Just When You Think It Can't Get Any Worse
From Jeff Tiedrich:
he's such a fucking embarrassment
Mad King Donny ambushes South Africa's President Ramaphosa
at this point, you have to wonder why any world leader would agree to an Oval Office meeting with Little Donny Fuckface. there's just no way of knowing what you're in for.
at best, you'll merely sit there — like Macron — with a fake smile plastered on your face as the Boy King of America plays his impotent little dominance games. you then get to go home without having created an international incident.
at worst, you'll walk straight into an ambush, as happened to Zelenskyy.
yesterday, Cyril Ramaphosa, the president of South Africa, had a sit-down with Donny — and Donny zelenskied the shit out of him.
"what would happen if you put the black president of South Africa in a room with a demented white supremacist" is a question no one asked — but yesterday we got the answer: it was a distressing-to-watch five-alarm shit-show.
just look at what a ginormous asshole Donny is. he can't even introduce Ramaphosa without gratuitously insulting him.
"it's a great honor to be with the president of South Africa, President Ramaphosa, and he is a man who is certainly in some circles really respected, in other circles a little bit less respected."
gee, thanks for that, shithead.
things took an immediate turn for the worse. Donny had a huge TV rolled in, started yammering about the completely imaginary issue of "white genocide" in South Africa — and then the situation went from bad to fucking surreal.
That was followed by what Trump claimed was video showing over a thousand "burial sites" in South Africa, with aerial footage of a long procession of vehicles moving in one lane of traffic between rows of white crosses. Trump lied that each cross marked the grave of a white farmer or murdered family member.
a mystified President Ramaphosa had no clue what he was looking at
Ramaphosa: "I'd like to know where that is, because this, I've never seen it."
Donny: "it's in South Africa."
oh, well that narrows it down. thanks for clarifying that, dumb-ass.
here's what Ramaphosa was looking at. it wasn't a graveyard. it wasn't a "thousand burial sites," as Donny claimed — and it had nothing to do with "white genocide." it was one protest of the non-race-related murder of two farmers, who were killed during a botched robbery.
It was a protest in response to the murder of a farm couple, Glen and Vida Rafferty, who were killed during a botched robbery of their farm in 2020. Nothing I can find suggests that they were targeted for being white; the robbers broke into their home to get at the safe, couldn't open it, and waited for them to return home. After ambushing and shooting them, the murderers stole their car and some home items. Horrible, but not anything at all close to what Trump said about the video.
Donny then pulled out visual aids. he held up photos that he claimed were of murdered white South African farmers. spoiler alert: they weren't.
"Look, here's burial sites all over the place," said Trump. "These are all white farmers that are being buried."
But the image is a screen grab from a February YouTube video of Red Cross workers responding after women were raped and burned alive during a mass jailbreak in the Congolese city of Goma, according to its caption.
for fuck's sake, the incident Donny is claiming proves "white genocide" didn't even happen in South Africa. but I guess if you're a racist, all African countries are interchangeable.
so, where did this misleading material originate? from the darkest fever swamps of the internet, where conspiracies run wild, that's where. someone downloaded this vile shit, printed it out, and handed it off to Donny — who gobbled it right down because it confirms his 'white people are the real victims' worldview. and we know who that someone is, because Donny comes right out and name-checks him.
"Elon is from South Africa. I don't want to get Elon involved. that's all I have to do — get him in another thing. this is what Elon wanted."
Donny gives away the whole game: this is what Elon wanted. the Space Nazi is a busy guy, so he's outsourcing his racism to Donny, who's more than happy to take it and run with it.
it's so fucking embarrassing. in my lifetime, we've gone from Dwight Eisenhower and John F. Kennedy — who famously read seven entire newspapers every single day — to Donny, a low-wattage illiterate who gets his information from drug-addled conspiracy cranks.
bear in mind, all of this is happening on live TV, in front of a room full of reporters. Donny is hectoring the leader of a country that's supposed to be our ally, and demanding he account for a bunch of made-up racist shit.
what the fuck has happened to America?
thank God there was at least one sane voice in the room. here's South African billionaire Johann Peter Rupert to correct Donny, and explain that South Africa has a crime problem, not a race war problem.
"we have too many deaths, but it's across the board. it's not only white farmers. it's across the board."
of course, no Oval Office Shitacular would be complete without the ritual dressing-down of a reporter.
NBC's Peter Alexander had the temerity to ask Dear Leader about that vulgar flying bordello — which Qatar had delivered to the US that very day — and Donny was all dude, I'm trying to do a racism here, why the fuck are you bringing up my blatant corruption?
"what are you talking about? you know, what are you talking about? you know, you oughta get out of here. what does this have to do with the Qatar jet? they're giving the United States Air Force a jet, OK? and it's a great thing. we're talking about a lot of other things. just NBC trying to get off the subject of what you just saw. you know, you're a terrible reporter. number one, you don't have what it takes to be a reporter. You're not smart enough. but for you to go into a subject about a jet that was given to the United States Air Force, which is a very nice thing.they also gave $5.1 trillion investment in addition to the jet."
wait, wait — let's pause the Boy King's infantile tantrum for a second just to note that no, he fucking didn't get five trillion from anyone — or six trillion, or nine trillion, or any of the ever-changing numbers Donny's been mouth-farting all this week. it's a big ball of never happened.
ok, back to Crazy Donny's meltdown.
"You oughta go back to your studio at NBC, because Brian Roberts and the people that run that place, they oughta be investigated. They are so terrible, the way you run that network. And you're a disgrace. No more questions from you!"
the Mad King is so upset that no one will let him enjoy his golden jet that even when he turns back to Ramaphosa, he won't stop whining about it.
"we need an Air Force One, it's being built. two of them being built. and Boeing's a little bit late, unfortunately. so why did they give us a plane, to the United States Air Force? that's what that idiot talks about after viewing a thing where thousands of people are dead."
an exasperated Ramaphosa finally has had enough, and says —
"I am sorry I don't have a plane to give you."
and Donny, of course, is too dimwitted and self-absorbed to realize he's being mocked.
"I wish you did. I'd take it. if your country offered the US Air Force a plane, I would take it."
it's just so fucking embarrassing.
world leaders, stay out of the Oval Office. no good can come of it.
Vomiting It All Up, Midweek Edition
And I'm Sure I'm Not The Only One…
Right?!
Roh Roh!
(This has been verified.)
🤞🏻 🤞🏻 🤞🏻
I can't find any verification of "if they fail to comply, he will jail all officials and the pilot for Contempt of Court" part, unfortunately. But I'm remaining cautiously optimistic that it's true…
Tuesday Madness
Once more from Mr. Tiedrich:
it's time to leave Joe Biden the fuck alone
Republicans are being shitweasels again
in the wake of Joe Biden's heartbreaking announcement that he's been diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer, Republicans are reacting as they always do — by being horrible. each and every one of them is cordially invited to fuck all the way off.
let's start with this vile shitgoblin
I think it's very sad, actually. I'm surprised that it— wasn't— y'know, the public wasn't notified a long time ago. 'cause to get to stage nine, that's a long time. I just had my physical. you saw that. you saw the results of that particular test. I think that test is standard to uh, pretty much anybody. getting a physical. good physical. we had the doctors at the White House and over at Walter Reed which is a fantastic hospital do it, I did a very complete physical, including cognitive tests, I'm proud do announce I aced it."
I have a question: how long has Sundowning Grandpa Fuckface had stage nine dementia? because there's no such thing as 'stage nine' cancer.
the stages only go up to four. Donny would know that if he ever bothered to listen to anyone for more than two seconds before losing interest and making it all about himself.
listen to this preening fuckwad drone on for the thousandth time about 'acing' his cognitive test. we get it, Donny. you were able to point to a drawing of a camel. good for you. help yourself to a lollypop on your way out of the doctor's office.
who the fuck is Donny to accuse any other person of lying about their health?
we have never seen one legitimate, detailed medical report on Donny. what we get are bullet-point summaries written by day-drinking quacks who fart out ludicrous claims like Donny will live to be 200 years old.
the press never questions any of this laughable shit.
we're told that Donny's ear got blown to pieces by a would-be assassin's bullet and then magically grew back within days — with no scarring — and reporters just nod their heads and write it all down.
we're told that Donny is 6 feet and 3 inches tall and weighs 224 pounds.
yeah, right.
would any of the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media like to maybe write a book on how Donny's brain went fuckity-bye a long, long time ago? now, that would be a page-turner. you could probably do a whole chapter on how Donny got outwitted by a fucking box.
it's a box. it has a lid that flips up — and Preznit Shitforbrains is completely flummoxed by it. Donny has to hand the thing it off to some flunky who does the job in two literal seconds.
for those of you keeping score at home, it's —
Donny: 0
fucking box: 1
imagine for one hot second that it was Joe Biden up there, befuddled by cardboard. Fox News would be playing it on an endless loop.
Couchfuck McGee can fuck all the way off.
"whether the right time to have this conversation is now or some time in the future, we really do need to be honest about whether the former president was capable of doing the job."
this sectional sexpest is gaslighting us at warp factor nine. say what you want about Joe Biden's health — he fucking crushed it as president. he was more than capable — he practically worked miracles.
Joe inherited an economy that had been ravaged due to Donny's mismanagement of the covid pandemic — and by the end of his term, we had prosperity and record low unemployment. America's economic recovery from covid was stronger — and happened faster — than any other country on the planet.
now look at what's happened since Biden left office. in just four months, Donny and Couchfuck have taken that robust economy and turned America into a third-world hellhole that can't pay its bills, can't feed its people, and can no longer predict when a fucking tornado might hit.
A forecasting office in Jackson, Ky., which was directly in the line of Friday night's tornadoes, is one of four no longer with enough staff to operate at all times.
JD and Donny are trying to hoodwink the public into believing the exact opposite of reality — that they're the one's who rescued America from Biden's incompetence. up is down. black is white.
it's flagrant horse shit. do you think any of our worthless scribs might want to write a book about that?
Oklahoma Rep Markwayne Mullin can fuck all the way off.
"it's interesting the timing of them releasing the cancer, right? It seems like since the Hur tapes were released, they're like, 'hey wait, it might be a good time to distract the American people and talk about his cancer.'"
we're being gaslighted again.
Markwayne Mullin wants us to believe that Joe Biden was sitting on his cancer diagnosis — and not doing anything about it — so he could use it as a political distraction if the need ever arose. that makes no fucking sense.
Robert Hur, in case you don't recall, is the Republican stooge who was apppointed by that ineffectual cum-sock Merrick Garland to investigate the classified docs Biden found in his garage. Hur cleared Biden of any culpability in that incident — but on his way out the door, he turned in a hit-piece of a report that painted Biden as "an elderly man with a poor memory" who couldn't remember when his son Beau died.
Hur made the whole thing up. yesterday morning, just before the hearing started, the Washington Post published the transcript of Hur's five-hour-long interview with Biden — and oh, look: here's Biden's actual answer to the question:
"What month did Beau die? Oh God, May 30."
here's a thing Robert Hur actually said to Joe Biden during his interview: "you appear to have a photographic understanding and recall."
no, Biden isn't using his cancer diagnosis as a distraction from the Hur tapes. Donny is using the Hur tapes as a distraction from him fucking America's economy straight into the ground.
now, here's some shitbucket who thinks Jill Biden should go to jail. he can fuck all the way off.
Leo Terrell isn't just some neo-Nazi adjacent rando on the internet. he's Senior Counsel to the Assistant Attorney General for the Civil Rights Division of the Department of What Used To Be Known As Justice.
oh great, another Sewer Clown flunky who casually suggests that his political opponents should be thrown in jail. what could go wrong?
know who has been the one decent Republican through all of this? Meghan McCain.
fuck every other Republican for making me agree with Meghan McCain.
Joe Biden is going through some serious shit right now. let's leave him alone and focus on what's right in front of us: a bunch of democracy-hating authoritarians led by an insane megalomaniac are destroying our government right before our very eyes, so they can replace it with the Forever Rule of Mad King Donny.
'should Joe Biden have withdrawn from the race sooner' and 'should Joe Biden have managed his health better' are topics worth exploring some day — but today is not that day. we don't have the luxury of having those conversations right now — not when there's so much fuckery afoot.
the conversation we need to be having right now is how do we fight fascism?
let's fucking go.
and let's give the final word to the Onion, because this headline perfectly encapsulates all the insanity going on right now.
Vomiting It All Up, Monday Edition
Monday Madness
From Jeff Tiedrich:
'off with Bruce Springsteen's head!' cries Mad King Donny
it's day two of this nonsense as President Rage-Baby will not stop whining
it's 12:45am on a Sunday night. Mad King Donny is pacing the halls of the White House. what remains of his decaying mind is too obsessed to sleep.
"HOW MUCH DID KAMALA HARRIS PAY BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN FOR HIS POOR PERFORMANCE DURING HER CAMPAIGN FOR PRESIDENT? WHY DID HE ACCEPT THAT MONEY IF HE IS SUCH A FAN OF HERS? ISN'T THAT A MAJOR AND ILLEGAL CAMPAIGN CONTRIBUTION? WHAT ABOUT BEYONCÉ? …AND HOW MUCH WENT TO OPRAH, AND BONO??? I am going to call for a major investigation into this matter. Candidates aren't allowed to pay for ENDORSEMENTS, which is what Kamala did, under the guise of paying for entertainment. In addition, this was a very expensive and desperate effort to artificially build up her sparse crowds. IT'S NOT LEGAL! For these unpatriotic "entertainers," this was just a CORRUPT & UNLAWFUL way to capitalize on a broken system. Thank you for your attention to this matter!!!"
oh great. United States President Grievance J. Fuckbrain is up in the middle of the night, making wild accusations and calling for investigations.
for the record, there is no evidence whatsoever that the Harris campaign paid for endorsements from Springsteen, Beyoncé, Oprah or Bono. it's just one of those things that Donny knows is true,because the barking noises in Donny's head tell him it's true.
so unfair! there can only be one reason why major stars flocked to Kamala's side, while Donny had to make do with washed-up never-weres like No Longer A Kid Rock: it's because crimey crimes were being crimed!
and so it's off with all their fucking heads.
because nothing says efficiency in government so much as getting Pam Bondi and Krazee Eyes Kash and the entire Department of What Used To Be Justice involved in a pointless series of witch hunts, all to soothe the bruised ego of an unquenchable rageaholic.
hey, maybe Donny can get Comer Fudd and that other jackass — the shouty half-dressed degenerate wrestling coach — to hold some congressional hearings. yeah, that'll be a good use of everybody's time.
government of the grievance-babies, by the grievance-babies, and for the grievance-babies. what could go wrong?
by the way, here's the reason Donny was losing his shit in the middle of the night: Bruce Springsteen will not stop calling him a tyrant.
The Boss reinforced his remarks about President Donald Trump at the E Street Band's May 17 show at the Co-op Live in Manchester, England − a line of criticism that previously prompted Trump to call Springsteen a "dried out prune."
"My home America, the America I've written about that has been a beacon of hope and liberty for 250 years, is currently in the hands of a corrupt, incompetent and treasonous administration," said Springsteen to cheers as he took the stage, echoing what he said at the tour's opening show on May 14 at the same venue.
delicious.
do bear in mind: every accusation to ooze out of Donny's rancid anus-mouth is actually a confession — so Donny screaming about crimey crimes being crimed is all the proof you need that his own campaign was paying Kid Rock to make all those discordant bleats that were somehow supposed to pass for music.
Scott Bessent, the gazillionaire Treasury Secretary who will be absolutely fine no matter how badly Preznit Fuckwit crashes our economy, has a message for America's small businesses: enjoy your shit sandwich.
Jake Tapper: "the one thing I hear from almost every small business owner is the uncertainty. they don't know how to plan for the future because they have no idea what's gonna come."
Scott Bessent: 'strategic uncertainty is a negotiating tactic.'
I have a question: does Scott Bessent actually believe this nonsense, or is he making the best of a situation where his boss is a stark barking lunatic who changes his mind about tariffs as often as he changes his diaper?
here's the thing about uncertainty: it fucking sucks. markets hate it. businesses hate it. consumers hate it. uncertainty makes it impossible to plan for the future. uncertainty benefits nobody — and uncertainty is a negotiating tactic only if you're a madman.
have you ever heard of this thing called the Madman Theory of Geopolitics?
it dates from the time when Richard Nixon was president, and it went like this: Tricky Dick's foreign policy stooges would ring up their commie adversaries and go 'look, our president is fucking nuts. we can't control him. he'll nuke you in a hot second and not think twice about it, so maybe you ought to give him what he wants.'
The madman theory is a political theory commonly associated with the foreign policy of U.S. president Richard Nixon and his administration, who tried to make the leaders of hostile communist bloc countries think Nixon was irrational and volatile so that they would avoid provoking the U.S. in fear of an unpredictable response.
spoiler alert: it didn't work. Nixon was a paranoid criminal, but he wasn't insane — and no one bought his act.
but oh, look: the Madman Theory isn't a theory any more. now we have an actual madman in the Oval Office, and we have lackies like Scott Bessent telling us to calm down, madmanning is good.
buckle the fuck in, the crazy around here is going up to eleven.
because we live in the shittiest possible timeline, Joe Biden has been diagnosed with an aggressive form of prostate cancer.
Former President Joseph R. Biden Jr. was diagnosed on Friday with an aggressive form of prostate cancer that has spread to his bones, his office said in a statement on Sunday.
"While this represents a more aggressive form of the disease, the cancer appears to be hormone-sensitive which allows for effective management," according to the statement from Mr. Biden's office.
also because we live in the shittiest possible timeline, the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media are failing once again to meet the moment.
Extraordinary timing – according to his spokesman, Biden received this cancer diagnosis on Friday, the same day audio clips of his Robert Hur interview were all over the news"
are you fucking kidding me? you're going to play 'oh hmm, how convenient' games with a cancer diagnosis? read the room, asshole. now is not the time, or the place. do you know when would be a good time? never.
how about never, Brian? is never good for you?
oh, and Cokey McSniffles is cordially invited to go fuck himself to infinity and beyond.
What I want to know is how did Dr. Jill Biden miss stage five metastatic cancer or is this yet another coverup???"
true fact: absolutely no one will mourn Donald J. Shitnozzle Jr. when he makes his final exit. I fucking guarantee it.
let's show these disgraceful ghouls how it's done.
let's offer our best wishes to President Biden and his family. he's earned it.
Because Dear Leader's Brain Is Swiss Cheese
'Most Transparent' White House In History Keeps Majority Of Trump's Remarks Secret
Because Dear Leader's brain is Swiss Cheese and he is making even less sense now than he did even a few months ago
The WH has not published a transcript in TWO MONTHS.
"You hide behind a tree and them drone comes downand it circles you with fire you don't have a chance. The tree comes down also by the way. It's so intense. I mean you see these trees being knocked down like …like they're being sawed down by a top of the line timberman…like like you know…who? Sean Duffy…the head of the transportation department who is work I g right now on the airports and getting a system…because Biden didn't do anything for 4 years and Pete…Pete Buttigieg was the head…and he goes bicycle to work"
That's your orange overlord folks
"We love France right? But I think we did a little more to win the war than France so we agree? You know I don't want to be a wise guy but when Hitler made his speech at the Eiffel Tower I would say that wasn't exactly ideal."
Hitler never gave a speech at the Eiffel Tower you orange hobgoblin.
[source]
SO MUCH WINNING
Just kidding. Trump is flushing the economy to give Billionaires more tax breaks.
Well done MAGA. He's fucking you in the ass and you're saying, "Please Sir, may I have some more?"
Holy Shit, do you all have learning disabilities? He's a fucking stupid idiot, a massive failure, a fraud, and a goddamned felon. He does not give a single fuck about you. He never has never will.
🤣 🤣 🤣
🤣 🤣 🤣
Oh, SNAP!
The Penguins Know
From This Point Forward…
He Is Not Well
Springsteen is more of an American than Felon 45 could ever in his wildest, most-adderall fueled dreams wish to be.
Vomiting It All Up, End Of The Fucking Week Edition
It's Not Working
To Reiterate…
Thursday Madness
From Jeff Tiedrich:
Donny Convict isn't a corrupt piece of shit, and other Republican fairy tales
and The New York Times gives Dear Leader another free pass
n today's episode of Bad Take Theater, we're going to hear two from worthless Republicans and one dipshit New York Times reporter as they concoct fever-swamp fantasies about why Donny Convict's blatant, in-your-face corruption isn't actually corruption.
Missouri Senator Josh Hawley is the holder of the land speed record for Getting The Fuck Out of Here While Insurrectionists Are Insurrecting.
he's also one of Donny's chief apologists on Capitol Hill. his farcical explanation for why Dear Leader isn't corrupt boils down to 'what's Donny need money for? he's already got shitloads.'
Manu Raju: "what about this meme coin? when the price goes up, it helps his family."
Josh Hawley: "well, listen. I think nobody believes that Donald Trump can be bought. I mean, what does Donald Trump need more money for."
methinks Josh Hawley is trying to blow smoke up everyone's ass.
let me put this in words simple enough to penetrate even the cultists' thick skulls: Donny needs more money so he can win at having the most fucking money. it's called greed. having ALL the money is the point.
for Donny Convict, no amount of anything is ever enough. that's what being a profoundly damaged, bottomless swamp of need is all about.
there will never be sufficient money, power, or attention to fill the gaping hole where Donny's soul is supposed to be. he's fucking broken beyond repair — and now, the entire world must be made to suffer because of it.
let's explore Josh's ludicrous claim that 'nobody believes Donny can be bought.'
here, watch this: everybody who knows Donny Convict can be bought, please raise your hand.
oh look, there's the Emir of Qatar. he's got his their hand up. he know Donny can be bought. it's the whole reason he just handed him a vulgar flying bordello — and now Donny's going down his list of demands, and checking them off one by one.
over there is the Saudi royal family. hands up, all of them. they've been lining Donny's pockets for decades. they've been at the game so long that they already know Donny's price: a bag of greaseburgers.
look who else has his hand up: Ahmed al-Sharaa, the president of Syria. all he had to do get Donny to drop sanctions was dangle the mere possibility of a Trump Tower in Damascus.
and that's just in the last three days. so what the fuck are you gibbering about, Josh?
let's move on to the guy who has been voted Most Useless Republican for three years running.
Holy Mike Johnson's bad take is that corruption isn't corruption if it's done right out in the open.
reporter: "Mr. Speaker, you were very critical of President Biden and his family's foreign business dealings and supported impeachment hearings. are you equally concerned about President Trump's family's business dealings as well, especially due to the fact that he's in a region now where his family has billions of dollars of investments in Doha, and Saudi Arabia, and the fact that he has a crypto business now, where he's auctioned off access to the White House for the highest bidder?"
Holy Mike [after first lying about Biden and his family]: "whatever President Trump is doing is out in the open. they're not trying to conceal anything."
fuck Holy Mike for expecting us to swallow his shit-sandwich.
here's where Mike's ridiculous assertion falls apart: for Donny, being openly corrupt is part of the game — because fuck you, that's why. getting right in your face and daring you to do something about it is what makes corruption fun.
Donny knows that he doesn't have to hide anything he does — because who's going to hold him accountable? Congress? fuhgetaboutit. the Department of Justice? oh please. Krazee Eyes Ka$h Patel and Pam Bondi were installed to facilitate Donny's crimes, not prosecute them. the Supreme Court? don't make me laugh. they're the shitwads who put the whole concept of I'm A Very Special Boy into Donny's head in the first place.
who knows, maybe Chuck Schumer's writing a strongly-worded letter. yeah, that'll do it.
here's something we have absolutely no fucking use for at all: a New York Times reporter explaining that corruption isn't corruption according to a definition of corruption that he just pulled out of his ass.
"Corruption requires explicit quid pro quo. It is not corrupt to take an action that aligns with the interest of a person who gives you a gift, unless the official action was in direct response to that gift–a bribe. Terms matter. Accuracy and fairness matters. Regardless of what social media wants."
got that? it's not corruption unless Ahmed al-Sharaa writes a note that says 'if I let you build a tower will you be my friend' and passes it to the world leader at the next desk.
here's why that definition fails:
Donny is a mob boss, and you're never going to catch him in the act, because he doesn't leave a paper trail.
that's how it works. all the dirty work is done with a nod and a wink. here's how Donny's former fixer, Michael Cohen, explained it during House testimony in 2019:
"He doesn't give you questions, he doesn't give you orders," Cohen said. "He speaks in a code, and I understand the code because I've been around him for a decade."
Donny's a two-bit gangster who learned his trade from two experts: his tyrant klansman father, and crooked lawyer Roy Cohn. here's what they taught him:
don't you ever fucking write anything down. that's how you get caught.
and so Donny doesn't write anything down. he doesn't use email, he doesn't text. he doesn't leave a trail for smug NY Times reporters to uncover. all he does is brag about imaginary wins on his janky app.
that's why we're in this shithole mess: we have far too many worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media willing to give a filthy, corrupt mobster a benefit of the doubt that he has never earned.
here's your hero of the day: Rep. Bennie Thompson. here's how he opened his questioning of ICE Barbie yesterday.
"Secretary Noem, I'm glad you found time among your many photo ops and costume changes to testify about why President Trump is seeking more taxpayer dollars and what you plan to do with that money, if you get it."
fuck yeah.
Donny's Sewer Clowns are unserious, unqualified people who have been given way too much power over our lives, and we must never stop mocking them, any way we can.
Wednesday Madness
From Jeff Tiedrich:
Bone Saw Arabia buys big boy preznit his own happy meal
scenes from Donny's Middle East Griftapalooza
it's just so fucking embarrassing to watch Mad King Donny represent America on the world stage. he's monumentally stupid. he's crass and uncouth, and his rancid anus-mouth has no filter — at any moment, he's liable to blurt out random, inappropriate gibberish.
but above all, he's utterly unaware of just how easily manipulated he is. flatter him, hand him a few shiny baubles, and this bottomless pit of neediness becomes putty in your hands — and all We the People can do is cringe as we watch this buffoon being led around by his nose.
Donny was in Saudi Arabia yesterday — and look what the Saudis did for our Big Boy President.
that's right, Bone Saw Arabia built a custom-made rolling McDonalds for Donny — because god forbid this overgrown toddler endure an entire day without jamming a greasy wad of fat down his engorged gullet.
As the Saudis work to impress Trump during his trip to Riyadh this week, they're focusing on even the smallest details—like his fondness for the Golden Arches—by setting up a custom-built mobile McDonald's truck designed to support the presidential visit and the throng of journalists in tow.
how mortifying is it that our president can be bought off for a few burgers?
last time Donny visited Bone Saw Arabia, in 2017, they got him involved in some weird-ass sword dance.
and they let him put his freakishly-undersized fists on a glowing orb.
but this time? here's your happy meal, fuckface. now give us what we want.
oh look, President Pudding Cup continues to prove he isn't up to the rigors of his job.
check out this sleepy baby. he's so plumb tuckered from his journey that he can barely keep his beady little eyes open.
wake up, Donny — Crown Prince Mohammad Bone Saw is talking.
let's gif that shit for posterity's sake.
this dilapidated fuckwit has now slept through cabinet meetings, campaign appearances, Pope Francis' funeral, his own inauguration — and his own criminal trial.
can someone please get Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants a sippy-cup of warm milk, and tuck him into bed?
The 42-year-old Syrian leader has reportedly offered Mr Trump investment opportunities, including a Trump tower in Damascus.
now here's a thing that happened on Tuesday. tell me if you think they might be related.
BREAKING: Trump announced lifting of sanctions on Syria
what's America getting out of this arrangement? nothing, that's what. Donny's touring the Middle East so he can make personal deals to enrich himself, and the American public can go pound sand up their ass.
Donny's in Qatar today, and we all know how they bought him off — with that vulgar airborne bordello.
listen to Donny explain why he needs this plane. it's pure penis envy.Air Force One is just so tiny and flaccid compared to all the other big, manly planes.
"the plane that you're in right now is almost forty years old. and when you land and you see Saudi Arabia and you see UAE and you see Qatar and you see— and they have these brand-new Boeing 747s, mostly. and you see ours next to it. this is like a totally different plane. it's much smaller, much less impressive, as impressive as it is. and, you know, we're the United States of America. I believe that we should have the most impressive plane … now some people say oh, you shouldn't accepts gifts. my attitude is why shouldn't I accept a gift?"
you shouldn't accept a gift because it's fucking wrong, you ignorant asshole. it's specifically forbidden by the Constitution that you imagine somehow doesn't apply to you.
but look at what's eating away at Donny: all these Middle Eastern counties ruled over by despotic kings and princes have bigger planes than we do. oh, boo fucking hoo. cry me a river.
this delusional dipshit just doesn't get it. he's not royalty — no matter how hard he pretends. he's a low-rent slumlord from Queens, New York who failed upwards forever until he finally stumbled ass-backwards into the Oval Office.
somehow he imagines that this entitles him to the world's biggest airplane.
I guarantee that no other democratically-elected leader thinks twice about what they fly around in. it's just not important. Emmanuel Macron doesn't give a shit if his plane isn't the biggest. neither does Mark Carney. neither does the Pope Fucking Leo, for that matter.
but Donny's so broken-inside that he throws a shit-fit if he doesn't get the most ice cream. I wish I were making this up.
It has emerged that the President has two scoops of ice cream with his chocolate cream pie while everyone else at the table has just one.
keep in mind that — once again — the American people are getting nothing out of this. Donny gets to keep the plane, and take it home with him after he leaves office — and that's after hundreds of millions of taxpayer dollars are spent making it secure enough to be used as Air Force One.
Converting a luxury jet gifted by Qatar to President Donald Trump into a replacement for Air Force One could potentially cost hundreds of millions of dollars, and it could take up two years to install the necessary security equipment, communications and defensive capabilities for it to be safely used by the commander in chief.
so the American people actually are getting less than nothing out of this "deal." thanks a fucking lot, Donny.
hey, look who found his voice. look who's speaking out against Dear Leader accepting four-hundred-million-dollars bribes. it's the Esteemed Senator Fidel Cancun — the timid lickspittle whose gonads have been marinating in jar on a Motel-a-Lago shelf since 2016.
even Ted knows that accepting trojan-horse gifts from human-rights-abusing fiefdoms is just plain wrong.
"I'm not a fan of Qatar. I think they have a really disturbing pattern of funding theocratic lunatics who want to murder us, funding Hamas and Hezbollah, and that's a real problem. I also think the plane poses significant espionage and surveillance problems."
he's not wrong.
fuck you, Donny, for making me agree with Ted Fucking Cruz.
Vomiting It All Up, Midweek Edition
Tuesday Madness
From Jeff Tiedrich:
rejoice, America! Dear Leader's gonna lower the price of the 'fat shot drug'
what the fuck is Donny gibbering about?
yesterday at the White House, a bewildered old man in obvious cognitive decline somehow wandered in off the street. the Secret Service must have taken pity on the pathetic old coot, because they did nothing to stop him as he shuffled into the Oval Office and started free-associating into the microphone.
"I'll tell you a story, a friend of mine who's a business…man, very very very top guy, most of you would have heard of him. highly neurotic. brilliant businessman. uh, seriously overweight. and he takes the fat— the fat shot…drug. and he called me up, and he said, uh, president— he calls me president, he used to call me Donald, now he calls me president, so that's nice respect, but he's a rough guy, smart guy. very successful, very rich. I wouldn't even know how he would know this but, 'cause he's got comments, 'uh president, could I ask you a question?' I said what. 'I'm in London and I just paid for this damned fat drug I take.' I said 'it's not working.' he said, he said, 'I just paid eighty-eight dollars and in New York I paid thirteen hundred dollars, what the hell is going on?'"
what the fuck was that?
are you telling me that was the actual president of the United States up there, gibbering like a lunatic?
that was the kind of disjointed tale your demented granddad might fart out at the dinner table, right before falling asleep face down in his mashed potatoes.
what we got is a variation of the classic "sir story," where Donny typically meets up with some fictional blue collar dude who bursts into tears of gratitude upon getting to meet Dear Leader.
now we have a "president story," where Donny is apparently besties with Jabba the Billionaire, some 'very very very top guy' who evidently tips the scales at over a fucking ton.
Jabba's dealing with his weight issues by mainlining what Donny calls 'the fat shot drug.'
Donny's no doubt talking about Ozempic, right? he's reading off prepared notes, so why doesn't he just say that? I guess that Dear Leader is so illiterate that when his eyes got to a word that began with 'ozy,' his brain seized up and his panicked mouth had to hastily improvise 'the fat shot drug.'
nice bit of fat-shaming, too, with 'I said it's not working.'
'bro, you're a fucking whale' is a pile of stones that President Glass House definitely shouldn't be throwing at anyone.
but I digress.
Donny had called that press conference in order to announce his latest and awesomest executive order, one in which he was going to lower the prices of all prescription drugs by at least a skillionty percent, and maybe even more.
nice bit of Sewer Clown Theater, too, with Donny flanked by fake-diet-pill-scammer Dr. Oz, and heath nut Bobby Brainworms Jr, who was just back from taking his grandkids for a healthy swim in a bacteria-infected creek.
how does Donny imagine he's going to accomplish these lower costs? apparently by demanding real hard — because (let's say it one more time) executive orders are not laws.
Executive orders are issued from the executive branch of the government, specifically the U.S. President. An executive order is not a law in the sense that it does not go through the legislative process. It is not binding on everyone, only on employees of the executive branch.
last time I looked, multinational pharmaceutical conglomerates are not part of the US executive branch — so Big Pharma can pretty much tell Donny to piss straight up a rope, and he can't do shit about it.
Donny's insistence that he can lower drug costs through kingly fiat is so nonsensical that even The New York Times had no choice but to commit a journalism and point out that Dear Leader was blowing smoke up an entire nation's ass.
President Trump on Monday signed an executive order asking drugmakers to voluntarily reduce the prices of key medicines in the United States.
But the order cites no obvious legal authority to mandate lower prices.
the order cites no legal authority, because Donny has no legal authority.
let's back up and take a look at the larger context: there shouldn't have been any need for Donny to issue his idiotic order in the first place — because if Donny had just done nothing at all, we would already have lower drug prices.
in August of last year, the Biden administration announced that they were lowering the prices on prescription drugs.
how did Team Biden accomplish this? by negotiating with drug makers.
HHS has reached agreements with all participating manufacturers on new negotiated, lower drug prices for the first 10 drugs selected for the Medicare drug price negotiation program.
cool deal, right? not bad for the guy who got hounded out of the presidential race for being icky and old and probably already dead.
hey, you'll never guess what Mad King Donny did on the VERY FIRST DAY of his second reign: he look one look at those lowered drug prices and said fuck that shit and fuck it hard.
On Monday, Trump signed a sweeping order aimed in part at reversing several Biden administration executive orders on health care, including efforts to lower the cost of prescription drugs for people on Medicare and Medicaid, enhancing the Affordable Care Act and increasing protections for Medicaid enrollees. The so-called initial rescissions order, according to the Trump White House, is aimed at Biden policies that it says are "deeply unpopular" and "radical."
why would Donny deliberately screw over the American public like that? say it with me: because fuck you, that's why.
so now, four months later, Donny's got a cunning plan to bring drug prices back down to where they already would have been if only he had just done nothing.
here's a question: Donny's supposed to be the greatest deal-maker of all time, right? so why didn't he just negotiate with the drug makers, like Sleepy Joe Brandon did?
because kings don't negotiate, duh! they just break shit they don't understand, and then pretend to fix it.
you're welcome, peons.
can someone please develop a 'smart shot drug' and jab it into Dear Leader's ass? please?
here are your heroes of the day: this group of high school students on a field trip to the US Capitol. they had a very important question for GOP Rep. Brian Jack:
"why is Trump so orange?"
and now, through the magic of the internet, we can reveal why.
Vomiting It All Up, Monday Edition
Cheeto Satan
Orange Russian Wig Stand, Felon 45, The Orange Felon…what are some of your favorites?
Monday Morning Madness
From Jeff Tiedrich:
what kind of shithole country allows its president to accept ginormous bribes
Donny's gifted his very own jet — and gets to keep it
remember that beady-eyed clown-college reject, Comer Fudd? remember how he squandered four entire years tying to catch that wascally wabbit, Bugs Biden?
Comer Fudd was so convinced that the so-called "Biden crime family" had taken a five million dollar bribe from China that he wasted everyone's time on one pointless hearing after another — and the only thing he ever found was Hunter Biden's freakishly oversized trouser snake.
where the fuck is James Comer now? has anyone seen him lately? because at this very moment, we've got an actual corrupt president enriching himself off easily-provable bribes from foreign actors — and all we're hearing from Republicans is crickets.
look at this flagrant in-your-face bullshit.
The Trump administration plans to accept a luxury Boeing 747-8 plane as a donation from the Qatari royal family that will be upgraded to serve as Air Force One, which would make it one of the biggest foreign gifts ever received by the U.S. government, several American officials with knowledge of the matter said.
that's right: you get two government-approved dolls and five pencils, and Donny gets his very own private jet worth four hundred million dollars — because fuck you, that's why.
Donny's getting a new Air Force One because he absolutely loathes the current one. he's been whining about it for years. he thinks it's a shithole. why? because there's no tacky gold crappery in sight. it's just some ordinary fucking airplane. how boring, and how unbefitting of the self-styled Pope-Emperor of America.
so here comes the Qatari royal family, and they're all hey Donny. we've got a big Boeing jet, just for you. you'll love it — it's packed to the gills with gaudy golden tat. here, it's yours. out of the goodness of our hearts.
Donny's been pining after this vulgar flying bordello since forever.
It's bigger and newer than Air Force One — and so opulently configured that it's known as "a flying palace." (No report on whether it contains a golden toilet.)
Apparently he's been talking about the plane for months. In February, he toured it while it was parked at Palm Beach International Airport.
here's a fun quiz: when is an Air Force One not actually an Air Force One? give up? it's when all protocols for accepting presidential gifts are ignored.
The Constitution (Article I, Section 9) prohibits anyone in the US Government from receiving a personal gift from a foreign head of state without the consent of Congress.
this garish jet not a gift to America. it's a personal gift to Donny Convict. the short-fingered fuck gets to keep it when his nightmarish time in office finally comes to an end.
The plane would then be donated to President Trump's presidential library when he leaves office, two senior officials said. Such a gift raises the possibility that Mr. Trump would have use of the plane even after his presidency ends.
"donated" is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that paragraph. way to greedwash naked corruption, New York Times.
"Trump's presidential library" — what a laugh. Donny doesn't need a 'presidential library' — the illiterate shitwad doesn't read. what's going to be in Donny's library? a well-thumbed stack of golf scorecards and boxes of pilfered classified documents?
it's embarrassing that the leader of our country is such an easily-bribed child. just wave some gold-painted piece of shit in his face and he comes running.
if you went to any Hollywood studio and pitched a movie about some gold-obsessed halfwit boy-king who went around accepting bribes — and got away with it — they'd throw you out of the office, because who would believe such obvious twaddle?
yet, here we are with Golden Donny, the greedy dumbfuck who's tarted up the Oval worse than some Las Vegas dog's breakfast.
so, what is Qatar getting in return?
any fucking thing it wants — because that's how the game is played in Donnyville. one hand washes the other.
This week Trump takes the first overseas trip of his second presidency. He'll land in Saudi Arabia on Tuesday, followed by a visit to Qatar, and then to the United Arab Emirates (U.A.E).
That's a big boost for Qatar right there.
Trump also just did what Qatar has been wanting done for years — announcing that the Persian Gulf (as it's been known since at least 550 B.C.) will henceforth be known as the Arabian Gulf.
Trump's company has just announced a new golf resort in Qatar, reportedly partnering with a company owned by the royal family.
Qatar is also pushing the Trump regime to lift sanctions on Syria.
just what the world needs, another skeevy golf motel — and since when does Donny get to rename any body of water he wants? who granted him this power?
I don't recall the Supreme Court ruling that Donny is a Very Special Boy who gets to sharpie the shit out of the globe, do you?
so where are all the congressional investigations? imagine that Sleepy Joe Brandon had accepted some $400 million flying abomination. Comer Fudd would have ogasmed on the spot. he would have thought he had died and gone to heaven.
hello, Jimmy? are you there?
where is Attorney General Pam Bondi? oh wait, never mind.
US President-elect Donald Trump's new pick for US attorney general, Pam Bondi, worked as a lobbyist on behalf of the government of Qatar.
In July 2019, Bondi, a partner in the DC office of the powerful lobbying group Ballard Partners, was registered through the firm to influence Capitol Hill on human trafficking issues on behalf of the Gulf state for a fee of $115,000 per month.
but Uncle Jeff, I hear you asking, what if I want to bribe Dear Leader, but I'm not a member of a royal family with spare jets lying around?
no problem, pal — just "invest" in one of Donny's crypto scams. all the cool countries are doing it.
are you in private industry? no worries, ace — Donny's happy to take your money, too.
An international trucking logistics firm is buying as much as $20 million worth of President Donald Trump's crypto coins to influence the administration's trade policy — the precise sort of corruption that experts warned Trump was encouraging when he unveiled his venture.
Freight Technologies Inc. CEO Javier Selgas said in a Wednesday news release that buying Trump coin would be "an effective way to advocate for fair, balanced and free trade between Mexico and the U.S."
it doesn't even matter if the price of the crypto goes up or down — Donny's raking in billions just on transaction fees alone.
hey, here's a fun story that I'm including here for no particular reason.
In 1946, a group of Russian children from the Vladimir Lenin All-Union Pioneer Organisation (sort of a Soviet scouting group) presented a carved wooden replica of the Great Seal of the United States to Averell Harriman, the U.S. Ambassador to the Soviet Union.
The gift, a gesture of friendship to the USSR's World War II ally, was hung in the ambassador's official residence at Spaso House in Moscow. It stayed there on a wall in the study for seven years until, through accident and a ruse, the State Department discovered that the seal was more than a mere decoration.
It was a bug.
oh. huh.
so, how many hidden microphones are Qatari agents installing on that flying monstrosity even as I type this?
on the other hand, who needs hidden microphones, when Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand will happily add you to his Signal chat group? just hit him up, bro.
Vomiting It All Up, Sunday Edition
ICE=Gestapo
This is appalling.
Bet also in a LOT of the videos I'm seeing the heavily armed fatigue wearing "agents" look a lot more likely Proud Boys & Magamilitia & NOT trained feds or cops.
This is EXACTLY what was said would happen when he released the Jan6ers.