Category: Fuck Republicans

From Margret & Helen:

TRUMP IS A HEMORRHOID

Margaret,

What the hell is wrong with the Republican Party?  I mean, fool me once, shame on you.  Fool me twice, shame on me.  Fool me for three indictments and 78 felony counts… and we haven't even heard from the Georgia DA yet. Surely I am not the  only fat lady dying to sing.

McCarthy and company are the largest group of asshats on the planet. And that is saying something considering they share the planet with Elon Musk and his Musketeers. Please, for the love of God, you need to pull your heads out of your asses and finally start acting like the political leaders you were elected to be. The man lied to you. But it's always about money and power. Always. How are we supposed to unite as a country if you bozos can't even unite against that lunatic?

Honey, I get it. I really do. Trump has the right to say whatever he wants.  He has the right to lie and scream and cry that he didn't lose the election. That's his First Amendment Right. In fact, he's lying all the way to the bank using his unsuspecting supporter's donations to pay for lawyers. Trump lies all day, every day.  It's what he does. And he does it because you let him. You shouldn't hate a dog for having fleas. It's what they do. But you should at the very least expect better from your party's leader.

And yet, you are sticking with him.  Defending him even. A liar. And not just any liar, but one willing to break the law in an attempt to justify his lies. That is your candidate for President? Are you kidding me? He might build skyscrapers, but his elevator doesn't go all the way to the top floor.  Being rich doesn't make you smart. And being Trump doesn't make you anything other than annoying as hell.

Trump is a hemorrhoid.

Let me explain. Hemorrhoids, also called piles, are enlarged veins in your rectum and anus. They can lead to itching, burning, bleeding, and discomfort, especially when sitting down.  A hemorrhoid is something that annoys you for doing nothing more than simply sitting down. That is Trump.

When he mocked a disabled person years ago, we had to stand up. We had to say something because you paragons of morality wouldn't. Making fun of the disabled is wrong. Everybody knows that. You learn that in kindergarten. In fact, everything you need to know about being a decent human being, you learn in kindergarten. Trump clearly never went to kindergarten.

When he called nations shit-hole countries simply because they are filled with predominantly darker-skinned people, we had to stand up because you Trumpers wouldn't.

When he lied to everyone about the pandemic, we had to stand up because you Trumpers wouldn't.  For crying out loud, we all heard him suggest drinking bleach.

Seriously. What is wrong with you?

We had to stand up, because a criminal was elected to our highest office and you all set idly by in Congress. You are supposed to be the check and balance for exactly this kind of shit. You kept a lying, thieving, narcissist, adulterer in the White House. The moron cheated on his first wife with his second wife and then on that wife with his third wife and then on that wife with a beauty queen and then a porn star while the third wife was pregnant. Did you really think he was going to be honest with you? Seriously? The grab them by the pussy guy. The sharpie pen weather map guy. The rolls of paper towels throwing guy. The stare at the sun guy. The racist are very fine people guy. The if she wasn't my daughter, I would date her guy. He's a grown man who still thinks name calling is how you win a debate.

In 2020 more than 81 million of us stood up and did your jobs for you. We voted that clown out of office. And then we made the mistake of sitting down thinking we had successfully given you a hemorrhoidectomy. But that God damn hemorrhoid came back. And you cowards welcomed him with open arms.

He led an insurrection against our nation. You had to flee the Capitol. I'm looking at you Josh Hawley. His supporters showed up with a noose. They literally took a shit in the halls of our nation's Capitol. And you just sat back down regardless of how much that hemorrhoid was burning you.

He was indicted for the first time, and all of you stayed seated.

He was found guilty of sexual assault, and I so badly wanted to stand up, but I was sure you finally would. That one was hard to stay quiet about. So hard.

He was indicted for the second time, and the itching and burning was so bad, and Margaret and I almost got up. We really did want to stand up again.  But we are old and tired so we stayed on our asses while that orange hemorrhoid itched and burned. We assumed you would do the right thing. But you didn't.  He's the leading candidate in the Republican Party because you refused to tell his supporters the truth.

Let me say that out loud again. Twice impeached, thrice indicted Donald J Trump is the leading candidate in the Republican Party… again.  Bless your hearts. With your heads so far up your asses how do you manage to still drag your knuckles to the Capitol for your next hearing on Hunter?

And did you not think other hemorrhoids wouldn't show up? Did you really not think Trump would give rise to the likes of DeSantis and Greene?

Eventually, a hemorrhoid gets too big, and you can't even sit down anymore. Trump has been indicted for a third time and just like that… we're standing again because you won't.

So here we stand. Margaret and Helen. Two old women who aren't afraid to speak our minds, but who should be allowed to at least sit in peace.  We've never been elected to anything, but we've got Preparation H and a huge hemorrhoid to deal with.

So buckle your seatbelts folks. It's going to be a bumpy ride. This time, we aren't just coming for Trump. Margaret and I are coming for the whole damn Republican Party.

You should have stood up. I mean it. Really.