Category: 2025

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Weekend Tiedrich

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: first they came for the boomers

uh oh. Fox News found object Jesse Watters has a solution to the housing crisis — and it’s a solution I find personally distressing.

“baby boomers will eventually pass away, and when they do, they will all do it at the same time, and then millions and millions of homes will become available like that.”

wait, we’re going to do what now? everyone born between 1946 and 1964is going to die at the same time?

fuck me, why am I just hearing about this now? apparently I’ve been left off that text chain. when is this great die-off supposed to happen? I’m hoping it’s not for at least four weeks. I’d like to finish watching Down Cemetery Road.

I don’t know why Jesse’s so smugly pleased about this. doesn’t he realize that once all the boomers drop dead, Fox’s ratings will drop to zero? who do you think is watching your tiresome show, Jesse?

careful what you wish for, shitkazoo.

tuesday: first they came for the books

this week, folks attempting to visit the public library in Smyrna, Tennessee were greeted by this distressing sign.

so, what was the emergency that required the whole building to be shuttered on such short notice? did the bathroom pipes burst? did the entire staff come down with food poisoning?

nope.

what happened is that some busybody found a book with a transgender character in it, and Tennessee’s Secretary of State freaked the fuck out and ordered libraries across the state to close immediately, so that librarians could “cull their children’s sections for gender-subversive content.”

I shit you not. here’s the entire sign that greeted the thwarted library-goers.

people, what the fuck are we even doing here?

wednesday: first they came for the Muslims

let’s watch as John Voight completes his transition from once-respected actor to batshit racist fuckhead.

“this city will turn into a forbidden place of darkness. the blood, sweat and tears that New York was built on will turn into a virtual refugee shelter for the radical Muslim ideology. this is now the most dangerous time for our citizens of New York. this mayor will destroy this city. we are obligated to demand our rights for our private sanctuary, our businesses, our property, that we all have worked so hard for. and this 35-year-old mayor as no right dictating the rules of socialism for a city built on our highest principles with brick and stone by hardworking Americans. this must be stopped and his mayoralty should be terminated immediately. and we the people have put our trust in the president of the United States, Donald J. Trump. he — and only he — can stop this horror, as the Mayor Mamdani will try to destroy New York’s wealth and turn it into a socialist crap city.”

sorry, John — your all-powerful tribal warlord fell asleep in the middle of your overcooked rant.

tighten that shit up, bro. you can’t expect President Pudding Cup to stay awake for the entire minute and a half you flapped your gums.

look, dumb-asses, Zohran Mamdani is going to be your mayor. dry your eyes and cope — and stop calling on Donny to ‘do something’ to ‘stop this horror.’ Dear Leader can’t do shit. what are you expecting? that he’ll issue an executive order? fart out some nonsensical tweet where he thanks us for our attention to this matter?

let’s get real: Mamdani doesn’t have the power to do any of the shit MAGA is wetting their pants in fear of. he’s bound by the same laws and Constitution the rest of us are (excepting, of course, our Very-Special-Boy-in-Chief).

lighten the fuck up. I’m pretty sure free buses isn’t part of some plan to usher in Sharia Law. this isn’t some slippery-slope kind of thing, where one day there’s a government-run grocery store in Flatbush and the next, you’re forced to gay-marry Rick Santorum’s dog.

now, here’s a pro tip for you hypocritical fuckwads: if you’re all bent out of shape that the guy in charge of New York is a Muslim, but not that the guy in charge of Medicare and Medicaid is a Muslim, you’re racisting wrong.

thursday: first they came for whatever the fuck this is

Florida Rep. An Appalling Lunatic went on Newsmax and — [taps earpiece] hold on, I’m being informed that the Florida rep’s name is actually Anna Paulina Luna. goddammit, I keep making this mistake. sorry about that, Anna. let me start over.

Florida Rep. Anna Paulina Luna went on Newsmax and did what she does best: blithered like an appalling lunatic.

Newsmax: “you’re on the record talking about, quote ‘non-human life-forms that could be interdimensional beings who are visiting us.’ can you just explain more, so people at home might know what that means.”

Lunatic: “yes, so that’s definitely a mouthful, but that is directly based on information that we received from witnesses. also information that we have obtained and witnessed via our investigations. there is some stuff that I can’t disclose what I have immediately seen in some of these SCIFs, but what I will tell you is, this is not some crazy conspiracy theory.”

spoiler alert: yes is it. it’s a crazy conspiracy theory.

I’d like to ask Anna if these interdimensional beings are in the room with us right now, but I’m afraid that she’d respond ‘yes, they are. duh. can’t you see them?’

this is why An Appalling Lunatic got herself elected to office — not to help her constituents, or to make anyone’s life better — but, apparently, to get to the bottom of whatever the fuck this is.

friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot

on Friday, some fucking idiot had no public appearances. no way did the fucking idiot want to face the press, and be peppered with uncomfortable questions about his dead pedo bestie.

but that doesn’t mean the fucking idiot didn’t have a busy day.

he announced Operation Change the Subject from Epstein.

he also announced Operation Look Over There, SQUIRREL! — because, you see, he doesn’t have a dead pedo bestie problem, it’s the Democrats that have a dead pedo bestie problem.

the fucking idiot blared the soundtrack from ‘Phantom of the Opera’ from inside the Oval Bordello at a volume that could be heard across the street. perfectly normal stuff.

was the fucking idiot trying to drown out the barking noises in his head?

don’t you hate it when you have a noisy neighbor and it’s the president of the United States?

the fucking idiot also kept himself busy on his crappy app. what even is this?

he quite batshittingly broke up with Madge Three Toes, because she wouldn’t stop pestering him about the Dead Pedo Bestie Files.


and we know it’s an official breakup, because he thanked us for our attention to this matter.

the fucking idiot announced that he would love to talk about his dead pedo bestie, but he can’t, because he “has a country to run!”

spoiler alert: here’s the fucking idiot, hard at work running ruining the country.

then it was time for the fucking idiot to fly down to Motel-a-Lago so he could spend the weekend cheating at golf.

while the fucking idiot was on Bordello Force One, he couldn’t avoid answering questions from the press.

“I had an MRI and the result was outstanding.”
reporter: “was it your brain?”
“I have no idea what they analyzed, but whatever they analyzed, they analyzed it well.”

they ‘analyzed it well,’ these big, strong doctors with tears in their eyes. I’ll bet they did.

now, just imagine that Joe Biden had gone for medical tests and, when asked what they were for, answered ‘fuck if I know.’

you know exactly what would have happened next: Jack Tapper would have orgasmed on the spot, and written fifteen books about it in one afternoon.

yet not one reporter stood up and asked ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’

ow fucking idiotic is that?

saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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A Consummation Devoutly To Be Wished

From Greg Fallis:

I’m hesitant to write this. Well, that’s not entirely true. I’m happy to write it. I’m hesitant to hope it might be true. I’ve hoped this hope so many times in the past, and each time that hope has been soundly kicked squarely in the yorbels. But I dunno…this time…maybe? So what the hell, I’m going to write it.

We may actually be seeing the beginning of the end of Comrade President Donald J. Trump.

Why do I think that? Epstein.

Let’s face it, MAGA has repeatedly demonstrated that they’ll forgive Trump for anything. The open corruption, the galactic level hypocrisy, the gobsmacking incompetence, the extravagant lies, the destruction of the East Wing of the White House, the inability to maintain a coherent thought for any length of time, the complete and utter lack of loyalty to his subordinate, the destruction of a health care system they rely on, the destruction of civil liberties. MAGA has always found ways to overlook, justify, or even celebrate that shit.

And to be honest, a sizable chunk of MAGA will forgive Trump for boinking teenaged girls. They may claim to be disappointed that he boinked teenaged girls while he was married, but they’ll forgive him for it. Some will even applaud him for it.

But Epstein?

Epstein is different. Epstein exists outside the ‘boys will be boys’ framework. Epstein has become shorthand for ‘child sex trafficking.’ And child sex trafficking has been a mainstay of right-wing conspiracy theories for a long, long time. These people spend a LOT of time thinking about forced sex with young girls. If you recall, the QAnon movement was solidly locked into the notion that powerful (mostly Democratic) politicians and Hollywood elites (exclusively Democratic) had formed a cabal of Satanic/cannibalistic pedophiles who kidnapped, imprisoned, raped, and murdered children for their adrenochrome.

The loopy passion of QAnon was matched by—and eventually merged with—the loopy passion of MAGA. The membrane between QAnon and MAGA became even more porous and the loopiness escalated when Epstein died while in Federal custody. There was a feeding frenzy of conspiracy theories detailing how and by whom Epstein was murdered. Q/MAGA was energized during the 2024 election by Trump’s promise to release all the Epstein files if he was re-elected.

And hey, bingo…he was. In February, Attorney General Pam Bondi told reporters the Epstein client list “is on my desk right now for review.” Q/MAGA got excited. The truth was going to come out. Any day now. Really. Get ready. It was coming. Finally we’d know the truth. Just as soon as Bondi finished reviewing all the files. The Epstein client list would be made public and the elites would be held accountable for their horrific crimes. Q/MAGA could hardly contain itself. The anticipation was intense.

Then, on a busy Friday over the 4th of July holiday weekend, Bondi quietly announced that the Epstein client list…well, it didn’t exist. Sorry. Oh, and Epstein wasn’t murdered; he just killed himself. Case closed. Nothing to see here. What’s on Netflix this week?

Q/MAGA was…stunned. Then angry. Righteously angry. Now they feel betrayed. Not just by Bondi’s bait-and-switch, but by the possibility—wait, the probability—the OMFG certainty that Trump, his ownself, was on the list. Not just ON the list, but very likely FEATURED throughout the Epstein files. All of that loopy passion began to turn against Trump…and that’s a LOT of loopy passion.

I wrote about this back in July. In response to a question, I said this:

I don’t for a moment believe this will take Trump down. But I DO think it will weaken him. And I’m good with that. I don’t think there’s any single issue or scandal that can pull him down, but I think every issue that causes him to bleed a bit should be amplified. Death by a thousand cuts…that works for me.

I’m starting to change my mind on this. I’m starting to believe the sheer depth and scope of all that Epstein-inspired loopy passion could take Trump down. Again, I’m hesitant to hope for it, because there’s been a Friday the 13th quality to Trump; he doesn’t stay dead.

But maybe this time? Maybe dead Epstein will take Trump down? There would certainly be a sort of poetic justice to that. Maybe this could actually put an end to our national heart-ache and the thousand natural shocks that Trump has inflicted upon us.

‘Tis a consummation devoutly to be wished.

UPDATE: Today Trump announced that he’s asking the Department of Justice to investigate Democrats linked to Epstein. Just Democrats, apparently. The most obvious reason is to draw attention away from himself. A less obvious reason: by getting the DOJ to investigate Democrats, the DOJ can then refuse to release the Epstein files because of an “ongoing investigation.”

EDITORIAL NOTE: Seriously, we need to burn the patriarchy to the ground. Just about everything that’s fucked up in the world has its roots in patriarchy. Or capitalism. Much the same thing, really. Burn patriarchy and capitalism will also go up in smoke. Burn it.

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“Not One Decent Cell In His Body”

From Politizoom:

 

Wow. The Epstein emails are proving to be real treasures. Jeffrey Epstein may have been besties at one point with Donald Trump but the email that the above-headline was lifted from certainly shows that there was no love lost on Epstein’s part when it was written. Jeffrey Epstein once called Trump a “maniac” with signs of “early dementia,” newly-released emails show. The sex trafficker, once a close friend of the president, had soured on Trump by the time he moved into the White House in 2017, writing at the time that there was “not one decent cell in his body,” says The Daily Beast:

EMAILS RELEASED BY THE HOUSE OVERSIGHT COMMITTEE SHOW THAT EPSTEIN FREQUENTLY BAD-MOUTHED TRUMP DURING HIS FIRST PRESIDENTIAL TERM, INCLUDING TO THOMAS LANDON JR., A FORMER NEW YORK TIMES FINANCE REPORTER.

“NO QUESTIONS DONALDS STATEMENT WAS GOOFY,” HE EMAILED IN JANUARY 2018, REFERRING TO A STATEMENT TRUMP GAVE IN REACTION TO A MICHAEL WOLFF BOOK. “EARLY DEMENTIA?”

TRUMP, 79, HAS FACED MANY QUESTIONS ABOUT HIS HEALTH THIS YEAR, INCLUDING HIS MENTAL CAPACITY.

EPSTEIN’S MOST POTENT INDICTMENT OF TRUMP CAME WHILE HE CORRESPONDED WITH KATHRYN RUEMMLER, WHO WAS ONCE THE PRINCIPAL DEPUTY WHITE HOUSE COUNSEL TO BARACK OBAMA.

EPSTEIN EMAILED RUEMMLER IN DECEMBER 2018: “YOU MIGHT WANT TO TELL YOUR DEM FRIENDS THAT TREATING TRUMP LIKE A MAFIA DON, IGNORES THE FACT THAT HE HAS GREAT DANGEROUS POWER. TIGHTENING THE NOOSE TOO SLOWLY, RISKS A VERY BAD SITUATION. GAMBINO WAS NEVER THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF THERE WAS LITTLE GAMBINO COULD DO AS THE WALLS CLOSED IN. NOT SO WITH THIS MANIAC.”

EPSTEIN ALLEGED IN A SEPARATE EMAIL THAT TRUMP WAS NOT TRULY CLOSE WITH ANYONE. THAT ALIGNS WITH WHAT THE FINANCIER ONCE TOLD WOLFF IN BOMBSHELL TAPES FIRST PUBLISHED BY THE DAILY BEAST LAST YEAR.


“DONALD IS CLOSE TO NO ONE,” EPSTEIN EMAILED THE EMIRATI BUSINESSMAN SULTAN AHMED BIN SULAYEM IN 2018. “HE TALKS TO MANY PEOPLE. HE TELLS EACH ONE SOMETHING DIFFERENT.”

Everybody knows what a snake Trump is and the leaders of the world all use him for their own purposes or discard him, for the same reasons. Canada is done with the U.S. and I can’t say as how I blame them. Whether the bridges Trump has dynamited can ever be rebuilt by future American administrations is not known at this time. But if I was Canadian or French or a member of any number of world countries, I would have zero trust in a people who would elect a total scumbag like Trump twice. Not once but twice. That’s the true horror of all this.

Even Jeffrey Epstein, a man of no character himself, saw Trump for who and what he was. Roll that around in your grey matter for a while. Epstein was a man who trafficked in human suffering of the basest kind yet he had enough of a moral compass to realize who and what Donald Trump was. And he gave Trump a failing grade. A pedophile of the lowest kind and he still looked down on Trump morally. And Trump is in our White House. What’s left of it, in any event.

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Thursday Tiedrich

I think I’m overdosing on schadenfreude right now.

yesterday morning, out of the clear blue, Democrats on the House Oversight Committee dropped an atomic bomb right into our laps, in the form of three emails sent and received by Preznit Fuckwit’s dead pedo bestie, Jeffrey Epstein.

oh, and guess what: Donny’s name is all over that shit.

if it turns out that I’m asleep right now, please don’t wake me — because I’m having one of the best fucking dreams ever.

here’s a quote you’d never want to see the light of day, if you had a dead pedo bestie problem.

“of course he knew about the girls, as he asked Ghislaine to stop.”

I can’t wait to hear all about how Joe Biden’s autopen went back in time and ginned up a bogus email confirming that Donny asked Ghislaine to stop befriending and then trafficking the Motel-a-Lago ‘spa girls’ whom Donny and Eppie used to fight over.

here’s another super fun email, this one from Jeffrey to Ghislaine:

i want you to realize that that dog that hasn’t barked is trump. [VICTIM] spent hours at my house with him ,, he has never once been mentioned. police chief. etc.”

now, let’s not jump to conclusions here. just because Donny was holed up for hours at Epstein’s house with one of those underage ‘spa girls’ doesn’t mean that anything untoward was going on.

maybe Donny was helping her with her math homework. maybe he was explaining how you can lower the price of a prescription drug by a thousand percent. maybe she was giving him makeup tips on how not to look like a fluorescent tangerine fuckwit. if so, he wasn’t listening.

look, let’s not bicker and argue about who was spending hours alone with who.

let’s just look at the third email, from Michael Wolff to Ep.

“I think you should let him hang himself. If he says he hasn’t been on the plane or to the house,… [y]ou can hang him in a way that potentially generates a positive benefit for you, or, if it really looks like he could win, you could save him, generating a debt.”

perfectly normal stuff. just Donny’s official biographer spitballing with Donny’s dead pedo bestie over the best ways to make Donny incriminate himself.

I suppose I should have mentioned earlier that everyone in this story fucking sucks.

after the Oversight Dems released those three emails, James Comer Fudd, the rake-steppingest fuckwit in Congress, decided that the best way to deal with the situation was to release 20,000 more Epstein documents he’d been sitting on.

what was the logic at work here? was Comer Fudd trying to overwhelm everyone by ‘flooding the zone with shit’? if so, it he failed miserably. reporters eagerly dove headfirst into that pile of docs, and guess fucking what: the stuff that Comer released was just as incriminating — if not more so — as the three emails released by the Dems.

Nearly a month before President Donald Trump met Russian leader Vladimir Putin in Helsinki in 2018, Jeffrey Epstein attempted to pass a message to Russia’s top diplomat: If you want to understand Trump, talk to me.

“I think you might suggest to putin that lavrov can get insight on talking to me,” Epstein wrote in a June 24, 2018, email to Thorbjorn Jagland, a former prime minister of Norway who was leading the Council of Europe at the time of the exchange. Lavrov was an apparent reference to Sergei Lavrov, Russia’s longtime foreign minister.

what in the hallowed name of Stab You In The Back Jesus was going on here? it’s really weird how a guy who maintained an entire island just for raping teenage girls apparently had the email addresses of diplomats and heads of state. what a coincidence. and he sure was super horny to make sure the Russians had dirt on Donny.

did Epstein even like Donny? it really doesn’t sound like it. when told that ‘Trump is so gross,’ he replied ‘worse in real life and upclose.’

here’s another perfectly normal thing: Epstein asking a reporter if they’d like to have “photos of donald and girls in bikinis in my kitchen?”

this is the shit that Comer Fudd thought would diffuse the situation?

I guess that’s what happens when you leave damage control to a rake-stepping fuckwit.

by the way, where is the media on all this? thirty years ago, the press hounded Bill Clinton to resign over a blow job. isn’t what Donny’s caught up in just as bad, if not a whole lot worse? he’s clearly unfit for office. where are all the calls for Donny to step down? come on, you fucking cowards. do your jobs.

here’s how totally freaked out Donny was by all this new shit coming to light: he started panic-dialing the Republicans who had signed onto Massie’s discharge petition.

“Trump himself called Boebert, regarding her signing onto the Epstein petition and spoke to her yesterday, I am told. Trump playing phone tag with Mace. So far, they are not planning to remove their names from the petition.”

holy shit, Donny had to play phone tag with Nancy Mace! how hilarious is it that when America’s self-appointed bathroom panty inspector’s phone rang and she saw it was Dear Leader, she was all ‘I’m not answering that shit.’

as for five-time international lap-hockey champion Handy Oakley, they actually summoned her to the While House Situation Room — and when she got there, Attorney General Pam Bondi, Deputy Attorney General Todd Blanche, FBI Director Kash Patel were waiting for her.

oh my god, it’s like a Murderer’s Row of morons — a Dumbfuck Hall of Fame — with all these incompetent clowns going ‘pretty please, Lauren, we’ll be your best friend.’

what do you suppose all these geniuses offered Boebert to get her to change her vote? a bag of money? an ambassadorship? some important White House role — something meaty she could get her hands around?

so, how did all that cajoling work out for Donny?

“My understanding is that the relentless pressure campaign that has included carrot, stick, good cop, bad cop, has made her even more dug in, suspicious and convinced there’s a conspiracy at play.”

no fucking duh, it is a conspiracy.

imagine being so clownfuckingly inept at doing a cover-up that even a low-wattage numbskull like Handy Oakley can clearly see what’s going on.

now let’s enjoy Adelita ‘Oh Gee, I’m The 218th Vote To Release The Files’ Grijalva finally being sworn in.

so, was Finally-A-Rep Grijalva’s first official act as a member of the House to add her name to that discharge petition? oh fuck yes, it was.

Grijalva signed the petition on the House floor immediately after being sworn in as Democrats in the chamber cheered and two Epstein survivors looked on from the gallery.

after which, Rep. Eric Swalwell made a prediction.

“This is the beginning of the end.”

shoot that shit straight into my veins, Eric.

here’s a super-cool fact about that discharge petition:

Once the petition is locked at 218 votes it cannot be unlocked.

that shit’s set in stone now. it’s too late for Handy — or the panty inspector — to have second thoughts.

as for the actual vote on the bill to release the files,

Later on Wednesday, Speaker Mike Johnson (R-La.) said that he would bring the Epstein bill for a vote in the House next week — a move that amounts to ripping the band-aid off a vote that neither Johnson nor President Trump wanted.

oh god oh god oh god, if I’m still dreaming, don’t you fucking dare wake me up.

I’d love to give today’s final word to Preznit Fuckwit, but for some reason he’s suddenly clammed up.

Reporter: “can you respond to these Epstein emails that were released today?”

Donny: [gives no answer]

so let’s give the final word to Rotting Stevie Three-Shirts, because he is sodesperate to change the subject right now.

“BANNON: Trump’s not perfect; he’s an imperfect instrument, but one infused by divine providence. Without him, we’d have nothing. So stay focused. This is 12 o’clock high; we’re on a bombing run. Don’t lose sight of the mission.”

cry harder, Rotty Steve.

tick fucking tock.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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Tuesday Tiedrich

some days, everything in the news is so unbelievably stupid that I don’t even know where to start. so I’m just going to spin the Big Wheel of Moron and see where it lands. ready? here we go.

“China was gonna hit us with rare earth. now, everybody says that ‘what does that mean?’ magnets. if China refused to give magnets, ’cause they have a monopoly of magnets, ’cause they have allowed to— you know, happened over a thirty-two year period. uh, there wouldn’t be a car made in the entire world. there wouldn’t be a radio, there wouldn’t be a television, there wouldn’t be internet, there wouldn’t be anything, because magnets are such a part— now, nobody knows what magnets are. and not overly sophisticated, but to build a magnet system would take two years.”

you know, I’ve been writing about Preznit Fuckwit for years now, and I’ve become pretty fluent in moronspeak — but even I can’t make heads or tails of this burst trashbag of word-adjacent noises.

if you explained China’s rare earth magnet policy to any random first grader, and asked them to repeat it back to you, you would no doubt get something more comprehensible that Donny’s incoherent babbling.

but check out this nugget buried in Donny soliloquy.

‘nobody knows what magnets are.’

if anyone reading this post doesn’t know what magnets are, could you please check yourself into the nearest Soylent Green facility, because you’re wasting perfectly good oxygen.

you know who doesn’t know what magnets are? Donny. he’s every-accusation-is-a-confessioning again. Donny’s mystified by magnets. all he knows is they stop working if they get wet.

Preznit Fuckwit is an imbecile who doesn’t know shit about shit.

Donny’s befuddled by the power switch on a computer. wrap your head around that. back in March, Laura Ingraham asked him what field his college-bound son Barron might go into. Donny’s answer went straight into the Dumbfuck Hall of Fame.

“maybe technology. he can look at a computer. I’m trying, turning off his computer, I turn it off, I turn it off, his laptop, I said ‘oh good now,’ and I go back five minutes later, he’s got his laptop. I say, ‘how did you did that?’ ‘none of your business, dad.’ he’s got an unbelievable aptitude in technology.”

*blinks in astonishment*

holy shit, President What’s The Deal With Magnets got outwitted by an on-off switch.

this is the the Superior Intellect who, as his fifth casino went bankrupt, said ‘hey, let’s open a sixth.’ he’s that stupefyingly dumb. and he’s currently negotiating rare earth magnet policy with China. he’s going to get eaten alive.

77 million people voted for this. take a bow, America. you’ve outdone yourself.

well, that was fun. let’s give the Big Wheel of Moron another spin.

here’s Holy Mike Johnson, once again weaseling out of answering the age-old question, ‘if you’re going to shitcan Obamacare, what will going to replace it with?’

we’ve got notebooks full of ideas.”

oh please, fuck straight off with this nonsense. for fifteen years, an endless procession of Republicans have told us that their plan to replace Obamacare is just around the corner. any day now. two weeks, tops.

there is no Republican plan to replace Obamacare, other than ‘please just go away and die.’

last week Holy Mike assured us a plan was almost ready, but he couldn’t talk about it because he didn’t want the details to leak. what on earth? this week, he’s got notebooks full of ideas. next week, it’s going to be some new story. maybe his dog will have eaten his healthcare plan.

shut the fuck up, Mike. we’re not as gullible as your cultists.

it turns out we don’t need Holy Mike’s imaginary notebook full of nonexistent ideas, because Donny’s finally released that healthcare plan he’s been working on since forever. check it out:

wait, how did that get in here? I’m sorry, here’s Donny to explain his actual plan.

“what I want is instead of going to the insurance companies, I want the money to go into an account for people where the people buy their own health insurance. it’s so good. the insurance will be better. it’ll cost less. everybody is gonna be happy. they’re gonna feel like entrepreneurs. they’re actually able to go out and negotiate their own health insurance. and they can use it only for that reason, to be only for that purpose. and if we did that, that would be so exciting. call it Trumpcare.”

are you fucking kidding me? what Donny is proposing here is to construct a new layer of government bureaucracy — one that’s going to create millions of individual bank accounts that can only be used to pay for health insurance, and somehow, money will magically show up in these accounts, and all of us get to be our very own entrepreneurs.

yay us!

and who’s going to administer this? Bobby Brainworms and the Shitblizzard of Oz? really? the two low-wattage imbeciles who couldn’t healthcare their way out of a wet paper bag?

instead of calling Trumpcare, how about we call it The Most Fuckbrained Thing I Ever Heard Of.

Donny gets away with this shit because no reporter will ask the simple question, ‘how would that work?’ they just sit there and nod their heads, as if the gibberish that just seeped out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth made all the sense in the world.

can we get that confused first grader back in here to cook up a healthcare plan? because I’m pretty sure she could do a better job than Donny.

when President Gas Leak farts out some cockamamie scheme to create an unworkable bureaucracy administered by morons, and backs it up with ‘it’s so good. the insurance will be better. it’ll cost less. everybody is gonna be happy’ — without offering on iota of explanation how on earth it would happen — there’s really only one appropriate response. say it with me, because you know what it is. that’s right: what the fuck is wrong with you?

look, I don’t need an additional job, that of Insurance Policy Negotiator. I’m actually pretty shit at negotiating. I don’t like admitting that, but it’s true. but now I have to be William Fucking Shatner, just to obtain healthcare coverage?

I guarantee our soft, pampered president hasn’t spent one second of his life on the phone with an insurance company. he has no idea what a fucking nightmare it is.

you know who’s going to leap at the chance to go head-to-head with an insurance company? MAGA morons, that’s who — because just like Dear Leader, they’re all convinced of their own genius. imagine the dipshit down the street — the one with all the Trump flags on his broken-down pickup truck — on the phone with some corporate sharpie. he’s going to get fleeced, and end up with a plan that’s ten times worse than the one he got through Obamacare — and he’s going to brag about how he pulled one over on United Healthcare.

look, there is a simple insurance solution out there. let me explain.

I’ve got Medicare. it’s provided to me by the government. it’s reliable. I never have to talk to an insurance company. it just fucking works. I never have to worry about being bankrupted by a visit to the hospital. we should expand on that, and make it available to everyone, not just old farts like me. we could even give it a fancy name. how about Medicare for All?

wouldn’t that make the most sense?

I’m a fucking genius, right?

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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A Different Take On What The Democrats Did

Saints or Sinners? I guess we’ll all have to just wait to see how this plays out, but right now I’m still in the Lucy-and-Charlie-Brown-Football camp.

From Palmer Report:

The Democratic Party just won – and Trump just lost big time

The Trump-Republican government shutdown has clearly hurt Trump and the Republicans, as we’ve seen in polling and in last week’s elections. This has given the Democrats the upper hand, and now they’re using it. Senate Republicans have caved and given Senate Democrats essentially everything they wanted in a deal to reopen the federal government. And Senate Democrats are smartly taking it.

There will be thirty-seven different hot takes on this deal, with many if not most pundits on both sides looking for a way to spin this such that they can position themselves as being smarter and fiercer than the Democratic Party. But that’s just how it always goes. The real story here is that the Republicans realized they’re going to get wiped out in the midterms, and they panicked and caved.

So why should the Democrats take the deal at all? It reopens the federal government. It keeps Americans out of bread lines. It’s the morally correct thing to do. It’s also likely the politically advantageous thing to do, given that it’ll allow the Democrats to campaign on having reopened the government after Trump and the Republicans let it rot for a month.

This also makes Donald Trump look even more powerless and irrelevant in all of this, given that Senate Republicans ended up having to do his job for him. Trump has no idea what’s going on to begin with, and he hasn’t had a clue about this shutdown. It’s his shutdown, and yet beyond his desire to keep the Trump-Epstein files from being released, he really hasn’t been involved in the shutdown at all. He’s an empty suit, and everyone can see it now more than ever.

My take is that Senate Republicans were stupid for having offered the Democrats this deal. Now, not only do the Democrats get to be seen as the party that isn’t making a mess of things, they also get to be seen as the party that knows how to govern. Senate Republicans looked at what happened last Tuesday and panicked. Panicked people make stupid moves. This one just happened to work out well for both the Democratic Party and the American people. But then that’s usually the case.

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Monday Tiedrich

ugh. just ugh.

late last night, seven Senate Democrats (and one Independent) shit the bed royally, and then rolled around in the mess. they voted with Republicans to advance a bill to reopen the government.

here’s what they got in return for their acquiescence: jack shit. nothing. bupkis.

we’re going to get to that story, I promise. but first, we have a whole day’s worth of donnyfuckery to wade through.

let’s start with the biggest atrocity.

this is just pure evil. look at the lengths our convicted felon president will go to just to ensure that the needy can’t afford to buy food.

A memo from the Agriculture Department’s Food and Nutrition Service issued late Saturday night orders states to “immediately undo any steps taken to issue” full payments to recipients of the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, often called food stamps.

it’s cruelty for cruelty’s sake. there’s no other reason to be this petty.when a Rhode Island judge ruled on Thursday that SNAP benefits had to be paid in full, some states went ahead and did just that.

Some states, like Wisconsin and Maryland, had begun disbursing benefits Friday, following the Rhode Island ruling, leaving them scrambling to respond over the weekend.

In Wisconsin — where nearly 700,000 residents received their SNAP payments Friday — Gov. Tony Evers (D) said his state had “legally loaded benefits to cards.”

that was before the Supreme Court put a temporary hold on the Rhode Island ruling — and now Donny is all ‘give that money back.’ why? because fuck you, that’s why. because cruelty is the point.

The USDA memo warns states that if they do not comply with the order, they will face consequences.

oh boy, if there’s one thing America’s Mad King loves, it’s doling out consequences. may I make a suggestion? how about drawing and quartering? there’s no more perfect punishment for wanting to feed hungry people.

now let’s move from cruel and inhuman to dumb as fuck.

I probably need to apologize for posting this next thing, because you might actually get stupider from reading it.

“I am recommending to Senate Republicans that the Hundreds of Billions of Dollars currently being sent to money sucking Insurance Companies in order to save the bad Healthcare provided by ObamaCare, BE SENT DIRECTLY TO THE PEOPLE SO THAT THEY CAN PURCHASE THEIR OWN, MUCH BETTER, HEALTHCARE, and have money left over. In other words, take from the BIG, BAD Insurance Companies, give it to the people, and terminate, per Dollar spent, the worst Healthcare anywhere in the World, ObamaCare. Unrelated, we must still terminate the Filibuster!”

oh. my. god. he is so monumentally, bone-crushingly stupid.

apparently, Preznit Fuckwit imagines that there’s an insurance company named Obamacare Inc., and the government is funding it, and this Obamacare Inc is somehow proving bad healthcare.

nothing could be further from the truth.

The ACA — what you call Obamacare — is NOT an insurance policy.It is a law that requires insurance companies to allow people with preexisting conditions to have coverage; it currently requires the government to make sure that no person or family is paying more than 9% of their household income. It also requires insurance companies to provide preventative care at no cost as well as other amenities.

the level of stupid required for an elected official to misunderstand the difference between a law and an insurance provider doesn’t just burn, it immolates.

ok, one more slice of dumbfuck pie and then it’s on to yelling at the Democrats.

“People that are against Tariffs are FOOLS! We are now the Richest, Most Respected Country In the World, With Almost No Inflation, and A Record Stock Market Price. 401k’s are Highest EVER. We are taking in Trillions of Dollars and will soon begin paying down our ENORMOUS DEBT, $37 Trillion. Record Investment in the USA, plants and factories going up all over the place. A dividend of at least $2000 a person (not including high income people!) will be paid to everyone”

yeah, no. this is a big ball of never gonna happen. Donny’s just farting out whatever random numbers pop into his big dumb pumpkin head, based on zero analysis.

we know this, because we’ve been down this road before. remember those $5,000 DOGE stimulus checks that showed up in all of our mailboxes last April? me neither.

last April, Donny hallucinated some fever-swampy fairy tale about how the Space Nazi’s merry band of pimply DOGE incels had saved the government $55 billion — no, wait, $150 billion — by cutting imaginary fraud and waste. out of those savings, Donny was going to send us all five large, because he’s such an awesome fucking humanitarian and all.

of course, it never happened — because DOGE didn’t ‘save’ a penny, and because Donny is a liar who shits things out of both sides of his mouth, without the slightest intention of following through, just so he can enjoy a day’s worth of adulation from the cultists and fawning headlines from the lapdog press.

by Wednesday, Drooling Donny won’t even remember he ever made any promise of $2,000 ‘tariff’ checks.

now let’s get down to the main event.

last night, seven Senate Democrats (and one Independent) decided that what the situation absolutely required right now was a really futile and stupid gesture.

what these seven Democrats agreed to was a resolution to reopen the government.

did these Dems hold the Republicans’ feet to the fire, and get those Obamacare credits restored, as had been their demand for the previous 39 days?

no. what they got was a pinky-swear promise that this time, Republicans were really going to hold that football in place, and the Democrats were going to kick it a fucking mile.

what these turncoat Dems agreed to was a resolution that after the government reopens, Democrats will be given the opportunity to write their own legislation to restore the Obamacare credits. the vote on such a bill would come, and I quote, “sometime in December.”

oh frabjous day!

Uncle Bernie, can you please explain to your colleagues exactly how they’re being taken for a ride?

“now I know as part of this resolution, that the Majority Leader is gonna say ‘well, Democrats can create, put together their own bill, and it will come to the floor in the Senate for a vote.’ as everybody here knows, it’s a totally meaningless gesture. you can get a hundred votes here in the Senate. it won’t mean anything, because the House is not going to take it up, and the President of the United States certainly will not sign it.”

duh. fucking duh. how do you seven Senate Democrats not see this coming?

you got rolled. played for fools. taken to the cleaners. choose your favorite metaphor, they all fucking apply.

you gave up all your leverage when you agreed to reopen the government without first restoring those Obamacare credits.

you’re dealing with Republicans. you know them, you work with them. they’re shitweasels. they can’t be trusted. they’re going to say you’ll get a vote in December, and when the time comes, nada. zero. zilch.

we know this, because Republicans pulled this shit last March, the previous time the government faced a shutdown.

“now I know as part of this resolution, that the Majority Leader is gonna say ‘well, Democrats can create, put together their own bill, and it will come to the floor in the Senate for a vote.’ as everybody here knows, it’s a totally meaningless gesture. you can get a hundred votes here in the Senate. it won’t mean anything, because the House is not going to take it up, and the President of the United States certainly will not sign it.”

duh. fucking duh. how do you seven Senate Democrats not see this coming?

you got rolled. played for fools. taken to the cleaners. choose your favorite metaphor, they all fucking apply.

you gave up all your leverage when you agreed to reopen the government without first restoring those Obamacare credits.

you’re dealing with Republicans. you know them, you work with them. they’re shitweasels. they can’t be trusted. they’re going to say you’ll get a vote in December, and when the time comes, nada. zero. zilch.

we know this, because Republicans pulled this shit last March, the previous time the government faced a shutdown

remember that? you were supposed to have learned your lesson, and not let that shit happen again. what the fuck?

Democrats had all the momentum, and these quislings threw it away. six days after an election where Donny and the Republican got their asses handed to them, these seven Democrats were all ‘hey that was a fun week. now let’s shoot ourselves in both feet.’

why?

the only thing you accomplished was to prove to Republicans that holding benefits payments hostage is an effective strategy. now watch them do it again.

now, I know what you going to ask: ‘Uncle Jeff, was that fuckface Fetterman one of those seven Democrats?’

of course he was. you know the old saying, ‘when God closes a Joe Manchin, he opens a John Fetterman.’

here’s the complete list of turncoat cowards: Catherine Cortez Masto (NV), Dick Durbin (IL), John Fetterman (PA), Maggie Hassan (NH), Tim Kaine (VA), Jacky Rosen (NV) and Jeanne Shaheen (NH).

the Independent was Angus King (ME).

none of these fucksticks are up for reelection in 2026 — and some of them are even retiring. how convenient.

ugh. just ugh.

we definitely need a palate cleanser after all that. here, enjoy Donny getting mercilessly booed at yesterday’s Washington Commanders game.

look at what you did, you nasty Commanders fans. you made Fox News cry.

what backlash? is booing a fascist fuckface against the law now? is it drawing and quartering time again?

let’s contrast that with what happens when a real president shows up at a sporting event.

that’s more like it.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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Fuck Kim Davis!

Supreme Court rejects call to overturn decadeold same-sex marriage decision

WASHINGTON (AP) — The Supreme Court on Monday rejected a call to overturn its landmark decision that legalized same-sex marriage nationwide.

The justices turned away an appeal from Kim Davis, the former Kentucky court clerk who refused to issue marriage licenses to same-sex couples after the high court’s 2015 ruling in Obergefell v. Hodges.

Her lawyers repeatedly invoked the words of Justice Clarence Thomas, who alone among the nine justices has called for erasing the same-sex marriage ruling.

Thomas was among four dissenting justices in 2015. Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Samuel Alito are the other dissenters who are on the court today.

Roberts has been silent on the subject since he wrote a dissenting opinion in the case. Alito has continued to criticize the decision, but he said recently he was not advocating that it be overturned.

Justice Amy Coney Barrett, who was not on the court in 2015, has said that there are times when the court should correct mistakes and overturn decisions, as it did in the 2022 case that ended a constitutional right to abortion.

But Barrett has suggested recently that same-sex marriage might be in a different category than abortion because people have relied on the decision when they married and had children.

Davis drew national attention to eastern Kentucky’s Rowan County when she turned away same-sex couples, saying her faith prevented her from complying with the high court ruling. She defied court orders to issue the licenses until a federal judge jailed her for contempt of court in September 2015.

She was released after her staff issued the licenses on her behalf but removed her name from the form. The Kentucky legislature later enacted a law removing the names of all county clerks from state marriage licenses.

Davis lost a reelection bid in 2018.Supreme Court rejects call to overturn its decision legalizing same-sex marriage nationwide.

[Source]

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Friday Tiedrich

If the Democrats don’t use this top photo in midterm ads far and wide there’s no hope for them…

‘look for the helpers.’

those are the sage words of Mister Rogers. it’s what his mother always told him, he said, when as a child he would see scary things in the news. ‘look for the helpers. you will always find people who are helping.’

it’s true. when scary stuff goes down, there are always helpers.

but do you know what else you’ll find, when shit goes sideways? some demented fuckbag who stands around and does nothing, because he absolutely could not care one iota about helping.

which brings us to the photo at the top of this post.

yesterday, Donny made a great show of announcing that he’d reached a concept of a sketch for a framework for lowering the price of weight-loss drugs.

the whole thing could have been a press release, or an email, but it wasn’t — because for the bottomless well of need in the White House, everything has to be a spectacle. this announcement had to be a made-for-TV production, where big, strong, teary-eyed pharmaceutical executives take turns praising Dear Leader for being the greatest sketcher of frameworks of all time. ‘sir! sir! you framework those concepts like no one thought possible! how do you do it? sir!’

look, lowering the price of weight-loss drugs is all well and good, but our nation has more pressing needs right now. for instance, how about Preznit Fuckwit pays out those SNAP benefits, as he’s been court-ordered to — because 43 million Americans are already losing weight through a thing called the I Can’t Afford To Buy Food Diet.

anyway, Donny dragged a bunch of Big Pharma honchos — along with the Healthcare Morons, Bobby Brainworms and the Shitblizzard of Oz — into the Oval Bordello to participate in his dog and pony show.

when the Shitblizzard of Oz stepped up to the mic to drown us in a blizzard of bullshit, Donny did what he always does when someone else is talking: he fell fast asleep.

did our favorite narcoleptic fart factory fill the room, as is his trademark move, with the pungent aroma of ass music? we’ll never know — but the thing that happened next is that some dude behind Donny passed out and fell to the floor.

did you notice what Bobby Brainworms did? he booked it out of the room, pronto. maybe to alert the White House medical staff, or maybe to get his chainsaw — because you never know when a head may need to be separated from a body.

but more importantly — as everyone else in the room rushed over to do whatever they could — here’s what our Helper-in-Chief did: jack shit.

oh sure, he spent a couple of seconds staring vaguely at what was going on, but then he stood up, faced forward with vacant eyes — the lights were on but no one was home — and froze.

it would have been the perfect moment for some reporter to have finally — at long last — won the What The Fuck Is Wrong With You Challenge™ (which is now in its 2,047th day).

oh, I’m sorry, were you expecting Donny to do something? oh please, he’s not going to help. helping is what commies do.

there’s Donny’s entire existence, summed up in one photograph: he doesn’t care.

he doesn’t care about you or me. he doesn’t care about unemployed government workers. he doesn’t care about hungry families, or teargassed children, or Americans disappeared into slave-labor gulags, or Venezuelan fishermen blown out of the water, or priests shot in the face by ICE goons.

he doesn’t even care about a crony who fell to the ground not four feet away him.

Donny only cares about himself, and about glomming all the money, all the power, and all the attention. and, as always, We the People are cordially invited to go fuck ourselves.

and, because Donny’s demented pudding-brain has gone fuckity-bye, he’s too befuddled to realize that he needs to pretend to care. he just stands there like a useless bump, lost in an ever-thickening fog of confusion. is Donny even aware of what’s going on around him?

it was just another day of disgrace and buffoonery from our disgraceful buffoon president.

oh, and because we live in the dumbest possible timeline, where everything has to end up as a sideshow of clownfuckery, Newsmax had to assure their low-wattage viewers that Dear Leader was never in any danger. from what? collateral faintage?

“President Trump, we want to be clear, is okay.”

thanks for clearing that up. we were sleepless with worry.

fortunately, our story has a happy ending.

The person who fainted in the Oval Office was one of Eli Lilly’s guests and is now doing “great,” the company’s CEO said.

and, in case you need a reminder of how a real president acts, here’s Barack HUSSEIN Obama giving a speech — and catching a fainting woman before she can fall. (it’s at the 37-second mark.)

“I gotcha. don’t worry.”

dude’s so cool, calm and collected that he even has a quip at the ready:

“this happens when I talk too long.”

this is why Donny hates Obama — because he’s everything Donny isn’t. Donny will never be cool, calm and collected, and he knows it.

boo fucking hoo.

here are your heroes of the day: the members of the jury who acquitted Sandwich Guy.

Holstein cow cosplayer and America’s Tipsiest US Attorney, Jeanine Boxwine, was super fucking horny to make an example out of the guy who lobbed a sandwich at a border patrol agent in DC.

after a grand jury refused to indict Sandwich Guy for felony assault — because let’s get real, Jeanine, it was a fucking sandwich — she charged the guy with a misdemeanor, and wasted taxpayer money on a pointless trial.

here’s my favorite part of the whole three-day time-suck.

The officer Sandwich Guy is charged with assaulting testifies that he could feel the impact of the sandwich through his ballistic vest, and it “exploded all over my uniform.” He says he could “smell the onions and the mustard.”

what a harrowing experience indeed, to feel the impact and smell the onionsand the mustard. oh, the humanity!

but wait, the video tells a very different story: one about a definitely unexploded sandwich that bounced off the officer and lay intact on the ground.

We’re back to the sandwich video. The paper, the defense points out, is still on. “You don’t see there’s mustard on it?” “You can’t tell there’s ketchup on it?” Mayonnaise? Lettuce? Tomato? “In fact, that sandwich hasn’t exploded at all?” Witness says the sandwich “looks bent and out of shape.”

so, what was it? an exploded sandwich or an unexploded one? wait, what if it were both? oh my god, people, we have Schroedinger’s Sandwich.

in the end, the jury served up a big slice of Fuck You Pie to Jeanine Boxwine, and acquitted Sandwich Guy of the single charge of Assault with a Deadly Sandwich.

because let’s get real, everyone — it was a fucking sandwich. wake up and smell the mustard and the onions.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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Quote Of The Day

“If you’re a criminal, you can buy your way to freedom with Trump. And if you’re one of the people like him who took advantage of young girls with Epstein, they’re going to make that go away.” – Congressman Seth Moulton

Here’s the play, Moulton knows if Trump or anyone tried to sue him, that opens discovery.

That means his legal team could demand access to the Epstein files, all those sealed records everyone wants to see. That’s why he said it publicly, he’s daring them.

Now get this, Congress isn’t in session so they can’t censure him unless they call everyone back and swear in Adelita Grijalva. So Moulton gets the headlines, avoids punishment, and puts pressure on the GOP, all in one shot.That’s not just a statement, that’s strategy.

Checkmate.

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Celebrate Good Times

From Greg Fallis:

celebrate good times

This morning, for the first time in a year, I actually wanted to read the news. For the first time since the darkness dropped again and Comrade Donald Trump slouched back into the White House, I actually looked forward to reading the news.

Because the news was good. Not just because Democrats won, and not just because they won by larder-than-expected margins, and not just because they won from coast to coast. The news is good because of the way they won. The ways they won, I should say, Because the way they won in New York City was different than the way they won in New Jersey and in Virginia. That confuses the pundit class.

Today there will be a LOT of pundits claiming Zohran Mamdani is the new face of the Democratic Party. Nope. He’s the face of the Democratic Party in New York City. Mikie Sherrill is the face of the Democratic Party in New Jersey, and Abigail Spanberger is the face of the Democratic Party in Virginia. We don’t have–we don’t need or want–a single face to represent the Democratic Party. We want a variety of faces and a medley of different voices all dedicated to civil rights and the needs of working people. This morning, we have more of that.

But we need still more. We want and need Democrats who will not just speak out against MAGA fascism in the US, but who will actively resist it. MAGA should be worried about last night’s electoral results, but the people who should be actually scared are the impotent Old Guard of the Democratic Party. They’ve convinced themselves that they’re helpless and weak against MAGA; they’ve allowed themselves to be cowed by Trump, they’ve been too timid to fight back. These election results are also a warning for them–either stand up and fight for democracy or get the fuck out of the way.

Yes, the news this morning is good. We should celebrate it. We should take as much joy as we possibly can from it. And then tomorrow (or what the hell, next week) we have to get back to work. The results of this one election isn’t going to turn the nation around. The US is still massively fucked up. It will remain massively fucked up for the near future. But this morning we see evidence that, with hard work, we can begin to unfuck the nation. That’s what I call good news.

So, in the words of the philosophers Kool & the Gang, “Let’s all celebrate and have a good time.”

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FUCK YEAH!

holy shit! Democrats ran the fucking table!

they won the races they were supposed to win, they won the races that were supposed to be a tossup — and they even won the shit they weren’t supposed to win.

let’s take a look at some of the highlights.

the big three, of course, were Abigail Spanberger for Governor of Virginia, Zorhan Mamdani for Mayor of New York City, and Mikie Sherrill for Governor of New Jersey.

Spanberger totally fucking crushed her Republican opponent, Winsome Earle-Sears, winning by 15 points. Sherrill beat Jack Ciattarelli by 13 points, in a race that the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press swore to us was going to be a nail-biter, too close to call. awesome prognosticating, scribblers.

and over in the Marxist-socialist-communist hellscape that is now New York City, Mamdani beat toxic sexpest Andrew Cuomo by 9 points.

really weird how Donny Convict’s last-minute endorsement of Cuomo failed to move the needle. maybe it has something to do with the fact that NYC has fucking loathed Donny for at least fifty years now.

this dude speaks for all of us.

“I’m happy that Mamdani won. But I won’t let that get in the way of my celebrating Cuomo losing.”

can Chuck Schumer pretty-please go fuck himself, or at least write himself a strongly-worded letter?

“Q: It’s election day in NYC. Did you vote for Mamdani or Cuomo?
Schumer: ‘Look, I voted, and I look forward to working with the next mayor to help NYC.’”

you’re a real profile in cowardice, Chuck.

hey, can someone do a wellness check on Dersh?

and can we please, at long last, finally see the last of Andrew Cuomo? why did this repellent predator want to be mayor of NYC, anyway? was he that triggered by the presence of a Muslim in New York politics?

how is it that someone who had to resign their governorship in disgrace is then allowed to run for any other office?

seriously, good fucking riddance.

the passing of Prop 50 in California was a huge fucking win, allowing the Dem-controlled Legislature to draw new congressional maps for the next three election cycles.

am I right, Gavin Newsom?

his one’s also huge:

preserving the Democratic majority of Pennsylvania’s Supreme Court is going to go a long way towards preventing any Republican electoral fuckery in PA in 2026 and 2028.

in Illinois, Democrat Mary Sheffield became the first woman to be elected mayor of Detroit in the city’s 324-year history.

and Ghazala Hashmi became the first Muslim woman elected to statewide office in the US, after winning the race for Virginia Lieutenant Governor.

one huge story from yesterday is that Democrats picked up votes everyfuckingwhere.

look at the Virginia governor’s race. every county in VA — even the ones Spanberger didn’t win — shifted blue.

holy fuck, look at what Dems pulled off down in deep-red Georgia.

know when the last time one Democrat won a statewide election in Georgia, let alone two? twenty-five years ago.

here’s a delicious morsel of news. in Cincinnati, Couchfuck McGee’s half-brother Cory Bowman, who was running for mayor, got the shit landslided out of him.

do we also need to do a wellness check on the wingnut media? they seem to be going through some things right now.

are you feeling safe, New York Post? do you need to talk to a grownup, or a policeman?

pour one out for Fox News’ own Plankhead of the Airwaves, Sean Hannity.

boo fucking hoo, Sean.

the ‘fuck your feelings’ crowd sure seems to be having a lot of feelings right now.

stay classy, Laura.

MAGA is melting all the way down. you have to love a good Republican civil war, don’t you? right now it’s the total crazies vs the semi-crazies, and I am here for all of it.

don’t threaten us with a good time, Mark Cernovich.

let’s give Erick, the Son of Erick, credit for at least recognizing that Donny can’t ever run for president again — something that all the Chinese-made “Trump 2028” hats in the world can’t change.

the lesson in all this for Donny and his Republican enablers is that none of their fuckery is popular.

We the People don’t want masked and armed Gestapo thugs terrorizing our neighborhoods and teargassing our children. We the People don’t want incoherent economic policies that send prices ever upwards. We the People don’t want a broken government that works only for billionaires.

We the People don’t want an unhinged and deteriorating 34-count narcoleptic fart factory ruling over us. yesterday’s election results made that clear.

President Pudding Cup wasn’t on the ballot, but yesterday’s election was a referendum on his presidency — and the results were not pretty for him.

will Republicans learn anything from the drubbing they took yesterday? of course fucking not. expect them to double down on the lunacy — and the oppression. it’s all they know how to do.

we’ve got battles ahead of us that will need to be taken on, and won.

but for today, let’s congratulate ourselves. tomorrow we return to the fight.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

Posted on

We Outlived Him

Now the one we were all hoping for, but any port in a storm, eh?

From Tengrain:

ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED

And just like that, Blam-Blam is gone. I was expecting a fireball with a mile-deep crater for a war criminal of his stature, but nada. Out with a whimper.

If I had the talent of a Hunter S. Thompson, I would write the eulogy that this vile, villainous man deserves. Instead I’m sure the usual suspects will write the usual hagiography.

The scolds will say that speaking ill of the dead is crass, so read what we said when he was allegedly alive. That’s the best way to honor him. “The record, the Record, THE RECORD,” as Molly Ivins (blessed be her name) would say.

I wish that the Scissorheads in Valhalla were here to celebrate with us; I’m sure Xristi in particular would have something choice to say.

He was a bastard and I’m glad we all outlived him.