Thursday Tiedrich
yesterday was the first day of the Republican shutdown of our government, and Republicans spent it doing what they always do: swanning about like utter fucking shitheads, and shitheading up a storm.
let us document some of the atrocities.
remember how Donny stood up in front of eight hundred admirals and generals at Piss-Drunk Pete’s Big Hunkin’ WarriorFest and told them all that they should be using America’s cities for ‘military training’?
what an awesome idea. sure, instead of boring old basic training, let’s tell our soldiers, ‘hey, you want to know how to shoot a gun and go to war and stuff? okay, go practice on Americans first.’
of course you remember. it was one of the evilest things ever to spew out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth. it’s unforgettable.
oh no wait, there’s one guy who’s apparently in the dark. I guess he wandered away from the TV right at that moment.
I’m talking of course about Holy Mike Johnson, the limpest dick in Congress. he has no fucking clue what everyone’s so riled up about.
George Stephanopoulos: “Trump said yesterday that he wants American cities to be used as ‘training grounds’ for the military. is that the highest and best use of the military?”
Holy Mike: “I run the House. and what we need to be talking about today is real harm that the American people are going to feel because of what Schumer is doing.”
Stephanopoulos: “hold on a second. answer the question. as Speaker, do you believe it’s appropriate to use American cities as training grounds for the military, calling those people ‘the enemy within’?”
Holy Mike: “I’m not commenting on your characterization of what the president said.”
Stephanopoulos: “those are quotes. they are not characterizations.”
Holy Mike: “well you can take his quotes out of context, which you often do, and I don’t think that’s fair to the president.”
ah, there we go. that’s what all these cowardly Republican shitheads do when called upon defend one of Donny’s crazypants mouth-farts: whine about how it’s so unfair for Dear Leader’s words to be taken out of context.
taken out of what context? there’s only one context, that of a demented sadist horny to inflict suffering and death on cities that displease him.
but wait, Holy Mike’s not done being a shithead.
here’s a name you need to know: Adelita Grijalva.
Grijalva, a Democrat from Arizona’s 7th district, was elected to the House last week. she replaces her father, the late Raúl Grijalva, who died while in office. here’s a fun, awesome fact about Adelita: once sworn in, she’ll be the 218th — and deciding — vote in favor of Thomas Massie’s discharge petition to release the full Epstein Files.
so, if she was elected a week ago, why the fuck hasn’t she been sworn in yet?
I just explained why, weren’t you listening? she hasn’t been sworn in specifically because she’s the deciding vote to force the release of the Epstein Files — and Holy Mike doesn’t want any of that shit to happen.
if Grijalva were a Republican, and a reliable no vote for Massie’s petition, Holy Mike would have sworn her in the moment her plane landed in DC. but she’s not.
so, Adelita sits and waits. what’s that old saying? oh yeah: justice delayed is justice denied. release the full, unedited Epstein Files, you fucking fucks.
here’s the next shithead on our list: Vice President Couchfuck McGee.
the White House sent the furniture molester out to do Shutdown Damage Control yesterday, and he used his time to play a vigorous round of Things That Never Happened The Most.
“if you’re an American citizen and you’ve been to the hospital in the last few years, you’ve probably noticed that wait times are especially large and very often somebody who’s there in the emergency room, waiting, is an illegal alien, very often it’s a person who can’t speak speak English. why do those people get healthcare benefits at hospitals paid for by American citizens? the answer is a decision made by the Biden administration.”
fact check: go fuck a couch.
the reason that any person can go to an emergency room and get treatment is the Emergency Medical Treatment and Labor Act, which was signed into law by that well-known commie marxist radical leftist lunatic, Ronald Reagan, in 1986.
but Couchfuck never passes up an opportunity to demonize immigrants. he wants you to imagine that you can’t get treatment, because ERs nationwide have all been overrun by swarthy hordes going ‘help me, doctor, I was eating my neighbor’s pets and I dropped the skillet on my foot, and now my big toe is all hurty.’
but I have a question: where was Donny? why wasn’t the Mad King out there, taking questions from the press? that fucker loves a camera.
there was only one item on Donny’s official schedule yesterday: another executive order dog-and-pony show.
and unless I missed something, I’m pretty sure even that didn’t happen — or, at the least, Donny signed orders without making a show of it in front of the press, which seems super fucking unlikely.
and there’s nothing public on Donny official schedule for today.
here we go again. the desperately-needy attention-trollop who can’t go fifteen minutes without finding a camera to stand in front of is missing in action, in the middle of the juiciest story of the year: a government shutdown. you would figure he would have endless bullshit to say about it — so where is he?
is Donny having another mysterious medical event that we’ll never get told about?
or maybe Preznit Fuckwit is out of sight because he’s hard at work bringing an end to the seventeen thousandth imaginary war — which, by the way, the whole fucking world is laughing at us over.
need proof? here’s a thing that just happened right now, while I’m in the middle of writing this piece:
U.S. President Donald Trump’s geographic confusion was the butt of a joke between world leaders at a summit Thursday.
Albanian Prime Minister Edi Rama was filmed poking fun with French President Emmanuel Macron and Azerbaijan’s President Ilham Aliyev at the European Political Community meeting in Copenhagen on Thursday.
“You should make an apology … to us because you didn’t congratulate us on the peace deal that President Trump made between Albania and Azerbaijan,” Rama told Macron, leading Aliyev to burst out laughing.
“I am sorry for that,” Macron joked.
tell me, is there a Nobel Prize for being a complete fucking embarrassment?
ooks like we have time for one more shithead: Noseferatu McGoebbels.
listen to this over-amped maniac salivate over the idea of a military invasion of Memphis. he’s apparently hopped up on the kind of sugar high you can only get from biting the heads off of live bats.
“all that bullshit is done, over, it’s finished. the gangbangers you deal with — they think they’re ruthless? they have no idea how ruthless we are. they think they’re tough? they have no idea how tough we are. they think they’re hardcore? we are so much more hardcore than they are.”
lighten the fuck up, tough guy. who’s ‘we’? Nosferatu McGoebbels is what would happen if ‘oh yeah? you and what army?’ became a real boy.
I have, as always, a question: why is Stephen Miller calling in air strikes on Venezuelan fishermen?
Stephen Miller, the White House deputy chief of staff, has played a leading role in directing US strikes against suspected Venezuelan drug boats, according to three people familiar with the situation. At times, his role has superseded that of Marco Rubio, the secretary of state and national security adviser.
I don’t know much about militarying, but I’m pretty sure that White House deputy chief of staff isn’t supposed to be part of the chain of command.
‘there’s a boat in the water? oh, I’m sorry, neither the president nor the secretary of state is available right now, but here’s the chief of staff’s assistant.’
yeah, let’s put an undead racist in charge of deciding which fishing boats get blown to fuck. what could possibly go wrong?
and now — because you’ve earned it by reading down this far — here’s your hero of the day: Democratic Rep. Madeleine Dean.
yesterday, Rep. Dean cornered Holy Mike in the halls of Congress and got him to make a very interesting confession.
Madeleine Dean: “the president is unhinged. he is unwell.”
Holy Mike: “a lot of folks on your side are, too.”
Dean: “oh my god, please. that performance in front of the generals?”
Holy Mike: “I didn’t see it.”
Dean: “it’s so dangerous! our allies are looking elsewhere. our enemies are laughing. you have a president who is unwell.”
did you catch that? when Dean said Donny was unhinged and unwell, Holy Mike didn’t say ‘no he isn’t’ — he said ‘a lot of folks on your side are, too.’
‘too.’
Republicans know their Mad King is fucking nuts. they all know.
let’s go. 25th Amendment now. after which, release the Epstein Files.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
Vomiting It All Up
“ICE Goes Masked For A Single Reason – To Terrorize Americans Into Quiescence.”
I Preferred The Time In America…
FUCK THIS BULLSHIT
THIS ⬇︎⬇︎⬇︎
Unfortunately, it’s AI generated…
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Vomiting It All Up
Your Daily Reminder
Dear Democrats In Congress
Jefferies & Schumer are not meeting the moment.
Now is not the time for “sternly worded letters” and disappointed dad speeches.
Now is the time for naming and shaming.
Now is the time for fire and brimstone.
Now is the time meeting fire with fire and if you are not up to then make way for those that can!
Monday Tiedrich
let’s suppose that President Joe Biden, in the middle of the night, had posted to social media an AI-generated deep-faked imaginary news report of himself, proudly announcing that every American would now have access to a non-existent medical device that would de-age them, heal them, and re-grow the shit out of their missing limbs.
you know exactly what would have happened next: the entire world would demanded to know what the fuck is wrong with Joe Biden? the press would have been screaming for an explanation, and rightfully so. Comer Fudd would have stepped on every rake in a mad dash to convene a hearing. dust off them photos of Hunter Biden’s freakishly-oversized trouser-hog, Marge. we’s-a havin’ us a good-ol’ an impeachment party.
world leaders would have called for an obviously-impaired Biden to step down. so would Republicans. so would Democrats.
hell, even I would have called for Sundowning Grandpa Icecreamcone to be 25th Amendmented on the spot.
you know where I’m going with this: on Saturday night, Donny Convict did just that: he posted a fake video of a fake Donny making a fake announcement about a fake medical device.
deepfake Lara Trump: “breaking now, President Donald J. Trump has announced a historic new healthcare system: the launch of America’s first new medbed hospitals, and a national medbed card for every citizen.”
deepfake Donny: “every American will soon receive their own medbed card. with it, you’ll have guaranteed access to our new hospitals led by the top doctors in the nation, equipped with the most advanced technology in the world. the facilities are safe, modern, and designed to restore every citizen to full health and strength.”
bear in mind that nothing you saw in that video is real. that wasn’t Lara Trump, that wasn’t Donny, that wasn’t the Oval Office — where is the all the gold-plated crap, and the stolen World Cup trophy? — there is no ‘medbed hospital,’ and, most importantly, the medbed doesn’t exist.
and yet, when Preznit Fuckwit saw this video show up in his feed, he went ‘oh yeah, there I am, doing that thing I did’ — and posted it to his own crappy app.
tell me, is it bad when the leader of a country is so cognitively impaired that he can no longer determine what’s real?
it’s one thing to get fooled by a realistic-looking video on social media. it’s happened to all of us. it’s another thing entirely to get fooled by a video of you doing something you never did.
man person woman camera medbed.
let’s talk about this medbed. it’s a QAnon fever swamp hallucination that’s been going around for a least three years, and it’s pure, unadulterated batshit.
An increasingly popular conspiracy theory falsely centers around the existence of “med beds,” a fabled medical instrument that does everything from reversing aging to regrowing missing limbs. The theory has grown in popularity among followers of far-right movements like QAnon, some of whom claim to be urgently awaiting a med bed to treat severe health conditions.
that’s right: after spending a hard day trafficking children out of the basement of a pizza parlor that has no basement, Hillary Clinton returns home to Chappaqua, lies down on her medbed, and regrows all her missing limbs.
and it’s not just the email lady who’s benefiting from this mythical tech — so is Bobby Brainworms’ uncle Jack.
The group falsely believes that John F. Kennedy is still alive and youthful, and attributes his remarkable longevity to the curative powers of med beds.
as with all things QAnon, it’s dumb as fuck and makes no sense.
if there really were a medbed, wouldn’t Joe Biden have been using one all along? wouldn’t Donny? wouldn’t Glitch McConnell and the seven-hundred-and-fifty-eight-year-old Chuck Grassley? wouldn’t everyone at the top level of government be running around youthful and getting up into highjinks, as if they were in the movie Cocoon?
it’s all so obviously bogus, and yet Donny was fooled by a fake video of a fake himself, doing fake things. he saw himself doing things never did, and accepted it without question. holy fucking shit.
Sunday morning, one of Donny’s handlers deleted the video — but the internet never forgets.
folks, this is some crazy fucking shit. we should all be alarmed that the president’s brain has gone fuckity-bye.
none of this is normal.
and it’s becoming increasingly clear that Donny’s own sewer clowns are aware that Dear Leader has gone Full Nutso. they work around him, and feed him disinformation and feel-good stories — and they’ve cut him out of the loop. they don’t even bother to clue him in to their own fuckery any more.
it’s been obvious for a while now that Piss-Drunk Pete Kegstand has been high on his own supply — and running his own show. a couple of months ago, he made a unilateral decision to shitcan aid to Ukraine — and he didn’t even bother to give Dear Leader so much as a courtesy head’s-up.
it’s also becoming obvious that Donny had no advance notice about Kegstand’s WarriorEthosPallooza, that mandatory meeting wherein every general and admiral worldwide has been summoned to some fucked-up playdate in Washington tomorrow. per The New York Times,
Mr. Trump appeared unfamiliar with the meeting when he was asked about it during an Oval Office appearance on Thursday, but he quickly said it was good that Mr. Hegseth had organized it.
‘unfamiliar’ is doing a lot of heavy lifting in that sentence. listen to Donny blither like a fifth-grader called upon to give a surprise oral report about a book they forgot to read.
“I love it, I think it’s great, let him be friendly with the generals and admirals from all over the world. is there something wrong with it? why is that such a big deal? the fact that we’re getting along with the generals and admirals from all over the world? remember, I’m the president of peace. it’s good to get along. you act like this is a bad thing. isn’t it nice that people are coming from all over the world to be with us?”
‘isn’t it nice’? Donny seems blissfully unaware that every admiral and general has been ordered to attend this meeting. he’s apparently under the impression that all these top military brass just decided amongst themselves, ‘hey, what if we all got together in DC to have a few laughs?’ Donny imagines it’s going to be Woodstock for the military. three days of peace and love, and grooming tips from the Fox News dunk-tank clown — and every general and admiral will get to have a turn in Donny’s personal medbed.
‘isn’t is great we’re getting along with the generals and admirals from all over the world?’
yeah, it’s fucking awesome, President Pudding Cup. now let’s get you to bed, you’re sundowning again.
now, here’s what Donny said during a phone call yesterday with NBC news, the one where he announced he’s going to crash Kegstand’s meeting. he still has no fucking clue what it’s about. he’s still that bullshitting fifth-grader who still hasn’t read the book.
“It’s really just a very nice meeting talking about how well we’re doing militarily, talking about being in great shape, talking about a lot of good, positive things. It’s just a good message,” Trump told NBC News in a phone call. “We have some great people coming in and it’s just an ‘esprit de corps.’ You know the expression ‘esprit de corps’? That’s all it’s about. We’re talking about what we’re doing, what they’re doing, and how we’re doing.”
“‘esprit de corps’ is a very important thing for the military to have, and that’s why everyone should read ‘A Farewell to Arms.’ thank you.”
check out this prime dollop of batshit that Uncle Dumbfuck posted to his crappy app.
“Some of the highest quality 24 Karat Gold used in the Oval Office and Cabinet Room of the White House. Foreign Leaders, and everyone else, “freak out” when they see the quality and beauty. Best Oval Office ever, in terms of success and look!!! President DJT”
what a delusional asshole. I guarantee you that no foreign leaders are ‘freaking out’ when they get a load of the cheap plastic tat that some flunky bought online, spray-painted gold, and hot-glued to the walls, turning the once-dignified Oval Office into a vulgar bordello gift shop.
au contraire, mon frere. they’re all rolling their eyes, Georgia Meloni-style, and trying not to laugh out loud.
my god, he’s such a fucking child. what a thing to brag about, as the price of food and gas skyrockets nationwide — that everyone’s jealous of your gaudy golden shitpile.
let them eat fake gold filigree, am I right, Dear Leader?
and now, here’s your hero of the day.
Donny’s masked ICE goons were doing a Full Racism the on streets of Chicago yesterday, rounding up and disappearing anyone with brown skin. so much for the fairy tale of how ICE is only going after criminals. cool story, ICE. now go fuck yourselves.
so let’s stand up and cheer for this food delivery dude who managed to out-run and out-bicycle nine members of ICE’s elite Meal Team Six squad.
too bad, so sad, thugs.
and fuck you, Donny, for turning America into an authoritarian hell-hole where being faster than fascism is the new spectator sport.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
Vomiting It All Up
Submitted Without Comment
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You Understand
Vomiting It All Up
Fixed It ????
Thursday Tiedrich
at the United Nations on Tuesday, as America’s Fuckwit-in-Chief was blithering incoherently about Chinese wind and hell-bound countries and how awesome it is to bomb the shit out of fishing boats and how he deserves all the Nobel Peace Prizes and how everyone at the UN is a poopyhead for not letting him renovate their building, a foreign diplomat took out his phone and texted the following to an American journalist.
“This man is stark, raving mad. Do Americans not see how embarrassing this is?”
you know me, I love a good game of Easy Questions, Easy Answers — so allow me, if you will, to take my best shot.
YES, WE CAN ALL SEE THAT DONNY IS STARK BARKING BONKERS, AND WE’RE ALL FUCKING EMBARRASSED.
well, obviously, not the cultists, they eat this shit up — but to the other 70% of us who aren’t brain dead, we know it. we’re the ones who have to sit here, day after day, as the firehose of batshit gets sprayed point-blank into our faces.
I mean, check out what a lunatic looks like when he’s lunaticking at warp factor nine.
dear lord, what a fucking snowflake. a snowflake like no one’s even seen before. maybe the flakiest snowflake of all time.
grow the fuck up, bro. do you think Teddy Roosevelt would have been spooked by an escalator? absolutely not. just look at this homey.
T-Rose would have punched the shit out of those balky autostairs.
oh joy, President Pudding Cup is demanding to speak to the United Nations’ manager.
I’m sending a copy of this letter to the Secretary General, and I demand an immediate investigation.
yeah, you do that, Commander Crazypants. you send your strongly-worded letter. I’m sure Secretary General António Guterres can’t wait to roll his eyes, mime jerk-off motions, and toss it into the nearest trashcan.
EscalatorGate™ is now in its third day and shows no sign of abating — and in typical Donny carnival-barker style, the story of how an escalator briefly turned into stairs gets more outlandish with each retelling.
the escalator going up to the Main Speaking Floor came to a screeching halt. It stopped on a dime. It’s amazing that Melania and I didn’t fall forward onto the sharp edges of these steel steps, face first.
that’s right, Melania came this close to a brush with the United Nations’ patented Whirling Blades of Death.
as we discussed yesterday, no one was ever in any danger — but by next week, Donny’s going to be telling us that his Slovenian rent-a-wife had to somersault past laser beams — which, by the way, is a thing she can do because of the ninja training she received, while also learning to speak five languages (none of them English).
you’ll be shocked to learn that Donny is screaming LOCK THEM UP!
The people that did it should be arrested!
Donny, are the people who should be arrested in the room with us right now? actually in this case, they are — because it was Donny’s own videographer who ran up the the damned thing backwards and tripped the motion detector that stopped the escalator.
so sure, let’s arrest this poor unfortunate soul. no, wait — mere arrest isn’t adequate punishment for the person who dared inconvenience Dear Leader for an entire thirty seconds. let’s go all-in. let’s draw and quarter them as a vivid warning to any future frisky videographers. don’t you dare trip no fucking motion sensors, pal.
so, to get back to the foreign diplomat’s question — yes, we can all see how embarrassing this is, that our president is a weak and small man who can’t just laugh off a common mishap that we’ve all experienced, and is driven by his increasing insanity to create a pathetic spectacle.
and, as always, the only thing you really need to know about EscalatorGate™ is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.
any sane country would have 25th Amendmented the fuck out of Dear Leader before he’d even had a chance to finish that batshit speech — but we don’t live in a sane country.
we live in a country that has built an entire propaganda infrastructure just to keep a cranky toddler from melting down and throwing ketchup bottles.
Donny’s UN address was received in silence. no one said a word — they just looked on in stunned horror as the Mad King gibbered like a loon.
in order to keep Dear Leader from going ape-shit about it, one of Donny’s own sewer clowns, Energy Secretary Chris Wright, had to go on Fox News and explain to the Audience of One watching in the White House how everyone wanted to cheer, but they couldn’t — because were afraid to. yeah, that’s it. that’s a credible explanation.
“everyone was listening … I think a lot of the world, maybe weren’t brave enough to cheer like that during his speech.”
where have I heard this kind of gaslighting before? oh right —
so again, yes, Ambassador, we are all embarrassed that our president can’t face unpleasant news and has to be coddled like a colicky infant.
wouldn’t you love it if our own worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press were as honest as their foreign counterparts?
and yes, Ambassador, we’re all fucking embarrassed that our president is, as the Daily Mail puts it, a “deranged man-baby.”
there’s a new “Presidential Walk of Fame” in the White House — and you’ll be shocked to learn that it’s childish as fuck.
here’s what Margo Martin not-tweeted from her official White House account.
no, let’s not “wait for it,” let’s just skip ahead and reveal that Joe Biden’s presidential portrait has been replaced with a photo of an autopen.
ha ha ha ha ha ha! get it? get it? it’s because Joe Biden’s autopen actually ran the country! isn’t that a fucking knee-slapper? isn’t that the funniest thing ever?
what’s the word I’m groping for here, as the entire world bears witness to a president — nay, to an entire White House staff — this petty, childish and spiteful?
oh right: embarrassing.
but, as always, please keep in your mind these sacred words from the Sermon on the Mount: blessed are the meme creators, for they shall win the internet.
oh, and Mr. Ambassador?
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
Your Daily Reminder
Tiedrich Monday
all of us, as children, were fed a lot of fairy tales. you know the kind: princesses in castles, dragons, big bad wolves, yadda yadda.
but I remember one particular fairy tale that got drummed into our heads over and over, and it went like this: ‘America’s system of government is the greatest ever invented.’
it’s such an adorable story, isn’t it? but answer me this: if that were actually true, then how were the stupidest fucking morons in the universe able to break it so easily?
oh look, Preznit Fuckwit has a new superpower: crime-ray vision.
reporter: “have you ever threatened DOJ leadership if they don’t prosecute Letitia James?”
Donny: “no. I don’t do that. I don’t do that. I mean, I look at the facts like everybody else. you read the facts, and to me she looks terrible, she looks like she’s very guilty. but that’s going to be up to the DOJ.”
that’s how Donny’s crime-ray vision works. he can just look at someone and know they’re guilty — and here’s who looks ‘very guilty’ to Donny: Letitia James.
what would you imagine was the one aspect of Letitia James that in Donny’s mind makes her ‘look guilty’? it’s pretty weird how almost all the people who ‘look guilty’ to Donny have the same thing in common.
now, for the other part of Donny’s mouth-fart, where he claims he hasn’t pressured Pam Bondi to go after his political enemies, and that it will be entirely the DOJ’s call.
fact check: oh please, just fuck straight off. we all saw what you posted to your janky app, Donny. look how it ends, with a demand that Bondi ‘serve justice.’
if Donny didn’t write that, I’d love to know who did.
hey, maybe it was his autopen. yeah, that’s it — it was Donny’s out-of-control autopen. let’s go with that.
after all, with Donny, every accusation is a confession. so if Donny is accusing Joe Biden’s autopen of committing every crime under the sun, then I’m absolutely willing to believe that Donny’s entire life is being run by some fucked-up autopen, and— [taps earpiece] hold on, I’m being told that now, for the first time, we can reveal a photo of Donny’s autopen. here it is:
oh. well, that explains a lot.
Oklahoma Senator Markwayne Mullin’s has a superpower of his own: dumbfuck-ray vision.
Dana Bash: “he’s asking his attorney general in a public way to go after his political enemies. he’s very open about it. you’re okay with that?”
Mullin: “well, I think what we know is President Trump is very open and transparent with the American people, and he speaks his mind. that’s what his supporters love about him.”
you know, when MarkWayne Mullin goes on the Sunday shows, it’s as if all the stupid in that’s backed up in his head all week can’t wait to vomit itself out of his mouth. let’s call it projectile stupidity.
but here, in this one instance, Mullin is correct: Donny is in fact open and transparent. he lies in public. he crimes in public. he’s racist in public. all that shit is right out in the open, because fuck you, that’s why. being in-your-face horrific is Donny’s brand.
and yeah, MAGA does in fact gobble that shit right down. why? because Dear Leader has, by example, given the worst people in the world permission to be the worst versions of themselves.
which brings us to Laura Ingraham, because I’m pretty sure that the worst version of Laura is the only version there is.
“…including a Democrat congressional candidate who was thrown to the ground by an ICE agent. good work.”
nothing to see here, just some Fox News fuckhead gloating over a Democrat being assaulted by one of Donny’s masked thugs. this, during a week where Republicans went totally ape-shit over anyone who failed to be ‘respectful’ of the memory of Charlie Kirk.
so, I guess political violence is only bad when it’s directed at Republicans? silly me. do I even have to ask?
the less said about the Charliekirkpallooza in Arizona yesterday, the better — so I’m not going to talk about it at all, except to observe for the umpteenth time that Charlie Kirk did not deserve to be murdered. but at the same time, that didn’t make him a saint.
the one thing, however, that was too fucking surreal to ignore was President Worst Version’s entrance — with fireworks.
who does this? who considers this a dignified way take the stage during a memorial?
like everything else in this skeevy dipshit’s life, it’s gaudy, tasteless, crude — and entirely inappropriate.
and MAGA eats it right up — because it’s a fucking cult. the tackier Dear Leader is, the more they adore him. I swear, we’re living a real-life Idiocracy.
let’s just listen to a true American hero instead — Jasmine Crockett.
Dana Bash: “a resolution that came before the house this past week, honoring Charlie Kirk, and there were 58 Democrats who voted against it. you were one. why?”
Jasmine Crockett: “absolutely. you know what? one of the things I do want to point out that’s not been laid out, that honestly hurts my heart, is when I saw the ‘no’ votes, there were only two caucasians. for the most part, the only people who voted ‘no’ were people of color. because the rhetoric that Charlie Kirk continuously put out there, was rhetoric that specifically targeted people of color. and so it is unfortunate that even our colleagues cannot see how harmful his rhetoric was, specifically to us, and I can tell you that a month prior to him passing away, he had actually gotten out on his podcast — I wasn’t aware of this at the time — but he got out there and he was talking negatively specifically about me, directly. so if there was any way that I was going to honor somebody who decided that they were just going to negatively talk about me, and proclaim that I was somehow involved in the ‘great white replacement’? yea, I’m not honoring that kind of stuff, especially as a civil rights attorney, and understanding how I got to Congress, knowing that there were people that died, people that were willing to die, that worked to make sure that voices like mine could exist in this place … and it is unfortunate that more of my colleagues, on my side of the aisle, could not see the amount of harm that this man was attempting to inflict upon our communities.”
Rep. Crockett is right, and shame on every Democrat who allowed themselves to be peer-pressured into voting to honor a white supremacist.
it’s the start of a brand new week here, and maybe our country can finally get back to what’s important: release the full, unedited Epstein files, you fucking fucks.
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
Vomiting It All Up
Forty five years ago, instead of witnessing the Decline and Fall of the United States and reporting on it in real time, I’d be getting ready to go out for a night of drinks, dancing, and hopefully—debauchery.
The Week In Stupid From Tiedrich
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: peak Kirk
in the wake of Charlie Kirk’s murder, big strong conservatives, tears in their eyes, have been falling all the fuck over each other in a mad dash to lionize Charlie as a great man. one of the greatest men. a man like no one’s ever seen before. a man like no one thought possible. possibly the greatest man of all time.
folks, get ready — because the canonization of Charlie Kirk has reached Peak Stupid.
Texas Rep. Troy Nehls: “Charlie Kirk was a man of faith, first and foremost. he loved his Lord Jesus, he loved his family, beautiful wife, beautiful children. just a remarkable, honorable man that was silenced with this assassin’s bullet. I would say if Charlie Kirk lived in the biblical times, he’d have been the 13th disciple.”
I’m going to have to disagree with Rep. Nehls, because I’m pretty sure that had the Kirkster lived in biblical times, he’d have been one of the Four Horsemen of the Shitpocalypse. Grumpy, Dopey, Sleepy, and Charlie.
but that’s just, like, my opinion, man.
nonetheless, get ready to rejoice — because right now, Charlie Kirk is up in Heaven, fronting a band that I certainly hope is called Jesus and the 13 Apostles.
it must be pointed out that the creator of this nightmare fuel, Simon Hedges, is most certainly not a wingnut, and produced that image as a goof. however, that didn’t stop the internet from doing what the internet does best: fail to recognize a joke.
by the way, after I’m finished writing today’s post, I will be sending an angry email to myself demanding that I fire me for being insufficiently respectful to Charlie Kirk.
tuesday: they did what now?
of all the things that have never happened between two countries in conflict, here’s Tennessee Senator Bill Hagerty to hallucinate about the thing that never happened the most.
barely five years ago, China and India were fighting over a disputed border, and China used an electromagnetic weapon — they didn’t use bullets, but they used an electromagnetic weapon to literally melt Indian soldiers.”
seriously, Senator? what ‘electromagnetic weapon’ did the Chinese use? was it the Ark of the Covenant?
because we’ve all seen that famous documentary, Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark, and we’ve all seen what the Ark can do.
hey, wait a minute. that Ark is ours. according to the Indiana Jones documentary, it should be in storage in some massive warehouse.
did those fucking Chinese steal the Ark of the Covenant from us? we must demand it be returned. Mr. President, we must not allow an Ark of the Covenant gap!
wednesday: new Biden scandal drops
stop the presses! tear up page one, and start all over — because that dastardly fuckhead Joe Biden has done it again.
Laura Ingraham: “he’s been out of office for almost eight months now, but every now and again, Joe Biden wanders out into public view — and that ice cream moment only reminds us that his entire presidency was built on lies.”
Joe Fucking Biden. how dare he eat ice cream, and remind us of how he brought us out of the pandemic and then gave us four years of prosperity?
but wait — how do we even know that is Joe Biden in that clip? what if Biden’s autopen has achieved self-awareness, and is now going out by itself, in Joe’s place?
confess, autopen — what have you done with the real Joe Biden?
I think we’re going to have to hold some hearings about this. hey, James Comer, are you listening?
whoops, it looks like Comer Fudd is busy right now.
the only thing you need to know about Fox’s creepy obsession with Joe Biden is that Donny’s name is on every page of the Epstein Files.
thursday: I never forget a face
it’s easy to forget, given the firehose of fucknuttery that is our current timeline, that DOGE is still a thing — and that a certain three-toed freak of nature chairs an entire House subcommittee about it.
that’s right, Congresswoman Sporkfoot is still holding pointless hearings, where she drags in some poor unfortunate expert and harangues them about whatever batshit is seeping from her head.
Marjorie Taylor Greene: “did man create the Ice Age?”
witness: “no”
Greene: “right. so none of were alive back then to know for sure.”
Congresswoman, are we sure about that, that none of us were alive back then? I’m asking because the Museum of Confluences in Lyon, France, features an exhibit on Neanderthals —
and there’s a woman in that exhibition who looks pretty goddamn familiar.
so I want to ask you again, Congresswoman, are you sure none of us were alive back then?
remember, you’re under oath.
friday: the further adventures of some fucking idiot
some fucking idiot’s day started off badly, with a judge throwing out his ludicrous $15 billion lawsuit against The New York Times. no, wait — the judge didn’t just throw it out, he laughed it out.
The judge, who was appointed by President George H.W. Bush, called the complaint “decidedly improper and impermissible” and took Trump’s lawyers to task for using a legal complaint as a public forum for abusive language.
but that didn’t stop the fucking idiot from holding a press appearance where he insisted that losing is actually winning.
once again, the fucking idiot failed to understand how the First Amendment works.
and once again, the fucking idiot was rude to the press.
the fucking idiot blithered about Joe Biden’s autopen. wait until he finds out that Joe’s autopen has been going out by itself and buying ice cream.
here’s a new wrinkle. the fucking idiot now has a bug up his ass about retaking Bagram Air Base in Afghanistan, which I guess is a thing we’ll do right after we’re finished annexing Canada and invading Greenland.
throughout the entire presser, the fucking idiot kept his rotting hand hidden.
later, fucking idiot then announced that he’d blown up another boat — once again, without providing any proof of his outlandish claims.
and not one reporter stood up and asked ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
We Are The Laughingstock Of The Entire Planet
The Only Truthful Thing He’s Ever Said In His Life
Prison? Guantanamo!
Sleepy Joe Falling…Oh Wait.