every single one of his minions.

so, you’d figure the reaction from the White House would be thermonuclear, and that Susie Wiles would already be the former Chief of Staff — but you’d figure wrong. because what happened next is that every sewer clown simultaneously tweeted statements of undying support for Wiles.

it’s almost as if they had been ordered to do it.

I swear, these nitwits can’t even pull off a decent scandal without fucking that shit up. come on, you bozos, you just got insulted to your faces. what about you, Donny? Wiles said you had an ‘alcoholic’s personality.’ she even said you were all over the Epstein files! how did you not throw a shit-fit over that?

look at this. not only did Donny laugh off Wiles’ remarks, he said he agreed with them.

Trump even admitted to having an “alcoholic personality,” which some around the president considered among Wiles’ most incendiary remarks because of the president’s long and well-known aversion to alcohol and his brother’s struggle with alcoholism.

“I’m fortunate I’m not a drinker,” Trump told the New York Post.

what the fuck is going on? did Putin give Susie Wiles a copy of the pee-tape to use as job insurance?

it’s not a silly question — because it seems that Chatty Suzie has been working with Russian oligarchs for since like forever. look at this, from the Byline Times, published a year ago.

Trump’s newly appointed Chief of Staff, Susie Wiles, brings a complex political profile, with ties to Russian oligarchs and Chinese surveillance firms.

Before joining Trump’s 2024 campaign, Wiles was a co-chair at a firm that lobbied for sanctioned individuals and companies. A lobbyist who recommended Wiles to lead US President-Elect Donald Trump’s campaign represented a Russian-born oligarch connected to the Russian President Vladimir Putin and a state-owned oil corporation Rosneft.

Wiles’ ex-husband has ties to a Kremlin-linked lobbyist known for attending the 2016 Trump Tower meeting, where “dirt” on Clinton was offered on the Russian Government’s behalf. Wiles’ daughter failed the White House background check.

that’s all pretty convenient. what does Susie know, and why is her job being protected? and who is she really working for? as always with All Things Donny, there are a thousand questions, and zero satisfying answers.

Wiles, for her part, says that all her shit-talking has been taken out of context. so unfair! so unfair!

“Significant context was disregarded and much of what I, and others, said about the team and the President was left out of the story.”

Chris Whipple, by the way, says all of his interviews with Wiles are on tape.

so tell us, Suze — what is the ‘significant context’ missing from your statement that the Space Nazi is an ‘avowed ketamine user’? was it part of a larger narrative talking about how much fun it was to watch him get higher than two kites and pilot Forkship One all over the patio at Motel-a-Lago?

inquiring minds want to know.

Kaitlin Collins: “on affordability, the president is going to address the nation tomorrow night. he says he’s going to talk about basically what a great year we’ve had since he returned to office. do you want to hear him say there’s no inflation, like he did last week, which is not true.”

Greene: “it’s not true … inflation has steadied around 2.5 percent, so he can’t say there’s no inflation. however, what I would like to see from the president is empathy for Americans. Donald Trump is a billionaire, and he’s the president of the United States. when he looks into a camera and says ‘affordability is a hoax,’ and totally tries to make nothing out of inflation, he’s talking to Americans that are suffering and have been suffering for many years now, and are having a hard time making ends meet. so that’s not the right message to tell Americans.”

look at Sporky. all of a sudden she’s articulate. what happened to the buffoon who used to prattle about ‘peach tree dishes’ and ‘gazpacho police’?

almost three years ago, I wrote a post in which I speculated that Three Toes might actually be only pretending to be a moron.

holy shit, what if I was right? after all, there’s a long tradition of Republicans who act dumb as mud, in order to pander to their dumb-as-mud constituents. look no further than Louisiana Senator John “Not The Good John” Kennedy, who is an actual Rhodes Scholar, yet talks in an exaggerated mush-mouth drawl, as if he were a toothless turnip farmer. I guess now that Sporky is leaving office, she no longer feels the need to play-act.

but you know what? fuck Madge Three Toes and fuck her so-called rehabilitation tour. she’s still garbage.

look at how she’s spending her final two weeks in Congress.

The Protect Children’s Innocence Act, introduced by Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene, R-Ga., would make it a federal felony for doctors to provide certain forms of medical care related to gender transition for minors, including puberty blockers and hormone therapy. The bill could also expose parents and guardians to potential criminal liability for facilitating that care.

fuck off, Madge. stop pretending you’ve changed.

now we need to talk about Preznit Fuckwit — because he’s not faking being an imbecile. he’s the real deal — as fucking dumb as they come.

Donny gave another rambling mess of a speech yesterday, and — well, you have to hear it to believe it.

“they can fly those things. the way they can aim it at a— target. in the dark of night, the darkest you’ve ever seen. they want it to be as dark as possible. they didn’t want anything— and the only time anybody could see those planes was when those bomb chutes open up. because it becomes totally un-stealth when it goes— I explained that to Mark Levin once. you’re going in, you go like this, and as soon as it goes likes this, for some reason the plane is totally visible, not good. and I watched it happening. just— it’s like I’m sitting home watching, you know, it’s amazing, the Situation Room is an amazing place. but I watched them go BING-BING. it went BING-BING. and two massive hundred-thousand-pound bombs come pouring out. and the job they did was incredible.”

he’s so childishly stupid — and this wasn’t a one-off. Donny’s been insisting for years that stealth bombers are actually invisible.

Donny can’t get it through his thick skull that that stealth bombers are called stealth bombers because they can fly without being detected by radar. he honestly thinks you can’t see them. and not only does this gibbering lunatic believe this fever-swamp nonsense — he claims to have witnessed it first hand.

where did Donny see these big strong stealth bombers with tears in their eyes, that go ‘BING-BING’ in the dark of night, the darkest you’ve ever seen, dark like no one thought possible?

do you think maybe one reporter could ask about that? here’s another good question the press might want to ask: what the fuck is wrong with you?

and, lastly it looks like we’re going to war with Venezuela.

we know the Mad King is serious, because he THANKS Venezuela FOR THEIR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER.

what ‘land’ is this gibbering lunatic talking about, that he demands Venezuela return to America? the United States has never ‘owned’ land in Venezuela. where is this nonsense coming from? he’s fucking insane.

all this, two days before the Dead Pedo Bestie Files are due to be released. how convenient is that?

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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I’m Not Holding Out Hope

Dan Quayle was an idiot who proved his idiocy time and time again. Yet Republicans insisted he was a giant, because he fit the warped mold of what they consider leadership (white, male, arrogant, rich, and full of it). It wasn’t until Quayle misspelled “potato” that his political viability came crashing down on him.

It was a nothing moment, really. Quayle didn’t even necessarily get it wrong (“potatoe” is an obsolete alternative spelling). But it was a moment that prompted everyone to see what Quayle’s critics had been saying about him from day one: he was an empty shirted buffoon.

Why am I writing about Dan Quayle of all people? Because as inconsequential as that moment was, as inconsequential as he ended up being, the “potatoe” moment still serves as a case study for something being so on the nose that it finally shattered any illusions (or delusions) that anyone was holding about him. There was really no way to defend his intellect after that; after all, the guy couldn’t even spell “potato.”

That was, of course, a comparatively innocent time. Back then we were still debating whether someone was too full of it and stupid to be President of the United States (or Vice President, as it were). We’ve since been subjected to a President of the United States who can’t spell anything, and can barely speak a coherent sentence, yet his illiteracy isn’t among the thousand most disqualifying things about him. We have a President who is a recently convicted felon, whose entire business empire has been exposed as a long running fraud with thoroughly cooked books, who was found by the courts to have sexually assaulted a woman, who tried to violently overthrow the government of the United States, who has advanced dementia and appears to be dying, who was already rejected once for being the worst President in the history of the United States… and he’s back to being President again?

The bar has been set so low over the past decade that Dan Quayle could never even get the Republican nomination because he’s far too literate – and not nearly evil enough. For some reason, for some utterly psychotic reason, Americans decided to try making the worst person in the world the President, and when that was a disastrous failure, they later decided to make him President again. There’s really nothing that could finally turn Americans against him, right?

But that’s when the on-the-nose last straw comes in. Rob Reiner, a lovely man whose life’s work has inspired millions and whose activism was marked by his dignified approach to it, was tragically murdered by his mentally unwell son. It was one of those moments that has caught everyone off guard. I loved everything about Reiner. But even if you didn’t like anything about Reiner, there’s just no way you’d root for him to go out like this, or anything like this. It’s horrifying, and except for the very fringe of internet trolls, no one was going to find any joy in this awful moment.

Even this so-called President of the United States, who openly despised Rob Reiner and everyone knew it, was surely going to sit this one out, right? This small fraction of a man, even if he was celebrating Reiner’s murder privately, surely had the sense not to say it out loud, right? And even if the Asshole-in-Chief was going to say something negative about Reiner in the wake of his murder, he’d at least… I don’t even know. You just thought that even this worthless husk of a man, whose repugnant behavior has been at its absolute worst of late, just might have stopped at the water’s edge on this one.

But no. This deranged individual occupying the Oval Office, who I’m so angry at right now that I can’t even bring myself to use his name in this article, announced that Rob Reiner got himself murdered by being too angrily opposed to – well, we’re not using his name today.

Where does one even start? Never mind that this insane man… no, you know what? I’m not even going to try to analyze it. I don’t want to know what’s going on in his rotten festering mind, and I no longer care. To hell with him. There’s nothing left to analyze, other than to observe that his dementia appears to be making his worst qualities even worse.

But this isn’t about the man whose name I can’t bring myself to type today. It’s about his supporters. It’s about how, after a decade of warning signs, flashing red lights, loud sirens, and glaringly evil thoughts expressed in exact words, this cretin finally said something that prompted many of his own most prominent supporters to loudly and publicly condemn him. It’s about how this monster finally did something that was so on-the-nose monstrous, his weary supporters could no longer hang in there and pretend it was okay – or even keep it to themselves.

There is no way to predict where this will go next. For all we know, his supporters may well fall back in line with him by the time you’re reading this article. They may even have second thoughts about what the cretin said about Rob Reiner, decide it was justified, and start parroting it themselves. It’s happened before. But yesterday felt different. It was as if they knew their toad god had finally done something so egregious that they knew they weren’t going to be able to credibly defend him on it. For one brief cogent moment on their part, they were as repulsed by this repugnant man as the rest of us have been from the start. Something finally pierced the bubble of delusion that had spent a decade pretending up was down, wrong was right, and the most vile and most destructive man on earth was somehow a classy working class hero.

We’ll see what happens now. But maybe, just maybe, something as simple as a President of the United States publicly gloating derangedly over a political adversary’s murder is finally on the nose enough to jolt his remaining supporters into acknowledging that something is very, very wrong.

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Let’s Face It—He’s A Sociopath, Devoid Of All Human Emotion

here’s what we know so far:

on Saturday afternoon, some fuckface obtained a weapon of mass death, just as our founders intended. he took that weapon into Brown University in Providence, Rhode Island, and opened fire, just as our founders intended, indiscriminately spraying bullets, just as our founders intended, and sending nine people to the hospital and two to the morgue, just as our founders intended.

the unknown shooter then ran off and, as of this writing, is still at large, just as our founders intended.

terrified students spent the entire night barricaded in their classrooms, just as our founders intended.

it was the 465th mass shooting in America this year, just as our founders intended.

just another fucked-up day in the United States of Guntopia.

before we get to Donny Convict’s disgracefully callous response to this tragedy, here’s how a real president mourns.

Joe Biden: “Students should have the freedom to learn in school without having to fear for their lives. Period. We must never accept senseless violence that leaves families and communities shattered. It pierces the very soul of our nation. We can and must do more to prevent gun violence and save lives. Jill and I are grieving the lives lost and those wounded at Brown University, and we are keeping the victims, their loved ones, and all of Providence in our prayers.”

thank you. I miss this guy every day.

now let’s compare that with the reaction of the diaper-shittingest sociopath ever to befoul the Oval Bordello.

“and, uh. Brown University. great school. great— great, really one of the greatest schools anywhere in the world. things can happen.”

first of all, excellent job on the makeup, Mister President. my compliments to your embalmer.

uh, this fucking guy. not one single shred of humanity. just a dispassionate, monotone ‘things can happen.’ Donny puts more emotion into talking about Arnold Palmer’s dick.

we got the same fucked-up response last month, as Donny sat next to the Crown Prince of Bone Saw Arabia and rationalized away the murder of Jamal Khashoggi: ‘things happen.’

this isn’t how a president talks. this is how a mob boss talks.

the shit Donny says makes so much more sense if you imagine it coming out of the mouth of Tony Soprano. ‘so, some kids got shot up? some journalist got bone-sawed? hey, things happen. now leave me alone, can’t you see I’m busy?’

but at least Donny switches it up every now and then. when schoolchildren were gunned down in their classrooms in Perry, Iowa, he didn’t tell us that ‘things happen.’ instead it was ‘we have to get over it.’

thank you for your wise counsel, Preznit Fuckwit.

Donny could give a shit about what happens to other people. he’s too broken-inside to even fake a proper reaction. grief? empathy? what the fuck are those things? he is incapable of a human response to tragedy.

Donny’s handlers have completely given up trying to house-train him.

back in 2018, when Donny met with survivors of the Parkland school shooting, they handed him a cheat-sheet of things to say, so he could at least pretend to give a shit.

they don’t even bother trying to civilize Donny any more. they just shove him in front of the camera and let the chips fall where they may.

so now, all we get is ‘shit happens’ — and then it’s onto the topic on Donny’s list.

unless it’s misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk. then we get flags at half staff and an Oval Bordello address.

fuck this fucking fuck.

let’s do a palate cleanse — because this is the perfect moment to watch Secretary of Defense Flippy McCrushnuts do to his thing.

now let’s mock the shit out the rest of yesterday’s press event. here’s a super-fun thing that happened. President No Filters got distracted by a blonde woman standing among the assembled reporters.

“this is the most interesting story. [pointing] boy, do you look like Ivanka. has anyone ever told you that? look at— I’m saying ‘is that Iva—.’ could you just turn around for the camera? does she look— does she look like Ivanka? it’s the most unbelievable thing. I— it’s— I wouldn’t— I didn’t wanna take a chance. I say, ‘is that Ivanka?’ you look just like Ivanka, which is a great compliment.”

ugh. fuck off, you creep.

I’m pretty sure if I were a woman, the last thing I’d want to hear seeping out of Donny’s geriatric anus-mouth would be ‘you remind me of the daughter I want to quote-unquote ‘date.’’

for those of you keeping score at home: if you’re a black woman, it’s ‘shut up, piggy’ — but if you’re a white woman with long blonde hair, it’s ‘come here and let me grope you.’

ugh.

oh, and in case you’re wondering, a loss of sexual inhibition is absolutely one sign of dementia.

oh look, Donny’s Slovenian rent-a-wife was standing next to him the whole time — and boy, does she ever look happy to be there. I’ll bet she’s thrilled whenever her husband starts drooling uncontrollably over every woman who looks like his daughter.

anyway, Donny’s very proud of his plans to shit out an endless series of vulgar monuments, all over Washington DC.

“we have a policy thing that’s gonna— be unbelievable, happening. should I announce it, or should I keep quiet? I put Vince in charge of the Triumphal Arc. we’re building an arc like the Arc de Triomphe… it is something that is so special. it will be like the one in— in Paris but it to be honest with you, it blows it away.”

oh, lovely. Donny’s building an endless series of gaudy totems to himself while We the People struggle to feed our families.

you get two government-approved dolls and five pencils, while Donny gets a fugly arch, a tacky dance hall where the East Wing used to be, three more golf courses, and god knows what else he’s got up his sleeve.

you know who else wanted a ginormous fucking arch to commemorate his glorious Thousand-Year Reich, don’t you? of course you do.

and, finally, what. the. fuck. is. this.

“you heard— did you hear this story? and so, he’s, uh, he’s being read his rites and his— this is— they thought he was dead three times. three different times. they carried him out, feeding him the anti-venom, and over a period of months he was unconscious for a long time, many— weeks. and— he made it. I asked him, ‘how ya doin’ today?’ he said, ‘is it perfect?’ look how quiet everybody is. you know— you know, it’s funny. when you talk about snakes and— things like that. that uhhhhh, people find it interesting. would anybody like to go and— go to Peru and walk around the forest with the— he says ‘no thank you, I’ll say no thank you’— but uh, this was a real— did they ever find the snake, by the way?”

what a charming tale to tell at a White House Christmas reception.

this whole rambling anecdote about snakes is one more five-alarm reminder that President Pudding Cup’s brain has gone fuckity-bye. he can no longer fart out a coherent sentence. and the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press — the very same reporters who turned every one of Joe Biden’s verbal slips into a weeks-long scandal — just stand there like useless lumps.

hey, Jake Tapper — you could probably get three books’ worth of material just from this minute-long clip alone. any interest in following up?

I thought so.

before I let you go, I want to ask: what the fuck is wrong with Greg Bovino?

Obergruppenführer Bovino, you’ll recall, is the psychopath who’s currently ‘commander at large’ for the Border Patrol. I think his official title is Fuckface Who Hurls Tear Gas Canisters At Children And Lies About It To A Judge.

Greggers sure loves him some Nazi cosplay. dude has an entire Third Reich living in his head. I shit you not.

look at how Greg tarted himself up when he showed up on Newsmax yesterday.

so, my question to you is: who wore it better?

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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Sunday Tiedrich

oh dear, look what Preznit Fuckwit has done now. not satisfied with tarting up the Oval Bordello and the Cabinet Room with vulgar dime-store fake-gold tat, he’s now gluing that shit to the exterior walls of the White House — most recently, above each portrait on his infantile ‘presidential walk of fame.’ you know, the one where Joe Biden is represented by a photo of an autopen.

stay classy, Donny.

and oh look — the entryway to the West Wing now bears signage in the same tasteless golden script that’s outside the Oval Office. does Donny not realize how rinky-dink all this crap makes the White House look? of course he doesn’t. this is what passes for ‘sophisticated’ inside his worm-chewed brain.

hey, do you know who needs to have once-familiar objects labeled for them? dementia patients, that’s who. is that what all this dumbfuckery is about, so Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants doesn’t get confused and wander into traffic while trying to make his way from the Oval Office to the West Wing?

when Donny oozed his way back into power last January, we knew it was going to be a five-alarm shit-show. ‘fucking everything all to hell’ was a low bar, but somehow Dear Leader has managed to slither under it.

in less than a year, Donny has clownfucked the White House — and much of America — into something unrecognizable. and he’s not done — he remains obsessed with taking a massive shit all over literally everything.

The Trump administration issued a notice of default to the group that manages Washington’s three municipal golf courses, escalating a behind-the-scenes struggle over who will control some of the District’s most visible public land and effectively positioning the president to operate its public golf properties.

why? what possible reason could Agolf Shitler have for taking control of Washington’s three public golf courses, other than malignant megalomania?

doesn’t Donny already have enough golf motels? doesn’t he have, you know, a day job that should keep him too busy to have time for this meddlesome shit?

that’s what this micromanaging dipshit is focused on: golf courses, not affordability, not healthcare. not anything that would benefit We the People. because Donny lives inside a fact-free fantasy-bubble where he’s already made everything amazing — and now he’s taken to yelling at MAGA for not understanding how awesome their lives are now.

“When will I get credit for having created, with No Inflation, perhaps the Greatest Economy in the History of our Country? When will people understand what is happening? When will Polls reflect the Greatness of America at this point in time, and how bad it was just one year ago?”

let us know how browbeating your own cultists works out for you, bro. because here’s a free clue: people do ‘understand what is happening.’ every time someone walks into a grocery store and tries to figure out how they’re going to pay for basic necessities, they understand exactly what is happening — and who to blame.

meanwhile, while Donny’s off in cloud-cuckoo land, fiddling with golf courses, his sewer clowns are batshitting at the speed of light.

get ready to pick your jaw up off the floor — because apparently, FBI Director Krazee-Eyes Kash Patel and his flunky, Dan Bingo Bongo Bongino, have been holding secret meetings with Ukraine’s top peace negotiator.

“spark concern” is doing a metric fuckload of heavy lifting in that headline — because think about it: since when does US law enforcement get involved with peace talks, secret or otherwise?

on what planet does this make any sense?

Secret meetings between Ukraine’s top peace negotiator and FBI leaders have injected new uncertainty into the high-stakes talks to end the war there, according to diplomats and officials familiar with the matter.

* * *

The meetings have caused alarm among Western officials who remain in the dark about their intent and purpose.

gee, d’ya think?

who approved this? who thought it was a good idea who take two nitwits with no negotiating skills — or experience — and insert them into the peace process?

Kash and Bongino aren’t even law enforcement experts, much less diplomats they’re grifters and conspiracy-theory podcasters who are in way over their heads.

Krazee-Eyes Kash and Bingo Bongo are running the FBI for the same reason a piss-drunk Fox News dunk tank clown is in charge our nation’s armed forces: because Dear Leader values loyalty over competence.

it’s been that way his entire life. it’s how he ran the Trump Organization — which is why every single one of his business ventures has crashed and burned. Donny doesn’t want experts who might disagree with him, and tell him no. he wants compliant yes-men who will happily rubberstamp whatever fuckbrained scheme he concocts.

and now these two shitwits have inserted themselves into the Ukraine peace process. is the idea to sabotage the whole thing? who even knows?

here’s another bit of fuckwafflery that Donny’s brainiacs have come up with.

that’s right, pal. you want entry into the United States? well then hand over your phone, so Donny’s minions can paw through it and see what you’ve been up to.

It is especially notable that this rule will apply to foreign tourists and visitors from every country, including those where visas are waived. Currently, a British tourist is required to complete the U.S. Electronic System for Travel Authorizations to visit the country, and the social media disclosure would presumably be added directly to this process. However, according to the same notice, foreign travelers will also be expected to surrender other information as well, including all email addresses and phone numbers used in the last five years, as well as the physical addresses, names and contact information of family members.

excuse me?

I don’t know about you, but if I wanted to travel to some country, and was told that first I had to fork over five years of personal data, I’d cordially invite them to eat my entire ass — and then I’d cancel my plans.

no fucking way.

what’s the goal here? to deny entry to anyone who four years ago tweeted ‘Donny is a poopyhead’? or is it to compile a privacy-destroying database of everyone’s personal information?

it’s probably both.

did anyone think this through? implementing this cockamamie idea is going to be a nightmare. the federal government will either need to create a massive new bureaucracy with thousands of civil servants spending hours a day scrolling through millions of social media posts — or, more likely, some fucked-up AI going is going to be turned loose on everyone’s personal data. oh, great. that’s going to be a clusterfuck.

hey, maybe Glenn Beck’s AI George Washington will be pressed into service to keep tabs on all our tik-tok and instagram posts.

is the idea to completely collapse the US tourism industry? spoiler alert: it’s already working.

can anyone explain to me how destroying tourism Makes America Great Again? that shit brings billions of dollars into the United States every year.

EDITORIAL COMMENT FROM YOUR HOST:

END EDITORIAL COMMENT FROM YOUR HOST.

it’s important for us to never forget that none of it is normal.

wearing us down is how fascism wins. we have to keep on top of all of this shit, and ensure none of it gets normalized. it’s fucking exhausting — but necessary.

here’s the good news: Donny is as shit at fascism as he is at running casinos. we’re seeing the wheels coming off Dear Leader’s clown car. the GOP is backing away from his toxic policies, as they lose election after election.

steady on, folks. we’re going to get through this. I promise.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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Saturday Tiedrich 

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: life, liberty and the pursuit of what in the actual fuck

here’s some nightmare fuel no one asked for — or wanted — but Glenn Beck is inflicting it on us anyway: his ‘interview’ with an AI-generated George Washington.

for some inexplicable reason, AI George (who looks more like AI Gavin Newsom to me) is tarted up in a tight black t-shirt, as if he were some tech-bro version of a founding father.

oh, and excellent job on George’s fingers, Glenn.

but there’s only one thing you need to know about the video: AI George (whose mouth doesn’t match the words coming out of it) is too erudite for a dumbfuck like Beck to understand.

AI George: “if I may speak plainly, my countrymen, the danger, the greatest danger to our republic, lies not in foreign arms or in political faction, but—”

Glenn Beck: “may I interrupt you for a second? could you just dumb it down just a little bit?”

how unfair of Fake George to use big words like ‘countrymen’ and ‘republic.’

I can’t wait until some fuckface comes up with a MAGAfied AI Jesus and uses it to ‘prove’ that ‘blessed are the demented Mad Kings, for they shall shit themselves raw in the Oval Bordello.’

anyway, who needs Glenn Beck’s George Washington when we have Jesse Duquette’s?

tuesday: deck the halls with boughs of what in the actual fuck

look who showed up at this year’s White House Christmas Party: Florida Congresswoman Ann Appalling Lunatic — and she’s brought a friend with her: five-time international lap-hockey champion, Handy Oakley.

questions, as always, abound.

foremost, why is Handy humping Anna’s leg? Handy’s not very big on boundaries, is she. it looks as if she’s just seconds away from giving Anna a vigorous beetlejuicing.

why is Handy always posing like she’s engaging in the world’s oldest profession? she’s standing there as if she were under the gas lamps, luring the farm boys.

is Handy of the impression that the Oval Bordello is an actual bordello?I mean, sure, it’s hard to tell the difference, what with all that vulgar gold-spray-painted tat. but still. come on, woman — you’re embarrassing AI George Washington.

wednesday: have yourself a merry little what in the actual fuck

Fox News has a cheery holiday message for the dunderheads watching at home:

‘oh, were you expecting a nice, live Christmas tree this year? go fuck yourselves, Big Data needs that land for gigantic server farms, so that Glenn Beck can shit out an endless series of fake founding fathers.’

“this server farm is a hundred and fifty acres. yeah, there’s gonna be farms. and there will be transmission lines that have to go through developments. that’s the very nature of a growing economy. like that’s just— everybody needs to get on board. I just don’t— you know what? buy a fake tree.”

for those of you keeping score at home, you are officially allotted five pencils, two dolls and one plastic Christmas tree.

what the fuck kind of messaging is this? ‘you peons should be happy with less, while tech bros are allowed eat up more energy than many entire countries use in a year.’

here’s my reply to Big Data: piss up a rope, pal. you need a server farm? go knock down one of Dear Leader’s shitty golf motels. in fact, flatten all of them. boom — problem solved!

where does this dumbfuckery end? it’s a legit question to ask, because it’s only a short step from telling the cultists to ‘enjoy your fake tree’ to convincing them to willingly become batteries for the Matrix.

come on, loyal patriots — step into the tank. everyone needs to get on board!

thursday: me, myself and what in the actual fuck

oh look — the world’s wealthiest shitwad is out here having a perfectly normal one.

“I’d like to know who the asshole was that came up with the pronouns bullshit in the first place. That dipshit deserves a solid punch in the face.”

gee, the Space Snowflake seems a bit triggered. show us on the doll where pronouns hurt you, bro.

Elon has more money than god. dude could be doing anything in the world, and this is how he chooses to spend his time — hanging out at his own Nazi bar, and airing every single one of his petty grievances. how tiny is that?

since everyone is so into AI this week, let’s waste a few gigawatts on asking one ‘when were pronouns invented?’

look like the Space Nazi is going to have to invent a time machine before he can beat the shit out of the inventor of he, she and it.

you know, there’s only one good response to these fragile shitwits who crap their drawers every time their delicate ears encounter a pronoun — and forgive me for bragging, but I came with it years ago.

friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot

Friday got off to a great start for some fucking idiot, with the release of super creepy photos from the estate of his dead pedo bestie.

what’s the biggie? who among us hasn’t been photographed with girls whose faces had to be blacked out because they’re all underage victims?

the fucking idiot had a perfectly normal reaction to the news.

President Donald Trump went on a posting spree just minutes after some of the photos from trafficker Jeffrey Epstein’s estate were released by Congress.

There were 21 different posts in seven minutes, including memes and videos celebrating Trump and what he paints as his achievements.

the fucking idiot then held some Oval Bordello event, during which he was careful to hide his rotting hand as best he could.

the fucking idiot was ostensibly signing a bill honoring the members of the 1980 Olympic hockey team (why?) — so why the cowboy hats?

what the fuck even is this?

no, seriously — what the fuck?

who wore it better?

then, for the eighth time this month, the fucking idiot insulted a black woman to her face.

and not one worthless scribbler of the corporate-controlled media stood up to ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’

how fucking idiotic is that?

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

Thursday Tiedrich

yesterday, America’s Mad King summoned his royal scribes to the Oval Bordello and proudly announced that ‘it had been an interesting day in terms of news’ (his dumb-ass choice of words, not mine). here’s what was so ‘interesting’: US armed forces had boarded an oil tanker off the coast of Venezuela and taken possession of it.

what the fuck? was that an act of war? was it piracy? are we pirates, running around going ‘arrrrrrr, matey, give us your tanker’?

wait — Venezuela is part of the Caribbean. are we the fucking Pirates of the Caribbean now?

Venezuela’s calling it piracy.

US forces have seized an oil tanker off the coast of Venezuela, in a major escalation of Donald Trump’s four-month pressure campaign against the South American country’s dictator, Nicolás Maduro, whose government called the seizure “an act of international piracy”.

but look at Donny. he can’t even create an international incident without also pulling on his clown shoes and going buffooning.

“it’s been an interesting day from the standpoint of news. as you probably know, we’ve just seized a tanker on the coast of Venezuela. large tanker. very large. largest one ever seized, actually.”

can you believe that? Donny actually bragged about the size of the ship.how fragile and needy is that? he can’t even do a simple piracy without going off on a tangent about how it was the greatest piracy off all time. a piracy like no one thought possible. big strong sailors with tears in their eyes were going ‘sir! sir! no one ever boarded us like you did, sir! how do you do it? sir!’

you can’t even parody this stuff, because Donny will get there eventually.

I know that Dear Leader wants us to fear him, but come on. he’s a dipshit — a stupid preening performative-nonsense dipshit. one who gets super aroused by big boats and trucks.

that’s because he’s an deteriorating man-child — and because he’s really fucking dumb.
by the way, because we live in the stupidest possible timeline, the tanker that was seized is named The Skipper.

because of course it is. you cannot make this shit up.

so what’s the end-game here? is Donny taking us to war with Venezuela? all the fuckery he’s been up to lately sure makes it look that way.

Since August, the US has put a $50m bounty on Maduro’s head, launched the biggest naval deployment in the Caribbean Sea since the 1962 Cuban missile crisis, and carried out a series of deadly airstrikes on alleged drug boats that have killed more than 80 people.

Democratic Senator Chris Coons seems to think so.

Sen. Chris Coons (D-Del.) expressed fear Tuesday that President Trump is “sleepwalking us into a war” with Venezuela in the wake of recent tension between the U.S. and the South American country.

“I’m afraid that Secretary [Pete] Hegseth and President Trump are sleepwalking us into a war with Venezuela, and that regime change and access to the critical mineral resources and oil and gas of Venezuela is the real purpose and real goal here,” Coons told MS NOW’s Nicolle Wallace on “Deadline: White House.”

so does Rand Paul.

“It sounds a lot like the beginning of a war,” Paul told NewsNation’s Hannah Brandt on Capitol Hill.

stop breaking our hearts, Rand.

on the other hand, this retired Marine colonel says no fucking way.

“The United States does not have the ground forces needed for an invasion,” said Mark Cancian, a retired Marine colonel and co-author of the analysis. “The Venezuelan ground forces number some 90,000 including the army, marines and National Guard. The United States has only 2,200 Marines [nearby], and there’s no movement to reinforce them.”

but when has not being ready ever stopped Donny from doing something monumentally stupid?

Donny is an impulsive imbecile who acts first and thinks never. he tore down the entire East Wing without bothering to have a plan in place for the gaudy dance hall that’s supposed to replace it. it’s a fucking hole in the ground right now. he shitcanned Obamacare subsidies without having anything to replace them.

do you really think Donny’s going to let something silly like not having enough Marines in place keep him from going to war, if he wakes up in a bad enough mood?

Donny says he wants regime change in Venezuela, and to bring democracy to its people. does any of that sound familiar?

hey, remember what happened the last time the good old US of A went war-for-oiling, in Iraq?

it was supposed to be a cakewalk — over in six weeks — with grateful Iraqis throwing flowers, and hailing us as liberators.

remember what actually happened? quagmire city. we were stuck in Iraq for nine years. hundreds of thousands of people died. trillions of dollars got flushed straight down the shitter. and for what? Iraq is a failed state now, and we never actually did get their oil.

that war was planned by Dick Cheney, Paul Wolfowitz and Donald Rumsfeld.

this oil war — if we have one — is going to be planned by a Mad King, a piss-drunk dunk-tank clown, and Liddle Marco. those ass-clowns are a thousand times dumber than the shitwits who bogged us down in Iraq. whatever they cook up is bound to be a fucking disaster.

when Cheney and his neocons lied us into war with Iraq, at least they had the decency to send Colin Powell over to the UN with bogus ‘evidence’ of Iraq’s fuckery.

we’re still waiting for one single shred of evidence that any of the Venezuelan fishing boats we’ve blown up have had any drugs on them at all.

meanwhile, Donny continues to wander out where the buses don’t run. here’s another inexplicable dollop of what-the-fuck from yesterday’s event.

“Boeing gave me the award for the greatest salesman in the history of Boeing, which was a nice little award. I think I’ve sold a thousand Boeing planes. can you believe it?”

no, we can’t believe it because — spoiler alert — these is no such award. Donny is so thirsty for accolades — and so demented — that he’s now inventing imaginary honors.

wait, that gives me an idea. I have a cunning plan. here’s how we end this thing peacefully.

let’s get Venezuelan President Maduro to announce that Donny has won — oh, I don’t know, let’s call it the Caracas Peace Prize For Being A Super Genius Who Ended All The Wars.

then Maduro can throw a gaudy ceremony for Donny, just like FIFA did. he can give a five-minute speech flattering the shit out of Donny, telling him how amazing he is, and then give him some cheap-ass gold-plated medallion he can hang around his neck.

afterwards, Maduro and Donny can walk off together, best friends forever.

look at me. I just stopped a war. where’s my FIFA Peace Prize?

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

As If There Was Any Question

[Cankles] was begging for Norway and Denmark to send some “nice people” at his hate rally last night.

Pretty sure he meant “white people”

And today his social media put out this image so….yeah

[Cankles] is racist

Posted on

Midweek Tiedrich

fuck the usual daily dose of doom and gloom. good news is out there — let’s take a look.

first off, Eileen Higgins was elected mayor of Miami, Florida.

this is fucking huge, and here’s why:

it’s been twenty-eight years since Miami last elected a Democratic mayor — and Higgins didn’t just squeak into office. she crushed it, getting nearly 59 percent of the vote.

the Republican brand is growing ever more toxic by the day.

the last Democrat to run for Miami mayor, in 2021, lost by 67 percent. Higgins’ victory represents a pro-Democratic swing of— hang on, math is hard, and I just ran out of fingers. okay, that’s a swing of 26 percentage points.

Higgins even significantly outperformed Kamala Harris’ 2024 numbers.

In the Miami mayoral race, Higgins (D) is outperforming Kamala Harris by 42 points in Wynwood and 25 points in Little Havana.

pour one out for presidential sidepiece Laura Loomer. she’s experiencing a Ginormous Sad right now.

“A bright red city in a bright red state just went blue tonight. Eileen Higgins is a socialist. President Trump’s Presidential library will now be constructed under the control of a rabidly anti-Trump Democrat who supports soft on crime policies. Midterms will be a bloodbath.”

wait, the midterms are going to be a bloodbath? don’t threaten me with a good time, Laura. let’s hug it out.

this is the kind of twaddle that Laura Loopy worries about, that Dear Leader’s ‘presidential library’ is going to be built by a radical leftist commie pinko socialist. oh noes!

let’s get real, Donny’s presidential library already exists. it’s in the shitter of his tacky Florida golf motel.

here’s another significant victory. Democrat Eric Gisler flipped Georgia’s 121st House District from red to blue. that’s a district where Donny Convict won by double digits last year.

here’s why Gisler’s victory matters: it wasn’t supposed to happen. Georgia’s 121st district had the living shit gerrymandered out of it, in order to ensure Republican victories forever.

A Republican gerrymander just backfired in Georgia. Despite splitting Athens into three conservative-leaning districts, Democrats flipped Trump+12 GA HD-121 — turning one of those engineered red seats blue tonight.

if Republicans can’t even gerrymander their way to safe seats, Laura Loopy just might be right about that bloodbath.

Democrats are on a roll. they keep they keep racking up off-year wins. Zohran Mamdani in New York City. Abigail Spanberger in Virginia. Mikie Sherrill in New Jersey. Prop 50 in California. Pennsylvania’s Supreme Court. Mary Sheffield in Detroit — on and on, while Republicans keep racking up bupkis.

here’s why this keeps happening:

“Posted anonymously to Reddit this morning… ‘In the longest line I have ever seen at our local church food bank, been standing here for an hour, its 34 degrees. A small town in Kentucky with a population of <4800. Basically 10% of the population is waiting at the food bank.’”

food lines in a deeply-red state are the direct result of Republicanomics. this is what happens when incoherent and arbitrary tariffs raise the price of every fucking thing. this is what happens when the Donny’s beloved Big Beautiful Bill makes healthcare more expensive while giving the morbidly wealthy another tax cut.

Republicans aren’t doing shit for their base, and everyone knows it.

blaming everything on Sleepy Brandon only goes so far.

Obamacare subsidies are just about set to expire, and Republicans continue to fumble healthcare.

Fox: “what do you say to those who say to Republicans, ‘where is your plan?’ where is the plan that the American people can kind of get their hands around and say ‘well, if I’m not going to get my subsidy, I’m going to pick option B.’?”

Pennsylvania Senator Dave McCormick: “in the short term, we’re still wrestling with how to deal with this.”

in the ‘short term’? oh really? come on, Republicans have been trying to replace Obamacare since the day it became law fifteen years ago — and in all that time, they haven’t come up with shit. Republicans aren’t going to have a plan in two weeks, or two months, or two years.

the GOP did this to themselves, by shitcanning Obamacare subsidies without first coming up with a way to keep insurance affordable. they had to have known this was going to blow up in their faces. what did they imagine was going to happen, that the Health Insurance Fairy was going to swoop down at the last minute and wave a magic wand that would fix everything?

hang on, that’s actually a better plan than anything the Republicans have managed to come up with.

and, lastly, Dear Leader’s brain continues to leak out of his ears. oh, look — Donny Two-Dolls is back!

“you can give up certain products. you could give up pencils. under the China policy, you know, every child can get thirty-seven pencils. they only need one or two, you know. they don’t need that many. but you always need, you always need steel. you don’t need thirty-seven dolls for your daughter. two or three is nice. but you don’t need thirty-seven dolls. so, uh, we’re doing things rights.”

that was Donny, in Pennsylvania last night, on the first leg of what he’s calling his ‘affordability tour.’ in the middle of a speech where Donny was supposed to be praising his fictitious awesome economy, the monkey in his head started crashing the cymbals a little too loudly, and out came gibberish about how no one needs more than two dolls.

even the Washington Post had to note how dumb-as-fuck this messaging was.

what in the hallowed name of Tone-Deaf Jesus does Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants imagine he’s accomplishing, telling his cultists to be happy with their government-approved two pencils — all while he’s wasting three hundred million dollars on a vanity project to boost his own ego, in the form of a gaudy dance hall where the White House’s East Wing used to be.

keep it up, Donny. keep telling those people lined up in the freezing cold for that food bank in Kentucky all about how they only need two pencils. you go down there and say it right to their faces.

do let us know what happens.

here’s what I wrote one month ago, after the Mamdani-Spanberger-Sherrill sweep. every word of it still holds true today.

the lesson in all this for Donny and his Republican enablers is that none of their fuckery is popular.

We the People don’t want masked and armed Gestapo thugs terrorizing our neighborhoods and teargassing our children. We the People don’t want incoherent economic policies that send prices ever upwards. We the People don’t want a broken government that works only for billionaires.

We the People don’t want an unhinged and deteriorating 34-count narcoleptic fart factory ruling over us. yesterday’s election results made that clear.

President Pudding Cup wasn’t on the ballot, but yesterday’s election was a referendum on his presidency — and the results were not pretty for him.

will Republicans learn anything from the drubbing they took yesterday? of course fucking not. expect them to double down on the lunacy — and the oppression. it’s all they know how to do.

we’ve got battles ahead of us that will need to be taken on, and won.

but for today, let’s congratulate ourselves. tomorrow we return to the fight.

’twas ever thus.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

Are We Finally In The “Find Out”Phase?

Mr. Smith, who spent more than two years aggressively collecting evidence to prove Trump mishandled classified documents and tried to overturn the results of the 2020 election, appears eager to publicly challenge Trump. Smith has made it unmistakably clear that he will not only defend himself but take a hammer to Mr. Trump’s exaggerated and false claims. There’s “tons of evidence” Smith said, that Mr. Trump had willingly retained the classified documents at his residence in Mar-a-Lago and tried “to obstruct the investigation.” Some Republicans have privately expressed concern that Mr. Trump’s quest for vengeance could backfire by giving a credible anticorruption investigator an open mic. Jack Smith still has the capacity to inflict significant political damage by discrediting the MAGA narrative that Trump did nothing wrong.

Source: The New York Times
Posted on

Tuesday Tiedrich

the legal career of ace parking garage lawyer Alina Habba has been one fucktacular disaster after another.

she’s been lectured, berated and reprimanded by judges for being unaware of basic courtroom procedures. she did such a terrible job of defending Donny in court that he was found liable for rape, and fined 83.3 million dollars. and a lawsuit she filed on Donny’s behalf against Hillary Clinton was so patently frivolous that Alina wound up being sanctioned for a million dollars.

but it was on January 4, 2024, that Alina secured her spot in the Dumbfuck Hall of Fame. that was the day she appeared on the PBD podcast and shat out these legendary words:

“somebody said to me ‘Alina, would you rather be smart or pretty?’ and I said ‘oh easy, pretty. I can fake being smart’.”

fact check: oh please, fuck straight off. every day of her life, Alina proves she can’t fake being smart. nor can she fake humility, or competence. she can’t even fake being a lawyer.

now we’re learning that she can’t fake basic professionalism.

yesterday, Alina Habba resigned as Acting US Attorney for New Jersey — and she did it in the most MAGA way possible: by going onto Elon’s Nazi Bar and tweeting a pissy statement in which she rehashed every grudge and grievance.

have you noticed that everyone in Donny’s orbit is as petty and childish as he is? this is the lesson they all learn by watching Dear Leader, as he pisses and moans his way through life: that it’s perfectly okay to be a malignant diaper-baby who never stops whining about every fucking thing.

Alina is sooooo aggrieved. doesn’t the Third Circuit understand that Alina’s been fighting the good fight against lawfare for literal years and years? why is everyone being so mean to her? it’s so unfair!

none of this unprofessional twaddle belongs in a resignation letter. this is the kind of letter you write when you’ve been kicked off the high school cheerleading squad.

and this, by the way, is the face Alina makes when she demands to speak with the Third Circuit Court’s manager.

now, here’s the beauty part: the Acting US Attorney job that Habba ‘resigned’ is one she’d already been removed from months ago. that ruling was upheld last week by the Third Circuit.

so basically, since last August, the parking garage lawyer has been pretending to be an Acting US Attorney.

‘pretending to be acting’ — I can’t even believe I just typed that surreal string of words. welcome to life in the shittiest timeline ever.

now Alina has to go out and get a real job, for once. maybe she can learn to play the tiny violin.

here are two more homeys who can’t fake smart — Sean Duffy, the Secretary for Hoping Planes Don’t Fall Out Of The Sky, and Bobby Brainworms, the head of the Department Of Dying From A Preventable Disease.

these two ass-clowns have been putting their heads together, and they’ve come up with some awesome ideas for improving your airport experience.

“maybe I want a workout area where people might get some blood flowing doing some pull-ups or step-ups in the airport.”

oh yeah, I’m loving this idea. this is exactly what we need: a way for dumbfucks to get overheated and sweaty before they sit next to you on a crowded plane.

oh look, they brought an actual pull-up bar with them for the dog-and-pony show. let’s watch Bobby make a complete ass of himself.

what kind of weak-ass nonsense was that? oh come on, Bobby! those aren’t even real pull-ups. where is the effort? put some fucking muscle into it, dude.

we definitely have to gif that shit for posterity’s sake.

Brainworms and Duffy are overgrown and emotionally-stunted children.

it’s as if you took two eight-year-old boys, pumped them full of sugar, and set them loose making national policy.

‘you know what airports need? whale heads! when I grow up, I’m going to have a chainsaw! won’t that be awesome?’

now let’s watch Little Donny Fuckface finally win the Nobel Complete Piece of Shit Prize, as he once again insults and berates a reporter who is a woman of color.

a little background first. last week, reporter Selena Wang asked Donny if he would consider releasing the video that shows those two shipwrecked Venezuelans clinging to the wreckage of their boat, and getting murdered to death by the US military.

here was Donny’s exact answer: ‘I don’t know what they have, but whatever they have, we’d certainly release. No problem.’

got that? now here’s Donny being a complete fuckwad yesterday.

ABC reporter Rachel Scott: “Mr. President, you said you would have no problem with releasing the full video of that strike on September 2nd off the coast of Venezuela. Secretary Hegseth now says—”

Donny: “I didn’t say that. that’s— you said that, I didn’t say that. this is ABC fake news.”

fact check: yes, you did say that. here’s the link again, you doddering old shit-for-brains.

later on in the clip, Rachel Scott asks once again if Donny will release the full video. here’s the Mad King’s charming response.

“didn’t I just tell you that? you are the most obnoxious reporter in the whole place. let me just tell you— you are an obnoxious— a terrible, actually a terrible reporter. and it’s always the same thing with you. I told you.”

you’ll be shocked to learn that Rachel Scott is a woman of color.

and you’ll be shocked to learn that not one of Rachel’s colleagues spoke up in her defense. they all just stood there like the useless lumps they are.

in the last month alone, Donny has insulted seven reporters — all of them women.

why is it always the women who have the courage to ask Donny the uncomfortable questions? what the fuck is wrong with you men? stand up for your profession. stand up for your colleagues.

this is probably a good place to note that my What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™ is now in its 2,079th day.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

 

Posted on

Sunday Tiedrich

Holy Mike Johnson, the limpest dick ever to wield the House Speaker’s gavel, is in grave danger of losing his grip on that hammer.

by way of explanation, let me commit a metaphor. everyone loves a metaphor, right? especially when it’s this one.

Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand is, of course, standing in for Holy Mike Johnson. the skateboard represents four Republican Congresswomen who are furious with Holy Mike right now. and the nuts are, well, literal nuts. not everything has to be a metaphor, okay?

the women who are the four skateboards of the nutpocalypse.

the first is Marjorie Three Toes Greene.

the Republican majority in the House right now stands at 220-213.

with Madge sporking her way out of Congress next month, the Republican barely-a-majority in the House will drop to 219 — making it that much harder for Holy Mike to inflict his Christofascist fuckery on We the People.

the second is America’s self-appointed bathroom panty inspector

attention-starved Nancy Mace — currently running to be South Carolina’s Governor, and probably jealous of all the headlines Marge got after announcing she was quitting — has also been making noises about retiring early. per The New York Times,

Representative Nancy Mace of South Carolina has told people she is so frustrated with the Louisiana Republican and sick of the way he has run the House — particularly how women are treated there — that she is planning to huddle with Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene of Georgia next week to discuss following her lead and retiring early from Congress.

pay particular attention to Nancy saying that she’s sick of ‘how women are treated’ by Holy Mike — because here’s a super-fun headline from The Hill.

get ready for the least-surprising thing you’ll hear today: apparently, Holy Mike Johnson — a Christofascist from a southern state — has a problem with women in power. as a result, he’s been sidelining and ignoring them the entire time he’s been House Speaker.

I know, right? knock me over with a feather.

you have to love the way the Times dances around the issue.

Some [Republican women] said privately that the speaker had failed to listen to them or engage in direct conversations on major political and policy issues, suggesting that doing so was a cultural challenge for Mr. Johnson — an evangelical Christian who has often voiced firm views about the distinct roles men and women should play in society.

‘often voiced firm views’ is doing a shitload of heavy lifting in that paragraph.

what the Times is afraid to come right out and say is that Holy Mike is a raging misogynist who would prefer it if the ladies would get the fuck out of the halls of Congress and back into the kitchen, where they belong. those sandwiches aren’t going to make themselves.

the third skateboard of the nutpocalypse is Florida Rep. Ann Appalling Lunatic — who for once in her weird, interdimensional-entity-obsessed life, is not being an appalling lunatic.

Luna has authored a bill that would ban members of Congress from stock trading — and I think we can all agree that preventing Congress members from enriching themselves off the insider knowledge they hold as lawmakers is a great idea.

it’s fucking heartbreaking.

the problem for Luna — and the rest of us — is that Holy Mike thinks banning stock trading is a shitty idea, and he’s refused to schedule a vote on the bill.

Luna was all ‘this aggression will not stand, man,’ and has filed a discharge petition to force a vote on her bill — much like the one Tom Massie used to force a vote on the Dead Pedo Bestie files.

the fourth skateboard is New York’s Elise Stefanik, best known for having a name Dear Leader can’t pronounce.

“how great did Elise Steppanack do?”

Steppanack Stefanik is hella pissed at Holy Mike right now.

“He certainly wouldn’t have the votes to be speaker if there was a roll-call vote tomorrow,” the New York lawmaker, who is running for governor, said in an interview with The Wall Street Journal. “I believe that the majority of Republicans would vote for new leadership. It’s that widespread.”

Elise and Holy Mike have been slap-fighting for years, but it recently came to a head when Mike balked at a provision she wanted inserted into the National Defense Authorization Act — one that would ‘require the FBI to alert Congress if it opens a counterintelligence investigation into an elected official or candidate.’

according to Punchbowl News,

Stefanik has gone absolutely ballistic on Johnson in the most public way during this dispute, saying the speaker was lying about her and instructing him to “fix this” – in other words, get the provision into the bill. Stefanik said Johnson was “blocking” her policy and the speaker was getting “rolled” by Democrats.

slow the fuck down, Elise — America is in danger of depleting its National Strategic Reserve of Popcorn.

I have a better idea for Stefanik. instead of some dumb-ass provision to require the FBI to rat on itself, how about Elise’s Republican colleagues stop being such lawless fucksticks, and maybe they won’t have to be investigated by the FBI in the first place?

now here’s where the Elise-vs-Holy Mike feud gets weird — because as almost always is the case when it’s Republican-on-Republican violence, both sides fucking suck.

recall that back in the early days of the Mad King’s second reign, Donny nominated Steppanack Stefanik to be Ambassador to the United Nations — and then, a couple of weeks later, withdrew her nomination. who even remembers why? it’s impossible to keep up with the firehose of fuckery that’s being sprayed in our faces, twenty-four-seven.

anyway, when no-longer-a-nomineeElise slunk back the House to resume being a Rep, Holy Mike named her ‘chairwoman of House Republican Leadership,’ as sort of a consolation prize — and, apparently, she wasn’t grateful enough.

A senior Republican congressional aide, who spoke on the condition of anonymity for fear of prolonging an intraparty feud, said that after Mr. Johnson had provided Ms. Stefanik with office space and a budget for what the aide described as “a fake job and a fake title,” he would have expected her to be more gracious.

it cannot be stressed enough that all of these Republicans fucking suck. Elise Stefanik is supposed to fall all over herself in gratitude over being given what the anonymous aide admits is ‘a fake job and fake title’?

these people are all ill-tempered children, and they deserve each other.

shed not a tear for Holy Mike, should he lose the House Speakership. he’s been a fucking nightmare. he’s weak and ineffective. he’s an evasive liar. ask any question about some fuckery of Donny’s that’s been all over the news, and he’ll claim to have never heard about it.

worse than any of that, Johnson has completely abdicated the House Speaker’s Constitutionally-ordained role as a check on the presidency. he’s let a fluorescent tangerine Mad King run wild, never once blocking any of his fuckbrained schemes. whatever Donny wanted — no matter how obviously ruinous — was fine with Mike. incoherent tariffs? go for it, Dear Leader. unconstitutional executive orders? you do you, bro. fire all the experts and replace them with morons? sounds good to us. prosecute political enemies? knock yourself out. kick millions of people off their healthcare so that gazillionaires can have another tax cut? what could possibly go wrong?

the end of Holy Mike’s grasp on power — whether from being stabbed in the back by his own party, or by Republicans losing their majority after the likely Blue Tsunami midterms — can’t come fast enough.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: fishes like no one thought possible

as Jesus sagely counseled us in his Sermon on the Mount, blessed are the dipshits, for they will crap their dumbfuckery all over social media.

exhibit A: internet found object Nick Adams.

oh look, it’s the parable of the fishes and the loaves, wherein Jesus, armed with two fish and five loaves, miraculously feeds five thousand of his faithful flock. and I guess that Donny Convict is our modern-day Jesus? whatever you say, MAGA. I’m pretty sure that if Jesus returned today, he wouldn’t be some racist kiddie-fiddler.

have you ever noticed that every time the cultists wants to show an image of Dear Leader helping someone, it has to be ginned up by AI?

let’s get real. we all know what would happen if Donny decided to get into the fishes and loaves business.

first of all, fuck that ‘give it away for free’ shit. that’s not how Preznit Greedface rolls. dude’s always gotta make a buck. so he’d sit himself down and record a video announcing Trump Fishloaves™. he’d go on and on about how these are amazing fishloaves, beautiful, delicious fishloaves, possibly the greatest fishloaves of all time. and then he’d set up a web site and start taking pre-orders for $499.00.

and every MAGA shitwit would be all ‘shut up and take my money’ — because stupid doesn’t magically cure itself overnight.

and then, six months later, some reporter would go ‘hey, whatever happened to those Trumploaves™?’ — and the answer would be bupkis. zip. nada. because the whole fucking thing was a scam from the get-go — just like those $499.00 Trump phones.

and then we’d find out that the gluttonous fuck ate all the fishes and loaves himself, in one sitting.

but sure, MAGA. you keep telling yourselves how Dear Leader is some awesome humanitarian. it’s such a cool story.

tuesday: blessed are the gullible

podcast bro Joe Rogan’s whole deal is that he’s a credulous meathead. he’ll sit there like a lump as some raving conspiracy loon barks out the batshittiest fever-swamp hallucinations imaginable — after which Joe will nod his head, take a long drag off a joint, and go ‘huh. I didn’t know that.’

but Joe’s not above making his own nonsensical high-as-fuckpronouncements.

“Jesus was born out of a virgin mother. what’s more virgin than a computer? if Jesus does return, even if Jesus was a physical person in the past, you don’t think he could return as artificial intelligence? artificial intelligence could absolutely return as Jesus.”

I think it’s high time (see what I did there?) for Joe Rogan to put down the joint — because I’m pretty sure he meant ‘Jesus could absolutely return as AI.’

this unknown twitterer says it far better than I ever could.

as someone who attended high school in the early 1970s and had many friends with older brothers, I can confirm that this is 100% true.

wednesday: blessed are the fuckfaces

are you a devout, godfearing MAGA woman who can’t find a husband? well, listen up — because Christian nationalist fascist Joel Webbon has some advice for you.

“lose 20 to 30 pounds.”

I have some advice for MAGA men who can’t find a wife: grow a personality — and try to be less of a hateful asshole.

I know it’s hard, but try.

thursday: Kash and carry

Thursday’s big news was the announcement that the person suspected of planting bombs at the DNC and RNC headquarters the night before January 6, 2021 had finally been apprehended. and — spoiler alert — it wasn’t (as so many on social media had hoped) a certain three-toed freak of nature.

put your disappointment aside for a moment, because — hey, you want to see in-way-over-his-head FBI Director Krazee-Eyes Kash Patel drag irony out back to the gravel pit and shoot it in the head?

“when you attack our nation’s Capitol, you attack the very being of our way of life. we will always refute it and combat it.”

seriously, there, Kash? always?

fact check: fuck all the way off.

because Dear Leader pardoned all fifteen hundred of these Capitol-attacking shitheads on his very first day in office.

oh, and here’s a fun fact.

the suspect is a Trumper, so no one should be surprised when he gets pardoned, too.

pretty suspicious timing, to catch this guy right now. the only thing you need to know about this whole dog-and-pony show is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.

friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot

on Friday, some fucking idiot started his day by announcing that he had “just approved TINY CARS to be built in America.”

you’re welcome, America!

what the crap? does the fucking idiot not understand how free enterprise works? anyone who wants to build a TINY CAR already has the freedom to do so. they don’t need some kingly proclamation of approval. for fuck’s sake, his entire administration already fits in a tiny car.

can we not, at long last, confine this fucking idiot to a padded room? maybe one with a throne in it, where he can sit all day long and make royal declarations to his heart’s content. ‘I have just approved UNDERWEAR to be worn on everyone’s heads. ENJOY!!!’

anyway, after that bit of dumb-assery, it was off to the main event. the fucking idiot was awarded the FIFA Peace Prize.

which turned out to be a cheap piece of gold-plated metal that he hung around his neck.

does the fucking idiot not grasp that the entire world is pissing its pants laughing at him right now? he’s the only person who isn’t aware that he’s an overgrown child being handed an imaginary Very Special Boy Participation Trophy. he took the whole farcical spectacle seriously.

he’s a joke — an international joke being told at America’s expense. it’s all so embarrassing.

but the fucking idiot’s day wasn’t over yet. he had one more trick up his sleeve. he announced that he was ending free admission to national parks on Juneenth and Martin Luther King Day — as one does when one is a demented racist.

oh, but the fucking idiot did add one new free admission day: June 14th, the fucking idiot’s own birthday — as one does when one is a demented narcissist.

YOU’RE WELCOME, AMERICA!!!

and not one worthless scribbler of the corporate-controlled media stood up to ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’

how fucking idiotic is that?

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.