Category: It's Funny Because it's True

Travel to exotic worlds! Visit alien civilizations! Be the first to die!

…will sadly never understand the correlation.

Found somewhere on the interwebs and copied verbatim. Not necessarily my own choices, but I found the list interesting enough to pass on:

1. The feeling when you first wake up but don't have to get out of bed yet.

2. It might not be sexual, but having your hair played with.

3. Taking a big poop with only a little resistance. Combined with a dry wipe and you're winning at life.

4. Getting goose bumps from music.

5. When you're congested and then suddenly your nostrils open up.

6. When you finally get rid of that thing stuck in your teeth.

7. Dipping your hand into a deep bag of uncooked rice.

8. Sitting down after being on your feet all day.

9. That moment right before your favorite part in the song then that motion you do afterwards.

10. Pee-shivers.

11. Burying yourself in hot laundry fresh from the dryer.

12. Dangling a cool metal chain over your hand and slowly lowering it down so it collects in your palm.

13. Lying in the pool and smacking your arms down in the water to create a rush of tiny bubbles underneath you that envelope your entire body for a few seconds.

14. Putting on a brand new pair of socks.

15. A shower beer. I highly recommend it if you haven't tried it.

16. Turning your pillow to the cold side.

17. Getting into my bed after I've washed my sheets and made it.

18. Opening a book to the correct page on the first try.

19. Twirling a q-tip in your ear right after a shower.

20. Pulling the protective plastic covers off new electronics.

I'll admit that I'm anal retentive. It's gotten worse as I've gotten older, but it's proven a valuable asset in my career. All my supervisors have commented on how they know they can give me a task and know that it will be done—and done correctly. If I have to catalog or inventory something at work, I'm in my Happy Place.

I know at times this drives Ben to distraction (or at least bemused laughter), but at least I come by it honestly. Having been raised by an architect and an interior designer who both demanded a clean, uncluttered home environment, it left an indelible mark on this boy's psyche. My own years in the architectural profession added to that and taught me about design, balance, and color. That is why I will get up from the sofa to straighten an out-of-kilter painting on the wall, move some object two inches to the left, or why I prefer the blinds to be pointed one direction instead of the other.

One of the biggest lessons I've had to learn over the past seven years with Ben, however is that I can't always have it all my own way where matters of our domicile are concerned. Fortunately we're both flexible and can compromise (I'm earth tones and Ben is bright colors which makes things interesting), but clutter is the one thing that still makes me crazy. There are times I look around our place and realize that there isn't a single horizontal surface that doesn't have something stacked on it.

Things could be worse. I could be a hoarder. Or is the fact that I'm a such neat-nick actually the polar opposite of that and in need of a television intervention?

But I digress.

One of the outlets for my obsessive compulsiveness is recreating the meme graphics I find on the internet. By the time I see them they've been copied and resampled dozens of times and the quality is usually pretty crappy by that point. This bothers me. I love the messages they're conveying, but the fact that in most cases they look like shit is annoying as hell. I want to share the fun far and wide, but I'm not going to repost something that looks like that.

So I track down the original graphics and thanks to my mediocre  Photoshop skills, I create a fresh copy of whatever meme it is that's captured my attention.

Ben thinks this is all very amusing.

The first one I redid was Rupaul commenting on the 2012 election:

Then the infamous "then idiots happen."

Sometimes I have to make compromises. Finding the original background images can be difficult. Case in point, "Dear Vladimir." I was unable to locate the original parchment background or the matching font (at least for free), so I had to make some changes.

"OOH GIRL!" and "Bobby's 12 Fucks" (my most recent) are two more examples. It took quite a bit of time with the Google to find the original background images for those…

Harmless fun I suppose. It allows me to channel a bit of my creativity since I still haven't acclimated back to Phoenix summer heat enough yet that I can be out wandering around the city taking photos…as much as I'd love to.

Sol 3

"An unremarkable pre-FTL scarcity world in the Orion Sector. The dominant species, which calls itself Homo sapiens (a word meaning "wise" in one of its largely defunct regional languages*) has triggered a major extinction event, and the visitor (and many of their own species) may not be able to eat without access to some form of exchange. Those interested in pre-industrial ecosystems will be disappointed or deeply shocked. This is a great place to see poverty in its natural setting, but prepare to be disturbed.

Despite repeated warnings from their own scientists (many doing impressive work despite primitive technology) several delusional belief systems (see >religion< and in particular the subheading >economics<) prevent the urgent action required to prevent imminent ecosystem collapse and their own possible extinction. This species is unlikely to leave its own stellar system, and this might be your last chance to encounter them.

Travel Advisory: The scarcity economy is having its usual effects on war, and the visitor is advised to be cautious. In many areas energy, food, even water are rationed for those low on the scarcity pyramid.

*A prima facie example of just how narcissistic and delusional most of this species is."

_____________________

"Planet broke after the introduction of industrialized society. Manufacturer didn't respond to repeated attempts at communication. Parts for repair unavailable at this time. Adaptor for connecting to other planets is not compatible with this planet. The majority of the inhabitants do not look like the pictures on the box. Produces a distinctly unpleasant odor in the early hours of Saturday mornings. Appears to have a broken thermostat. Contains more Kardashian than advertised. Is afflicted with excessive tides.

Would not buy again."

_____________________

"Make: Universal Industries. Model: Earth Mk I
Registration: P (4.5 billion BC). Mileage: 2.62 x 10¹⁸ miles (approx.)
Colour: Kingfisher Blue. No. Owners: 2
Description: Great little runner, fair economy, decent amount of storage, partial service history.
Bodywork needs some minor attention. Can run a bit hot at times—air filter may need changing. Small leak in sun roof—nothing major. Does eat some oil."

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