Category: Because It's True

1. There are plenty of ways to enter a pool. The stairs is not one of them.

2. Never cancel dinner plans by text message.

3. Don't knock it 'til you try it.

4. If a street performer makes you stop walking, you owe him a buck.

5. Always use 'we' when referring to your home team or your government.

6. When entrusted with a secret, keep it.

7. Don't underestimate free throws in a game of 'horse'.

8. Just because you can doesn't mean you should.

9. Don't dumb it down.

10. You only get one chance to notice a new haircut.

11. If you're staying more than one night, unpack.

12. Never park in front of a bar.

13. Expect the seat in front of you to recline. Prepare accordingly.

14. Keep a picture of your first fish, first car, and first boy/girlfriend.

15. Hold your heroes to a high standard.

16. A suntan is earned, not bought.

17. Never lie to your doctor.

18. All guns are loaded.

19. Don't mention sunburns. Believe me, they know.

20. The best way to show thanks is to wear it. Even if it's only once.

21. Take a vacation of your cell phone, internet, and TV once a year.

22. Don't fill up on bread, no matter how good.

23. A handshake beats an autograph.

24. Don't linger in the doorway. In or out.

25. If you choose to go in drag, don't sell yourself short.

26. If you want to know what makes you unique, sit for a caricature.

27. Never get your hair cut the day of a special event.

28. Be mindful of what comes between you and the Earth. Always buy good shoes, tires, and sheets.

29. Never eat lunch at your desk if you can avoid it.

30. When you're with new friends, don't just talk about old friends.

31. Eat lunch with the new kids.

32. When traveling, keep your wits about you.

33. It's never too late for an apology.

34. Don't pose with booze.

35. If you have the right of way, take it.

36. You don't get to choose your own nickname.

37. When you marry someone, remember you marry their entire family.

38. Never push someone off a dock.

39. Under no circumstances should you ask a woman if she's pregnant.

40. It's not enough to be proud of your ancestry; live up to it.

41. Don't make a scene.

42. When giving a thank you speech, short and sweet is best.

43. Know when to ignore the camera.

44. Never gloat.

45. Invest in good luggage.

46. Make time for your mom on your birthday. It's her special day, too.

47. When opening presents, no one likes a good guesser.

48. Sympathy is a crutch, never fake a limp.

49. Give credit. Take blame.

50. Suck it up every now and again.

51. Never be the last one in the pool.

52. Don't stare.

53. Address everyone that carries a firearm professionally.

54. Stand up to bullies. You'll only have to do it once.

55. If you've made your point, stop talking.

56. Admit it when you're wrong.

57. If you offer to help don't quit until the job is done.

58. Look people in the eye when you thank them.

59. Thank the bus driver.

60. Never answer the phone at the dinner table.

61. Forgive yourself for your mistakes.

62. Know at least one good joke.

63. Don't boo. Even the ref is somebody's son.

64. Know how to cook one good meal.

65. Learn to drive a stick shift.

66. Be cool to younger kids. Reputations are built over a lifetime.

67. It's okay to go to the movies by yourself.

68. Dance with your mother/father.

69. Don't lose your cool. Especially at work.

70. Always thank the host.

71. If you don't understand, ask before it's too late.

72. Know the size of your boy/girlfriend's clothes.

73. There is nothing wrong with a plain t-shirt.

74. Be a good listener. Don't just wait for your turn to talk.

75. Keep your word.

76. In college, always sit in the front. You'll stand out immediately.

77. Carry your mother's bags. She carried you for nine months.

78. Be patient with airport security. They're just doing their jobs.

79. Don't be the talker in a movie.

80. The opposite sex likes people who shower.

81. You are what you do, not what you say.

82. Learn to change a tire.

83. Be kind. Everyone has a hard fight ahead of them.

84. An hour with grandparents is time well spent. Ask for advice when you need it.

85. Don't litter.

86. If you have a sister, get to know her boyfriend. Your opinion is important.

87. You won't always be the strongest or the fastest. But you can be the toughest.

88. Never call someone before 9am or after 9pm.

89. Buy the orange properties in Monopoly.

90. Make the little things count.

91. Always wear a bra at work.

92. There is a fine line between looking sultry and slutty. Find it.

93. You're never too old to need your mom.

94. Ladies, if you make the decision to wear heels on the first date, commit to keeping them on and keeping your trap shut about how much your feet are killing you.

95. Know the words to your national anthem.

96. Your dance moves might not be the best, but I promise making a fool of yourself is more fun then sitting on the bench alone.

97. Smile at strangers.

98. Make goals.

99. Being old is not dictated by your bedtime.

100. If you have to fight, punch first and punch hard.

~ A high school teacher's list of 100 wisest words.

6, 7, and especially 8!

What It's Like Being Married to a Professional Educator

Being married to a teacher is great. Nobody works harder. Nobody is more motivated. Nobody is more ready and willing to correct your poor grammar. Nevertheless, there are a few things you should know about being married to a professional educator.

1. Your dinner dates will constantly be interrupted.

Think Friday night means it's time to kick back, relax, and enjoy the company of your significant other at that new restaurant that just opened up? Maybe. Chances are you'll make it to dinner. But chances are higher that, just as the waiter is bringing your herb-crusted, non-GMO, something-or-other to the table, your beloved will get a call from her principal outlining the new school strategy for standardized testing. Or she'll see an email from little Johnny's father lambasting the fact that he only got a 98 on the last pop-quiz. And you'll sip your wine in solitude and check your Twitter feed while your wife performs educational triage in the parking lot.

2. It's easy to take conversations with adults for granted.

I go to the office every morning. And talk to adults. And work with adults. But my wife doesn't. She goes for hours at a time every day without conversing with anyone over the age of 13. When we're both home, sometimes I catch her staring at me with an odd look, hanging on my every word while I talk about some mundane conversation I had at the office. She'll interrupt me: "You mean NOBODY in your office had horrible BO? Or cried because their girlfriend broke up with them? Or inexplicably fell out of their chair while you were talking to them?  You're so lucky!"  Lucky indeed.

3. Your spouse will always be a better parent than you.

I've been a dad for almost six years and I like to think that I have this parenthood thing down pat. But I have nothing on my wife. Her daily focus is getting the best out of dozens of kids. Making them do things they don't want to do and providing a hundred types of support in a thousand different ways. Every time I think I've had some type of amazing breakthrough with my kids (got all of our kindergarten sight words on the first try!) I quickly realize it's because she's already laid the groundwork (reading with them since they were 6 weeks old!). Sometimes it's easy to forget how great a teacher she is. But then I look at what she's done with our children and I remember.

4. Halloween demands constant vigilance.

We live very close to my wife's school. All her students know where we live. I see how low the egg inventory gets at the grocery store the last week of October. You better believe I spend Halloween on my front porch with a raised eyebrow, a flashlight, and a grimace.

5. Nobody multitasks like a teacher.

Until I married my wife, I had never seen someone who could simultaneously cook, soothe a crying baby, talk on the phone, and make lesson plans. But then I realized her day is full of doing a thousand things at the same time. She reads, teaches, conducts parent conferences, referees, participates in faculty meetings, plans summer school, coaches the flag football team, and finds some way to squeeze in bathroom breaks, all while managing a hoard of hormonal preteens. And I thought mowing the lawn while holding a beer was a big deal.

6. You will never EVER win an argument about work.

Me: "Man, I had a rough day at work. My morning meeting didn't go well, I have a big project due tomorrow, and our yearly reviews are coming up."

Her: "A kid in my first period class farted so much I had to teach in the gym for the rest of the day."

7. Your spouse will never be the only teacher in your life.

Teachers flock to other teachers. It's a scientific fact. Any party we go to, my wife unconsciously seeks the other teachers there. It's like her ears are tuned to the word "pre-planning."  And then she spends the evening in deep conversation with someone she's never met while I hover by the punch bowl and blink at the wall. The number of adults in my life who are educators is obscene. On the bright side, I appreciate a fully-functioning photocopier more than I ever thought possible.

8. Your spouse is a hero who saves the world every single day.

I could never be a teacher. And I know I'm not in the minority. Many people don't realize it, but being a teacher is challenging, and tedious and about as unglamorous as a profession can be. But my wife doesn't care. She does it in spite of little recognition, low pay, and long hours. (Three months off in the summer isn't a thing, ok? My wife has maybe three weeks completely disconnected from school in July and she spends those planning for the coming year.) She knows it's more than a job. It's a calling. A way to make the word a better place at a fundamental, actionable level. And I feel lucky to see it happen on a daily basis.

Source.

…to those who think their religion is immutable: