Category: Are You Fucking Serious?

My response to this bullshit article:

I just can't any more. I can't.

Because god knows you can't wake up, much less leave your house without apps! I need to brush my teeth—WAIT! There's an app for that! I want my feet massaged—WAIT! There's an app for that! I need to take a dump—WAIT! There's probably an app for that as well!

Future generations are going to look back at us and either laugh hysterically or recoil in horror.

 

Ben and I noticed the other day that development has started on a long-vacant tract of land on Thomas Road at 3rd Street. This parcel has been vacant for as long as I can remember. Imagine my horror when we learned it is slated for yet another overpriced "luxury" high-rise apartment development that will sit empty. Just what Phoenix needs.

From the developer's website:

"When creating Alta Paradise Ridge, it was important to us that we offer residents an unparalleled living experience," said Todd Taylor, development director for Wood Partners in Arizona and Nevada. "Our internal design process has continued to create beautiful multifamily units with fully-equipped, elegant amenities attractive to young professionals, families and empty nesters."

Each unit includes a large quartz kitchen island, stainless steel appliances and wood style flooring, creating a functionally dynamic environment for cooking and entertaining. USB outlets, gigabit internet speeds and Bluetooth speakers seamlessly connect residents and their technological devices directly to their home.

Exclusive community amenities have also been incorporated to match the lifestyles of the Alta Paradise Ridge's targeted audiences including a 24-hour fitness center, personal training, and yoga and spin rooms. Residents are also able to enjoy a wide range of opportunities for collaboration and relaxation in inviting spaces that include a clubhouse with an 11-foot television, a beach entry pool overlooking a private reserve, private dining room, and a rooftop terrace.

"More than just a place to live, Alta Paradise Ridge connects residents to the vibrancy of Phoenix and their community," added Taylor. "We are proud to offer a top-tier living experience with a unique sense of place and culture to our targeted renter."

And we know exactly who your "targeted renter" is, don't we? Urban professionals with more money than sense who don't own a single item and only use their apartment as a fuck-pad…

Word.

Stop this planet. I want to get off.

From Right Wing Watch:

After warning that a Supreme Court decision striking down bans on same-sex marriage could lead to a civil war, Focus on the Family founder James Dobson took to WorldNetDaily yesterday to warn that "barring a miracle, the family that has existed since antiquity will likely crumble, presaging the fall of Western civilization itself."

Dobson wrote that the "homosexual activist movement" is bent on "overturning laws prohibiting pedophilia" and turning the U.S. into Sodom and Gomorrah.

"Pastors may have to officiate at same-sex marriages, and they could be prohibited from preaching certain passages of Scripture," Dobson wrote. "Those who refuse to comply will not only be threatened legally, but many will be protested and picketed by activists. Perhaps this is a worst-case scenario, but maybe not. Prison is also a possibility."

I do not recall a time when the institutions of marriage and the family have faced such peril, or when the forces arrayed against them were more formidable or determined. Barring a miracle, the family that has existed since antiquity will likely crumble, presaging the fall of Western civilization itself. This is a time for concerted prayer, divine wisdom and greater courage than we have ever been called upon to exercise.

For more than 50 years, the homosexual activist movement has sought to implement a master plan that has had as its centerpiece the destruction or redesign of the family. Many of these objectives have largely been realized, including widespread support of the gay lifestyle, discrediting of Scriptures that condemn homosexuality or sexual immorality, muzzling of the clergy and Christian media, inclusion of gays and lesbians in all branches of the military, granting of special privileges and rights in the law, overturning laws prohibiting pedophilia, indoctrinating children and future generations through public education, and securing all the legal benefits of marriage for any two or more people who claim to have homosexual tendencies. By promoting what is known as LGBT, we must remember that the "B" stands for bisexuality. That would include acceptance of sexual relations between both genders in groups and among every category of sexual expression outside the bonds of marriage. Now the proponents of LGBT seek to legalize gay and lesbian marriage, which could mean anything or nothing in a few years.

…

Admittedly, there have been various societies in history where homosexuality has flourished, including the biblical cities of Sodom and Gomorrah, in ancient Greece and in the Roman Empire. None of these civilizations survived. Furthermore, even where sexual perversion was tolerated or flourished, the institution of marriage continued to be honored in law and custom. Only in the last few years has what is called "gay marriage" been given equal status with biblical male-female unions. In fact, to date only 18 countries in the world recognize the legitimacy of same-sex marriage. America appears on the verge of becoming No. 19. God help us if we throw the divine plan for humankind on the ash heap of history.
…
Let's get to the bottom line. If the U.S. Supreme Court redefines marriage to include same-sex unions, I guarantee you that it will not be the end of the matter. An avalanche of court cases will be filed on related issues that can't even be imagined today. Here are a few that we can foresee:

1. Religious liberty will be assaulted from every side. You can be certain that conservative churches will be dragged into court by the hundreds. Their leaders will be required to hire people who don't share the beliefs of their denominations and constituents. Pastors may have to officiate at same-sex marriages, and they could be prohibited from preaching certain passages of Scripture. Those who refuse to comply will not only be threatened legally, but many will be protested and picketed by activists. Perhaps this is a worst-case scenario, but maybe not. Prison is also a possibility.

2. Christian businesses and ministries will be made to dance to the government's tune. We've all seen examples of photographers, bakeries and florists being required to serve at gay weddings, on penalty of closure or bankruptcy. This kind of legal oppression is coming all across the nation.

3. Christian colleges may be unable to teach scriptural views of marriage. Any nonprofit Christian organization that opposes same-sex unions, including our own, will likely lose its tax-exempt status. Many will be forced to close their doors.

I'm sure the Downfall of Western Civilization will come as a surprise to Canada, Mexico, and most of Europe.

Freshman GOP Senator says restaurant employees shouldn't have to wash their hands after using the bathroom.

I just can't…

To be filed under:

From iO9:

A fourth grader named Aiden Steward was suspended Friday after school officials determined he had threatened to use his magic ring to make another boy disappear.

Here are the particulars, from The Odessa American:

His father, Jason Steward, said the family had been to see "The Hobbit: The Battle of the Five Armies" last weekend. His son brought a ring to his class at Kermit Elementary School and told another boy his magic ring could make the boy disappear.

Steward said the principal said threats to another child's safety would not be tolerated – whether magical or not. Principal Roxanne Greer declined to comment on the matter.

"All student stuff is confidential," Greer said. She referred a call from the Odessa American to Kermit ISD Superintendent Bill Boyd, who did not return a phone call.

And we wonder why we're the laughingstock of the rest of the world…

I found these online today. Learn to drive, morons!

I…I just can't.

Next time take the elevator.

No, you cannot automatically ignore all traffic signs just because you're a fucking cop. Asshole.

I would love to hear the explanation for this one.

Proof that stupidity is not limited to Americans.

There's a reason there's a "No Driving" rule on beaches, but apparently this driver knew better.

How? I mean, just how?

You missed the target. Next time a little more to the right and down.

She looks rather proud of herself, doesn't she?

You could've just knocked.

A relative of Boston Dynamics' Cheetah robot, which last year managed to outpace the world's fastest man Usain Bolt on a treadmill, is now able to run outdoors untethered. Named the WildCat, the outdoor runner is funded by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA), and is being developed for military use.

Of course it's being developed for military use.

Do today's engineers only read halfway through the warning stories of science fiction? I mean, it seems like they get to the "gee whiz that's cool!" part of the book and then walk away to create this shit without reading the part where gee whiz technology obliterates mankind.

"Once men turned their thinking over to machines in the hope that this would set them free. But that only permitted other men with machines to enslave them." ~ Reverend Mother Gaius Helen Mohiam, Dune

A few weeks ago I ordered two memory modules at work from our normal supplier. This is how they were packed.

Abso-fucking-lutely ridiculous.

What's worse? When Xerox sent me a pinch roller assembly (an item that's about 3 inches square) in an 18" square box. Seriously.

Two California teenagers were arrested on New Year's Eve after allegedly spiking one of their parents' milkshakes with sleeping medication. The girls did this, the local police said, because one girl felt her parents' Internet curfew was too strict. The parents apparently restricted access to the family's wireless Internet connection after 10pm.

"The unsuspecting parents consumed only about a quarter of their shakes thinking that they tasted very odd," the police in Rocklin, California (22 miles northeast of the state capital, Sacramento) reported.

"However, they consumed enough of the medicine for it to take effect within an hour and fell asleep. The parents did not awake until the following morning and did not remember what had occurred."

Police told the Sacramento Bee that after waking once during the night with headaches and grogginess that persisted until morning, the adults went to the police to get a $5 drug test kit.

"Many parents buy them and have their kids' urine tested," Lt. Lon Milka, a Rocklin police spokesperson, told the paper. When the parents found out they had been drugged, they alerted the police, who promptly arrested the teens on charges of conspiracy and willfully mingling a pharmaceutical with food.

The names of the 15- and 16-year-old girls—who were booked in Placer County Juvenile Hall on December 31, 2012—are being withheld as they are minors.

"The girls wanted to use the Internet, and they'd go to whatever means they had to," Milka added. "If they were adults, they could be facing prison time."

This trip just keeps getting better and better.

After grabbing breakfast yesterday, I headed back over to Dad's to continue the process of clearing out the years of trash and garbage that had accumulated in his mobile home.

Several hours later, after using up an entire box of yard-size garbage bags, and getting a very clear idea of whom my father had become, I had to take a break.

Grabbed lunch and stopped at a grocery store on the way pack to pick up a small laundry basket.

When I came out, the car wouldn't start.

Annoyed because I'd just replaced the battery less than 48 hours earlier, but not worried, I pulled out my portable battery pack, hooked it up to the terminals and attempted to start the car.

Nothing.

I called Geico Roadside Assistance. About twenty minutes later a couple guys showed up and attempted to jump start the car.

Still nothing.

"It's probably your starter," they matter-of-factly announced.

After arranging for an actual tow (they hadn't arrived in a tow truck), I called the Geico Mechanical Breakdown Insurance line to get a claim started. (Being out of warranty by several years, it's the best $15 a month I spend.) I then called North Scottsdale MINI to tell them I'd be arriving within the hour on a tow truck. I explained I was from out of state and really needed to be back on the road home on Sunday. "We should be able to get you up and running by then," they said.

Well, that's not happening.

I got a call from Geico this morning and the rep told me that he'd spoken to the service advisor at MINI and was told that it was the starter motor that had gone and that they didn't have one in stock; furthermore, it would be Tuesday before they (Geico) could get out to inspect the car.

Inspect?

Well apparently because I'd chosen to ignore a leaking thermostat by simply topping off the coolant when needed, they need to inspect the car and see if the two are related.

This has pushed my departure date to Wednesday, not putting me back home until Thursday afternoon, losing almost two complete weeks of work; in other word, an entire pay check because I don't have much PTO accumulated.

I immediately called my boss to inform him of the change of plans and verify that I would still have a job upon my return. "It's family stuff. I understand and will work with HR to get you covered for as many days pay as I can."

I'm not expecting miracles.

I called Ben and broke the news. "Don't worry, we'll get by. The most important thing is for you to get home safely." He suggested I get the hell out of the mobile home and go somewhere to relax for the rest of the day. It's not like I'm now not going to have any more time to work on Hoarders Central.

Ben suggested Copper Star, our once-favorite local coffee house in Phoenix:

And this brings me to the next point. Even if it weren't for all the familial and automotive drama, Phoenix is no longer home. I get the same feeling here that I used to get when I visited after moving to California. The only way to describe it is "Ick. I don't want to be here. This reeks of the past, and I've moved on." I can't fully say I am yet a Coloradan, but I can definitely say I'm no longer an Arizonan.

For the longest time after I first moved to California years ago, whenever I came back to Phoenix I had a totally irrational fear of being trapped here. Then I realized that was crazy. My life, my job, and everything I owned in the world was in San Francisco. That was where I called home, and nothing would prevent me from going back.

That's why the events of the past couple days have been so frustrating and psychologically unnerving. This is the first time I've been back to Phoenix since we moved to Denver, and on the drive down I was experiencing a lot of those same emotions. I had to remind myself that my life—my love—was in Denver now.

And NOTHING would prevent us from reuniting.

NOTHING.

(To be continued, I'm sure. After all, I'm here for several more days…)

 

 

…it's Segoe, not Myriad Pro!"