Category: Beating Back the St00pid

Posted on

Daddy Swalwell!

This is brilliant.

If you have not read Eric Swalwell's questions to Hunter Biden during his hearing, you have to.

SWALWELL: Any time your father was in government, prior to the Presidency or before, did he ever operate a hotel?

BIDEN: No, he has never operated a hotel.

SWALWELL: So he's never operated a hotel where foreign nationals spent millions at that hotel while he was in office?

BIDEN: No, he has not.

SWALWELL: Did your father ever employ in the Oval Office any direct family member to also work in the Oval Office?

BIDEN: My father has never employed any direct family members, to my knowledge.

SWALWELL: While your father was President, did anyone in the family receive 41 trademarks from China?

BIDEN: No.

SWALWELL: As President and the leader of the party, has your father ever tried to install as the chairperson of the party a daughter-in-law or anyone else in the family?

BIDEN: No. And I don't think that anyone in my family would be crazy enough to want to be the chairperson of the DNC.

SWALWELL: Has your father ever in his time as an adult been fined $355 million by any State that he worked in?

BIDEN: No, he has not, thank God.

SWALWELL: Anyone in your family ever strike a multibillion dollar deal with the Saudi Government while your father was in office?

BIDEN: No.

SWALWELL: That's all I've got.

And that, children, is how it's done.

Posted on

Oops!

From Shitposting4Satan:

All jokes aside, I think there's reasonable evidence that the "Rapture" may have already happened.

Here's my points…

The Covid pandemic would have been the perfect time for hundreds of thousands of people to vanish and nobody notice. I mean we couldn't even attend funerals.

Also in the Bible, Christians' favorite book they never read, Jesus warns repeatedly and clearly that LOTS of people will THINK they'Il make it into heaven and be in for a rude surprise (the parable of the sheep and the goats in Matthew, for example).

But wait, there's more.

The Bible says that Jesus will return "like a thief in the night."

And here's something I've been wondering about. Why do Christians think this means it will be a sudden and cataclysmic event? A thief in the night doesn't surprise you, that's the whole point, he's sneaky and steals your shit while you're sleeping and you don't notice. So maybe it REALLY means "the Rapture will happen and nobody will notice, at least not right away."

"But won't people notice a billion or so people suddenly vanishing from the Earth in an instant?" You might ask.

To which I point out Jesus' constant warnings that not everyone will make it into heaven. The sheep and the goats, narrow is the way, etc.

So why do we assume BILLIONS of Christians will go to heaven? Maybe the number will be a LOT smaller. Like so small that during the chaos of a global pandemic, it goes unnoticed.

Several Christian sects believe that only 144,000 people will make it into heaven, based on that number in the Bible. Most mainstream sects claim it's a metaphorical figure and not to be taken literally. But it's food for thought.

And of course, this would cause a problem, because who would be there to tell everyone after the Rapture happened?

Could it be, I don't know…
Someone like me, a former hardcore Christian and missionary, who left his faith?

This would also explain why Christians are such hate-filled assholes today. The few actually Christ-like ones among them were already raptured, leaving the assholes behind.

And we all know how obsessed Christians are with the end times, Mark of the Beast, the Rapture happening at any moment, blah blah blah. Maybe they're right, but they're so close to the obvious truth that they've missed the forest for the trees: The Rapture already happened, and you guys got left behind with us godless heathens.

Now you might say. You're a Satanist shitposting memes on Insta. Why should I believe you?

Well in the Bible, God made a donkey speak to a prophet because he was being too stubborn to listen.

I only wish I was hung like a horse, but maybe I'm that donkey.

You're welcome, and God bless!