Category: Because It's True

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Quote of the Day

Preach, sister!

So many guys claim to have 10-11 inch dicks that it makes me think they need to start learning how to measure them correctly.

Newsflash: your penis doesn't start from your butthole!

Also, whilst we're on the topic, some of you need to learn very quickly that a 6 inch dick is NOT small. Despite what porn has conditioned you to believe, It's not supposed to the the size of your forearm." ~ Nick

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The Terribly Tiny God of MAGA Christians

From John Pavlovitz:

I feel sorry for professed Christians who support this President.

They have a profound and fundamental spiritual problem: their God is too small.

They passionately worship a deity made in their own image: white, American, Republican, male—and perpetually terrified of just about everything: Muslims, immigrants, gay children, Special Counsel reports, mandalas, Harry Potter, Starbuck holiday cups, yoga, wind turbines, Science—everything.

Their God is so laughably minuscule, so fully neutered of power, so completely devoid of functioning vertebrae that "He" cannot protect them from the encroaching monsters they are certain lurk around every corner to overwhelm them.

MAGA Christians sure put up a brave face, I'll give them that. They shower this God with effusive praise on Sunday mornings, they sing with reckless abandon in church services about Him, they brazenly pump out their chests on social media regarding His infinite wisdom, they defiantly declare this God's staggering might at every opportunity—but their lives tell the truth: They believe He is impotent and scared and ineffectual. You can tell this because they insist on doing all the things that a God-sized God would simply do as part of the gig.

They need to be armed to the teeth at all times because they don't really believe God will come through to defend them in a pinch—and will always be outgunned.

They want to change gay couples and transgender teenagers themselves, because they don't trust God to work within people as He desires. (Apparently God keeps making LGBTQ people, which really pisses them off.)

They want to stockpile and horde wealth, health insurance, and opportunity—because this is a zero sum game; because the God they claim turned water into wine, and fed thousands with a few fish and some leftover bread—can't make enough for everyone.

They are obsessed with building a wall and defending a border and turning way refugees—because their God isn't generous or smart or creative enough to help them figure out how to welcome and care for everyone who requires it.

They want no other religious traditions to have a voice, because their insecure and terribly tiny God is mortally threatened by such things.

MAGA Christians' daily existence testifies that their God is a microscopic, myopic coward, who has appointed them to morally police a world He cannot handle or is not equipped to direct and renovate. That's pretty sad.

In short, their God isn't a God worth believing in or worshiping—which is why they have to play God while they're alive. It's why they are furrowed-browed and white-nuckling their journey here—not content to let Jesus take the wheel for fear he'd drive them outside their gated community and into the hood and ask them to get out and care for the people they're so used to condemning.

If you're going to have a God, it may as well be right-sized. The world deserves this.

People deserve a God who is bigger than Franklin Graham's God and Mike Pence's God and Sarah Huckabee's God. Their God is small and terrified—and it suspicioulsy resembles them.

People deserve a God who so loves the world, not a God who believes in America First; whose creation begin without divides and borders and walls, because there is only a single, interdependent community.

People deserve a God who touched the leper and healed the sick and fed the starving and parted the seas and raised the dead—not a quivering idol who drafts bathroom bills and social media crusades against migrant families.

People deserve a God who is neither white nor male nor cisgender-heterosexual, nor Republican—because any other God isn't big enough to bear the title or merit any reverence.

MAGA Christians believe in God earnestly, pray to God passionately, serve God with unflinching fervor. The problem is their God is too small, and as long as they are oriented toward such a tiny, useless deity—they will continue to be compelled to do for God what they believe God should be doing, but can't or won't.

I feel sorry for them and for the world that has to be subjected to their pocket-sized theology when there is an expansive space waiting.

I hope and pray that these people soon find a God who is big enough so that they stop living so small.

For their sake—and for ours.

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It's Disappointing

I know it's not a long-term employment opportunity, and god knows I could never do it, but it's always disappointing when one of your favorite baristas at your neighborhood Starbucks just up and disappears.

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Because It's True

Maybe it's the insanity of the events of the past two years and the ugly, slimy, underbelly of a sizable portion of our population that those events have exposed. Maybe it's simply the late-in-life arrival of the realization of the absolute cruelty of humans toward each other—and the other denizens of this planet (thanks in no small part to the internet). Whatever it is, I'm rapidly coming to agree with Agent Smith from the Matrix who said:

"I'd like to share a revelation that I've had during my time here. It came to me when I tried to classify your species and I realized that you're not actually mammals. Every mammal on this planet instinctively develops a natural equilibrium with the surrounding environment but you humans do not. You move to an area and you multiply and multiply until every natural resource is consumed and the only way you can survive is to spread to another area. There is another organism on this planet that follows the same pattern. Do you know what it is? A virus. Human beings are a disease, a cancer of this planet. You're a plague…"

Shorter: This planet needs an enema. Something needs to hit the global reset button because we cannot continue on our present course. Our modern western lifestyle (which the rest of the world for some reason is trying to emulate) is not sustainable; at least not without some very drastic changes taking place—and frankly I just don't see that happening.

Humanity has existed on a global timescale for a very short time, and only within the last hundred years or so have wrecked such havoc on the environment that vast swatches of the world are predicted to be uninhabitable by 2100. While the scientific community is still not in total agreement, many members are warning that we've already passed the tipping point where we can do anything about it. The wheels are in motion, so to speak, and we're heading down a very warm path indeed.

This leads me to the question of intelligence. Are we really intelligent? We have large brains in relation to our bodies and are clever tool-builders and obviously able to effect change on a vast scale for sure, but is that intelligence? The dinosaurs existed for millions of years longer than we've been here, and yet there's no evidence any of those species possessed what we define as intelligence. If this thing we call intelligence really is an inevitable byproduct of evolution why didn't the dinosaurs—who had a hell of a lot longer run on this planet than we've had—develop it themselves? Why didn't they domesticate other species, develop agriculture, build civilizations? Is it possible that our large brains are actually just an ultimately destructive mutation?

And that asteroid out there? Would humanity actually come together and muster the will and the resources to do anything about it if it were spotted?

I seriously doubt it. We're too busy arguing over 2000 year old god-myths and whether members of Homo sapiens with different skin color are even worthy of being called human.

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A Hospital is a Weird Place

A hospital is a weird place. In one room a man is holding his son for the first time. In another room, a man is holding his father for the last time. In yet another room, some idiot is having something that should never have been shoved up there in the first place removed from his rectum.