You Sure About That, Bubba?
The Energy We Need
Embrace Your Freedom Sores, Son!
Eat The Rich
BREAKING: Entitled 4-Year Old Says Something Stupid. Again.
The Week In Stupid
Courtesy Jeff Tiedrich:
monday: fuck it, we'll just call it Donnyland
Georgia Rep. Buddy Carter just earned himself a spot in the Performative Dumbfuck Hall of Fame. here's DC news anchor John Rogers to explain why.
"Congressman Buddy Carter of Georgia just introduced a bill authorizing Trump to acquire Greenland and rename it Red, White and Blueland."
get it? get it? they're all colors! Rep. Carter just did a clever … in his pants.
Republicans are really flexing their dipshit muscles these days, now that they've bullied both Google Maps and Apple Maps into renaming that big watery thing to our south to 'the Gulf of America.' it's so fucking childish.
these arrogant nitwits are so high on their own supply that they have no clue that the rest of the world is laughing their asses off at us — when they're not cringing in horror.
you know what? let's just rip up all the maps and start over.
Trinidad and Tobago? that's a stupid name. fuck that — it's now Melanialand. Canada is now America's Hat. Iceland is now Trump Iceland.™ that's a no-brainer — Donny's got to sell that skeevy water to someone.
and the space between Rep. Carter's ears? I'm introducing a bill this week to rename it to the Gulf of Idiot.
tuesday: irony isn't the only thing that's dead
daddy, where do Republicans come from?
well, son, they take big vats of stupid and drop zygotes into them. the ones that don't survive, they send off to Congress.
this week, Anna Paulina Luna, Congresswoman from America's Dangly Bit (as long as we're renaming things), announced that she would be investigating the death of John F. Kennedy — and she plans on having quite the panel of expert witnesses.
"based on what we're actually looking to do with the JFK investigation, I'm looking to actually bring in some of the attending physicians, at the initial assassination, and also the people that had been on the various commissions — like the Warren Commission."
who wants to tell her?
Anna — all those people are dead. everyone on the Warren Commission died decades ago. Gerald Ford was the last surviving member. he died in 2008.
what are you going to do, hold a fucking seance?
as long as you've apparently got a hotline to the Great Beyond, why not go straight to the source? get out your ouija board and summon up Lee Harvey Oswald — that dude knows more about what happened at Dealey Plaza than anyone.
in fact, I beat you to it, Anna. I just got off the phone with Lee Harvey. he keeps up with current events — because down there where he is, everyone's forced to watch Fox News. it's part of the Eternal Torments. check out Lee's nickname for you:
An Appalling Lunatic.
fuck, he's good. I should get him to ghost-write my posts.
wednesday: boo fucking hoo
last Sunday's Superbowl halftime show broke so many wingnut brains, days later they were still bellyaching about it. here's Internet Found Object Stew Peters, cranking the racism dial so far past 11 that it snaps off in his hand.
"after several consecutive years of conducting satanic rituals on live television, the NFL went right back to doing what it does best: giving a platform to degenerate blacks. it's just all so tiresome. every single one of America's biggest entertainment platforms, from the fake and gay and rigged entertainment leagues, like the NFL, to the music industry, to all of our TV shows, has completely given in to this degenerate black filth culture that was created by a bunch of subversive Jews."
wait — did Stewball just call my people subversive? he can't get away with that. where's my fucking space laser?
thursday: whatimalism?
this is just so fucking embarrassing.
"President Trump and Elon Musk, arguably the two most unorthodox and influential American leaders of the 21st century, are practicing and fine-tuning a fused theory of governing power -> Masculine maximalism."
media, can you please stop with the hagiographic hero worship? Donny Convict and the Space Nazi are not avatars of "masculine" anything.
one guy can't go out in public without spackling his pale death-mask face with a gallon of burnt cork. the other has had extensive gender-affirming surgeryjust so he could feel better about himself.
these two jokers are petty, vindictive, dishonest, and never take responsibility for their fuckups. what kind of "masculine maximalism" is that?
admit it, Jim. you know what you really want to say about Donny and Leon, don't you? go ahead. this is a safe space.
"daddy's home."
that's right, Jim — except now America has two daddies, and they're both taking off their belts.
Jim? Jim?
oh my, Jimmy VandeHei just swooned and passed out, with the biggest smile on his face.
friday: a chip off the old extremely homophobic block
it appears that the Space Nazi didn't just inherit the profits from an Apartheid-era emerald operation from his father. he apparently also inherited a rather fucked-up set of values.
"Obama's a queer, married to a man who dresses as a woman."
isn't Errol a charmer? it's really true what they say — the douche doesn't fall far from the bag.
saturday: ?
hey, it's still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.
No Lies Detected
(Although some of them are getting better.)
It's Important To Resist – Even In Small Ways
Telling It Like It Is
Oh Snap!
I'm Going With Option #2
Oh Snap!
You Sure About That, Bubba?
Incompetent Imbecile Sabotages California's Water Supply
From Jeff Tiedrich:
Millions Of Gallons Gone, For A Pointless Photo-Op
Donny Convict believes a lot of stupid shit. for instance, that magnets stop working when they get wet. seriously, here's a thing Donny actually said while campaigning last year.
"all I know about magnets is this, give me a glass of water, let me drop it on the magnets, that's the end of the magnets."
that's just unbelievably idiotic, and so easy to disprove — but just try talking Donny out of it. you could walk up to him and stick two wet magnets together, right in front of his big, dumb pumpkin face — and it wouldn't make a dime's worth of difference. Donny knows what he knows, and fuck you if you think you're going to change his mind.
last Thursday, two of Donny's favorite misconceptions came together to spectacularly fuck up Central California's water supply.
here's what we're dealing with: first, there's Donny's nonsensical insistence that there's one ginormous building-sized faucet somewhere that controls allof California's water. secondly, there's Donny's childlike belief that the Army Corps of Engineers is a combat outfit. make no mistake, they're not. while the ACoE is technically part of the Army, they're about 96% civilian — and they don't do combat. the Corps does infrastructure shit. they deal with roads and bridges, and maintain water distribution systems.
but don't try to explain any of that to Donny. all he sees is the word "army" is in the title, and right away he imagines the big strong soldiers with the tears of gratitude and the massive biceps.
the reality is that they're a bunch of civil engineers in hardhats.
but when Donny directs the ACoE to do something, he literally believes that he's sending in GI Joe and his commandos to fuck shit up.
that's why when the Corps did some routine water pump maintenance in California recently, Donny breathlessly announced that he had 'sent in the military.'
last Thursday, Donny ordered GI Joe and his Hardhat Commandos to open relief valves at two of California's dams — and then the reckless imbecile took a victory lap. you're welcome, California!
"Photo of beautiful water flow that I just opened in California. Today, 1.6 billion gallons and, in 3 days, it will be 5.2 billion gallons. Everybody should be happy about this long fought Victory! I only wish they listened to me six years ago – There would have been no fire!"
Donny imagines that he has somehow 'saved' Los Angeles by letting 'billions of gallons of water' pour down into Southern California.
in reality, he accomplished none of that shit. what he did do was seriously fuck up Central California's water reserves — and now there's a strong possibility that farmers won't have the water they'll need for their crops this summer.
in typical Donny style, there was no forethought or planning — because fuck that. who needs planning when you know more about water management than all the water managers? Donny doesn't plan — that shit's for losers. he just picks up the phone and starts barking orders.
Water managers said they got about an hour's warning from the Army Corp's Sacramento office to expect the Tule and Kaweah rivers to be at "channel capacity" by Thursday night.
Channel capacity means the maximum amount of water a river can handle. For the Kaweah, that's 5,500 cubic feet per second and for the Tule, it's 3,500 cfs.
Those levels were last seen, and surpassed, during the 2023 floods, which destroyed dozens of homes and businesses and caused significant damage to infrastructure.
an hour's warning! imagine that. you're at the office, enjoying a hot cuppa and shooting the shit with your coworkers — and the phone rings. "hi, this is GI Civil Engineer Joe. we're on our way over to flood your farmland. ok bye!"
here's what happened the last time those rivers were at 'channel capacity':
panicked local officials managed to get the Corps to ease off.
"We were able to get them to back off that," said Eric Limas, General Manager of the Lower Tule River and Pixley irrigation districts, of the Army Corps. "They'll still be releasing water sometime tonight, but it will be a smaller amount, which will increase tomorrow."
"We're still trying to wrap our minds around the numbers that made this happen," Fukuda said. "We haven't received much information from the Army Corps, just very vague answers."
just 'vague answers' — because the Corps probably didn't know anything either, except that some ignorant asshole in Washington was screaming at them to get it done.
but the thing is, none of that water ended up anywhere near Los Angeles — because that's not how Central California's water system works.
Tulare County water managers were perplexed and frustrated, noting both physical and legal barriers that make it virtually impossible for Tulare County river water to be used for southern California fires.
First, it would have to be pumped at great expense across the San Joaquin Valley to get to the California Aqueduct and then travel hundreds of miles south.
fuckity-bye, water!
farmers were depending on that water to grow crops this summer —and now it's gone. wasted for a photo op, so Donny could pretend he'd accomplished something. you're welcome, California!
"This is the wrong time of year to be releasing water from these reservoirs. It's vitally important that we fill our reservoirs in the rainy season so water is available for farms and cities later in the summer," Gleick said. "I think it's very strange and it's disturbing that, after decades of careful local, state and federal coordination, some federal agencies are starting to unilaterally manipulate California's water supply."
when you can't find oranges in your supermarket later this year, you can blame Donny.
The two dams are considered important reservoirs of water for farmers in the San Joaquin Valley, which is known for its "Citrus Belt" that produced more than four million tons of citrus fruits — particularly Mandarin, Navel and Valencia oranges, along with grapefruits and lemons — in the 2020-2021 season alone.
locals can't fucking believe what just happened.
"A decision to take summer water from local farmers and dump it out of these reservoirs shows a complete lack of understanding of how the system works and sets a very dangerous precedent," said Dan Vink, a longtime Tulare County water manager and principal partner at Six-33 Solutions, a water and natural resource firm in Visalia.
now here's the quote of the day.
"This decision was clearly made by someone with no understanding of the system or the impacts that come from knee-jerk political actions."
no fucking shit.
by the way, here's that clip of Donny having no clue how magnets work. it's just another one of those stunningly crazypants moments that have to be heard to be believed.
in another clownfuckingly stupid move, Donny's put ruinous tariffs on Mexican and Canadian imports. even the Wall Street Journal called it "the dumbest trade war in history."
there will be a lot to say about this in the days to come, as the shit hits the economic fan — but for now, here's something you probably never thought would happen: Canadian hockey fans booing America' National Anthem.
do you have any idea just how badly you have to fuck up to get Canada mad at you?
let's go out on a high note. here's a suburban mom chasing some Patriot Front fucksticks out of her neighborhood by using a bullhorn to scream YOU BETTER RUN, BITCHES! at them.
Telling It Like It Is
Our Failed Political Press ™, Again. Sigh.
From Mock Paper Scissors:
The Orange 🤡 cannot force Canada into becoming the 51st state, because that's not the Constitutional process. And our corrupt and illegitimate SCOTUS has nothing to do with it. This is NOT a legal process, so they have no say.
Just look at what Puerto Rico/DC has been trying to do and you can see the process for yourselves.
-
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- Canada would have to petition the United States to become a state. Or more likely, each province would have to petition (And I guaran-damn-tee you Quebec don't play that game!)
- Congress would have to agree —and FOTUS (Felon of the United States) has NO vote in Congress.
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Now recall that each province would get TWO senators (and some number of Representatives) and Canadians already have socialized medicine. Can you really see the Fascists diluting their iron grip for 18 or so new Democratic Senators? (Remember, the Quebecois are never going to petition to become part of the United States! They are not even keen on being part of Canada!)
It just isn't going to happen, and this is the same reason Greenland is never going to become a state.
And just in passing because everyone is freaking out, Executive Orders cannot lawfully undo laws passed by Congress. FEMA was established by statute, our membership in the World Health Organization is by statute (which is probably why The Orange 🤡 now says that we'll probably rejoin. He cannot admit that he made a mistake.)
While it is true that Congress can repeal laws, it is rarely done. So before everyone freaks out about all the institutions and guardrails failing, go look to see if there is any legislation behind them. Our Failed Political Press ™ is only reporting what Fat Nixon is saying, and not checking to see if it is even possible.
(I know that everyone is going to pile-on and tell me that laws don't matter any more, but they kinda do. )
—Regards, Civics Boy
🤣 🤣 🤣
Snap!
You Go, Girl!
A Dark Day In America
From Jeff Tiedrich:
There is no reason for anyone to torment themselves today by doom-scrolling—and there is not one goddamned reason on Earth to give this asshole one second of your attention.
Instead, be like AOC.
"All these journalists are like, 'Congresswoman, are you going to the inauguration? Are you going to the inauguration?' — Let me make myself clear. I don't celebrate rapists. so no, I'm not going to the inauguration."
There are so many better ways we can be spending our time.
Today is Martin Luther King Day. Let's honor his memory, and let's dishonor a certain spiteful man-baby.
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Here's a quote from Dr. King that's never been more relevant than it is right now.
"We need leaders not in love with money but in love with justice. Not in love with publicity but in love with humanity."
hHw prescient was that?
America is about to go through some things. Yhis hurts a lot. I know. Remember, we're all in this together. let's be here for each other.
Today, we rest. Tomorrow, we put our shoulder to the wheel, and deal with the shitfuckery ahead of us.
Let me leave you with one piece of very good news. This morning, during his final hours in office, President Joe Biden issued preemptive pardons to General Milley, Dr. Fauci, and the January 6 Committee members.
"These are exceptional circumstances, and I cannot in good conscience do nothing," Biden wrote in a statement. "Baseless and politically motivated investigations wreak havoc on the lives, safety and financial security of targeted individuals and their families."
Thank you, Joe. We're going to miss you.
Submitted Without Comment
Following Up On News From A Few Days Ago
Right?!
THIS ↓
"Geriatric window-lickers" 🤣