Vomiting It All Up, Monday Edition
Cheeto Satan
Orange Russian Wig Stand, Felon 45, The Orange Felon…what are some of your favorites?
Monday Morning Madness
From Jeff Tiedrich:
what kind of shithole country allows its president to accept ginormous bribes
Donny’s gifted his very own jet — and gets to keep it
remember that beady-eyed clown-college reject, Comer Fudd? remember how he squandered four entire years tying to catch that wascally wabbit, Bugs Biden?
Comer Fudd was so convinced that the so-called “Biden crime family” had taken a five million dollar bribe from China that he wasted everyone’s time on one pointless hearing after another — and the only thing he ever found was Hunter Biden’s freakishly oversized trouser snake.
where the fuck is James Comer now? has anyone seen him lately? because at this very moment, we’ve got an actual corrupt president enriching himself off easily-provable bribes from foreign actors — and all we’re hearing from Republicans is crickets.
look at this flagrant in-your-face bullshit.
The Trump administration plans to accept a luxury Boeing 747-8 plane as a donation from the Qatari royal family that will be upgraded to serve as Air Force One, which would make it one of the biggest foreign gifts ever received by the U.S. government, several American officials with knowledge of the matter said.
that’s right: you get two government-approved dolls and five pencils, and Donny gets his very own private jet worth four hundred million dollars — because fuck you, that’s why.
Donny’s getting a new Air Force One because he absolutely loathes the current one. he’s been whining about it for years. he thinks it’s a shithole. why? because there’s no tacky gold crappery in sight. it’s just some ordinary fucking airplane. how boring, and how unbefitting of the self-styled Pope-Emperor of America.
so here comes the Qatari royal family, and they’re all hey Donny. we’ve got a big Boeing jet, just for you. you’ll love it — it’s packed to the gills with gaudy golden tat. here, it’s yours. out of the goodness of our hearts.
Donny’s been pining after this vulgar flying bordello since forever.
It’s bigger and newer than Air Force One — and so opulently configured that it’s known as “a flying palace.” (No report on whether it contains a golden toilet.)
Apparently he’s been talking about the plane for months. In February, he toured it while it was parked at Palm Beach International Airport.
here’s a fun quiz: when is an Air Force One not actually an Air Force One? give up? it’s when all protocols for accepting presidential gifts are ignored.
The Constitution (Article I, Section 9) prohibits anyone in the US Government from receiving a personal gift from a foreign head of state without the consent of Congress.
this garish jet not a gift to America. it’s a personal gift to Donny Convict. the short-fingered fuck gets to keep it when his nightmarish time in office finally comes to an end.
The plane would then be donated to President Trump’s presidential library when he leaves office, two senior officials said. Such a gift raises the possibility that Mr. Trump would have use of the plane even after his presidency ends.
“donated” is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that paragraph. way to greedwash naked corruption, New York Times.
“Trump’s presidential library” — what a laugh. Donny doesn’t need a ‘presidential library’ — the illiterate shitwad doesn’t read. what’s going to be in Donny’s library? a well-thumbed stack of golf scorecards and boxes of pilfered classified documents?
it’s embarrassing that the leader of our country is such an easily-bribed child. just wave some gold-painted piece of shit in his face and he comes running.
if you went to any Hollywood studio and pitched a movie about some gold-obsessed halfwit boy-king who went around accepting bribes — and got away with it — they’d throw you out of the office, because who would believe such obvious twaddle?
yet, here we are with Golden Donny, the greedy dumbfuck who’s tarted up the Oval worse than some Las Vegas dog’s breakfast.
so, what is Qatar getting in return?
any fucking thing it wants — because that’s how the game is played in Donnyville. one hand washes the other.
This week Trump takes the first overseas trip of his second presidency. He’ll land in Saudi Arabia on Tuesday, followed by a visit to Qatar, and then to the United Arab Emirates (U.A.E).
That’s a big boost for Qatar right there.
Trump also just did what Qatar has been wanting done for years — announcing that the Persian Gulf (as it’s been known since at least 550 B.C.) will henceforth be known as the Arabian Gulf.
Trump’s company has just announced a new golf resort in Qatar, reportedly partnering with a company owned by the royal family.
Qatar is also pushing the Trump regime to lift sanctions on Syria.
just what the world needs, another skeevy golf motel — and since when does Donny get to rename any body of water he wants? who granted him this power?
I don’t recall the Supreme Court ruling that Donny is a Very Special Boy who gets to sharpie the shit out of the globe, do you?
so where are all the congressional investigations? imagine that Sleepy Joe Brandon had accepted some $400 million flying abomination. Comer Fudd would have ogasmed on the spot. he would have thought he had died and gone to heaven.
hello, Jimmy? are you there?
where is Attorney General Pam Bondi? oh wait, never mind.
US President-elect Donald Trump’s new pick for US attorney general, Pam Bondi, worked as a lobbyist on behalf of the government of Qatar.
In July 2019, Bondi, a partner in the DC office of the powerful lobbying group Ballard Partners, was registered through the firm to influence Capitol Hill on human trafficking issues on behalf of the Gulf state for a fee of $115,000 per month.
but Uncle Jeff, I hear you asking, what if I want to bribe Dear Leader, but I’m not a member of a royal family with spare jets lying around?
no problem, pal — just “invest” in one of Donny’s crypto scams. all the cool countries are doing it.
are you in private industry? no worries, ace — Donny’s happy to take your money, too.
An international trucking logistics firm is buying as much as $20 million worth of President Donald Trump’s crypto coins to influence the administration’s trade policy — the precise sort of corruption that experts warned Trump was encouraging when he unveiled his venture.
Freight Technologies Inc. CEO Javier Selgas said in a Wednesday news release that buying Trump coin would be “an effective way to advocate for fair, balanced and free trade between Mexico and the U.S.”
it doesn’t even matter if the price of the crypto goes up or down — Donny’s raking in billions just on transaction fees alone.
hey, here’s a fun story that I’m including here for no particular reason.
In 1946, a group of Russian children from the Vladimir Lenin All-Union Pioneer Organisation (sort of a Soviet scouting group) presented a carved wooden replica of the Great Seal of the United States to Averell Harriman, the U.S. Ambassador to the Soviet Union.
The gift, a gesture of friendship to the USSR’s World War II ally, was hung in the ambassador’s official residence at Spaso House in Moscow. It stayed there on a wall in the study for seven years until, through accident and a ruse, the State Department discovered that the seal was more than a mere decoration.
It was a bug.
oh. huh.
so, how many hidden microphones are Qatari agents installing on that flying monstrosity even as I type this?
on the other hand, who needs hidden microphones, when Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand will happily add you to his Signal chat group? just hit him up, bro.
Vomiting It All Up, Sunday Edition
ICE=Gestapo
This is appalling.
Bet also in a LOT of the videos I’m seeing the heavily armed fatigue wearing “agents” look a lot more likely Proud Boys & Magamilitia & NOT trained feds or cops.
This is EXACTLY what was said would happen when he released the Jan6ers.
The YouTube Tarot Readers Are Predicting No Later Than Thanksgiving
…but they were ever so wrong about Kamala Harris sweeping the election, so take it with a grain 50 gallon drum of salt.
In any case, he can still do a hell of a lot of damage between now and then if Congress and the courts continue to fail to do their jobs.
Or Die. That Works Too.
Vomiting It All Up, Friday Edition
Vomiting It All Up, Midweek Edition
Fuck DOGE
Vomiting It All Up, Tuesday Edition
Fuck Trump
I also believe—because he is a sociopathic narcissist—that he does this shit simply to remain in the news cycle and keep people talking about him 24/7.
Fuckwit Preznit Has No Idea If He’s Supposed To Uphold The Constitution
From Jeff Tiedrich:
scenes from a crazypants interview
imagine a United States president so callous that he tells America’s struggling small businesses to piss straight up a rope. imagine a president so out of touch that he tells Americans they’re greedy shitwads for wanting things.
now imagine a president so fucking ignorant that he has no clue if he’s supposed to uphold the Constitution or not.
actually, you don’t have to imagine any of that shit — because yesterday, Donny Convict sat down with NBC News’ Kristen Welker and actually blithered all those things.
here’s a fun passage from the Oath of Office that every incoming president swears to uphold. keep it in your mind, because there’s going to be a quiz later on.
“I do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the Office of President of the United States, and will to the best of my ability, preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”
got that? okay, here we go. now tell me if you think this is the most totally unhinged thing you’ve ever heard a president say.
Kristen Welker: “your secretary of state says everyone who’s here, citizens and non-citizens, deserve due process. do you agree?”
Donny: “I don’t know. I’m not a lawyer. I don’t know.”
Welker: “don’t you need to uphold the Constitution as president?”
Donny: “I don’t know.”
oh. my. god. — he. doesn’t. know.
folks, what did we just read in the Oath of Office, the one that Donny has now mumbled his way through twice?
SPOILER ALERT: YES YOUR LITERAL FUCKING JOB IS TO UPHOLD THE CONSTITUTION, IT’S RIGHT THERE IN THE OATH OF OFFICE YOU’VE TAKEN TWICE NOW. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU. IT’S LIKE TALKING TO A FUCKING WALL.
now here’s me, typing out that not-tweet.
magine if Joe Biden had said he “didn’t know” if he was supposed to uphold the Constitution. the entire Wingnut Outrage-Industrial Complex would have begun howling in unison about how Sleepy Joe had finally lost all his marbles and was unfit for office. MAGA would have rioted in the streets. Hannity would have shit hot roofing nails on live TV.
but Dear Leader professes blissful ignorance about his primary duty as president, and all we hear from Republicans is deafening sounds of crickets.
because it’s a cult.
now here’s the guy who shits into a golden toilet, taking you to task for wanting too many things.
Welker: “you were at your cabinet meeting, and you said — I’m going to quote you — ‘maybe the children will have two dolls instead of thirty dolls. and maybe the two dolls will cost a couple of bucks more than they would normally.’ are you saying that your tariffs will cause some prices to go up?”
Donny: “no, I think tariffs are going to be great for us, because it’s gonna make us rich.”
Welker: “but you said some dolls are going to cost more, isn’t that an acknowledgement that some prices will go up?”
Donny: “I don’t think a beautiful baby girl that’s eleven years old needs to have 30 dolls. I think they can have three dolls or four dolls … they don’t need to have 250 pencils. they can have five.”
ok, so the “beautiful baby girls” only get three or four dolls now — but what about the baby girls who aren’t beautiful? can we let the heinous ones grab a few extra dolls, as, y’know, sort of a consolation prize?
three or four dolls, and five pencils. in just four months we’ve gone from the world’s greatest economy to forced rationing, with Dear Leader making kingly pronouncements as to who deserves how much of what.
hey, how many shithole golf motels does each American get to own? because I’m thinking more than one is too many.
let’s take a wander down memory lane.
in 1977, a sweater-clad Jimmy Carter went on TV, and asked Americans to turn their thermostats down a couple of degrees — and the entire country lost its mind.
how dare this fuckface peanut farmer tell us that we can’t have everything? it’s our God-given right as Amurricans to consume as much as we want.
right now, there are MAGA morons who have rigged their trucks to belch out as much soot and thick grey exhaust fumes as possible. they call it “rolling coal.” why do they do this? because fuck you, that’s why. nobody tells MAGA to conserve.
but mark my words: at the next family cookout, your drunk uncle — the one whose TV is permanently tuned to Fox News — is going to corner you, and tell you that your kid has too many pencils.
because it’s a fucking cult.
meanwhile, while you’re making do with your government-approved two dolls and five pencils, Donny’s planning to take forty-five million dollars and flush it straight down the shitter.
he’s spending it on a gaudy emotional support parade for his birthday — just like the kind they have in North Korea.
because America is now a third-world autocracy led by a fragile pit of need.
hey, instead of a parade, how about this draft-dodging coward lay wreaths on the graves of the five soldiers who took his place in Vietnam, and maybe mutter a few words of thanks to the quack doctor who ginned up that bullshit note about imaginary bone spurs that allowed Donny to get those five deferments. it’d be a lot cheaper, and we’ll even let him do a fucked-up graveside thumbs up.
Donny has a message for America’s small businesses, and that message is go fuck yourselves.
Welker: “are you considering tariff relief for small businesses?”
Donny: “why do you always mention that, you know — you pick up couple of little businesses. what about the car business? they’re going to make a fortune.”
yeah, commie. what about the giant corporations? what about the plutocrats?
I guarantee that right now, some MAGA dipshit with a persistent cough is driving a crappy car on crumbling roads past abandoned storefronts to a low-paying job and pumping his fist and going “hell yeah!” as he listens to some dime-store Rush Limbaugh knockoff explain that billionaires have been getting a raw deal in America, and Dear Leader is going to fix that.
because — say it with me — it’s a fucking cult.
I’m so old, I remember a woman who campaigned on the promise to help Americans start their own small businesses.
whatever happened to her? all I can recall is that she had a funny laugh and couldn’t prove she worked at McDonald’s, so I guess America was right to kick her to the curb.
the stupid. it just fucking burns.
Welker: “when does it become the Trump economy?”
Donny: “it partially is right now, and I really mean this. I think the good parts are the Trump economy and the bad parts are the Biden economy.”
I don’t know how Kristen Welker kept herself from blurting ‘what the fuck is wrong with you,’ throwing her notes to the floor, and walking out.
and finally, last night, aboard Fuckface Force One, on his way back from Motel-a-Lago, Donny held a press gaggle.
“all costs are down. everything is down, other than the uh thing you carry the babies around in.”
that thing you carry the babies around in — you know. that thing. what the fuck is it called? a shover? a pushinator?
could someone please get Sundowning Grandpa Befuddlepants a pudding cup, and help him to bed?
oh yeah, this fucking country is in great hands.
The Fever Will Break
No Additional Comment Necessary
…except to say, I’m still with her.
Narcissistic Psychosis
I wouldn’t put it past him…
Vomiting It All Up, Friday Edition
Don’t worry…there’ll be more, I’m sure.
Doing My Part
Vomiting It All Up, Wednesday Edition
He. Does. Not. Care.
Mark Your Calendars
Vomiting It All Up…And It’s Only Monday 😫
Trump: ‘I run the country and the world’
President Trump shared his thoughts on how his two terms as president have differed, saying in a new interview with The Atlantic that this time around he’s leading “the country and the world.”
“The first time, I had two things to do — run the country and survive; I had all these crooked guys,” Trump said in the interview published Monday. “And the second time, I run the country and the world.”
Quote Of The Day
I keep thinking of Donald Trump seething with jealousy over the rapturous reception Zelensky received at Pope Francis’s funeral, the one Donald did not get, and I smile.” ~ Mrs. Betty Bowers
shh! don’t wake the elderly golfer. funerals make him sleepy.
From Jeff Tiedrich:
way to represent America, dumb-ass
think back to those super-fun days of last summer, when Donny Not-Yet-A-Convict was on trial for having cooked the books to make hush-money payments to a porn star look like legit campaign expenses.
remember what would happen every morning? Donny would take his seat at the defendant’s table. he’d glower at the press, then immediately close his weary eyes and begin snoring, as he filled the courtroom with the pungent aroma of narcoleptic farts.
well, guess what: Sleepy Don is back, baby.
there’s a book I’d like to recommend to Donny. it’s called The Art Of How About Not Falling Asleep At A Funeral, You Stupid Fuck — because Sundowning Grandpa Fascistpants gone and done it again. right in the middle of Pope Francis’ funeral, the deteriorating dumbshit once again closed his peepers and started sawing logs.
who does that?
spoiler alert: nobody. no one else among the assembled mourners felt the need to drift off to beddy-bye land and let rip some aromatic ass-music.
not even Joe Biden — the guy everyone said was too old to president.
let’s compare and contrast the dude America kicked to the curb with the one they elected to replace him.
oh good fucking lord. try not to drool on yourself, grandpa.
hey Donny — remember how you never shut the fuck up about Sleepy Joe this and Sleepy Joe that? well, who’s the sleepy one now, you barely-conscious old coot?
hey, did you notice anything else about Donny?
that’s right, in a sea of somber black and dark grey — the dress code dictated by the Vatican, by the way — Donny’s decked himself out in one of his hideous blue suits.
oh look, The New York Times is still failing us.
President Trump, it seems, is fully committed to going his own way when it comes to international relations — even during the funeral of a pope.
nice framing, New York Times. they want their readers to know that Donny isn’t dressed like a sore thumb because he’s a belligerent asshole who does whatever the fuck he wants. oh, no, Donny’s a rugged individualist. a rebel outlaw. President Hombre doesn’t play by your rules, squares. he’s “fully committed to going his own way.”
did Donny falling asleep get a mention in the press? I haven’t seen one yet.
imagine if President Biden had fallen asleep while representing America at a state funeral. the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled media would have had a fucking field day, and turned it into a weeks-long scandal.
but Donny, open-mouthed and snoring up a storm? crickets.
hey, let’s watch Emmanuel Macron take Donny on a one-way trip to snub city.
check out the warm handshake Macron gives Zelenskyy. it’s not a perfunctory ‘good to see you again’ shake. it’s a hearty, extended ‘we’re brothers’ handshake.
now here comes Donny for his handshake — and he doesn’t get one. Macron ignores Donny’s outstretched hand — because fuck you, that’s why.
let’s gif that shit for posterity.
sorry, Donny. no one respects the rodeo clown.
Macron was surely tired of that asinine Battle of the Alpha Bros handshake that Donny tries to pull on him every time they meet. you know the one: if you go to shake Donny’s hand, he’s going grab yours and roughly jerk it towards him, in an attempt to get you to stumble and fall. it’s a childish I’m the dominant dog thing.
Donny got away with that shit during his first term, but now everyone knows it’s coming, and prepares for it — and no one more so than Macron. now, every time they meet, Macron grabs Donny’s hand and does not let go.
no one’s putting up with that shit any more, Donny. everyone’s hip to your infantile dumb-assery. it’s a wise old saying: ‘fool me once, shame on me, and also, you’re a tiresome asshole. stop playing silly dominance games, you broken-inside child.’
good going, Donny — you’ve turned yourself — and America — into an international pariah.
(yes, I know — Donny and Manny eventually shook hands later that day, during a ceremony called the Sign of Peace, where everybody shakes the hand of the person next to them. Macron couldn’t opt out of that one.)
let’s talk a walk down memory lane, and revisit a few of Sleepy Don’s greatest hits.
there were the aforementioned impromptu courtroom slumber parties.
fun fact: uncontrollable day-sleeping is a common sign of dementia.
Dr. John Gartner, who spent 28 years as a professor of psychiatry at Johns Hopkins University Medical School, has an explanation:
“To uncontrollably fall asleep during the day is something that’s very common among patients with dementia.”
A defendant falling asleep in court is “literally so uncommon, it’s basically unheard of.” Gartner said he’s spoken with several lawyer friends who each told him that they’ve never seen a defendant falling asleep in court during their entire careers.
here’s Donny last October — three weeks before the election — at a campaign roundtable event in Michigan.
Donny’s handlers had a ready-made excuse for this one: he’s “exhausted.”
here’s what I wrote about it at the time:
that’s so sad. but also it’s a stunning admission from Team Trump, less than three weeks from the election. sorry, our guy is pooped. can you imagine the media feeding frenzy that would result if Kamala bailed on an interview, and then her people explained it was because she had to go nappy-nap?
hey, can someone get grandpa here a bowl of applesauce and then take him to bed? the poor old guy is plumb tuckered out. he just can’t hack the rigors of campaigning any more. I mean, look at this dilapidated old dipshit.
my god. why is Team Trump torturing this tired old duffer? at this point, putting Donny on a stage night after night is elder abuse. what he needs is a mug of Ovaltine and his favorite blankie, not a microphone and a podium.
Donny wasn’t up to the rigors of campaigning last October, and he’s not up to the rigors of being president right now.
I don’t even know where this one is from, but my god — Donny’s Slovenian trophy wife sure hates his fucking guts.
finally, can I just confess how completely jealous I am of Molly Ploofkins, because she thought of this quip, and I didn’t?
Oh, SNAP!
