I understand the inclination to believe that Trump is acting erratically when he seemingly arbitrarily bombs Iran. But this is the culmination of a long-term plan for which the chief beneficiary is, unsurprisingly, himself. You don’t have to look far for clues, either.
This morning, while the bombing was underway, Trump wrote:
Iran tried to interfere in 2020, 2024 elections to stop Trump, and now faces renewed war with United States.
Let’s be clear: Trump doesn’t care about foreign countries meddling in our elections. If he did, he’d be bombing Russia right now. So why then would Trump invoke Iran interfering in our elections as he bombs the country? Put simply, he is trying to validate the claim that our elections are not secure, so that he can use that as a pretext to usurp control of our elections in the name of national security.
Here’s an excerpt from The Washington Post’s reporting from just days ago:
Pro-Trump activists who say they are in coordination with the White House are circulating a 17-page draft executive order that claims China interfered in the 2020 election as a basis to declare a national emergency that would unlock extraordinary presidential power over voting.
I do have one gripe with this framing: declaring a national emergency would not “unlock” extraordinary presidential power over voting. There is noextraordinary presidential power over voting. The states control elections, not the federal government. Full stop.
But that poor framing notwithstanding, Trump is very clearly looking for claims of foreign interference (first China, now Iran) to serve as a basis to declare a national emergency. He has threatened to nationalize the election for months. This is how he’s going to try and do it.
Add this to his apparent obsession with passing the SAVE Act, which in part gives the federal government access to the voter rolls (and if you’re looking to suppress the vote, it helps to know whose vote to suppress).
And of course, Trump has a long, sordid past when it comes to steps he’s already taken to undermine the sanctity of our elections. He tried to seize the voting machines in Georgia in 2020. He tried to get Brad Raffensperger to find 11,780 nonexistent votes. This year, he sent his Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard to Fulton County to collect all of the ballots. He’s sending troops into US cities who can serve as his boots on the ground in the event that he hands down orders. He’s put in place an attorney general who herself is an election denier. History shows that Trump is not shy about using any pretext necessary to interfere in a free and fair election in the United States.
There is a silver lining. Because he is so ham-handed, his scheme is already apparent. I’ve spoken with Marc Elias, the founder of Democracy Docket, who can see the writing on the wall. If and when Trump asserts his nonexistent authority, he will be sued. And he will lose. But our job is to spread the word, because the more Americans recognize the real reason for his actions, the less effective this pretext will be when he attempts to use it.
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: you’ve got to hand it to her — or maybe not
let’s watch as five-time international lap-hockey champion Handy Oakley takes a simple request to define a common word and gives it a vigorous beetlejuicing.
Piers Morgan: “what is inflation?”
Lauren Boebert: “well, inflation is— when, uh, when the, the price of things, um, is, is over, um, is, is, is too expensive because of, of, um, the, uh federal government, uh, really squandering the tax dollars. so you have the green new scam, uh hundreds of billions of dollars spent there, um to provide [makes air quotes] affordable energy, uh, and it was not affordable, it was never free, it was never—”
Morgan: “okay, yeah—”
Boebert: “that money was taken from the American people—”
Morgan: “yeah, okay, I don’t think—”
Boebert: “and forced into the system.”
Morgan: “hang on, hang on—”
what the fuck did we just listen to? even Piers Morgan is dumbfounded by the sheer incoherence of it all. folks, excuse me a moment as my brain tries to process Handy’s shit-salad of word-adjacent gibberish.
yeah, no. I tried and failed — because holy shit, she’s a fucking moron. as a lawmaker, she’s in way over her head, and her flat-lining shitwittery affects us all. Handy Oakley really needs to stick to what she’s good at.
but you know what? fuck it, let’s go all-in and pass the popcorn — because that exchange between Piers and Handy was actually pretty entertaining. I’d watch the shit out of a show that was just Handy’s cerebral cortex leaking out of her ears as she struggles to explain everyday words. admit it, so would you.
tuesday: all hat, no brain
I have a question: if our Big Boy Preznit ‘completely obliterated’ Iran’s nuclear capabilities when he dropped a shitload of bombs last year, then why all the drumbeating for dropping more bombs on Iran right now?
Kaitlan Collins: “if we obliterated Iran’s nuclear program last summer, then why are you worried about it right now?”
Markywane Mullin: “because they’re rebuilding it, and you can see they’re rebuilding it.”
Collins: “but it was obliterated?”
Mullin: “that doesn’t mean you can’t rebuild. I mean, people have car accidents and obliterate their bones in their legs, and yet they can still put you know, they can still put metal back in them and, and and walk again.”
oh fuck, it’s happening again —
oh dear lord. um, could we get Handy Oakley in here to explain what ‘obliterated’ means?
free clue: if you obliterate your leg, that literally means it’s gone forever. your nickname is now Stumpy.
where in the hallowed name of Head Trauma Jesus do you even start with this nonsense? is Marky Many-Names tying to win the Nobel Tortured Metaphor Prize? because I’m sure that’s exactly what Iran did — they just shoved some metal in their nuclear program, put a cast on it and told it to get some bed rest. and seven months later — hey nonny, it’s as good as new. yeah, what a perfectly sensible explanation. I’m sold.
isn’t it maddening when morons lie us into an unnecessary war? the thing about stupid is that it just doesn’t burn — sometimes it gets people killed.
isn’t that lovely? there’s actually some bro inside the White House whose job is to crank out racist videos. what a great use of taxpayer dollars, am I right?
wait, it gets better: Wade is also the fucknugget behind the ‘johnny maga’ not-twitter account. now, Garrett seems like a real charmer, so let’s just celebrate that time he forgot to switch to his burner account and posted the following beaut to Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium.
because who among is isn’t a gay black guy who felt so betrayed by Barack HUSSEIN Obama that we went all-in for Donny?
it’s all so relatable.
thursday: most fucked-up family tree, ever.
remember Ann Coulter? for a while there, back in the pre-MAGA days, she was a Big Fucking Deal. every now and then, Ann tries to regain some of that relevance, so let’s all watch as she tries and fails to do a proper racism.
“That beautiful ending to Trump’s SOTU address reminds me why we can’t have a second-, third-, or fourth- generation immigrant as president. Love for our country has to be in your genes.”
seriously, Ann? nobody gets to be president unless their family has been in the good ol’ US of A for five generations? well, that would certainly mean that Preznit Fuckwit is ineligible to serve. am I right, Community Notes?
according to the fucking idiot, the Epstein Dance Hall is going to be ‘the Greatest of its kind ever built!’ it’s going to be a big, strong, building, with tears in its eyes as it says ‘sir! sir! no one has ever built an Epstein Dance Hall is gaudy as I am. how do you do it? sir!’
and then, in the middle of the night, we all found out that — holy fucking shit — the fucking idiot has now taken us to an unprovoked and illegal war with Iran, because obliterated.
because if you can totally obliterate something once, you can ‘totally again obliterate’ it all over. it makes perfect sense to me!
let me just put this here, for no particular reason at all.
and despite all that dumbfuckery going on right in front of their noses, not one reporter stood up to ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
“and I hadda go through, and I still do, fake stories, fake polls … I saw one today. 40%. I’m not at 40%. I’m at— much higher. I mean I’d love to run against anybody. the real polls say ‘you’d kill everybody. wouldn’t even be close.’”
oh boo fucking hoo, you pathetic sad-sack. stuff a sock in it already.
go press that big red button on the Resolute Desk, and when Walt Nauta comes scampering in with your diet coke, tell him you need your diaper changed, pronto.
CNN’s Harren Enter: “Trump’s net approval rating. look at the pre-SOTU polls, the State of the Union. look at that — negative 27 points! my goodness gracious. Compare that to where he was in 2020, 2019, and 2017 — minus 10, way lower now. the bottom line is Donald Trump has never been weaker going into a State of the Union address, according our CNN polling than he is right now, and weaker by a considerable amount.”
Donny’s poll numbers are circling the drain right now because none of this shit is popular, and all of it is fucked up.
aside from the brain-dead cultists for whom Dear Leader can never ever do wrong, nobody voted for any of the fascist shit going on right now.
nobody voted for the historic and stately East Wing to be demolished so that Donny can replace it with some vulgar Epstein Dance Hall — and speaking of Donny’s dead pedo bestie, nobody voted for the continuing cover-up of a massive pedophile ring.
nobody voted for off-the-charts corruption and greed.
nobody voted for masked ICE thugs teargassing children, and murdering anyone who looks at them funny. nobody voted for innocent immigrants to be disappeared off the streets and shipped off to far-away slave-labor gulags.
nobody voted for our allies to be insulted and ignored, or for Ukraine to be thrown to the wolves, or for Greenland to be perpetually harassed, or for Venezuela to become a vassal state.
nobody voted for the price of everything continuing to skyrocket — especially when Donny promised bring all that shit down on Day One.
“why— why would you do this? and they walk in— nobody even asks for— like, you have an identification? do you have an ID? um— [long pause] it’s so crazy. you know, the Mayor of New York, and he’s a very nice person, I, I met him. his ideology is not, not too good. but uhhhh— we’re having a massive snowstorm right now, and I’ve heard that he’s asked people to come out and help shovel the snow. okay, so you get a shovel and you start shoveling. what? what the hell, you’re not gonna help too much, but you help— [points to a woman in the audience] hello, darling, how are you? [points again] no, right behind you. look. my friend, right? are you okay? yes, you. are you okay? are you okay? [long pause] good. good. are your eyes okay? I gave her money to get her eyes fixed. lotta money, to get her eyes fixed. that doctor ripped me off, but that’s okay.”
holy shit. what in the actual fuck did we just listen to?
my dear sweet lord. it was just last week that the entire media ecosystem dogpiled AOC, because she paused and said ‘um’ in the middle of an answer — but Donny somehow gets an endless series of free passes to shit out incoherent nonsense on a daily basis. nobody in the press blinks, nobody says boo. it’s fucking maddening.
“I mean, I just abroad for the last 10 days or so and I was watching other people’s TV and other people’s leaders. And when you do that and then you come back and you watch our TV and our leaders it takes some adjustment, right? Like, that person that we were just watching, he does not seem well, in any sense.”
“I realize if you watch it day after day after day, it kind of maybe seems normal, but when you contrast it to people who can actually finish sentences and people who can stay on the topic and people who are perhaps sharing the same reality as you, it is really striking. I mean, that guy — just abstracting from the fact that he’s the president of the United States — he does not … He just doesn’t look well.”
Snyder gets it right: President Pudding Cup is not well — physically or mentally. and as much as we try to remind ourselves that none of this is normal, we can’t help but become inured to it.
when Donny blithers on about “I can use Licenses to do absolutely ‘terrible’ things to foreign countries” he’s giving away the game. tariffs were never about responsible or coherent economic policy. they were about having a hammer with with to punish the shit out of any country that pissed him off.
Jesus wept. Donny can’t just let the US Olympic hockey team enjoy their own victory. he has to horn in and pretend he had something to do with it. how weak. how sad. how small and petty.
did you vote for that? I didn’t.
here’s your Zero of the Day: it’s Judge Aileen Cannon, up to her usual fuckery.
Cannon is so easy to loathe. amateurish, dumb as shit, and totally in the tank for Donny Convict, she’s less a judge and more a member of Donny’s own legal team.
Judge Fangirl took some time off from scrawling ‘Mrs. Aileen Trump’ over and over on the covers of all her notebooks to commit an evil.
“Breaking: The Trump-appointed Judge Aileen Cannon has permanently blocked the release of special counsel Jack Smith’s report on the classified documents case — saying releasing the report would be unfair to Trump and his co-defendants.”
when Cannon says the releasing the report would be ‘unfair’ to Donny, she gives away her game.
Melanie D’Arrigo, can you please explain to the nice people why that is?
“Blocking the release of a report on potential crimes committed by Trump and his co-defendants because it would be ‘unfair’ to them, is admitting that the report contains compelling evidence of crimes committed by them.”
exactly. Donny is guilty as fuck, and everyone knows it — even Judge Fangirl.
and now, here’s your Hero of the Day: whistleblower Ryan Schwank.
“on my first day, I received secretive orders to teach new cadets to violate the Constitution, by entering homes without a judicial warrant. for the last five months, I watched ICE dismantle the training program, cutting 240 hours of vital classes from a 584-hour program. classes that teach the Constitution, our legal system, firearms training, the use of force, lawful arrests, proper detention, and the limits of officers’ authority. for example, they ceased all of the legal instructions regarding use of force. this means that cadets are not taught what it means to be objectively reasonable. the very standard which the law requires them to meet when deciding whether or not to use deadly force. our jobs as instructors are to teach them so well, that they can make split-second decisions about what they can and cannot do in life-or-death situations. yet in the name churning out an endless stream of officers, DHS leadership has dismantled the academic and practical tests the we need to know that cadets can safely and lawfully perform their job. all to satisfy an administration demanding that they train thousands of new officers before the end of the year.”
brave man.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
I’m not feeling well, I’m cranky, and just reading through Tiedrich this morning raised my blood pressure so much that I’m not going to cut and paste it today. You’re welcome to read him here.
It’s easy when the horrors have become commonplace to become so beaten down and disheartened by the fight that you can lose sight of why you’re doing it.
The repeated brutality and the relentless sorrows and the never-ending crises can squeeze out and suffocate your imagination, gradually rendering you unable to see a future worth walking into anymore.
And then suddenly, when you least expect it, there it is.
Suddenly, you find those long-dried-up reservoirs of hope bursting open once more.
Caught up in the throes of a stirring rhythm that you cannot resist, you find your way back.
For thirteen minutes on a football field in San Francisco, from thousands of miles away, we could see it again.
This America: diverse, creative, joyful, colorful, unified.
This America, where fear is banished, where fierce embraces find each of us, where no one is left outside.
This is it.
This is what we’re fighting like hell for.
This is why giving up isn’t an option.
And this is why centering something other than Love is the only way we lose.
Bad Bunny reminded us that in this war for the nation we’re still renovating, it is not might, or force, or eye-for-an-eye violence that will cause us to prevail; it will be our refusal to become as miserable and hateful as those we oppose.
He, a man faced for months with the undeserved scorn of tens of millions of strangers, the target of the worst poison human beings are capable of, chose not to stand upon the largest platform and fly some bitter, middle finger contempt.
He simply showed his humanity and reminded us of our own.
He refused to allow his enemies to defeat him by becoming them.
Love wins.
Words can easily feel like hollow platitudes, like empty cliches, until they aren’t.
Until they are the truest truth there is in this life.
Until we can feel them in the marrow of our bones.
Until those words towering above a beleagured multitude that has been starved of Love.
That love is what those grim-faced, joyless exclusionists are afraid of, what they are working so tirelessly to eliminate.
That’s why this was more than just entertainment, more than songs and set pieces, more than pop music and sentiment.
We cannot lose sight of who we are.
Our compassion is what makes us different.
We do wield those open, bleeding hearts they ridicule us for.
We are a people who believe that the open hand is greater than the clenched fist.
Now, I’m not so naive to believe that a 13-minute show is magic: that violent mobs of masked men are going to suddenly disappear from our streets, that the cruel and calloused hearts all around us are going to soften, that the people so addled by racism that they needed an alternative to this celebration of our commonalities are going to be moved to alter their allegiance to a monster.
In fact, witnessing such a bold and beautiful declaration of diverse coexistence will likely make those threatened by such things double down in their attacks, but that doesn’t matter.
But what I do know is that for thirteen minutes, it all became clear again.
For thirteen minutes, we could see the future.
We have had our attentions redirected, our spirits lifted, and our strength returned.
We have been reminded of the place that we might still be if we refuse to stop doing the hard work; if we continue to make sure that everyone has a place here, that everyone finds welcome, that everyone gets a chance to dance.
Over the span of thirteen minutes, Bad Bunny gave his detractors lessons in empathy, diversity, unity, and geography.
He gave the rest of us the eyes to see what we may have forgotten.
last night, so many colicky cultists completely lost their shit over Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl halftime show that America came this close to depleting the National Strategic Reserve of Binkies.
Fox News: “it’s Super Bowl Sunday today. it’s a snacking holiday in the US. you are— as the CEO of MAHA, uh, what would you have as a Super Bowl snack?”
Bobby Brainworms Jr.: “you know, I am on a carnivore diet so I just eat meat and ferments. and I’m very happy with that so I’m probably going to have a yogurt.”
that’s right, Bobby used ‘ferments’ as a noun — as one does when one is a fucking crackpot.
go ahead, make fun of Brainworms’ speech habits all you want — but yogurt is, in fact, an important part of Bobby’s five food groups: ferments, whale head, dead bear cub, raw sewage, and heroin.
but just imagine that Obama had been asked, back when he was president, what he was going to chow down on during the Sports Bowl — and that had answered ‘yogurt.’
the entire wingnut outrage-industrial complex would have lost their fucking minds, and screamed their heads off about ‘out-of-touch elites.’ Republicans bearing pitchforks and torches would have swarmed the White House and burned it to the fucking ground.
“UPDATE: Due to licensing restrictions, we are unable to stream The All-American Halftime Show on X. Head on over to our YouTube channel tonight around 8PM ET to watch the full show.”
holy shit, what? because of ‘licensing restrictions,’ TPUSA’s dumb-ass event couldn’t be shown on Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium?
you fucking eejits. you had literal months to get your act together, and you forgot to get permission to stream it? way to respect the hallowed memory of misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk, you incompetent shitwits.
I’m sorry, was Turning Point broadcasting from inside a strip club?
so why all the MAGA hatred for Bad Bunny? what crimes against humanity had he committed that were so egregious, Turning Point had no choice but to offer their own counter-programming?
‘the only thing more powerful than hate is love’? what the hell?
look, Bad Bunny — if that even is your real name — MAGA hasn’t spent the last ten years hard at work transforming American into a failed fascist pesthole, only to have you fuck it all up by telling everybody there’s something better than hate.
by the way, this year’s Nobel Prize in Taking One For The Team definitely should go to Juliet Jeske, the host of Decoding Fox News podcast. she selflessly watched the entire Turning Point show, so we wouldn’t have to. she then edited it down into a two-minute highlight reel and added a commentary track. you can see it here.
The Turning Point USA Half Time show broken down into two minutes – the highs, the lows, the poor audio production and overuse of pyrotechnics. A 55-year-old man dancing around in shorts. It was everything and nothing all at once.
headlining the TPUSA show was super-tasteful style icon Formerly A Kid Rock.
tell me, has Not Anywhere Close To Being A Kid Rock ever been to Epstein Island? it’s a legit question to ask, because he sure writes lyrics as if he has.
The track, “Cool, Daddy Cool” was released in 2001 and was featured in the children’s movie “Osmosis Jones” that same year. It includes the line, “Young ladies, young ladies, I like ’em underage/ See, some say that’s statutory/ But I say it’s mandatory.”
wait, a song that rhymes ‘statutory’ with ‘mandatory’ was featured on the soundtrack of a children’s movie? what numbskull greenlit that idea?
here’s a fun thing that Definitely Not A Kid said about the Olsen Twins when they were 14 years old.
“Why is every guy in America waiting on these chicks to turn 18?” he said during the appearance. “If there’s grass on the field, play ball.”
‘grass on the field’ — get it? get it?
fun true fact: Don’t Mistake Him For A Kid is also the author of a song called ‘Balls in Your Mouth.’ you’ll never guess what it’s about.
Republican family values!
is there anything more pathetically hilarious in this world than MAGA trying to cope?because nothing says ‘we’re not easily-triggered snowflakes’ more than having to create your own safe space so you don’t have to watch someone singing in Spanish.
it’s estimated that 127 million people watched the Bad Bunny halftime show, and 5 million watched Turning Point’s shit-show. I’m not sure on what planet that constitutes a ‘massive victory for TPUSA’ — but you do you, MAGA.
also, I’m pretty sure that everyone who tuned in to Kid Rock caterwauling about his love for pedophilia already supports ICE.
hey, you know who wasn’t watching the Turning Point show? Dear Leader, that’s who. check out what was on the big screen at the Motel-a-Lago Super Bowl party: Bad Fucking Bunny. what the hell, Donny? you’re the MAGA King. you’re supposed to be leading by example.
look who was with Donny at his Florida golf motel last night: the Kompromat Kid himself, Lindsey Graham.
I wonder what Old Linz’s favorite Kid Rock song is.
doesn’t Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants sound like the angriest out-of-touch old white guy in the world? how dare the NFL force him to watch something that doesn’t conform to his extremely cramped and hateful worldview.
‘nobody understands a word this guy is saying’ — nobody except for the world’s 635 million Spanish speakers. ‘the dancing is disgusting’ — hey Donny, is this you, jacking off two invisible giraffes?
and why won’t Bad Bunny sing about how great the stock market is doing? why won’t Bad Bunny do anything about the NFL’s kickoff rule? THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER, BAD BUNNY.
and so today’s hero of the day is, quite obviously, Bad Bunny himself — because anyone who can get this many dumbfucks to shit themselves raw over a sportsball entertainment show is okay in my book.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
everything fucking sucks right now, so let’s just take a moment to savor JD Vance getting the shit booed out of him at the Winter Olympics opening ceremony in Italy.
announcer: “there’s the vice president, JD Vance and his wife Usha— oops, those are not— uh, those are a lot of boos for him.”
The International Olympic Committee was forced to ask fans not to boo the U.S. delegation led by Vice President JD Vance and Secretary of State Marco Rubio during Friday’s opening ceremony for the Milano Cortina Winter Games.
is it any wonder that Mr. Heartbeat Away gets booed everywhere he goes? he pretty much goes out of his way to be as unpleasant as possible. look at the embarrassing spectacle Couchfuck creates as he leaves the Milan Prefecture after meeting with Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni.
it takes an entire four and a half minutes for every one of JD’s vehicles to clear the building and clownfuck their way into local traffic.
Vance treats the streets of Milan the same way he treats a couch. he’s just going to ram it in there — and if anyone doesn’t like it, that’s just too damned bad.
it’s all so unnecessary — because watch what happens once all that bullshit runs its course: out comes Lauren Ware, the wife of US Ambassador Tillman Fertitta — on foot. no pomp, no circumstance, and no dumbfuck motorcade.
one person with a small security team — as happens when you’re not such a ginormous piece of shit that everyone can’t wait to heckle you.
because Lauren Ware doesn’t make a point of being an asshole, she can wander wherever she wants — while JD Vance can’t even walk through Union Station in Washington DC without people screaming ‘GO FUCK A COUCH’ at him. remember this, from last August?
“oh look, it’s Couchfucker. you gonna fuck a couch, buddy? GO FUCK A COUCH, JD VANCE, GO FUCK A COUCH!”
MILAN — The start of the women’s short program at the Olympic figure skating team event was drawing close Friday afternoon, but American star Alysa Liu couldn’t get to the Milano Skating Arena. She and her coach and choreographer were stuck on an official Olympic bus, blocked from the arena parking lot by the motorcade of Vice President JD Vance, who attended the team event. “We almost didn’t make it,” Liu’s coach, Phillip DiGuglielmo, later said.
ace job, you dumb-ass.
imagine training for years to compete in the Olympics — and almost missing your one shot at glory because some furniture-fucking asshole is on an ego trip.
could someone please remind JD that his job is to stand over there and wave a flagand clap for our Olympians, and not be the constant chaotic center of attention?
for fuck’s sake, he even brought his own food with him. who does that?
A cargo plane transported food from the United States for the delegation, while two other planes brought armored vehicles to be used during official movements.
come on — Couchfuck is in Milan — one of Europe’s greatest cultural centers. shouldn’t he be taking advance of the experience? I sure as shit would. what’s the issue, JD — are there no doughnut shops in Milan?
let’s find out. because I’m a responsible journalist and everything, I googled ‘doughnut shops in Milan’ — and guess what:
so what was JD’s problem? how hard would it have been for him to learn enough of the native language to say ‘how long have you been selling doughnuts? HA HA! that’s great’?
‘da quanto tempo vendi ciambelle? AH AH, fantastico.’
you’re welcome, bro. it’s called being a responsible journalist.
thanks to Donny and his henchmen, the whole world hates us now. we’re the playground bullies of the planet, kidnapping a leader here, threatening to invade there, and just plain tariffing everywhere.
or, like Couchfuck McGee in Milan, we’re just creating ego-driven chaos for chaos’ sake — because fuck you, that’s why. none of these shitwits are big on consent.
it’s all so fucking embarrassing.
President Donald Trump’s team offered to unfreeze federal funding for the paused Gateway tunnel project if Democrats in Congress agree to rename Penn Station and Washington Dulles International Airport after him, according to someone with direct knowledge of the negotiations.
only weak and fragile fuckwits need this kind of constant affirmation.
Louisiana Democrat Chasity Verret Martinez defeated her Republican opponent by double digits in the special election Saturday night for a state House seat in a district President Trump won by 13 points in 2024.
Martinez won 62% of the vote compared to 38% for her Republican opponent, Brad Daigle, according to unofficial results from the Louisiana Secretary of State.
in 2024, Donny won this district by 13 points. just fifteen months later, Democrat Chasity Martinez’s crushed her Republican opponent by double digits — a 37-point swing from red to blue.
in special election after special election, Democrats keep prevailing by significant margins. that’s how fucking radioactive Donny and his fascist policies have become.
there’s a blue wave a-comin’.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
Bill and Hillary Clinton just walked into the Epstein fight saying “put us on live TV” and James Comer’s first instinct was to kill the cameras. They are not asking for special treatment, they are using their very real political brilliance to demand transparency in a case where Congress passed the Epstein Files Transparency Act requiring full unredacted release while the trump administration still dragged its feet and slow walked compliance. By planting their flag on “public or nothing,” they flip the script and force Republicans to explain why secrecy suddenly matters more than sunlight.
That stance is not just moral high ground, it is a trap. The more the Clintons insist on testifying in public, the more obvious it becomes that the real panic is on the right, where trump’s orbit brushes up against names and records that have never fully seen daylight. By embracing an open hearing, they are effectively daring Comer and his allies to keep shielding a system that still has trump era fingerprints all over what remains hidden.
This is how you turn years of right wing Clinton obsession inside out. If Republicans refuse public testimony, they look like they are protecting trump and the remnants of his Justice Department rather than pursuing the truth. If they cave and allow it, they risk an on camera reckoning that ties the unreleased files, the stalled transparency law, and trump’s own connections into one long, unedited narrative that does not break their way.
imagine you’re a war correspondent for a major American newspaper. you’ve been assigned to cover the war in Ukraine. conditions totally fucking suck. there’s no heat, electricity or running water.
but you’re not bothered by any of that shit. youlove your job — because it’s enthralling. there’s nothing else like it in the world.
now imagine you’re in the middle of doing all that, when out of the clear blue, you get an email telling you that your job’s gone fuckity-bye.
“I was just laid off by The Washington Post in the middle of a warzone. I have no words. I’m devastated.”
oh, lovely. how the fuck is Lizzie Johnson supposed to find her way home? what the hell?
and it wasn’t just Johnson who got told her job had been sent to a big farm upstate, where it will have lots of room to run around. over three hundred of her Post colleagues got shitcanned yesterday morning.
here’s just some of the carnage: metro DC news, cut way back. the sports section, gone. book and theater reviews, gone. podcasts, gone.
but perhaps most egregiously, they’re cutting their foreign bureaus. if you want to know what’s happening in places like Kyiv or the Middle East, don’t look at the Post. it’s no longer their responsibility.
how the fuck can you even call yourself a major newspaper if you’re not covering what’s going on in the world? this is the Washington Fucking Post we’re talking about, not the Podunk Pennysaver.
here’s how devastating the cuts were: Peter Finn, WaPo’s International Editor, demanded he be fired on the spot, rather than take any part in this fuckery.
Peter Finn, the section’s editor, requested that he be laid off rather than be involved in planning the cuts once he learned about their scope, according to two people with knowledge of his decision.
the Washington Post’s corporate overlords claim they had no choice but to make these cuts, because the paper lost over one hundred million dollars last year. but these same overlords want to make one thing perfectly clear: these mass firings are actually good news.
do you want to know the real reason the Post is doing this? it’s because they love you — the reader — so much!
“The Washington Post is taking a number of difficult but decisive actions today for our future, in what amounts to a significant restructuring across the company,” the Post said in a statement. “These steps are designed to strengthen our footing and sharpen our focus on delivering the distinctive journalism that sets The Post apart and, most importantly, engages our customers.”
oh, I see. the Post is gutting its staff and reducing its coverage in order to makeit all better. sure, now that you’ve explained it, that makes perfect sense to me.
there are really only two words that come to mind when faced with this level of piss-on-your-head-and-tell-you-it’s-raining corporate-ese. the first one rhymes with fuck, and the second with you.
let’s lay the blame for this atrocity exactly where it belongs: at the feet of Jeff Bezos, the Donny-snuggling gazillionaire who laughs like some fucked-up cartoon villain.
it was Bezos’ own disastrous decisions that led to the Post bleeding money.
first, a week before the 2024 election, Bezos phoned up the editor of the Post and told him not to run their planned endorsement of Kamala Harris. Bezos didn’t want to make Donny mad, just in case he happened to win. hundreds of thousands of angry Post subscribers canceled their subscriptions in response.
why would Bezos deliberately antagonize his readership? because doesn’t give a shit. he’d rather curry favor with his new despot snugglebunny, Donny Convict.
Jeffrey Beez is not a newspaper guy. he doesn’t bleed black ink, as the saying used to go. he’s a business honcho. the Post is a just line item on a spreadsheet.
“If Jeff Bezos could afford to spend $75 million on the Melania movie & $500 million for a yacht to sail off to his $55 million wedding to give his wife a $5 million ring, please don’t tell me he needed to fire one-third of the Washington Post staff. Democracy dies in oligarchy.”
democracy dies up Jeff Bezos’ ass.
let’s be clear here. Bezos spends his money like a drunken sailor. he flushed $75 million down the shitter on that bogus ‘documentary’ about Dear Leader’s Slovenian rent-a-wife — and didn’t think twice about how much it cost. sixty million got pissed away on a wedding for his personal flotation device.
Jeff Bezos’ current net worth is TWO HUNDRED AND SIXTY-ONE BILLION DOLLARS. think about this: Bezos could give every person on the planet a billion dollars each, and have $253 billion left over. that’s still more money than he could possibly spend in his lifetime.
the hundred mil that the Post lost is a rounding error to someone with that much moolah.
if he wanted to, he could personally fund the Post and give it away for free — and not even notice the money missing from his bank account.
fuck it, Bezos could sell the Post to someone who would care about putting out a quality product — but he won’t. he’d rather destroy it. owning some hallowed institution and clownfucking into irrelevance is the hip new thing. all the cool oligarchs are doing it.
I swear, these morbidly wealthy shit-kazoos are so easy to hate. and they wonder why people walk around wearing Eat The Rich t-shirts.
heroes, that’s what we’re in desperate need of right now.
no one ever went to bed with fascism and came up smelling like roses. no one ever said ‘gee, I’m so glad the Washington Post partnered with Nazis.’
fascist regimes come, and fascist regimes go. when this current nightmare finally runs its course, no one is going to say ‘wasn’t it awesome how Jeff Bezos slobbered all over Dear Leader’s ass?’
the people we’re going to look back on with admiration are the ones who stood up said ‘take your Nazi bullshit and stick it where the sun don’t shine.’
which bring us to today’s hero of the day: Jordan Perry, the manager of the Lake Theater & Cafe in Lake Oswego, Oregon.
Perry booked the Melania ‘documentary’ into his theater (as a bit of a joke, he explained in a blog post) — and he advertised it with a marquee that read ‘to defeat your enemy, you must know them. Melania starts Friday.’
undaunted, Perry changed his marquee to ‘Amazon called. our marquee made them mad. all Melania shows canceled. show your support at Whole Foods instead :(’
in a world of Jeff Bezoses, be someone who antagonizes the shit out of Jeff Bezos.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
Sometimes you don’t have to work to figure out where the racists are. Sometimes they out themselves.
Back in the Fall, within nanoseconds of the NFL announcing that Latin rapper Bad Bunny would be performing the Super Bowl Halftime Show, the Trump cult tore itself away from Charlie Kirk martyrdom, MAGA church shooter retcons, restaurant logo crusades, and pro-ICE posturing to launch into a full-on frenzy of performative histrionics in protest.
Since then, they’ve continued their tortured pearl-clutching unabated, with the white supremacist stalwarts at Turning Point USA recently announcing an “alternative” halftime show (called, of course, The All-American Halftime Show), featuring Olympic-level cultural appropriator-turned MAGA bootlicker Kid Rock and an undercard of similarly pigmented, patriotism-peddling, Bible-brandishing, shameless deep South virtue signalers.
You see the “alternative” they’re offering here, right?
If you’re over 25 and, like many older white folks, have remained permanently trapped in the amber of Classic Rock radio, you may have never even heard of Bad Bunny, whose birth name is Benito Antonio Martínez Ocasio. (I’d be willing to bet my house that 90 percent of the Conservatives who are currently rending their garments online hadn’t, either.)
Born and raised in Puerto Rico (which a terrifying number of MAGAs don’t seem to know is an American territory), his father was a truck driver and his mother a school teacher. He spent his formative years singing in the choir in a Roman Catholic Church his family attended, and began writing his own music at the age of 14. Bunny was signed to a record label at the age of 20 after being discovered online.
Today, Bad Bunny is an international superstar, the second most-streamed artist of all time, with 100 billion streamed songs. He is a multiple Grammy winner, has crossed over into professional wrestling and acting, is a coveted brand ambassador, and does millions of dollars in philanthropic work through his Good Bunny Foundation (Fundación el Buen Conejo), which he started in 2018.
Ocasio is the literal embodiment of the American Dream that the GOP has spent decades waving in our faces and flying up the flagpole.
So, what’s the problem?
Let’s just say it’s primarily a melanin issue, with a side order of MAGA cultism, a heaping portion of Christian nationalism, and a healthy dash of homophobia thrown in.
As a self-described gender-fluid Latin musician who sings predominantly in Spanish, has previously criticized Donald Trump, and repeatedly lamented the inhumanity of ICE as recently as during his Grammy acceptance speech last week, Ocasio must be condemned, vilified, and eradicated because membership in the mindless death cult of white American intolerance they now call home requires it. This asinine mob mentality vitriol is what Trump’s movement has fostered and fomented, and what it demands.
Ocasio opened his recent Grammy speech with these words:
“Before I say thanks to God, I’m going to say: ICE out,” he said. “We’re not savages. We’re not animals. We’re not aliens. We are humans, and we are Americans.”
This is supposed to be what America stands for: decency, diversity, humanity, and yet it is precisely the message MAGA is burdened to shout down and suffocate.
The fact that the Right feels compelled to create an “alternative” to Bad Bunny’s Super Bowl appearance speaks eloquently about their desire to secede from a culturally and racially diverse nation, how committed they are to perpetuating the myth of oppressed white Christians, and how determined they are to manipulate every event into a racist holy war in order to keep their rank-and-file foaming at the mouth.
Turning Point USA spokesman Andrew Kolvet said in a statement that the show “is an opportunity for all Americans to enjoy a halftime show with no agenda other than to celebrate faith, family, and freedom.”
But whose faith are they celebrating?
Not the spiritual beliefs of Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, Sikhs, Unitarians, or non-MAGA Evangelical Christians.
Whose family are they talking about?
Not Latino families, or black families, or immigrant families, or LGBTQ families, that’s for damn sure.
And exactly whose freedom will take center stage on Sunday?
Not the people with brown skin being relentlessly terrorized by ICE, not the thousands of sexual assault survivors brutalized by Jeffrey Epstein and his collaborators, not the tens of millions of women who deserve autonomy over their own bodies, and not the migrants and refugees being persecuted by these cosplaying Christians.
The Turning Point halftime show, like every venture in the MAGA/Trump ecosystem, is a grim, sinister, mean-spirited fight against progress, evolution, and diversity disguised as sincere virtue.
This isn’t about Bad Bunny.
This isn’t about a halftime show.
It’s about who we collectively want to be, the kind of nation we dream of living in, and the future we want those who follow us to inherit.
It’s about the cost of standing up to the bullies, of rejecting racism, of being intolerant of intolerance.
This is about what we will demand and what we will not accept when it comes to the rights and voices of people of color.
Trump and his supporters don’t want an alternative halftime show; they want an alternative white, gated community nation where only they benefit.
In these days, we are in a brutal battle for an America where everyone will find opportunity, safety, and welcome.
The Grammy Awards are the WORST, virtually unwatchable!
and yet the stupid shit sat there and monitored the whole thing, so he could find out if anyone was talking about him. and, sure enough—
Noah said, INCORRECTLY about me, that Donald Trump and Bill Clinton spent time on Epstein Island. WRONG!!! I can’t speak for Bill, but I have never been to Epstein Island, nor anywhere close.
now, because I’m a responsible journalist and everything, I googled ‘where is Epstein Island,’ and I learned that it’s a tiny island within the Virgin Islands, and its actual name is Little Saint James Island.
according to Donny, he’s never been ‘anywhere close’ to Epstein Island. so he’s never been to Christmas Cove, and he’s never been to the St. Thomas Ritz-Carlton — and he’s never been to Chocolate Hole, which, I’m sorry, but that definitely sounds like a place Donny’s been.
Donny’s handlers should never let him watch awards shows. he always ends up cranky, because he absolutely cannot deal with seeing other people receive awards — awards which, in his impaired mind, should rightfully be going to him. never mind that the Grammy awards are for music, and Donny’s only contribution to that field is the pungent aroma of ass music he creates every time he falls asleep in public. where’s Donny’s Grammy, goddammit!
FIFA could actually be doing the world a huge solid right now, by announcing that Donny has won their FIFA Music Award for Most Melodious Farts, and then invite him on stage to hang another dumb-ass medal around his neckgina.
because that would shut him the fuck up for at least a day or so.
“that is a Grammy that every artist wants… almost as much as Trump wants Greenland. which makes sense, I mean, because Epstein’s island is gone, he needs a new one to hang out with Bill Clinton, so…”
big fucking deal, am I right? it was one throwaway laugh-line in an hours-long broadcast full of throw-away laugh-lines. any normal person would have heard it and then gotten on with their lives — but we’re not talking about a normal person. we’re talking about the most broken-inside burst trash bag of personality defects ever. so, naturally —
Noah, a total loser, better get his facts straight, and get them straight fast. It looks like I’ll be sending my lawyers to sue this poor, pathetic, talentless, dope of an M.C., and suing him for plenty$.
Donny’s gonna sue the shit out of Trevor Noah, for ‘plenty$’ dollars — as one does, when one is the thinnest-skinned bastard ever to walk the face of the earth.
he’s such a fucking embarrassment, throwing childish tantrums in the middle of the night, and siccing his lawyers on a comedian, for telling jokes.
oh, and let me just put this here, for no particular reason.
“nobody gets angrier than a narcissist being accused of something they definitely did.”
now, because I’m still wearing my Responsible Journalist hat, I looked it up. the internet tell me that’s a quote from Omar Hussain’s ‘Thoughts and Feelings, Volume One’ — but the internet also tells me that such a book doesn’t exist.
what the fuck? can I borrow one of Donny’s ace team of parking garage lawyers and sue the shit out of the internet?
so, for those of you keeping score at home, Donny is suing Trevor Noah. at the same time, he’s suing The New York Times — also for hurting his feelings.
Donald Trump has said he is expanding his defamation suit against the New York Times after an unfavorable opinion poll.
He wrote: “The Times Siena Poll, which is always tremendously negative to me, especially just before the Election of 2024, where I won in a Landslide, will be added to my lawsuit against The Failing New York Times.”
fuck me, Donny’s not only a sore loser — he’s a sore winner. and if this ‘I’m suing you for bad polling’ business sounds familiar, that’s because he’s also suing the Des Moines Register for — you guessed it — hurting his feelings
A Polk County district court judge heard arguments Friday about whether President Donald Trump’s lawsuit against the Des Moines Register can move fo
rward.
Trump sued over a November 2024 poll that found likely voters preferred then-Vice President Kamala Harris over Trump days before he won the election and carried Iowa by 13 points.
His lawsuit says the poll is consumer fraud.
my god. could people please stop hurting Dear Leader’s precious fee-fees? we’re in grave danger of depleting our National Strategic Reserve of Lawyers.
and then there’s Donny’s lawsuit against the IRS. he’s demanding they pay him TEN BILLIONS OF PLENTY$ for that time a former IRS contractor leaked years of Donny’s tax returns to the media — hurting his feeling in the process by revealing that for years, the cheater got away with paying only $750 in taxes.
President Donald Trump is suing the IRS and the Treasury Department for $10 billion, alleging they failed to take necessary steps to prevent a former IRS employee from improperly disclosing his tax returns, and those of his sons and his company, to news outlets.
The Times published exclusive reporting in 2020 that showed Trump had paid only $750 in federal income taxes in 2016 and 2017.
of course, this lawsuit is pure corruption at its finest. Donny is basically suing his own administration. no way they’re going to fight this fucking lawsuit in court. the current head of the IRS is Frank J. Bisignano — one of Donny’s cronies. Soybean Scott Bessent is the Acting IRS commissioner. these loyal flunkies are going to roll over and hand Donny whatever he wants.
Donny’s come up with an all-new way of funneling money from the Treasury, straight into his greedy pockets — by suing the shit out of, basically, himself.
don’t you wish Dear Leader would work this hard to make life easier for average American? you get two dolls and five pencils, while Donny uses the US Government as his own personal ATM.
and don’t forget that Donny’s also suing his own Department of What Used To Be Justice, because that mean old poopy-head Jack Smith hurt his feelings by trying to convict Donny for the very real crimes of insurrecting and stealing state secrets.
I mean, what’s the point of even being president, if you can’t rob the country blind, and enrich yourself at the public’s expense?
isn’t it great how Dear Leader has combined two of his favorite activities — filing nuisance lawsuits, and forever grifting — into one neat and tidy profit center?
who says America isn’t the land of opportunity?
and now, it’s hero time.
yesterday, Texas Congressman Joaquin Castro traveled to the hellhole detention center where five-year-old Liam Ramos and his father Adrian were being confined, and personally escorted them back home to Minnesota.
thank you, Congressman.
in any sane country, it wouldn’t requite the concerted effort of a government official to spring a five-year-old from prison. but like the man says, shitty timelines gonna shitty timeline.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
once again, everything in the news is so unbelievably stupid that I don’t even know where to start. so I’m just going to spin the Big Wheel of Moron™ and see where it lands. ready? here we go.
Just spoke to Pres. Trump. I asked him if he had seen the video of Rep. Omar being attacked and sprayed by a substance.
“No. I don’t think about her. I think she’s a fraud. I really don’t think about that. She probably had herself sprayed, knowing her,” the president said.
I asked again if he had seen the video.
“I haven’t seen it. No, no. I hope I don’t have to bother.”
and just like that, Donny Convict continues his 79-year-long unbroken streak of being the worst fucking person on the planet.
can we get Wonkette’s Rebecca Schoenkopf in here for a minute? she’s so good at putting into words what we’re all feeling right now.
thanks, Rebecca.
this fucking guy. he admits he hasn’t seen — and doesn’t want to see — the video of the assault, but that doesn’t keep him from running his ignorant mouth about it.
he thinks the attack on Rep. Omar is a hoax, because of course he does. Donny hates Omar — because he’s a fucking racist — and, because he doesn’t have a single ounce of decency in his rotting body, he can’t even mumble some halfhearted third-grade-level statement about ‘bad. so bad. we’re all wishing her well.’
what kind festering cum-sock hears about a woman being sprayed with some noxious liquid and goes ‘oh yeah, I’ll bet she did it to herself.’ who the fuck even thinks like that?
you know what? I’ll bet by crying ‘hoax!’, Donny’s telling on himself again — because with as always with this shithead, every accusation is a confession.
look, I don’t want to be a conspiracy guy. it’s really not my thing. but for the life of me, I’m still trying to figure out how Donny’s blown-to-bits ear magically regenerated itself.
CNN’s Manu Raju: “the president called you a loser.”
Tillis: “I am thrilled about that. that makes me qualified to be Homeland Security Secretary *and* senior adviser to the president.”
let’s be clear-eyed about this, Thom Tillis is not our friend. he’s as xenophobic as they come. he’s totally down with ICE rounding up immigrants and shipping them to who the fuck cares, and he thinks they should be doing more of that shit. he’s just mad at ICE Barbie and Nosferatu McGoebbels for fucking up.
still, his response to Donny is so perfect that it’s hard not to be heartbroken about it.
well, that was fun. let’s give another spin to the Big Wheel of Moron™.
after his humiliating shitcanning and banishment from Minneapolis, you might have hoped that Obergruppenführer Greg Bovino would have had the decency to scamper back into his cigar box, close the lid, and never be heard from again.
fat chance. the Itsy-Bitsy Nazi is so high on his own supply that he stopped off at Mount Rushmore and took a victory lap.
“team, behind me are a few individuals there. that’s the original ‘turn and burn,’ the folks that help make American. but you know what? I’m very proud of what you, the ‘mean green machine,’ are doing in Minneapolis right now, just like you’ve done it across the United States over these past tough nine months. and I want you to know, you’re the modern day equivalent of ‘turn and burn.’ it makes me very proud. I also want you to know that I’ve got your back now, and always. I love you. I support you, and I salute you.”
I’ll bet that speech is even more impressive in its original German.
‘turn and burn,’ by the way, is Gestapo Greg’s pet name for the fascist shit he’s pulled in Minneapolis, Los Angeles and elsewhere. and this racist little fireplug is so arrogant, he thinks the dudes carved into Rushmore — George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and Abraham Lincoln — would be totally be high-fiving him for his lawless behavior.
how delusional is that?
free clue for the Fascist In A Teacup: no, no, no, no, and fuck no. none of those homeys would approve of your banty rooster antics. stop shitting all the over Constitution and pick up a fucking history book, Greg. you might learn something.
tonight, Donny and his Slovenian rent-a-wife are attending a Kennedy Center screening of the Melania movie — the so-called ‘film’ that everyone knows is going to be a twenty-megaton box office disaster.
one ticket! now comes the part where we throw our heads back in laughter. ready?
and now comes the part where the worthless scribblers of The New York Times corruptionwash that shit.
come on, Grey Lady — stop pulling your punches. nobody is ‘questioning’Amazon’s motives. everyone knows exactly what this is all about: naked corruption. it’s Jeff Bezos burning through millions of dollars in order to curry favor with Dear Leader.
Melania Convict is the least-interesting person on the planet, and nobody — absolutely nobody — was clamoring for a documentary about her.
despite that, Bezos gave Melania FORTY MILLION DOLLARS for the rights to her ‘story.’ Amazon spent five million dollars on production, and another thirty-five million on promotion. that’s eighty fucking million dollars for a film which is predicted to take in about one million at the box office.
one hand washes the other, am I right? blatant corruption doesn’t get any more blatantly corrupt than that.
oh, and in England, where the premiere sold one ticket? rejoice, everyone — UK ticket sales have skyrocketed to six!
Vue, a major European cinema operator, is offering nine showings (451 seats in all) at its multiplex in York, England, from Friday through Sunday, one analyst noted. As of Wednesday, it had sold six seats.
now here’s a question for you all: do you think these two lovebirds will take separate cars to the screening?
and now for your hero of the day — some obscure songwriter who probably no one’s ever heard of, Bruce Springsteen.
I wrote this song on Saturday, recorded it yesterday and released it to you today in response to the state terror being visited on the city of Minneapolis. It’s dedicated to the people of Minneapolis, our innocent immigrant neighbors and in memory of Alex Pretti and Renee Good.
Stay free.
and just like that, Springsteen continues his seventy-six-year-long unbroken streak of being fucking awesome.
let’s give it a listen.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other
are you ready for some sweet, sweet MAGA-on-MAGA violence?
I sure hope so, because Donny Convict’s merry band of sewer clowns are running around in a panic right now. they screwed the pooch bigtime in Minneapolis, and they know full well that Obergruppenführer Greg Bovino’s isn’t the only head that’s going to roll — and so they’ve all locked themselves down into self-preservation mode. even better, the knives are out and they’re starting to turn on each other.
Kristi Noem wants to make one thing perfectly clear: she was only following orders.
Noem has complained to others that she feels she’s being hung out to dry over the episode and has made sure to emphasize she took direction from Miller and the president, a source told Axios.
wait a minute — Nosferatu McGoebbels is telling ICE Barbie what do to? since when does the Secretary of Homeland Security take direction from White House Deputy Chief of Staff?
Miller’s power extends to de facto oversight of Noem, though she’s a Cabinet secretary who technically outranks him.
do you need any more proof that Dear Leader is just a demented figurehead who they drag out to make incoherent speeches and sign whatever papers they put in front of him, and that Nosferatu McGoebbels is really running the show?
this lame-ass excuse that Little Miss Hair Extensions was only following orders — where have we heard that before? oh yeah — at the Nuremberg trials.
now here’s a pro tip for Stephen Miller: if Kristi ever invites you out back to the gravel pit ‘because she has something she wants to show you,’ run as fast as you can in the other direction.
Cricket, am I right? Cricket? Cricket?
Noferatu, for his part, is covering his ass regarding the summary execution of Alex Pretti. he’s all ‘nuh-uh, it’s Homeland Security’s fault.’
Specifically, Miller said, Bovino’s crew was supposed to divide its force into two groups: One unit was supposed to handle the arrests of specifically targeted “criminal aliens” and the other squad was in charge of crowd control to keep “disruptors” from interfering.
oh, how convenient. after spending days screeching about how Pretti got what was coming to him, because — according to Miller — he was a ‘domestic terrorist,’ he’s changing his story. now it’s ‘Pretti got gunned down because ICE was doing it wrong.’
Top House Democrats on Tuesday told Donald Trump to fire Kristi Noem or they would launch impeachment proceedings against the homeland security secretary, in response to the weekend killing of Alex Pretti in Minneapolis, as two Republican senators join calls for her to resign.
we should probably do a wellness check three-hundred-and-forty-seven-year-old human fossil Chuck Grassley.
“Tried asking Chuck Grassley, the chairman of the Senate Judiciary Committee, whether it’s appropriate for ICE to enter homes without a judicial warrant. ‘Ask a constitutional lawyer,” he said. ‘I’m a farmer.’”
oh, for fuck’s sake. Chuckers has been a member of the Senate — and chair of its Judiciary Committee — for nearly two hundred and forty-one years, and he’s claiming he has no idea how the Constitution works? he was in the room when the damned thing was being written.
hey, did anyone think ICE would actually restrain themselves in the wake of Obergruppenführer Greg’s shitcanning? me neither.
“1/27/2026 – Minneapolis – ICE just attempted an illegal entry into the ECUADORIAN CONSULATE to abduct someone. They did not have a warrant.”
wait a minute. under whose authority are they pulling this shit? is this the work of Tommy ‘Bags-o-Cash’ Homan? fun fact: ICE has no jurisdiction whatsoever to enter a foreign consulate. they can’t just wander in there willy-nilly and do whatever the fuck they want.
Ecuador’s foreign ministry said it lodged a formal diplomatic protest with the United States after a U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agent attempted to enter the country’s consulate in Minneapolis without permission on Tuesday morning.
Employees of the consulate stopped the agent from entering, the Ecuadorean foreign ministry said in a statement Tuesday night. Under the Vienna Conventions, to which the United States is a party, foreign consular buildings are off-limits to law enforcement from the host country without authorization from consular officials.
so now ICE is going be starting international incidents, because they’re so horny to deport some hapless day laborer? take a cold fucking shower, you morons.
while we’re on the subject of ‘international incidents,’ can somebody please explain to me why we’re sending masked ICE thugs to Italy? explain it to me like I’m five years old — because this makes no goddamned sense.
U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents will join a security team from the State Department at the Olympics “to vet and mitigate risks from transnational criminal organizations.”
excuse me? ‘risks from transnational criminal organizations’? at the fucking Olympics?
what kind of fever-swamp fairy-tale nonsense is this? I swear, the people running our government are high on their own supply, farting out the most nonsensical reasons for doing anything, and expecting us to buy it. go peddle that shit elsewhere, you dumbfucks, we’re all stocked up.
can you imagine masked, poorly-trained goons running wild in the streets of Milan? Italy can, and they want no part of this fuckery.
Antonio Tajani, Italy’s foreign minister, told reporters that ICE agents would not be allowed to deploy on Italian streets.
Morale is “plummeting” among federal law enforcement officers tasked with carrying out the Trump administration’s aggressive anti-immigration operation, as they complained that long hours, ambitious arrest quotas and hatred from the public, according to reports.
oh boo fucking hoo. dry your fucking eyes. nobody twisted your arms and forced you to become willing participants in deadly fascism. what did you think would happen after you kidnapped children and murdered innocent bystanders in cold blood? that we would throw flowers and give you a standing ovation?
oh please, grow the fuck up. actions have consequences, you crybabies.
the kind staff at the White House Assisted Living Facility allowed Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants to make a day trip to Iowa, so he could have a playdate with some of his cultists. wasn’t that sweet of them to humor a frail old codger?
“China will be sending me a bill very shortly supporting year-round E15 to my desk, and I will sign it without delay.”
holy. fucking. shit. China. is sending. Donny. a bill. to sign. it hurts my brain just to type that out.
hey Donny — is China in the room with us right now?
Donny also met with a bunch of big, strong Iowans yesterday — and you’ll never guess what they were doing while in the hallowed presence of Dear Leader. that’s right, they were blubbering like babies
“I just left a great group of people from Iowa and half of them were crying as they talked to me. I don’t think they’re crying because I’m doing a bad job. you know, [unintelligible] cry if you do a bad job. they were crying because I’d done a good job. ‘sir,’ they said ‘sir, you brought our country back.’ crying, crying.”
fact check:
which bring us to our hero of the day: this brave heckler at Donny’s Iowa rally, who kept shouting ‘release the Epstein Files’ — and never stopped shouting it, even as she was being eighty-sixed from the rally.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
look, everything may totally fucking suck right now, what with the economy in tatters, our foreign policy circling the drain, and armed fascists running amok on the streets of our cities — but at least the president of the United States is crazier than a shithouse rat. so we’ve got that going for us.
let me give you fair warning: you are now about to enter Crazytown. population: Donny.
holy fucking shit. this is some seriously deranged stuff. it’s some Hitler-in-the-bunker-level ranting.
The National Trust sued Trump and several federal agencies in December, arguing the project has proceeded without required approvals, environmental review or congressional authorization.
of course the project proceeded without going through any of those proper channels. that’s not how a Mad King rolls. Donny simply had a demolition crew just show up one day to tear that shit down, before anyone had a chance to react.
but what’s even worse for Donny is that the judge assigned to the case seems inclined to agree with the Trust.
At a hearing in a lawsuit brought by the National Trust for Historic Preservation, U.S. District Judge Richard Leon raised doubts about whether Trump had statutory power to tear down the East Wing with plans to build a ballroom in its place without approval or oversight from the U.S. Congress.
Leon snapped, “Come on, be serious,” after a lawyer for the administration drew parallels to the construction of a pool during the Gerald Ford administration in the 1970s and to other smaller renovations.
and this is Donny’s reaction to being told ‘no’: to power-load an infinite series of diapers, and melt all the way down on his crappy app.
“But no, as usual, I got sued, this time by the Radical Left National (No!)Trust for Historic Preservation, a group that couldn’t care less about our Country!”
a delusional narcissist, that’s who talks like that. inside Donny rat-infested brain, the National Trust can’t possibly be an impartial organization tasked with the preservation of our historic landmarks. oh no — if you oppose one of Donny’s fuckbrained schemes, you’re now part of some mythical ‘radical left,’ hell-bent on destroying the country.
I’ll bet the staid bureaucrats of the Historic Trust never thought they’d be labeled ‘enemies of the state.’
but that, my friends, is now the guiding principle of the MAGAsphere: ‘if you disagree with me, you’re the enemy — and if you’re mean to me, I can’t help what comes next.’
“when politicians, community leaders and some journalists engage in that heated rhetoric we keep talking about, when they make the choice to vilify law enforcement, calling law enforcement names like ‘Gestapo,’ or using the term ‘kidnapping,’ that is a choice that is made. there are actions and consequences that come from those choices.”
Gestapo Greg says what?
I’m sorry, Greg — are we hurting your fragile fee-fees by calling you and your lawless masked thugs ‘Gestapo’? well, here’s a free clue: maybe don’t act like Nazis, and we won’t have any reason to call you Nazis. if the jackboot fits, wear it, am I right?
and while we’re on the subject, maybe also don’t dress like you’re in some dinner-theater production of Springtime for Hitler.
but let’s look at the darker side of Obergruppenführer Greg’s message: ‘there are actions and consequences that come from those choices.’
excuse me? we’re now being warned to expect ‘consequences’ from the ‘choice’ of calling a fascist a fascist? on what fucking planet? that ain’t the way it works in America, pal. name-calling is not a capital crime. at least not yet it isn’t.
but this is the rhetoric we’ve been hearing from the Donnyverse ever since Renee Good got gunned down in her car. ‘look at what you made us do.’
“we gotta stop the hateful rhetoric. saying this officer is a murderer is dangerous. it’s just ridiculous. it’s just gonna infuriate people more which means there’s gonna be more incidents like this.”
that was Tom Homan, in the days following Renee Good’s summary execution, warning us to keep our mouths shut, if we don’t want more of the same.
once again, this is classic abuser language: ‘look what you made us do.’
getting back to Obergruppenführer Greg’s soundbite, where he whines about‘vilifying law enforcement’ — let’s be clear about one thing: the actions of the masked ICE thugs can in no way be called ‘law enforcement.’ no actual laws are being ‘enforced’ by ICE on the streets of Minneapolis. it’s state-sponsored terrorism, is what it is.
Krazee-Eyes Kash Patel: “you cannot bring a firearm, loaded, with multiple magazines, to any sort of protest that you want. it’s that simple. you don’t have a right to break the law.”
Under the Second Amendment and MN Stat. 624.714, permit holders may legally carry firearms in public, including during protests. The U.S. Supreme Court has ruled that public carry is a constitutional right. Carrying a firearm does not legally constitute “inciting violence.”
I’m so old, I remember what Republicans loved the shit out of people who brought guns to protests.
these MAGA morons were so mad about being asked to lock down and mask up against COVID that they festooned themselves with weapons of mass death and protested inside the Michigan Statehouse.
nobody arrested them. nobody shot them point-blank in the back of their head. in fact, the entire wingnut outrage-industrial complex lauded them as patriotic heroes of freedom.
this is Patricia and Mark McCloskey, reacting in most perfectly normal way to protesters who were simply passing by their house. these paranoid weirdos weren’t gunned down on the spot. in fact, they were honored as keynote speakers at the 2020 Republican National Convention.
and when teenage incel Kyle Rittenhouse brought a weapon to a protest and actually killed people, do you know who defended his ‘right’ to do so? Kash Patel.
“Kash Patel on Kyle Rittenhouse: ‘Where is the due process?’”
excuse me, but where the fuck was Alex Pretti’s due process? he kept his weapon holstered, never drew it, never brandished it — and now he’s dead, thanks to Obergruppenführer Greg’s Gestapo.
our one saving grace amidst all this carnage may well be Donny’s compulsion to overreach and clownfuck his own agenda.
“But we must also maintain our core values as a nation, including the right to protest and assemble.”
let’s be clear: Senator Ricketts is not our friend. he’s an asshole who is totally down with ICE disappearing immigrants off the streets of our cities. but he does draw the line at the summary execution of protesters. lucky us.
holy shit, Donny’s even pissed off the NRA. here’s their response to Bill Essayli, one of Donny’s hand-picked MAGAfied US Attorneys, who said, ‘if you approach law enforcement with a gun, there is a high likelihood they will be legally justified in shooting you.’
“This sentiment from the First Assistant U.S. Attorney for the Central District of California is dangerous and wrong. responsible public voices should be awaiting a full investigation, not making generalizations and demonizing law-abiding citizens.”
oh, and the nonsense that Bill Essayli farted out about cops being legally justified in shooting anyone possessing a gun? it’s completely fucking wrong.
The U.S. Constitution (particularly the 2nd, 4th, and 14th amendments) prohibit officers from shooting citizens merely for possessing a weapon that is not an “imminent threat”. This was reaffirmed in Graham v Connor, which says force must be reasonable.
Donny’s moving too fast, being too reckless and breaking too much shit in the process. none of the fuckery Donny is perpetrating is sustainable, and very little of it is popular.
I’ve said this before, and I’ll keep saying it — because I will never stop believing it’s true: someday, this war’s gonna end.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
I don’t care if some of you are tired of the Tiedrich posts. If you don’t like it, go elsewhere. Seriously.
yes, again.
once again, masked thugs who have been conditioned — not trained, but conditioned — to shoot first and think never have gunned down a civilian in cold blood.
and, once again, the vile shitstains responsible for all this fuckery have asked us to — no, I’m sorry, they’re demanding that we disbelieve what we’re all seeing with our own eyes.
militarized government thugs were patrolling the streets of an American city and harassing its residents — just as the framers of our Constitution intended. they wore masks to hide their identities — just as the framers of our Constitution intended.
five of the masked thugs approached a man who was recording them, pepper-sprayed him, and roughly shoved him to the ground — just as the framers of our Constitution intended.
as the man struggled to get away, one or more of the masked thugs drew his weapon and shot the man several times, killing him — just as the framers of our Constitution intended. as the man lay face-down on the ground, more shots were fired into his lifeless body — just as the framers of our Constitution intended.
it was just another fucked-up day in these United States of Brutal Fascism.
as with the state-sponsored killing of Renee Good three weeks ago, the worst people in the world immediately started lying their insipid faces off about what had happened.
they blamed the victim — Alex Pretti, a 37-year-old intensive care nurse — painting him as the latest Radical Leftist Lunatic™ to get what was coming to him.
“the suspect also had two loaded magazines and no accessible ID. this looks like a situation where an individual wanted to do maximum damage and massacre law enforcement.”
The Department of Homeland Security said the episode began after a man approached Border Patrol agents with a handgun and they tried to disarm him. But footage from the scene shows the man was holding a phone in his hand, not a gun, when federal agents took him to the ground and shot him.
so, let’s talk about that gun that Alex Pretti was carrying.
His concealed weapon was found only after he was restrained on the sidewalk, the videos show. It appears to have been taken from him before the agents opened fire.
“The only interaction that we are aware of with law enforcement has been for traffic tickets and we believe he is a lawful gun owner with a permit to carry.”
let’s be crystal fucking clear about this: the ICE thugs were never in danger. Pretti’s weapon remained holstered, and was never in his hand. what was in his hand was very clearly a cell phone. I mean, even low-wattage ICE morons can tell the difference, right?
the very same people who have spent year fetishizing the right to carry weapons in public are shocked — shocked! — to discover that people are exercising that Constitutionally-protected right.
reporter: “did the 37-year-old who had a license to carry, did he brandish a gun?”
Kristi Noem: “this individual showed up to impede a law enforcement operation and assaulted our officers. they responded according to their training and took action to defend the officer’s life and those of the public around him, and I don’t know of any peaceful protester that shows up with a gun and ammunition rather than a sign. this is a violent riot when you have someone showing up with weapons and are using them to assault law enforcement officers.”
can we please stop calling ICE ‘law enforcement officers’? they’re not enforcing any known laws on the books. what they’re doing is inventing their own laws on the spot — and playing judge, jury and executioner.
but I digress. answer the question, puppy perforator — did Alex Pretti brandish a gun?
hey, you want to see what brandishing looks like? here’s some brandishing.
I’m so old, I remember when some teenage fuckbag showed up at a protest and brandished the shit out of an assault rifle. when he used that weapon to kill three protesters, the entire wingnut ecosystem made him an instant folk hero.
so, to recap: if you’re an anti-fascist protester with lawful, holstered weapon, too bad, fuck-o, it’s summary execution for you. but if you’re a MAGA dipshit openly spraying bullets into a crowd, you’re ‘a nice young man.’
“This level of engineered chaos is unique to Minneapolis. It is the direct consequence of far left agitators, working with local authorities.”
oh please, don’t piss on our heads and tell us it’s raining. the only people engineering chaos are the masked ICE goons who are going out of their way to harm as many Minnesotans as possible.
“speak out. bear witness and document legally. but I understand the risk in that. and I understand the courage that it takes to have people out there doing this. thank God we have video, because according to DHS, these seven heroic guys took an onslaught of a battalion against them or something. it’s nonsense, people. it’s nonsense and it is lies.”
you know thinks Little Miss Hair Extensions’ Department of Homeland Security has gone to far? the guy who invented the Department of Homeland Security, that’s who. he’s calling today’s DHS fascists — and he’s calling for Preznit Fuckwit to be impeached and removed from office.
“I helped to establish DHS in 2002 and 2003 and later had the homeland security portfolio as a White House Counsel and served as General Counsel of the Department. I am enraged and embarrassed by DHS’s lawlessness, fascism, and cruelty. Impeach and remove Trump—now.”
Democrats must to do whatever they can to shut this shit down — and it looks like they might actually follow through. look at Chuck Schumer.
“What’s happening in Minnesota is appalling—and unacceptable in any American city. Democrats sought common sense reforms in the Department of Homeland Security spending bill, but because of Republicans’ refusal to stand up to President Trump, the DHS bill is woefully inadequate to rein in the abuses of ICE. I will vote no. Senate Democrats will not provide the votes to proceed to the appropriations bill if the DHS funding bill is included.”
“This ICE situation is a nightmare for the Senate. Cannot see a scenario in which Senate Dems can vote for this 6-bill package which includes DHS funding. Govt shuts down Friday. First Senate procedural vote likely not until Wednesday, giving them limited room to maneuver. House on recess. Any changes to the bill would require the House. Shutdown a real possibility at this point.”
so, fun week ahead.
I think it’s great the Democrats are finding their voices, but as Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez reminds us, none of this shit is normal — especially the GOP’s total abdication of any responsibility to rein in Dear Leader’s excesses — and we should reject every attempt to normalize it.
“this really isn’t just about Democrats. this is about Democrats, Republicans, and independents. and I think, right now, in this moment, there has been this permission structure where we have all universally accepted that the Republican Party will simply just have no morals, or fall in line with the president of the United States — and we have to challenge that logic and rhetoric every single time. I believe that often times they are given a free pass, and this accepted logic just allows them to continue to vote without any resistance from the constituencies, because we’ve accepted some foregone conclusion.”
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
It’s taken me a while to realize and admit this, but I’m grateful to you.
I’ve spent a decade openly lamenting your presence and the poison it has so effortlessly released into our nation’s blood system.
Today, I find myself horrified at a second term that is doing even greater damage than I ever imagined it would. My heart has been hourly broken as I’ve watched our country imploding, our public discourse become polluted, our daily existence grow ever more corrosive, and I’ve wrongly assumed you were to blame.
Yet, I’ve come to understand that you haven’t manufactured our current national ugliness; you’ve simply revealed it and leveraged it.
By generating a limitless torrent of hateful, mean-spirited ignorance, you’ve given other like-minded people license to do the same. You’ve opened up the floodgates for their collective moral sewage to flow fully. People no longer hide their malevolence behind feigned politeness and phony civility; they now revel in it, they broadcast it, and they celebrate it.
You’ve made bigotry, misogyny, and racism socially acceptable again, and that has been a kind of twisted gift because it’s allowed me to really see people, not as they pretend to be on the surface, but in the very depths of their calloused hearts.
Over and over throughout the last decade, your supporters would always tell me that they liked you because you “speak your mind,” yet I realized a long time ago that it is because you speak their minds. You’ve given credence to their phobias, sanctioned their prejudices, and normalized their contempt for their neighbors.
Thanks to the terrible ground you’ve broken, politicians, pastors, friends, and strangers, both in person and on social media, now regularly out themselves as cruel, intolerant, and malicious. They remind me just how close they are to me, just how deep the sickness in us runs, and just how far a nation we have to go to become worthy of our songs and anthems.
You’ve emboldened people to be open about things they used to conceal for the sake of decorum, and though it turns my stomach, I know that this is the only way we can move forward; to have that cancerous stuff exposed fully so that it can be dealt with. Our progress as a nation is predicated on authentic dialogue, no matter how brutal and disheartening that dialogue is.
In other words, you’ve let us know what we’re really dealing with here and while it’s been rightly disturbing, it’s also been revelatory. That’s the thing about that kind of harsh light: you’re forced to see everything; beauty and monstrosity equally illuminated.
Now, please don’t misunderstand me: I think you are the most malignant President in our nation’s history, and I fear gravely for the world my children will inherit, should America survive your Presidency at all. I believe you’re a soulless, loveless, irredeemably hateful bottom-feeder; the very worst of what humanity has produced.
But regardless of what happens now, you’ve already allowed me the blessing of discovering the truth: about me, about my neighbors, about my friends and family members, and about our country.
And in the process, you’ve also shown me that I am not alone in resisting you and the sickening, grievous things you’ve revealed about us.
You’ve generated an equally loud, equally passionate response to it, and this is where I find my hope these days.
I find it in those for whom equality, freedom, and justice aren’t just cheap buzzwords or hollow sentiments; they are the most precious of hills to die on.
I find it in those people who refuse to be silent in the face of our moral regression.
I find it in those who are willing to be more bold in defending the inherent value of all people.
I find it in the growing army of those true patriots who will not tolerate hatred as a core American value.
I find it in human beings who fiercely reject white supremacy in every form.
I find it in those who reject violence as a default response to dissension.
I find it in the ever-rising voice of people who will not let your malice and bitterness represent them in the world.
I find it in the ordinary activists who will not allow us to repeat the worst of history here.
Today I find my hope in those who, like me, will not be complicit in allowing exclusion to become a source of national pride, who will not tolerate an America that is bereft of empathy and drained of diversity, because we’ve seen where that leads.
Yes, President Trump, you’ve unearthed our hidden afflictions, and you’ve paraded them unapologetically in the light of day.
You brought every awful thing about us out into the open so that we can face it without myth or misunderstanding.
You’ve shown me that America is greater than you and your sycophantic disciples’ plans for it, and that it is worth fighting for with everything I have.
