I Broke Down Last Night

I thought I'd been handling this self-quarantine, lockdown, whatever-you-wanna-call-it thing pretty well. I'm a homebody at heart, so I figured going into this not leaving the house lifestyle would be a walk in the park.

Well, that was proven wrong last night. It started with a mild headache yesterday afternoon and progressed to an upset stomach. Ben started making dinner and the smells that were coming into the den sent my headache into overdrive. I wanted to wretch. I told him I wasn't at all interested in eating at the time and closed the door.

After Ben had eaten I ventured into the kitchen, where he joined me. I turned to him and started crying. He came in for a hug and I just let loose. I didn't cry when my mom died. I didn't cry when my dad passed. And yet now—for seeming no reason at all, I lost it.

Amazingly after that good cry, the headache was gone as well as my upset stomach.

In his wisdom, Ben suggested we both get out of the house for a while, either together or separately. Cabin Fever was setting in.  And you know I'm stressed when I reach the point I can't spend one more second in front of a screen of any kind, which was exactly where I was.

We didn't make it out last night because it was too late by the time I'd finished dinner, but when we woke today Ben said, "We need to take a drive."

Since the world is on lockdown, we really couldn't—nor did we want to—go anywhere that we'd run into masses of humanity, so we settled on one of the public spaces still open: White Tank Mountain Regional Park.

Back in the early 1970s after moving into our new home at 47th Avenue and Bethany Home Road, my family and I had an unobstructed view of the White Tank Mountains to the west. I often said that once I had my own car, my first destination would be driving out west to see them up close.

You can almost make out the White Tank Mountains through the haze on the horizon. That view doesn't exist any more. (That's my grandfather's 1955 T-Bird that he conveniently got rid of right before I got my drivers's license.)

It took 42-some years to do it, but I finally did when I drove out a few years ago to photograph the White Tank Library. While there I contemplated driving into the park, but for a variety of reasons decided to put it off for another time. It took an additional three and a half years beyond that, but I finally fulfilled my teenage dream of visiting those mountains today.

Deal with it. This is the first new car I've had in thirteen years, and goddamnit, I'm going to photograph the shit out of it.

We both felt much better—much relieved—when we arrived back home this afternoon. Ready to face another week of self-quarantine…

GPOY

I realized it's been three weeks since Rabbit arrived and I hadn't even taken a single gratuitous well-photoshopped selfie in the new ride!

#Mood

I think everything is finally catching up with me. In a deep funk tonight. I thought I was doing a pretty good job of keeping everything in check, but when we made a brief run to Target this morning it all started falling apart. Whereas a week ago, with the exception of the paper products aisle and anything disinfectant-related being sold out, pretty much everything else was the same as always. There were fresh veggies, meat, frozen items, and ready-to-eat products in quantity. Not so today. It was as if a swarm of locusts moved through the store. And it still makes absolutely no sense to me at the items that are sold out. We were able to get the items we needed, but it was just…sad.

So then we came home to another rambling bather-fest by the orange menace in the White House. When are these news organizations just going to stop broadcasting his every dim-witted word salad? We need leadership, not bullshit.

And it doesn't help that AutoNation is still dicking around with my financing. I was told a week ago the loan had been approved by Belco Credit Union and I'd shortly be getting a welcome call from them. Lies. AutoNation's finance guy called this morning asking me to send them proof of employment because Belco was asking for it—even though I'd sent this to my salesman earlier in the week when he requested it. I swear one hand doesn't know what the other is doing at that place.

Frankly, I don't mind being cooped up in the house. Truth be told I was looking forward to this scenario as my retirement. You know, not having to go out and deal with people on a daily basis. The dogs obviously love it, even if they seem a bit confused why Ben and I are home all day. And they're certainly enjoying their evening walks (because neither Ben or I are used to just sitting at a desk all day; even I am used to walking to and from the parking garage, walking across the building to hit the restroom, and going to lunch).

So that's where we stand at the moment. I'm in a deep Sunday evening funk (deeper than my usual Sunday evening funk). I know there's a light at the end of this tunnel, but no one can see it yet, and the Federal Government is doing nothing to install confidence that they even know what they're doing. Thankfully local and state governments seem to be stepping up as best they can.

So how are y'all doing? Leave a comment below…

Sleep, Beautiful Sleep

Has anyone else noticed that as a society, we're shamed for wanting to sleep? Sleeping in is bad, naps are only okay if they're 20 minutes, you cant be tired unless you're a <insert career/lifestyle choice here>, so on and so forth.

I mean, I think we all need to spread our blankets out, cuddle a pillow, and go to sleep. Everyone needs more of it, fuck this "it's not productive" nonsense. It's okay to sleep, it's okay to want to sleep. You're not lazy because of it.

Source.

23 Emotions People Feel But Can't Explain

I may have posted this in the past—and frankly today I'm feeling too lazy to check—but it's worth a repost in any case…

  1. Sonder: The realization that each passerby has a life as vivid and complex as your own.
  2. Opia: The ambiguous intensity of Looking someone in the eye, which can feel simultaneously invasive and vulnerable.
  3. Monachopsis: The subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place.
  4. Énouement: The bittersweetness of having arrived in the future, seeing how things turn out, but not being able to tell your past self.
  5. Vellichor: The strange wistfulness of used bookshops.
  6. Rubatosis: The unsettling awareness of your own heartbeat.
  7. Kenopsia: The eerie, forlorn atmosphere of a place that is usually bustling with people but is now abandoned and quiet.
  8. Mauerbauertraurigkeit: The inexplicable urge to push people away, even close friends who you really like.
  9. Jouska: A hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head.
  10. Chrysalism: The amniotic tranquility of being indoors during a thunderstorm.
  11. Vemödalen: The frustration of photographing something amazing when thousands of identical photos already exist.
  12. Anecdoche: A conversation in which everyone is talking, but nobody is listening
  13. Ellipsism: A sadness that you'll never be able to know how history will turn out.
  14. Kuebiko: A state of exhaustion inspired by acts of senseless violence.
  15. Lachesism: The desire to be struck by disaster – to survive a plane crash, or to lose everything in a fire.
  16. Exulansis: The tendency to give up trying to talk about an experience because people are unable to relate to it.
  17. Adronitis: Frustration with how long it takes to get to know someone.
  18. Rückkehrunruhe: The feeling of returning home after an immersive trip only to find it fading rapidly from your awareness.
  19. Nodus Tollens: The realization that the plot of your life doesn't make sense to you anymore.
  20. Onism: The frustration of being stuck in just one body, that inhabits only one place at a time.
  21. Liberosis: The desire to care less about things.
  22. Altschmerz: Weariness with the same old issues that you've always had – the same boring flaws and anxieties that you've been gnawing on for years.
  23. Occhiolism: The awareness of the smallness of your perspective.

Source article. Where words came from.

Humans: A Primer

Paradoxical. Bloodthirsty. Pacifistic. Unpredictable. Stubborn. Unkillable. Fragile. Skeptical. Naïve. No single word or phrase seems able to encapsulate the uniqueness of a human. Relatively new on the galactic stage, humans have created a disproportionate stir in galactic society. Disproportionate, at least, if you've never interacted with a human. If you've met one… you may wonder why the rest of the universe isn't more thoroughly freaked out.

Warnings and behavior notes are [bracketed], side notes are in (parentheses), and points that call for references are marked RF.

Origin: Humans evolved on a terrestrial-oceanic world, called interchangeably Terra or Earth among other names, orbiting a main-sequence yellow star named Sol. The planet's surface temperature ranges from -50 to 45 degrees centigrade (humans usually also use centigrade temperature measurements, though legacy systems still exist, RF: Fahrenheit), with a global average of approximately 17 degrees. Temperatures vary wildly between areas and seasons. There are a staggering number of different biomes and climates on the world, a result of its considerable axial tilt and resultant extreme seasonal changes, combined with the tidal effects of its one huge moon and its highly active tectonic geology. Terra's dense, molten metal core provides a magnetic shield against solar radiation, as expected for a life-bearing world so close to its star. Terra's gravity is approximately 3 standard gravities at its surface.

Terra is a Class Six Death World: its weather can be extreme (RF: hurricane, typhoon, tornado) and its active geology causes frequent earthquakes and volcanoes. Its flora, fauna, and microorganisms are exceedingly dangerous, many being poisonous or venomous, and many more possessing physical traits sufficient to pose legitimate threats to military-grade vehicles. In accordance with basic principles of coëvolution, the creatures of Terra (humans included) have many resistances or immunities to the poisons and chemicals other Terran life employs. Of particular note are caffeine and theobromine, mild stimulants to humans but lethal metabolic exaggerants to many other species, and capsaicin, a powerful antimicrobial/antifungal that produces traumatic sensations of burning, which humans regard as a basic cooking spice.

Much Terran life is resilient against common poisonous chemicals. Ethanol is consumed recreationally by humans, for the deliberate purpose of temporarily disrupting their brain chemical balance and impairing cognitive functions.

Infestations of Terran pests is an emergency of extreme significance, as they can adapt to and overwhelm most carbonic ecosystems in terrifyingly short timeframes, and many pose significant threats to sophonts. All biological matter from Terra must undergo quarantine both at Terra's Planetary Protection Office and again at the destination.

Biology: [Warning: Humans can be easily offended by certain topics relating to biology. Read all reference notes and obey applicable warnings before attempting discussion of biology with a human] Humans are bilaterally symmetrical tetrapods, with an upright, bipedal stance. Their lower limbs are exclusively legs, and their upper limbs are arms. Their torso comprises approximately 40% of their height, is around half that wide, and comparatively flat front-to-back. Their head is atop the torso, with a short, highly flexible neck. Most vital organs are within the torso: the brain and most sensory organs are within the head.

Humans are endoskeletal, with bones composed of mineralized tissues that are tremendously strong. Their tissues and organs are soft and largely water, as is typical of carbon-based life. Their skin is moderately durable. Humans have variable amounts of keratinous hair (not fur; RF "hair vs fur vs feathers"). Usually there is a dense patch of hair atop the head and another at the lowest section of the ventral side of the torso. Amounts of body hair range from almost nil to nearly as dense as the head hair, with males tending towards slightly more. Humans frequently practice depilation, the shaving, trimming, or removal of hair for aesthetic or practical reasons. [Do not expect to be able to reliably identify a human by hair pattern or length, as these can be changed with little notice. Humans also often dye their hair different colors.] Human skin colors range from pale near-translucence that takes a pinkish hue from their red blood, to yellowish, reddish, or brown pigmentation. Humans usually have very little patterning, except small occasional spots called moles or freckles. There are swirling stripes, caused by cell migration during embryo development and called Blaschko's lines, but these are not normally visible to humans. Blaschko's lines are visible to humans only under ultraviolet light, which is mildly damaging to humans and not useful to their sight, or due to certain diseases.

Humans range from 1.2 to 2.5 meters in height, with some exceptions. They have two biological sexes: the progeny-bearing females and the genetic transmitter males. Gametes from male and female are required for procreation. Fertilization is internal, and the female gestates internally for slightly more than two cycles [approx 9 Terran months (RF: "Earth Time")] before giving live birth, usually to a singleton. Human newborns are fragile and helpless. Maturation takes approximately 60 cycles [18 Terran years] before widely-accepted biological, mental, and legal maturity. The interference of medical technology makes natural lifespan difficult to calculate, but estimates are around 261 cycles [90 Terran years] for unassisted lifespan.

Sexual dimorphism exists, but is moderately subtle. Males tend towards slightly higher average height (~10 cm) and similarly increased tendency for muscle mass. Females more readily accumulate reserves of lipids and other biological energy storage (RF: cellulite). The upper ventral area of the torso hosts mammary glands (breasts) meant to provide a nourishment fluid (milk) to newborn young; in males these are flat and nearly nonfunctional, while in females they bulge out noticeably to accommodate their function. The proportion of female breast size and shape varies significantly by individual and age. [Female breasts are part of the complicated assessment of beauty, and careless discussion of them is an extremely easy way to gravely offend all nearby humans. Do not attempt non-medical discussion without extensive knowledge, preferably obtained from a human tutor.] There are other dimorphic tendencies of proportion, but these are quite small, and difficult for most other species to identify without practice.

Humans have concepts of gender, but although it originated with biological sexes this topic is dizzyingly complicated and of utmost delicacy. When speaking a language that offers gendered pronouns, utilize whichever ones the human in question requests be used. Do not ask why they use that particular set. Do not attempt to correct the human. Gender is often a touchy subject. Most humans fall into the "male" and "female" genders, simplifying their address, but once again, use the pronouns they request because they may defy or contradict the aforementioned dimorphic cues. (RF: "Human Sex, Gender, and Sexuality")

The more superlative traits of humans are in their chemical adaptability, endurance and regenerative powers. Humans can consume a staggering range of foods without difficulty. There are, of course, many chemicals that are poisonous to them in even small quantities, but their tolerance for many poisons is significantly higher than is average for carbon-based life. Humans have a reputation for being able to eat anything, which in the arena of carbon-based foods is nearly true. Some foods they consume have little or no nutritional value to them, and are consumed for either the pleasure of eating, or to fulfill a challenge (RF: alcohol, capsaicin, "Junk Food", "Dextrorotary and Levorotary molecules").

Humans evolved as pursuit predators, meaning that their primitive ancestors simply walked after their prey for days until the prey collapsed from exhaustion. Human ancestors also hunted by ambush, traps, or direct confrontation with weapons. Humans are omnivores, and fruits, grains and vegetables comprise 40-80% of their typical diet.

Humans recover from injury at an amazing rate. Small cuts or abrasions on their skin generally heal completely within 3 standard days. Larger damage, such as a gash into muscular tissue, can be healed in as little as 20 standard days. Even major broken bones can heal in as little as one cycle. Humans cannot regrow amputated limbs, but recently severed limbs can be reattached with prompt medical care.

Behavior: Humans are highly varied and difficult to generalize. Many humans, particularly those who go to space, are highly motivated in the pursuit of their interests. Said interests can also vary wildly, being as broad or practical as "engineering" to as narrow or useless as "eggshell cameo paintings" (RF: eggs, cameos).

Humans have (usually) a highly developed sense of humor, though all sophont's senses of humor vary noticeably. The range of human humor is varied enough to merit its own monograph.

Humans have decently good intelligence, and often specialize into a particular trade, profession, or task. Some generalize, being able to slot into a wide variety of moderate-complexity tasks. Many specialists will take secondary training in another task, such as a medical specialist taking combat training. Don't bother attempting to guess what a particular human does; with few exceptions their profession doesn't alter their appearance.

Humans possess a remarkable ability to form emotional connections, a form of pack-bonding left over from evolutionary times. Unlike most pack-bonding sophonts, humans will bond readily with creatures of any species, and will do so at any point in their life. Humans will bond with non-sapient animals, and even with robots or inanimate objects. (RF: "Stabby the Space Roomba) In particular, there are several Terran species widely accepted as 'pets', (RF: dog, cat) and it is generally considered wise for any ship/station with several permanent or semipermanent humans to acquire one or more of these pets for the humans to bond with. This is particularly advised if the ship is an exploratory vessel, since a human without a pet might attempt to bond with possibly dangerous wildlife.

Human pack-bonding can be exceedingly useful, as a human will display their superlative endurance and durability in order to assist a pack member in distress or danger: thus a human can significantly increase the survival rate of an entire crew to whom they've bonded. [Warning: never betray a human who has bonded to you, nor someone to whom that human has bonded. The ability of a human to hold a grudge is legendary]

Humans have a wide variety of cultural customs, which they will pursue often to the immense confusion of crewmates. Explanations of these customs sometimes result in fascinating discussions of human history, and sometimes result in the human saying "I don't know" or "I just like it". It is advised to not question these two sayings.

Supernal ability: Humans do not possess any measurable psychic or mystic power (to the great relief of their neighbors). However, humans often demonstrate a form of limited precognition, usually described as a "gut feeling", that is uncannily accurate. Like most predatory sophonts, humans can "thin slice" a situation, rapidly assessing it from innumerable small cues with high accuracy. However, human "instinct" (different from the normal use of that term) and gut feeling (sometimes "gut instinct") demonstrate statistically significant defiance of statistics. Humans tend to make decisions that they don't fully understand, but which regardless lead to utterly unforeseeable positive outcomes. Research into this precognitive sense is ongoing, but thus far entirely unsuccessful.

Source.

Be Careful What You Ask For

A random thought…

TBH, there are times I miss being viewed as a sexual outlaw by society. Now that teh ghey has gone mainstream, and LGB—if not quite T yet—folks and our relationships are accepted in at least the blue and purple areas of the country and almost every television show has gay characters these days (even if it's obvious pandering), the thrill of being different in the sea of the commonplace is gone.

I know it's a generational thing, and I accept that.