Category: Humor

Ben, in the kitchen, removing plastic wrap from cucumber: "I just took the condom off the cucumber." [chopping]

Me, in the den: "What?"

Ben: "Oh, did you want the condom on the cucumber?"

Me: "No, I like it raw."

End scene.

Donald Trump and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop  at the same time.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had Trump on his chair reached for the aftershave.

Trump was quick to stop him, saying, "No thanks, my wife will smell that and think I've been to a whorehouse."

The second barber turned to Obama and said, "How about you?"

Obama replied, "Go ahead. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

BOOM.

…Kirk was having such trouble with those modern dance routines.

"Now cut that out boy, or I'll spank you where your feathers are thinnest."

"It was custom to have the deceased's favorite vessels buried within the body in the pelvic area."

…from a manufacturer literally called A Company that Makes Everything.