it seems that America’s self-appointed bathroom panty inspector has grown tired of stalking Congress’ ladies rooms, waiting for women she deems insufficiently-feminine-looking to enter them, so she can point and scream and call attention to her own needy self.

Nancy Mace is looking for a new gig. she wants to pull that ‘show me your genitals’ shit in the bathrooms of South Carolina’s Executive Mansion — so she’s now running to be that state’s governor.

how Mace’s quest going? oh, just fucking swimmingly.

U.S. Rep. Nancy Mace (R-01) had advertised she would deliver a speech to more than 100 people in Myrtle Beach. Instead, eight people showed up. She canceled the speech and answered questions from reporters.

Mace was expected to deliver remarks focused on “protecting parental rights and advancing freedom in education” at the Moms for Liberty — Horry County Chapter meeting at Forward Church on Thursday, Aug. 21.

But when she walked into the room, and more chairs were empty than occupied. Plans seemingly changed.

holy shit, Nancy Mace — the Poster Girl for Transphobia — couldn’t get more than eight people to show up at a Moms for Liberty event?

you remember the Liberty Moms. they were hot shit a couple of years ago. these transphobic busybodies became the darlings of the right when they assigned themselves the job of policing America’s school libraries, making sure that little Sally and Jimmy didn’t get exposed to any subversive ideas — like, y’know, gay people should have basic human rights.

things started to go south for the Moms when they put an actual Hitler quote into the header of their newsletter.

decent people everywhere rightfully shit a brick over that — but instead of going ‘yeah, that’s crazy. what where we thinking?’, the Moms were genuinely mystified about all the fuss. what, so now it’s wrong to quote Hitler?

hings went further south when the Liberty Moms co-founder started showing up in an endless series of homemade sex tapes.

A second video has been recovered by police showing Bridget Ziegler, a cofounder of the conservative Moms for Liberty, engaging in sexual relations with a woman, sources said. It is not known if the woman in the video is the same woman who has alleged she was sexually assaulted by Christian Ziegler. Neither Christian nor Bridget Ziegler have responded to requests for comment from the Trident.

what a charming bunch of madcaps.

as I wrote at the time,

Brig apparently has an active and varied sex life — and hey, more power to her for that. no one should be shamed for what they do behind closed doors.

but the utter hypocrisy is off the charts — because that’s the fucking point here.

this busybody has made it her life’s work to tell other people how to live — to police other people’s bedrooms, and to publicly shame anyone who doesn’t conform to her cramped, hateful worldview.

when it comes to publicly shaming anyone who doesn’t conform to a cramped, hateful worldview, you would think that the Moms for Liberty and Nancy Mace would be a perfect fit. one wants to police what’s going in your kid’s book-bag, and the other wants to police what’s going on in your kid’s underwear.

but Nancy Mace couldn’t get more than eight of these hatemongers to show up — which doesn’t bode well for Nance’s gubernatorial aspirations.

it’s a thing we see play out all the time: the hubris of a clown who gets reelected over and over in their heavily-gerrymandered district thinking that it translates to state-wide popularity.

here’s Nancy Mace’s district, SC-1.

it’s a piece of cake to get elected as a Republican when your district has been so carefully engineered to marginalize Democratic voters that it now looks like a month-old fetus.

it’s entirely another story to convince voters across an entire state to vote for you — especially when you’re a performative-nonsense ninny more interested in making headlines than good policy.

here’s the South Carolina Governor’s Mansion.

there are 32 bathrooms in that sucker — and all of them are going to go un-monitored if Nancy Mace can’t even get nine transphobic extremists to show up for a campaign event.

by the way, when I tried to look up Nancy Mace’s district at Congress.govwhile writing this post, this is what I got:

acting-adjacent Hollywood found object Dean Cain recently switched professions.

he’s no longer a bitter never-was, spending his time complaining about not being able to get cast in roles. he’s now an official member of Kristi Noem’s deportation gestapo.

but don’t worry. Dean’s putting his almost-acting talent to good use. he’s the star of a new ICE training video — and it’s such a huge ball of holy shit that it has to be seen to be believed.

what the fuck did we just watch?

it’s basically an out-of-breath ball of pudge struggling to master a laughably-simple little obstacle course — and you’ve got to love the moment when Dean’s left leg gets stuck as he tries to vault that barrier.

let’s gif that shit and slow it way the fuck down.

your first thought has to be ‘is this a fucking joke?’ — did some out-of-shape goofball pretending to be Dean Cain make a parody video and put it online?

nope, it’s one hundred percent real. ICE even posted it up on Elon’s Nazi bar.

if that’s really the actual training that ICE is inflicting on all the psychos who are signing up because they’re so super fucking horny to tackle day laborers in a Home Depot parking lot, then I have the same question as this dude on Threads: how did these guys make it through the pipe?

did these two homeys join ICE because they were hoping someone would thow sandwiches at them?

but let’s talk about the production values of the Dean Cain training video — because there aren’t any. it looks like they spent about five dollars on it. what in the clownish name of Storm Trooper Jesus is this?

it’s great to know that if Dean Cain runs into any mannequins that have overstayed their visas, he’ll be prepared to fuck their shit seven ways from breakfast.

it’s all so pathetically amateurish.

I guess this is what happens when 99% of ICE’s budget goes to Kristi Noem’s hair, makeup and cosplay costuming.

the Dean Cain training film is barely one step up from those self-produced youtube videos where some Meal Team Six nitwit goes out in the middle of the woods — ostensibly to show off their marksmanship skills — and ends up hobbling around and screaming ‘I just fucking shot myself.’

have a great Sunday, everyone. no matter what you’re getting up to today, you’re probably having a better time than Nancy Mace and Dean Cain.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

monday: tik me no toks

apparently, Donny Convict’s handlers got the bright idea to start up a tiktok account for Dear Leader — because these days, all the cool fascists musthave one.

here’s Donny’s first post. there’s no actual need to watch it. it’s twenty-seven seconds of who the fuck even cares.

instead, let’s take a look at what happened next: people started commenting.

and they commented some more.

they kept right on commenting — and all anyone wanted to talk about was Donny’s close, personal relationship with his dead pedo bestie.

as of right now, there are over 49,000 comments under that video. I’m guessing that about 48,945 of them are about you-know-what.

hey Donny, how’s your cover-up going? not well, I’d say.

uesday: I see dead voters

New Jersey congressman Jeff Van Drew has a wee bit of an ectoplasm problem.

“people who were passed away, these are real people. I spoke to large numbers of them.”

dude, I’m contractually obligated to ask: are these ‘large numbers of people whom you’ve spoken to who have passed away’ in the room with is right now? I’m guessing they are, and you’re the only one who can see them.

now, normally I’d be advising Rep. Van Drew to be dialing 1-800-GHOSTBUSTERS.

but I’m hearing that Kristi Noem’s conscripted them into ICE to help deport undocumented demons back to Carpathia.

wednesday: verily, I whine unto you

MAGA preacher Hank Kunneman has a bone to pick with his evidently unfaithful flock. he seems to have mortgaged himself up to his eyeballs on the expectation he’d be able to fleece his way out of it — and it ain’t happening.

“I’m not saying this to be mad. I’m saying this because I feel like I’m going to go to my advocate Jesus. I have $400,000 to pay — and the only reason I took a line of credit is that I could have this, and we wouldn’t have to wait, potentially— can you imagine still being in there, and this sanctuary done, and we don’t have the money to pay for the AV, so now we’ve got to sit there for a year, because that’s how long it would have taken. and I said, well, can I get a line of credit? I didn’t know what else to do. ‘shouldn’t have borrowed’? oh, well tell that to the prophet who said to the widow, go get some vessels, go get some vases, and borrow not a few.”

come on, widows, do a bro a solid. why the fuck aren’t you out there, rounding up those vessels, right now?

seriously, what’s the point of even being an evangelist if you can’t depend on the rubes to finance your obscenely opulent lifestyle?

oh, and that thing about the widows and the vessels? that’s from 2 Kings 4, where the Big Guy in the Sky commits a miracle in order to help a widow deal with her own debts. it’s not about underwriting the greed of some numb-nuts preacher who’s shit at grifting.

pray harder, bro.

thursday: no, it’s pull yourself up by your own bootstraps

here comes Sean Duffy, the reality-show-has-been who grew up to become Donny’s Secretary Of Planes Falling Out Of The Sky, to demonstrate that there’s physical fitness, and then there’s whatever the fuck this is.

Sean, are you fucking kidding me? on what planet is that considered a legit pull-up? the Fox News flunkie who’s helping you is expending more energy that you are.

we absolutely need to gif this shit for posterity’s sake.

also, I have it on good authority from Rick Santorum that two men working out like this leads to people marrying their dogs.

slippery slope, my dudes. just saying.

friday: a day in the life

on Friday, some fucking idiot meandered into the Oval Office. befuddled and disheveled, the fucking idiot wore a stupid hat and an even stupider expression.

he fucking idiot’s right hand was, as usual, all fucked to shit from god-knows-what procedure — because as usual, the fucking idiot’s health is a huge State Secret.

the fucking idiot proudly showed off a photo of the despot bestie whose warm embrace he so desperately pines for.

“I’m going to sign this for him. I was sent one. I thought you’d all like to see it. it’s a man named Vladimir Putin, who I believe will be coming, depending on what happens. he may be coming and he may not. depending on what happens. we have a lot of things happening over the next couple of weeks. but I thought it was a nice picture. of him. okay of me, but nice of him. so that was very nice that it was sent.”

the fucking idiot blithered about gold.

“you see the way this is looking? look. I can’t tell you how much that gold costs, a lotta money. there’s nothing like gold and there’s nothing like solid gold, but this, this beautiful office needed it.”

the fucking idiot then hallucinated about ‘beautiful African-American ladies’ who are begging him to come to Chicago and do a fascism.

“Chicago is a mess. and we’ll straighten that one out probably next … African Americans ladies, beautiful ladies, are saying ‘please President Trump, come to Chicago.’”

the fucking idiot then wandered over to the Kennedy Center, where he gibbered incoherently about ‘the cubes with the doors.’

“they built these rooms nobody’s gonna use. rooms underground. and I’ve often wondered what are the big cubes they have outside that block the view. the cubes with the door in them so that people can get down to rooms that nobody is going to use. and it’s a shame. it’s a shame.”

and then the fucking idiot blithered about ‘these cubes’ a second time.

“I can’t use bad language, but it’s been so badly run. and they built these cubes outside, these cubes. and there’s stairways that go down to little rooms that nobody uses. it’s so crazy what they did. they spend hundreds of millions of dollars. it’s like throwing money out the window. they built cubes. all it does is block off the view. you know, they go down to little stages, but nobody uses them. and we’re taking care of our big, beautiful stages that people really want.”

and the fucking idiot didn’t get 25th Amendmented on the spot. how fucking idiotic is that?

saturday: ?

hey, it’s still morning as I sit here writing this — but give it time, I guarantee you that some dipshit wingnut is going to do something stupid before the day is over. you can set your watch to it.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

hey, remember back on the very first day of Donny’s second reign, when he rung up Vlad Putin and was all ‘listen, you Russkie fuckwazoo, you better cut this Ukraine shit out right now’ — and just like that, the war was over?

yeah well, nobody else remembers that, either.

what we do remember is that months went by, and eventually, a few word-adjacent noises seeped out of Donny’s rancid anus mouth about how ‘well, I’m very disappointed that my bestie Vladdy won’t do a ceasefire’ — to which Vladdy grabbed his own crotch and was all ‘hey fuck-o, I’ve got your ceasefire right here.’

get ready for Donny’s latest clumsy-ass attempt to do a diplomacy: he’s invited Putin to Alaska this coming Friday for a despot snugglebunny playdate, ostensibly to (look, stop rolling your eyes) negotiate a ceasefire in Ukraine.

it’s a move that’s clownfuckingly wrong on so many levels.

topmost: do you know why Donny and Vladdy picked Alaska as the location for their playdate? really, anywhere in Europe would make more logistic sense. look at how close those countries are to Moscow — but Putin’s going to go the long way across the globe and travel thousands of miles to meet Donny in Alaska.

so, why there? no, it’s not so Putin can, at long last, finally see Sarah Palin’s house.

the reason for Alaska is that Putin has been declared a war criminal by the International Criminal Court in The Hague, and there’s a warrant out for his arrest. America’s great frozen north is one of the few places on the planet where Putin can go without ending up in handcuffs.

here’s the thing about the ICC: they don’t have a police force. through a treaty known as the Rome Statute, 125 countries have agreed to use their own law enforcement to make arrests and provide transportation to The Hague.

now, see if you can guess the names of two countries that haven’t signed onto that agreement. that’s right: the good old US of A, and Russia.

Donny’s coddling a war criminal, and providing him with a safe haven.instead of arresting Putin, he will welcome him with open arms onto American soil.

once again, America’s Mad King is an international embarrassment. our actual allies can only look on in horror.

by the way, you know who used to work at ICC, don’t you? this guy.

Jack Smith, a.k.a. The Man Who Convicts War Criminals In The Hague. Donny fucking hates this guy, for some weird reason.

the Mad King just keeps making these tone-deaf foreign policy moves, because he truly doesn’t understand how terrible all this shit looks to the rest of the world.

remember during his first reign, when he actually invited the Taliban to Camp David for a Fourth of July sleepover? when John Bolton told Donny that it was the stupidest fucking idea he’d ever heard in his life, Donny fired him via a tweet — and then canceled the cookout. good times. just another day in the incoherent life of America’s Mad King.

speaking of John Bolton, let’s hear what he has to say about Donny and Vladdy’s despot playdate.

“this is not quite as bad as Trump inviting the Taliban to Camp David to talk about the peace negotiations in Afghanistan, but it certainly reminds one of that. the only better place for Putin than Alaska would be if the summit were being held in Moscow. so the initial setup, I think, is a great victory for Putin. I have a feeling this is sliding very quickly in Russia’s direction. we’re not quite back at February the 28th in the oval office, when Trump told Zelenskyy, you don’t have any cards. but what’s happening is that Russia and the United States are discussing what terms they’re going to present to Zelenskyy. and it may well be that, Zelenskyy has no choice I have to say, from the strategic perspective, from the U.S. interest perspective, this was not good.”

look, John Bolton is a blood-spattered warhawk who assured us that Saddam Hussein was hiding WMDs in Iraq. he’s not our friend — but when he’s right, he’s right.

Donny’s getting played by a war criminal who’s a thousand times smarter than he is — and Donny’s too fucking dumb to realize that he’s conferred legitimacy onto a pariah who’s been shunned by the rest of the world.

Bolton’s right, this is a huge victory for Putin — because look at what Donny and Vladdy are cooking up.

over to you, Heather Cox Richardson.

U.S. and Russian officials are planning this summit to hammer out an agreement that will force Ukraine to cede to Russia its land currently occupied by Russian troops, as well as Crimea. This deal would hand Ukraine’s eastern industrial territory to Russia and bless the principle that one country can seize territory from another through force. Observers note that once this principle is established, as Putin wishes, there will be nothing stopping him from invading Ukraine again as soon as his war-weary country recovers its strength.

this fucktastic load of bullshit again. Donny and Putin are going to come up with a plan that’s identical to all the other plans they’ve come up with:Putin gets to go ‘all this is mine now’ and Ukraine will be cordially invited to go fuck itself. they’re going to take this plan to Zelenskyy and go ‘here’s your shit sandwich, Volodymyr, you’re welcome.’

when he heard this news, Zelenskyy was all yeah, fuck no.

“We will not allow this second attempt to partition Ukraine. Knowing Russia – where there is a second, there will be a third.”

what is the fucking point of Donny and Vlad hammering out an ‘agreement’ that’s identical to the previous failed agreements, when it’s a non-starter?

Donny’s allowing himself to get pantsed by Putin, just like he got pantsed in Helsinki in 2018.

There was surprise — even shock — when the president of the United States stood onstage alongside Russian President Vladimir Putin and accepted the former KGB officer’s denials regarding that interference [in the 2016 election].

Trump was asked directly which one he believed: his own intelligence community or Putin. In so many words, Trump gave the answer: Putin.

Sen. John McCain, the Arizona Republican, called it “one of the most disgraceful performances by an American president in memory.”

no shit, John.

oh, and fuck Lindsey Graham.

To those who criticize President Trump for being willing to meet with Putin to end the bloodbath in Ukraine – remember Reagan met with Gorbachev to try to end the Cold War.”

unctuous much, you ginormous kiss-ass?

“I’m confident President Trump will walk away – like Reagan – if Putin insists on a bad deal.”

oh fuck straight off with this nonsense, Lindsey. Dear Leader wouldn’t recognize a bad deal if it came to life, leapt off the page, introduced itself as Mister Bad Deal and said ‘I’m a bad deal.’ Donny is the low-wattage dumb-ass who, after his fourth casino went bankrupt, decided it would be awesome to open a fifth.

Donny’s getting played. I hope he enjoys his pantsing.

here’s how a real president deals with Putin.

now let’s talk about something good. let’s reacquaint ourselves with an old friend: Judge Tanya Chutkan.

A lawsuit demanding secret government records tied to Jeffrey Epstein has landed in the courtroom of a judge Donald Trump can’t stand.

U.S. District Judge Tanya Chutkan — the same judge who handled Trump’s federal election interference case — is now in charge of a new lawsuit filed by the Democracy Forward Foundation (DFF), according to New Republic. The group is trying to force the Department of Justice and FBI to hand over any communications about Epstein involving Trump officials, any contact between Trump and Epstein, and the infamous Epstein client list that former Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi once said was on her desk.

how fucking sweet is that? Judge Chutkan, who has absolutely no tolerance for any of Donny’s bullshit, gets to decide if the We the People get to see Epstein Files.

for expert analysis, let’s hand things off to Nelson Muntz.

and now, here are your heroes of the day: the good people of the Cotswolds, England.

JD Vance, the doughiest pantload ever to be Vice President, is currently enjoying the seventh vacation he’s taken in the six months he’s been in office.

hat’s right: you get two government-issued dolls and five pencils, but Couchfuck McGee gets seven vacations.

here’s how the fine citizens of the Cotswolds welcomed JD.

have a great Sunday, everyone.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.