Category: FUCK TRUMP

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FUCK This Bullshit

From Hopes & Fears:

The next time a Republikkkan says that we can’t have restrictive gun laws or red flag laws because “the 2nd ammendment”, remind them that their president sent the national guard into the streets of DC in order to quell anti Trump protests, to flex his fascist power and as training to make this same move in other Blue cities

Because if it was really about the 2nd amendment those folks who claim that their reason to stockpile guns and ammo is that they need to be prepared as a “well regulated Militia” being “necessary to the security of a free State”.

This was your sign

This was what you said you were waiting for

But you lied

You were only waiting for someone to say they were coming to take your guns

Dems should take this as a sign that should they ever get back in power, to disregard the 2nd amendment arguments and go ahead with all gun control measures because all these people are full of shit

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Sunday Madness From Jeff Tiedrich

hey, remember back on the very first day of Donny’s second reign, when he rung up Vlad Putin and was all ‘listen, you Russkie fuckwazoo, you better cut this Ukraine shit out right now’ — and just like that, the war was over?

yeah well, nobody else remembers that, either.

what we do remember is that months went by, and eventually, a few word-adjacent noises seeped out of Donny’s rancid anus mouth about how ‘well, I’m very disappointed that my bestie Vladdy won’t do a ceasefire’ — to which Vladdy grabbed his own crotch and was all ‘hey fuck-o, I’ve got your ceasefire right here.’

get ready for Donny’s latest clumsy-ass attempt to do a diplomacy: he’s invited Putin to Alaska this coming Friday for a despot snugglebunny playdate, ostensibly to (look, stop rolling your eyes) negotiate a ceasefire in Ukraine.

it’s a move that’s clownfuckingly wrong on so many levels.

topmost: do you know why Donny and Vladdy picked Alaska as the location for their playdate? really, anywhere in Europe would make more logistic sense. look at how close those countries are to Moscow — but Putin’s going to go the long way across the globe and travel thousands of miles to meet Donny in Alaska.

so, why there? no, it’s not so Putin can, at long last, finally see Sarah Palin’s house.

the reason for Alaska is that Putin has been declared a war criminal by the International Criminal Court in The Hague, and there’s a warrant out for his arrest. America’s great frozen north is one of the few places on the planet where Putin can go without ending up in handcuffs.

here’s the thing about the ICC: they don’t have a police force. through a treaty known as the Rome Statute, 125 countries have agreed to use their own law enforcement to make arrests and provide transportation to The Hague.

now, see if you can guess the names of two countries that haven’t signed onto that agreement. that’s right: the good old US of A, and Russia.

Donny’s coddling a war criminal, and providing him with a safe haven.instead of arresting Putin, he will welcome him with open arms onto American soil.

once again, America’s Mad King is an international embarrassment. our actual allies can only look on in horror.

by the way, you know who used to work at ICC, don’t you? this guy.

Jack Smith, a.k.a. The Man Who Convicts War Criminals In The Hague. Donny fucking hates this guy, for some weird reason.

the Mad King just keeps making these tone-deaf foreign policy moves, because he truly doesn’t understand how terrible all this shit looks to the rest of the world.

remember during his first reign, when he actually invited the Taliban to Camp David for a Fourth of July sleepover? when John Bolton told Donny that it was the stupidest fucking idea he’d ever heard in his life, Donny fired him via a tweet — and then canceled the cookout. good times. just another day in the incoherent life of America’s Mad King.

speaking of John Bolton, let’s hear what he has to say about Donny and Vladdy’s despot playdate.

“this is not quite as bad as Trump inviting the Taliban to Camp David to talk about the peace negotiations in Afghanistan, but it certainly reminds one of that. the only better place for Putin than Alaska would be if the summit were being held in Moscow. so the initial setup, I think, is a great victory for Putin. I have a feeling this is sliding very quickly in Russia’s direction. we’re not quite back at February the 28th in the oval office, when Trump told Zelenskyy, you don’t have any cards. but what’s happening is that Russia and the United States are discussing what terms they’re going to present to Zelenskyy. and it may well be that, Zelenskyy has no choice I have to say, from the strategic perspective, from the U.S. interest perspective, this was not good.”

look, John Bolton is a blood-spattered warhawk who assured us that Saddam Hussein was hiding WMDs in Iraq. he’s not our friend — but when he’s right, he’s right.

Donny’s getting played by a war criminal who’s a thousand times smarter than he is — and Donny’s too fucking dumb to realize that he’s conferred legitimacy onto a pariah who’s been shunned by the rest of the world.

Bolton’s right, this is a huge victory for Putin — because look at what Donny and Vladdy are cooking up.

over to you, Heather Cox Richardson.

U.S. and Russian officials are planning this summit to hammer out an agreement that will force Ukraine to cede to Russia its land currently occupied by Russian troops, as well as Crimea. This deal would hand Ukraine’s eastern industrial territory to Russia and bless the principle that one country can seize territory from another through force. Observers note that once this principle is established, as Putin wishes, there will be nothing stopping him from invading Ukraine again as soon as his war-weary country recovers its strength.

this fucktastic load of bullshit again. Donny and Putin are going to come up with a plan that’s identical to all the other plans they’ve come up with:Putin gets to go ‘all this is mine now’ and Ukraine will be cordially invited to go fuck itself. they’re going to take this plan to Zelenskyy and go ‘here’s your shit sandwich, Volodymyr, you’re welcome.’

when he heard this news, Zelenskyy was all yeah, fuck no.

“We will not allow this second attempt to partition Ukraine. Knowing Russia – where there is a second, there will be a third.”

what is the fucking point of Donny and Vlad hammering out an ‘agreement’ that’s identical to the previous failed agreements, when it’s a non-starter?

Donny’s allowing himself to get pantsed by Putin, just like he got pantsed in Helsinki in 2018.

There was surprise — even shock — when the president of the United States stood onstage alongside Russian President Vladimir Putin and accepted the former KGB officer’s denials regarding that interference [in the 2016 election].

Trump was asked directly which one he believed: his own intelligence community or Putin. In so many words, Trump gave the answer: Putin.

Sen. John McCain, the Arizona Republican, called it “one of the most disgraceful performances by an American president in memory.”

no shit, John.

oh, and fuck Lindsey Graham.

To those who criticize President Trump for being willing to meet with Putin to end the bloodbath in Ukraine – remember Reagan met with Gorbachev to try to end the Cold War.”

unctuous much, you ginormous kiss-ass?

“I’m confident President Trump will walk away – like Reagan – if Putin insists on a bad deal.”

oh fuck straight off with this nonsense, Lindsey. Dear Leader wouldn’t recognize a bad deal if it came to life, leapt off the page, introduced itself as Mister Bad Deal and said ‘I’m a bad deal.’ Donny is the low-wattage dumb-ass who, after his fourth casino went bankrupt, decided it would be awesome to open a fifth.

Donny’s getting played. I hope he enjoys his pantsing.

here’s how a real president deals with Putin.

now let’s talk about something good. let’s reacquaint ourselves with an old friend: Judge Tanya Chutkan.

A lawsuit demanding secret government records tied to Jeffrey Epstein has landed in the courtroom of a judge Donald Trump can’t stand.

U.S. District Judge Tanya Chutkan — the same judge who handled Trump’s federal election interference case — is now in charge of a new lawsuit filed by the Democracy Forward Foundation (DFF), according to New Republic. The group is trying to force the Department of Justice and FBI to hand over any communications about Epstein involving Trump officials, any contact between Trump and Epstein, and the infamous Epstein client list that former Florida Attorney General Pam Bondi once said was on her desk.

how fucking sweet is that? Judge Chutkan, who has absolutely no tolerance for any of Donny’s bullshit, gets to decide if the We the People get to see Epstein Files.

for expert analysis, let’s hand things off to Nelson Muntz.

and now, here are your heroes of the day: the good people of the Cotswolds, England.

JD Vance, the doughiest pantload ever to be Vice President, is currently enjoying the seventh vacation he’s taken in the six months he’s been in office.

hat’s right: you get two government-issued dolls and five pencils, but Couchfuck McGee gets seven vacations.

here’s how the fine citizens of the Cotswolds welcomed JD.

have a great Sunday, everyone.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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One Simple Question

I can’t help but think that if this were any other country in the world he would’ve been pulled out of his palace and strung up to swing in the wind…

Just sayin.

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Friday Fuckery As Told By Jeff Tiedrich

you knew this was coming.

after Mad King Donny shitcanned the Commissioner of Labor Statistics for committing the treasonous crime of understanding how numbers work, it was only a matter of time before he announced that he had the actual job numbers — and they were great numbers. numbers like no one’s ever seen. maybe greatest numbers of all time.

yesterday was that day.

the Mad King excitedly dragged reporters into that vulgar bordello that used to be the Oval Office, held up a chart, and went see? see?

see what, exactly? Donny never explains.

this one chart really says it better than anything, if you look at this. this is great. but this chart is pretty amazing. right here. all new numbers.”

excuse me, Mr. President, but I have a question: what the fuck are you talking about?

seriously, does anyone have any idea what that chart is supposed to represent? we don’t know. the lettering is too tiny to read, and Donny never tells us. are those the number of times Donny’s mentioned in the Epstein Files?

what does the line in that chart signify? no one has the slightest clue. all we see is that it’s going up. up to where? to eleven?

break out the champagne, our roaring economy has finally gone all the way up to eleven.

are you wondering where that chart came from?

I hope you’re sitting down, because you’re going to be shocked when you learn that the numbers in that chart were ginned up, just to mollify the thinnest-skinned imbecile ever to load a diaper in the Oval Office.

Donny needed a compliant yes-man willing to fake some fairy-tale data, and oh boy, did he ever find one.

During an impromptu news conference, the president displayed charts from Stephen Moore, an economist at the conservative Heritage Foundation, that he said proved his economy was better than that of his predecessor, President Joseph R. Biden Jr.

oh look, it’s Stephen Moore, God’s Gift to Gibberish.

that’s just fucking great. Moore is one of these supply-side goons. he’s spent the last thirty years beating the drums for zero taxes for billionaires and the end of regulations. tell me, how has that economic hokus-pokus worked out for the rest of us?

seriously, though: Moore was purposely making happy-time charts for an Audience of One.

It just so happened that the Heritage Foundation economist had been crunching some census data, and he began assembling the figures into graphs that he knew would please the president.

“I showed him about five or six of these charts, and he was excited about the good news,” Mr. Moore said in an interview. “So he said let’s have an impromptu press conference.”

so that’s how we got the performative nonsense that played out in the Oval Office yesterday. some Heritage Foundation goofus went running to Donny to placate him with some made-up data, and Donny — who in no way understood what he was looking at — decided that the White House press pool had to get involved.

get in here, everyone — come see the line that goes all the way up.

Moore pretty much admitted that these ‘amazing’ new numbers were pulled straight from his ass.

Mr. Moore said his numbers were based on unpublished data from the Census Bureau, which means they are difficult to verify independently.

now let’s go live to the Heritage Foundation, where economists are busy crunching that ahem unpublished data.

tell me, is it a bad thing when a so-called quote-unquote economics expert doesn’t know the difference between ‘median’ and ‘medium’?

I really need to know, because here’s one of the charts that Donny and Supply Side Steve showed off to reporters.

let’s zoom in.

holy shit, it says ‘medium income,’ which is definitely not a thing — unless I’m unaware of the existence of ‘rare income’ and ‘well-done income.’

you can’t even google ‘medium income.’ when I tried, google assumed I had meant to type median, and displayed results for that.

how does an alleged economist not know this? this is who Donny has spoon-feeding imaginary good-news numbers to him. does it even matter that the charts make no sense? not at all, when the only goal is to please Dear Leader.

this is all so fucking embarrassing.

America is now an international laughingstock, because our president is such an unmanageable child that he has to be shielded from bad news.

you know who else had to be shielded from bad news because everyone was terrified of making him mad, don’t you? of course you do.

did you know that during the Donny’s first reign, there was a guy in the White House they called the Music Man? I shit you not.

According to a new book by former White House press secretary Stephanie Grisham, the “music man” was the only person who could manage Trump’s “terrifying” temper, playing hit songs from musicals to help calm him down.

This included the maudlin Cats ballad “Memory,” which finds an old, unloved feline pining for the days when she was young, beautiful, and adored.

this is our president: a colicky toddler who needs show tunes to keep him from stroking out. we really are living in the shittiest possible timeline.

but the current White House staff has one-upped the old one. they don’t need any Music Man to play syrupy show tunes, not this time around. the new plan is to coddle Dear Leader inside a impenetrable bubble of ignorance, by taking whatever steps are necessary to ensure that he never encounters a single piece of unpleasant news. if that includes ginning up nonsensical charts about how “medium income” is through the fucking roof, so be it.

and if keeping Donny happy includes letting him steal whatever he can get his greasy hands on, well, so be that, too. in that video clip at the top of this post, did you notice what Donny now proudly displays behind his desk?

oh look, it’s the Club World Cup Trophy that Preznit Grabbyhands stole. you remember that story: the head of FIFA brought the trophy to the White House to show it off, and Donny was all that’s mine now. the team that actually won that trophy had to make do with a cheap replica — because nobody wanted to make the Mad King madder.

we also had to allow Donny to steal the Declaration of Independence and hog it all for himself. there it is, on the wall behind that farcical ‘medium income’ chart.

have you noticed that every day, there’s more and more of that cheap gold-plated tat glued to every square inch of the Oval Office? look what he’s done to the fucking door.

hey Donny, I just got off the phone with the ghost of Liberace. he says to tone it the fuck down, you cheap hoodlum.

speaking of gaudy, here’s the most-recent photo of that abomination that they’re still calling the Rose Garden. the cement slab has now been festooned with patio tables.

why? who is supposed to be sitting in them?

but hang on, there’s something familiar about those umbrellas. they look pretty golf-motelly to me. wouldn’t you agree? wait a minute, I know where I’ve seen those umbrellas before. they’re exactly the same as the ones on the patio of Motel-a-Lago!

oh my god. fake charts, cheap golden tat, stolen treasures, and now a Rose Garden that’s a dime-store knockoff of his own dime-store golf motel.

he’s such a pathetic fucking child.

try not to laugh — or cry — at how embarrassing this all is. you don’t want to make the Mad King mad.

this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.