Category: Fuck This Bullshit

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FUCK This Bullshit

From Hopes & Fears:

The next time a Republikkkan says that we can’t have restrictive gun laws or red flag laws because “the 2nd ammendment”, remind them that their president sent the national guard into the streets of DC in order to quell anti Trump protests, to flex his fascist power and as training to make this same move in other Blue cities

Because if it was really about the 2nd amendment those folks who claim that their reason to stockpile guns and ammo is that they need to be prepared as a “well regulated Militia” being “necessary to the security of a free State”.

This was your sign

This was what you said you were waiting for

But you lied

You were only waiting for someone to say they were coming to take your guns

Dems should take this as a sign that should they ever get back in power, to disregard the 2nd amendment arguments and go ahead with all gun control measures because all these people are full of shit

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One Simple Question

I can’t help but think that if this were any other country in the world he would’ve been pulled out of his palace and strung up to swing in the wind…

Just sayin.

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Bat. Shit. Insane.

Deep psychosis. I mean, where do you even begin with this?

And projection! OMG…never has “Every accusation is a confession,” been more apparent. He’s still ranting about 2020?!

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Land of the WHAT?

We didn’t do any of this in America because everyone is focused on being so rich they can buy a small country or six yatchs instead of making sure everyone is safe and cared for.

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Monday Madness From Jeff Tiedrich

good lord, America’s newest war isn’t even two days old and already it’s a fucktangle of idiocy.

the Horsemen of the Shitpocalypse were all over the Sunday shows, doing what they do best: bragging about Dear Leader’s imaginary accomplishments and saying the dumbest fucking shit imaginable.

let us review the atrocities.

the last time our country got clownfucked into pointless wars, the vice president was the sneering embodiment of evil, straight out of central casting — a guy who literally had no heartbeat, and who got the poor schnook he shot in the face to apologize for getting in the way.

this time, the veep is just some doughy pantload.

let’s listen as Mister Heartbeat Away fields the question, ‘what advice are you giving Donald Trump?’

“the advice that I’m giving him is, ‘sir, trust your instincts.’ he’s got the best instincts of any president I’ve ever seen, of any political leader I’ve ever seen.”

yeah, no. what instincts? Donny Convict is the most easily-hoodwinked goofus on the planet. I’m pretty sure if Iran painted a tunnel on the side of a big rock, he’d run smack right into it.

but please, Couchfuck McGee, do go on.

“I empathize with Americans who are exhausted after 25 years of foreign entanglements in the Middle East. I understand the concern, but the difference is that back then we had dumb presidents”

seriously?

presidents don’t come any dumber than the White House’s current diaperload — the fuckwit who won’t go near a windmill because he’s terrified of coming down with a bad case of noise cancer.

did you know that the Pentagon had to distract Donny with fake war plans because they were afraid he’d tweet out the real plans if he knew what they were?

I shit you not.

At times, Trump’s penchant for social media was the biggest threat to the operation’s secrecy. Last Monday, he posted on Truth Social that “everyone should evacuate Tehran!” The next day, he revealed that he had left a meeting of the Group of 7 in Canada not to broker a Middle East cease-fire but for something “much bigger.” He added, “Stay tuned!”

Inside the Pentagon and the U.S. Central Command, military planners worried that Trump was giving Iran too much warning about an impending strike. So they worked up their own ruse: They had two fleets of B-2 bombers leave Missouri at the same time, one flying east and one flying west.

but please, do tell me again how super fucking amazing Donny’s instincts are, and how smart he is. those are such cute stories.

twenty-two years ago, the Bush administration faked key “evidence” in order to lie us into a war in Iraq. remember Colin Powell going to the UN and holding up a vial of what he claimed was weaponized anthrax?

this time around, they’re not even bothering to gin up ‘proof’ of any threat — they’re looking us straight in the eye and telling us proof is irrelevant.

Margaret Brennan: “are you saying the US did not see intelligence that the Supreme Leader had ordered weaponization?”
Marco Rubio: “that’s irrelevant.”
Brennan: “no, that is a key point.”
Rubio: “no it’s not.”

trust Dear Leader — that’s the shit sandwich being shoved in our faces.

but now, even Massie is happily chowing down on the trust Dear Leadershitwich.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0KJQ9kVET58

“he promised us he would put America first. and there are still voices in this administration — you’ve still got JD Vance, Tulsi Gabbard, RFK Jr — you’ve still got calmer heads that could prevail.”

that sound you just heard was Thomas Massie’s credibility flying out the window.

come on, Tom. seriously? Couchfuck McGee is a useless yes-man, and Donny’s already told Tulsi to fuck off.

Kaitlin Collins: “Tulsi Gabbard testified in March that the intelligence community said Iran wasn’t building a nuclear weapon.”

Donny: “I don’t care what she said.”

look who else Massie cites as being a ‘calmer head’: Bobby Brainworms Jr. — the guy who doesn’t understand how germs work. what’s his skill set?maybe he can start a massive measles epidemic in Iran.

these are all deeply unserious people who are in way over their heads — and because Dear Leader decided to stick his dick into a hornet’s nest in the Middle East, they now have to pretend that all wars — like trade wars — are good, and easy to win.

meanwhile, here’s a thing that everyone with a brain saw coming.

no fucking duh, it could spike oil prices. Iran controls the Strait of Hormuz, through which supertankers carry 20% of the world’s crude oil.

wait — did I say oil prices could surge? I meant to say they have surged.

Oil prices surged late Sunday in Wall Street’s first reaction to America’s strikes on three Iranian nuclear facilities on Saturday evening, a major escalation of the Iran-Israel conflict.

US oil futures jumped 2.7% to about $75.80 per barrel at 930 pm ET. Brent futures, the global benchmark for oil prices, increased 2.44%, hitting $78.88 per barrel.

but don’t worry, folks. Donny has a cunning plan to deal with the Strait — and when I say ‘cunning plan,’ I mean it’s one of the stupidest fucking plans you’ve ever heard.

oh jeebus. China — after we just spent two months torturing them with an ever-shifting series of reckless tariffs, now we want them to be our bestie and do us a solid in the Middle East.
we should probably do a wellness check on misshapen garden gnome Charlie Kirk, and see how he’s coping. you’ll recall that last year, Chuckers was reliably anti-war.
oh look, Charlie’s now toeing the official party line that ‘we have always been at war with Eastasia.’
why am I not surprised? and why am I not surprised that The Kirkster is now wetting his pants over the prospect of sleeper cells?

“Stay armed. Stay vigilant. We have no idea how many sleeper cells are inside the United States. It’s an unforgiveable weakness Biden left this country with. Stay alert. Pray.”

oh great, Gnomey Chuck wants us all armed to the teeth.

I’m loving this idea — because when shit goes sideways, that’s exactly what we’re going to need to be safe: a heavily-armed Meal Team Six, blasting away at everything that moves — including their own legs.

I hardly need to remind you that America is already armed to the teeth, and already has an itchy finger on every trigger.

the last thing we need is for paranoid morons like Mr. I Keep My Gun Trained On The Front Door to have more reasons to fear everything.

nonetheless, get ready to hear a lot about sleeper cells in the days and weeks to come — because a terrified populace is an easily-manipulated populace.

we’ve been down this road before. remember back during the Mad King’s first reign, when they tried to scare the shit out of us with overheated fairy tales about prayer rugs?

Trump cited a story from conservative news outlet the Washington Examiner in which an unnamed rancher living in New Mexico claimed to have found “prayer rugs,” or pieces of carpet used by Muslims for prayer, near her property.

but don’t worry, folks. if there are two million actual sleeper agents in US, thishoncho is in charge of rooting them out.

“As our nation girds for possible Iranian terrorist attacks, this is the person Trump put in charge of terrorism prevention. 22 years old.

Recent work experience: landscaping/grocery clerk.

Never worked a day in counter-terrorism. But he’s a BIG Trump fan. So he got the job.”

fuck me, we’re doomed.

let’s go out with a laugh, as we watch MAGA fall all over themselves in a mad dash to memory-hole any anti-war sentiment they might have once expressed, and proclaim fealty to Dear Leader’s new reality.

we have always been at war with — wait, who is it this week?

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A Day Late And A Dollar Short

Sorry, Bernie. I like you, but the genie is already out of the bottle, and unless you can convince a sizable number of your colleagues to impeach, convict, and remove the orange felon from office, this is just meaningless posturing. FUCKING DO SOMETHING.

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Apparently…

…you can’t say FUCK TRUMP on Instagram! Who knew?

But seriously, I posted this to my Insta and was immediately logged out with an error message saying “Your account is suspected of auto-posting.”

So I logged back in and attempted to add a comment to the post (which was still there) saying, “Apparently you can’t say FUCK TRUMP on Instagram.”

It logged me out again with the same error message.

Then I asked ChatGPT to create a photorealistic version of the comic. It too balked. “Violation of Terms of Service” or some such nonsense.

I submitted it again without the FUCK TRUMP and it had no problem creating the image.

Fuck you, ChatGPT. I added the text back with Photoshop.

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Wednesday Madness

it’s the Boy King’s birthday!

the Boy King is excited, because everyone loves him — and the Royal Military has thrown him a great big parade!

look at all the powerful tanks! look at all the marching warfighters!

but wait — what’s that over there in the crowd? someone isn’t smiling at the Boy King.

the whole day is spoiled. it’s not fair! the Boy King slams his doughy doll-sized fist down onto his throne.

everyone has to love me! the Supreme Court says so

no, really. he’s such a fucking child.

“we’re celebrating big on Saturday, we’re gonna have a lot of— and if any protestor wants to come out, they will be met with very big force, by the way. and for those people who want to protest, they’re gonna be met with very big force.”

wait, how big? very big? oh, okay. thanks for clarifying that, Mr. Dimwit With The Vocabulary Of A Toddler.

with all due respect, Donny, you can fuck straight off with your tough-guy threats. everybody doesn’t have to love you — and the last time I looked, the right to assemble was still guaranteed by the First Amendment of our Constitution.

“Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”

on Saturday, June 14 — the same day as Donny’s Big Birthday Parade — we’re going to right-to-assemble the shit out of America.

there will be hundreds of No Kings protests happening on Saturday — join one near you.

hey, do you know what the Boy King’s Big Love-Me Birthday Parade is costing? 45 million dollars — $16 million of which is just to repair the damage to DC’s streets that will be caused by hundreds of tanks rolling across them.

The Army is preparing for the potential harm to Washington streets with several measures it hopes will avert damage. These include using 1-inch-thick steel plates, some as long as 20 feet, at places along the parade route where the tanks must turn and where those turns could cause the most damage to the streets.

this is all so unnecessary. tens of million of dollars, pissed right down the drain, just so a broken-inside narcissist can pretend he’s not the worthless piece of shit failure that his father never stopped telling him he was.

you can only have two government-approved dolls and five pencils, but Donny gets to have a skillionty tanks and spend all the money he wants on a vanity parade.

and by the way, forty-five mil is chicken feed compared to what Donny’s wasting on his little adventure in Los Angeles.

“the current estimated cost is $134 million dollars.”

wrap your mind around that. one hundred and thirty-four million dollars, just so the National Guard can “protect” a few square blocks of downtown Los Angeles from its own residents. what a waste.

think about that, the next time some Republican fuckwad tells you that we can’t afford to give seniors healthcare, or provide hot lunches to schoolchildren.

every time you think Donny’s reached the bottom of the barrel, he somehow manages to kick his way though and go even lower. he turns every public appearance into a highly-politicized campaign rally. here he is, goading assembled troops at Fort Bragg into booing Gavin Newsom and Los Angeles Mayor Karen Bass.

“in Los Angeles, the Governor of California, the Mayor of Los Angeles [boos]. they’re incompetent, and they paid troublemakers, agitators and insurrectionists. they’re engaged in this willful attempt to nullify federal law and aid the occupation of the city by criminal invaders.”

what just oozed out of Donny’s rancid anus-mouth? did he just accuse Newsom and Bass of paying the protestors? that’s what it sounded like to me. what the fuck?

just imagine if Joe Biden had goaded a bunch of troops into booing Greg Abbott or Ron DeSantis. Republicans would have burned DC to the ground. Comer Fudd would have started bleeding from the eyeballs. Hannity would have shit a massive brick on live TV, and then had it bronzed.

but Republicans think it’s just fine when Donny uses our troops as props, and starts shit-talking Democrats. in fact, they just join right in, like it’s the funniest fucking thing on Earth.

reporter: “Speaker Johnson, the president said, possibly in jest, that if he were Tom Homan, he would arrest Gavin Newsom. do you believe that Newsom should face consequences, in a legal way?”

Holy Mike: “um. uh. look. that’s not my lane. I’m not gonna give you legal analysis whether Gavin Newsom should be arrested, bu he oughta be tarred and feathered, I’ll say that.”

oh fuck right off, Speaker Limpdick. Gavin Newsom should be tarred and feathered? for what, exactly? for back-talking Dear Leader? is that a crime now?

Mike Johnson holds a law degree from LSU. legal analysis is his lane. he knows that Gavin Newsom hasn’t broken any laws — but he has to toe Donny’s line and pretend that Gavin’s a master criminal, because Holy Mike is a cowardly fucking weasel.

oh, and by the way, tarring and feathering is a thing the KKK used to do to ‘uppity’ blacks. it’s gruesome, medieval torture.

while we’re on the subject of Gavin Newsom, let’s give him a round of applause for meeting the moment.

he’s been great on social media.

and he’s been great on TV. last night, Newsom gave a televised address to the nation, and he did not mince words.

no fucking shit.

here’s a short chunk from the speech.

“democracy is under assault before our eyes. this moment we have feared has arrived. he’s taking a wrecking ball to our founding fathers’ historic project. three co-equal branches of independent government. there no longer any checks and balances. Congress is nowhere to be found. Speaker Johnson has completely abdicated that responsibility. the rule of law has increasingly been given way to the rule of Don. the founding fathers, they didn’t live and die to see this kind of moment. it’s time for all of us to stand up. Justice Brandeis, he said it best. in a democracy, the most important office, with all due respect, Mr. President, is not the presidency. and it’s certainly not governor. the most important office is Office of Citizen. at this moment, we all need to stand up and be held to account, a higher level of accountability. if you exercise your First Amendment rights, please, please — do it peacefully.”

here’s the whole 9-minutes.

I’m liking the Fight-The-Power Gavin Newsom so much better than the Let’s-Podcast-With-Steve-Bannon Gavin Newsom.

more like this, bro.

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when Donny Bone Spurs sent the National Guard to quote-unquote ‘bring order’ to the completely-avoidable ‘crisis’ he manufactured, do you know what he didn’t send along with them? anything for the Guard to eat, or drink. any place for them to sleep, or shit.

he just unceremoniously dumped them in the middle of Los Angeles without planning or forethought, and said sayonara, fucknuggets, you’re on your own. why? because Donny is an incompetent imbecile, and that’s how incompetent imbeciles roll.

look at this dumb-assery.

that’s the California National Guard, trying to sleep on the floor of a warehouse basement in downtown Los Angeles.

this is your National Guard, ladies and gentlemen. hungry, tired, thirsty, and forced to sleep piled up on top of one another — because apparently, it didn’t dawn on anyone at the top that food, water, or places to sleep and shit might be necessary for the Guard during an open-ended deployment.

“This is what happens when the president and (Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth) demand the National Guard state assets deploy immediately with no plan in place … (and) no federal funding available for food, water, fuel and lodging,” the source said. “This is really the failure of the federal government. If you’re going to federalize these troops, then take care of them.”

“Currently, there is no plan for where everyone is sleeping tonight,” the source said, adding that there was an urgent need to find more portable bathrooms and dumpsters for garbage.

isn’t it heartening to know that ‘because fuck you, that’s why’ also extends to the brave men and women who serve our country?

this is the level of expertise that Donny brings to his job: zero.

never forget that as powerful as the position of United States President is, Donny totally fucking sucks at his job — and all his Sewer Clowns suck attheir jobs, too.

here’s a fun fact:

When called into federal service, the National Guard becomes part of the Department of Defense

that means that the federalized Guard in Los Angeles is currently the responsibility of the Fox News dunk-tank clown who the Mad King decided would make the perfect Secretary of Defense.

do you think the tipsy chat-show host who now runs the DoD knows — or cares — about logistics? fuck no, he does not. but you know what SecDef Kegstand does have? his own really cool makeup studio in the Pentagon, so his hair will be perfect at all times.

priorities!

this macho-obsessed uber-bro never stops yammering about warfighters and battle readiness — and what does he do during his first test of his mettle? he tanks it.

fuck me, a carload of drag queens could have done a better job of feeding the Guard.

reporter: “Gavin Newsom is daring Tom Homan to come and arrest him. should he do it?”

Donny: “I would do it, if I were Tom … I think it would be a great thing.”

reporters caught up with Donny again later in the White House, and they were all ‘arrest Gavin Newsom? for what crime, exactly?’

reporter: “what crime has Gavin Newsom committed?”

Donny: “what crime has he committed? I think his primarily— his primary crime is running for governor.”

perfectly normal stuff, the chief executive of the land deciding ad hoc that doing stuff I don’t like is now a crime. Donny wasn’t joking. there’s no smile on his face, or levity in his tone of voice.

nothing to see here, folks, just a spiteful, vindictive Mad King, making shit up as he goes along — exactly as our founders intended when they drafted the Constitution.

let’s back up a bit. the whole reason for the exchanges between Donny and the reporters was ‘border czar’ Tom Homan’s weekend threat to arrest Newsom if he tries to ‘interfere’ with the ICE’s Los Angeles raids — a threat to which Newsom replied, bring it, shitnozzle.

“the fear, the horror, who the hell is this guy? come after me, arrest me, let’s just get this over with, tough guy.”

now, here’s a cool fact about being Donny’s ‘border czar’: it’s a made-up job.Homan wasn’t confirmed by the Senate, and doesn’t actually work for any government agency.

Tom’s job is to puff out his chest and make racist-as-fuck proclamations — but he can’t arrest anybody. he doesn’t have that power.

while we’re on the subject of Donny’s Racism Czar — what’s with the Fidel Castro cosplay?

Tom Homan apparently believes his job now entails playing dress-up and preening for the camera. dude, sit the fuck down. you’re a bureaucrat, not a background extra in some action movie.

Tom must have gotten jealous of all the airtime ICE Barbie was getting.

Tom Homan apparently believes his job now entails playing dress-up and preening for the camera. dude, sit the fuck down. you’re a bureaucrat, not a background extra in some action movie.

Tom must have gotten jealous of all the airtime ICE Barbie was getting

Fox: “what do you say to her point and Gavin Newsom making the same point that all the chaos and everything you’re seeing now is because ICE showed up on the scene, that everything was peaceful up until that moment.”

DHS official Tricia McLaughlin: “that’s absolutely ridiculous. it’s just on Friday night, we— when LAPD was not responding for two hours, our ICE office was surrounded by a thousand protestors. they were uh lighting American flags on fire. burning them as they were hoisting up foreign flags. it’s un-American activity going on, and it was becoming very violent. they were pummeling our ICE enforcement officers with rocks.”

here’s a pro tip for Fox: when making the case that all of Los Angeles is a violent, lawless hellhole, don’t support that case by showing live feed of a people swaying to music in LA’s downtown.

also, if Fox is making the case that ‘hoisting up foreign flags’ is now an ‘un-American activity’ — tell me, is this a foreign flag?

these, to refresh everyone’s memory, are the homeys Donny described as “very fine people” as they marched in Charlottesville in 2017.

how about this dude?

bro here seems a bit confused about which America he belongs to.

here’s a map that that I want you to keep in mind as you listen to Donny and the Sewer Clowns — aided and abetted by the entire wingnut outrage/industrial complex — work overtime to convince you that the entirety of Los Angeles has been ‘swarmed’ by commie anarchists, and that the entire city is consumed by fire and violence.

it was sent to me by commenter Alison Parker, but I didn’t receive it in time to include it in the emailed version of yesterday’s post.

this is the City of Los Angeles. circled in red is the downtown area where the protests are.

so please, Donny, tell us again how all of Los Angeles has been ‘overrun’ by ‘insurrectionists.’ it’s such a cute story.

here’s your quote of the day.

that’s us. let’s fucking go.