Category: Memes

I scored 14.

Because people can't fucking spell.

And I don't have time to fix them.

Especially the last two years. If it weren't for Ben in my life, I'm sure I'd look much worse.

Inspired by the column of the same name in Vanity Fair

Inspirations
What inspires You? – Music
Spirit animal? – I once claimed Polar Bear for the answer to this question.
Living or deceased, whom would you most want to have a drink with? – Barack Obama
A word you love or hate? – literally
What would you do for a career in your next life? – I would stick it out in architecture and not give up on it. Leaving the field is one of my biggest regrets in this life.
Favorite vacation spot? – Any place with a beach, although a cabin in the woods far away from civilization also sounds nice.
What do you steal from your hotel room? – With the exception of an  occasional shampoo or soap, I don't.
Do you collect anything? – Funko POP!

Morning Routine
Weekdays, I get up at (or usually a bit before) 6 and let the dogs out while I get their breakfast together. I let them back in and while they're eating, I pack my breakfast and lunch for the day. I sit down at the computer for a few minutes to check email and news, and then shower and dress. I'm usually out the door by 7. Weekends are similar, except that I don't have to pack breakfast or lunch. Sometimes I'll go ahead and eat breakfast while checking email and news, and then crawl back into bed for a couple more hours of sleep.

Appreciations
Favorite film director? – Ridley Scott, and—despite the lens flare—JJ Abrams
Your all-time Hollywood crush? – Armie Hammer
Favorite movie character? – Christine Payne, from Personal Services
Favorite show to binge-watch – Westworld, Preacher
Your guilty pleasure? – television wise, The Curse of Oak Island or any of the ancient alien shows on The History Channel
Most embarrassing moment? – nothing comes to mind, but I might just be good at wiping those things from memory
Hidden talent? – I can curl my tongue. Is that a talent?
If you could choose a superpower what would it be? – invisibility to eyes and all EM sensory apparatus…at will, of course
Greatest indulgence? – My vinyl habit. Once upon a time I said, "I'd never spend $40 on a record."
Favorite cuisine? – Mexican

Inspired by the column of the same name in Vanity Fair.

Tech
Favorite App – (iPhone) Instagram (Mac) Grids (which sadly no longer seems to be available anywhere)
Last Person Texted? – Ben
Favorite Podcast? – Accidental Tech Podcast (because I'm a huge geek)
Favorite Web Sites – Joe.My.God, The Palmer Report, and any number of Tumblr sites—for the articles, bitches!
Thoughts on Social Media – With the exception of Instagram, it all needs to die in a house fire.
On Your Music Playlist – Which playlist?
On Your Workout Playlist – What's this "workout" you speak of?
Album You Could Listen to On Repeat – Right now I'm alternating between the BladeRunner 2049 and The Last Jedi soundtracks.
Favorite Person to Follow On Twitter – Other than Ben, I don't have one. I can stand to be on Twitter for about 30 seconds a day at this point.
Favorite News Source – Joe.My.God.
Which app do you use the most? – The Nest app, to check in on the doggies.

Home
Favorite coffee shop? – Copper Star Coffee
Favorite piece of furniture? – My big comfy black leather IKEA chair
Do you wear shoes inside your home? – Yes
Favorite drink? – iced tea (and I have the kidney stones to prove it!)
Favorite piece you collected while traveling? – A very simple blue and white glazed vase I picked up in Portland.
Favorite family heirloom – an antique paper-thickness measuring device owned by my grandfather (he was a paper maker)
What's on your reading list? – I haven't been able to make it through a book in years.
Can't leave the home without? – Like most of the rest of the world, my phone.

Clothing
Most recent purchase? – Underwear from meundies.com
Silk or terry-cloth robe? – Neither.
Favorite pajamas? – Who wears pajamas?
The piece you love but never wear? – I have many pieces of hopelessly out-of-style clothing that I can't seem to part with.
Favorite fashion trend of all time? – Jeans in the workplace.
Go-to bag for the day? – my grey tweed Timbuktu messenger bag
Sneakers or dress shoes? – sneakers
Biggest fashion faux pas? – white 501 jeans
Favorite watch? – haven't worn one in years.
Favorite piece of jewelry? – my wedding ring
Favorite designers? – don't care about designers
Go-to outfit? – jeans, polo shirt, sneakers

1: Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? Open.

2: Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels? Depends on the product.

3: Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out? Out.

4: Have you ever stolen a street sign before? No.

5: Do you like to use post-it notes? At work, constantly.

6: Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? Constantly.

7: Would you rather be attacked by a big bear or a swarm of a bees?

8: Do you have freckles? No.

9: Do you always smile for pictures? Sometimes.

10: What is your biggest pet peeve? Willful ignorance.

11: Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Yes.

12: Have you ever peed in the woods? Yes.

13: What about pooped in the woods? Yes.

14: Do you ever dance even if there's no music playing? No.

15: Do you chew your pens and pencils? Yes.

16: How many people have you slept with this week? Just one, but then again, I sleep with him every night.

17: What size is your bed? Queen.

18: What is your Song of the week? I've had the slowed-down version of Jolene as an earworm many times this week.

19: Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Yes.

20: Do you still watch cartoons? Who, me?

21: Whats your least favorite movie? Least favorite? As in on the list of your top 10 movies, what's on the bottom of the list?

22: Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? Sadly, that's a question I'll never have to worry about.

23: If you're a girl, bra size? If you're a guy, pants size? 38

24: What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Ranch dressing.

25: What is your favorite food? Mexican. Bring on those Taco Trucks next Tuesday!

26: What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Personal Services, Auntie Mame, The Fifth Element. 

27: Last person you kissed/kissed you? My husband.

28: Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Yes.

29: Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? Not now.

30: When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Last Christmas.

31: Can you change the oil on a car? Yes.

32: Ever gotten a speeding ticket? No.

33: Ever ran out of gas? No.

34: Favorite kind of sandwich? Chicken salad.

35: Best thing to eat for breakfast? Scrambled eggs.

36: What is your usual bedtime? 10-ish.

37: Are you lazy? Not as lazy as I'd like to be.

38: When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? The three I remember are a devil, an astronaut, and a dragon.

39: What is your Chinese astrological sign? Dog.

40: Are you horny? Not like I was when I was in my 30s.

41: Do you have any magazine subscriptions? No.

42: Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Legos.

43: Are you stubborn? I can be.

44: Who is better…Leno or Letterman? They both need to retire.

45: Ever watch soap operas? No.

46: Are you afraid of heights? It all depends on the situation.

47: Do you sing in the car? After a fashion.

48: Do you sing in the shower? No.

49: Do you dance in the car? Yes.

50: Ever used a gun? No.

51: Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? 1981.

52: Do you think musicals are cheesy? No.

53: Is Christmas stressful? Yes.

54: Ever eat a pierogi? Yes.

55: Favorite type of fruit pie? Blueberry.

56: Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Architect, Astronomer

57: Do you believe in ghosts? Once upon a time. Not any more.

58: Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes.

59: Take a vitamin daily? No.

60: Wear slippers? No, but I really need to in this house.

61: Wear a bath robe? Not for years.

62: What do you wear to bed? T-shirt and underwear.

63: First concert? I think it was Captain & Tenille.

64: Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? Target.

65: Nike or Adidas? None of the above.

66: Cheetos Or Fritos? Yes, please.

67: Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? Sunflower seeds, shelled.

68: Ever hear of the group Tres Bien? No.

69: Ever take dance lessons? No.

70: Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? How about my spouse. He's a teacher.

71: Can you curl your tongue? Yes.

72: Ever won a spelling bee? Came in 2nd once.

73: Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes, when I learned the radiation treatments had been successful.

74: Own any record albums? A couple.

75: Own a record player? Yes.

76: Regularly burn incense? No.

77: Ever been in love? Yes, and I still am.

78: Who would you like to see in concert? I wish I'd been able to see Donna Summer. She was supposed to come to Phoenix during the summer of 1979 at the height of her popularity—and I even had tickets—and she canceled for health reasons.

79: What was the last concert you saw? Bette Midler.

80: Hot tea or cold tea? Cold tea.

81: Tea or coffee? Tea.

82: Sugar or snickerdoodles? Snickerdoodles.

83: Can you swim well? Reasonably.

84: Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yes.

85: Are you patient? To a point.

86: DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ.

87: Ever won a contest? Yes.

88: Ever have plastic surgery? No.

89: Which are better, black or green olives? Black.

90: Can you knit or crochet? No.

91: Best room for a fireplace? The Living Room.

92: Do you want to get married? I am married.

93: If married, how long have you been married? 3 years.

94: Who was your HS crush? Which year? Tom Pleger, Mike Knigge, or Dan Baxa?

95: Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? No.

96: Do you have kids? No.

97: Do you want kids? No.

98: Whats your favorite color? Teal.

99: Do you miss anyone right now? Yes, but missing will not bring him back from the dead.

I come up with some really weird shit when I'm laying in bed, wide awake at 2 am and can't get back to sleep; shit that sounds amazing at the time but when I actually get around to putting it down for posterity the next day it doesn't seem quite as amazing as I'd thought it would. (This leads me to believe that perhaps I wasn't quite as awake as I thought I was.)

Case in point, this little meme. I don't know if it's really a meme if I'm only one doing it, but the idea came to me last night when my usually fool-proof method of forcing myself back to sleep—counting backward from some arbitrary high number—utterly failed me.

It works like this: starting from the current year, assign a few words, a phrase, or a picture that best describes that year to you and work backwards as far as you want.

Mine goes like this:

2016
Underemployed and overextended. Fear of a Cheeto planet.

2015
Back to Phoenix.

2014
Done with Denver. DISH: a feculent vat of toxic hellstew.

2013
Marriage to Ben, Dad's passing.

2012
Exploring Colorado. Devil's Tower. Mt. Rushmore

2011
Denver! (What have we done?)

2010
Ben's Graduation

2009
Mom's passing. Road trip to Wisconsin. Mac!

2008
Ben

2007
Anderson, Yellowstone

2006
Never leave home without your camera.

2005
Full time employment returns!

2004
Abrazo

2003
Cancer

2002
Return to Phoenix. Living with Dad.

2001
9/11 and the surreal beginning to where we currently find ourselves in this country.

2000
Foggy early morning, walking down Market Street on January 1st to go to work to make sure that our interconnected world hadn't blown up at midnight and thinking, "So this is what the year 2000 looks like. We were lied to."

1999
Realizing I'd become the very thing I swore I never would when I originally arrived in San Francisco in 1986: a jaded old queen living up on the hill.

1998
Back to Phoenix. Turning 40 and living with Mom; later, returning to Oz again.

1997
Redeeming my life at 33 rpm

1996
Return to Oz. Employment hell. Yosemite and Mono Lake. Dragon Lady Productions

1995
Leaving San Francisco. Tucson and the Emmett Higgen affair.

1994
Jezebel, the car from Hell.

1993
Hell on Fell.

1992
The Rory Hansen Affair.

1991
Dennis's passing.

1990
14th & Church

1989
The Earth shook.

1988
The Michael Rose Affair

1987
My first apartment in San Francisco. Kenny, Dave, Kevin.

1986
Aliens (the movie). Breaking up with Bernie and moving into my own place. The black behemoth. Yamaha, finally! Ben Walzer. Arrival in Oz. "The City will chew you up and spit you out!"

1985
Bernie, Kekku and the trip to San Francisco.

Funny how so many of my answers have changed from the last time I did this.

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now? The driver's side floor mat and the windshield sun screen.
2. When was the last time you threw up? Too many years ago to remember.
3. What's your favorite curse word? Jeeezus Christ!
4. Name 3 people who made you smile today. Ben. He's the only person I've really had any real interaction with.
5. What were you doing at 8 a.m. this morning? Trying in vain to go back to sleep.
6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? At Walgreens picking up some stuff.
7. Have you ever been to a strip club? No.
8. What is the last thing you said aloud? Black tea…and a chocolate chip muffin, please.
9. What is the best ice cream flavor? I really don't eat ice cream much anymore.
10. What was the last thing you had to drink? See #8 above.
11. What are you wearing right now? My "Incredibelchers" T-shirt and jeans.
12. What was the last thing you ate? See #8 above.
13. Have you bought any new clothes this week? No.
14. Where were you last? See #6 above.
15. What's the last sporting event you watched? Sporting event? Hahaha!
16. Who won? See #15.
17. Who is the last person you sent a comment/message to? John.
18. Ever go camping? Only when I was a child.
19. What song are you listening to? Something being played by an awful live band at the coffee house. And I wouldn't call it listening; it's more like trying desperately to ignore.
20. Do you drink your soda from a straw? Don't drink soda.
21. What did your last text message say? Maybe you'll share?
22. Who're your best friends? I don't have any friends who stand out more than others. They're all my best friends.
23. What are you doing tomorrow? Starting a new job.
24. Where is your mom right now? Her ashes are in an underground vault in Appleton, Wiscosin.
25. Look to your right, what do you see? Ben working on his laptop.
26. What color is your watch? Don't wear a watch.
27. What do you think of when you think of Australia? The old Bear Scans Brisbane website and the two owners who "visited" me in San Francisco.
28. Ever ridden on a roller coaster? Nope.
29. Do you go in at a fast-food place or just hit the drive through? Go in.
30. What is your favorite number? Favorite number? Are you serious?
31. Do you have a dog? Yes.
32. Last person you talked to on the phone? My recruiter.
33. Have you met anyone famous? No, but I swear to the FSM that Mark Hamill once flirted with me on the F-Train in SF.
34. Any plans today? Grocery shopping, dinner with Ben and one of Ben's colleagues.
35. How many states have you lived in? 3.
36. Ever go to college? Yes.
37. Where are you right now? In a state of disbelief that I'm actually doing this. Physically? Copperstar Coffee.
38. Biggest annoyance in your life right now? See #19 above.
39. Are you in love with someone right now? Yes, and for the last seven wonderful years.
40. Are you allergic to anything? Lotsa stuff.
41. Favorite pair of shoes? No.
42. Are you jealous of anyone? No
43. Is anyone jealous of you? Not that I know of…
44. Do any of your friends have children? Yes, but seriously…who the fuck cares?
45. Do you eat healthy? I try. Except when I don't.
46. What do you usually do during the day? The last six months have been spent online looking for work/blogging/goofing off, watching television, listening to music, playing with the dogs, mopping up dog pee, and running errands. Occasionally I get out to make photos.
47. Do you hate anyone right now? Hate is such a strong word, but the Donald Trump comes to mind.
48. Do you use the word 'hello' daily? I prefer "hi" or "hey."
49. How old will you be turning on your next birthday? No doubt older than you.
50. Have you ever been to Six Flags? No.
51. How did you get one of your scars (if you have any)? The one on my leg is from ripping my thigh open with a staple on an upholstered rocking chair as a kid. The crater over my right eyebrow is from a chicken pox blister that I picked off when I was six. The one on my left index finger resulted from attempting to use an X-acto blade incorrectly as an adult.

I'm now more convinced than ever that these things are written by pre-teen girls who own pink cell phones and whose rooms are decorated with stuffed unicorns.

Lust: Something that I find attractive.
Have you not seen at the pictures I post?

Pride: Something that I like about myself.
My integrity, the fact that if I tell you I'm going to do something I do it.

Sloth: Something that I dislike about myself.
My general laziness and lifelong antipathy for exercise.

Envy: Something I wish I was better at.
I wish I understood more deeply the core concepts that I'm supposed to know for my chosen career.

Gluttony: One of my favorite [fast] foods.
Jack-in-the-Box tacos.

Wrath: Something that gets me angry.
Willful ignorance and the increasing insouciance of the human population.

Greed: Something I can't get enough of.
Money. Once you have enough of that anything else you might want falls into place.

1 – How tall are you?
Shorter than Ben. Taller than a Hobbit.
2 – Sexual Orientation
Gay. Duh. Have you looked at this website?
3 – Do you Smoke?
No.
4 – Do you Drink?
No.
5 – Do you Take Drugs?
Other than prescribed medications, no.
6 – Age you get mistaken for
Usually about 10 years younger than I actually am. (see 2, 3, and 4 above)
7 – Have Tattoos?
Yes.
8 – Want any tattoos?
One more, yes.
9 – Got any Piercings?
Not any more.
10 – Want any piercings?
Been there, done that.
11 – Best friend?
My Ben.
12 – Do you like anyone?
What is this, high school?
13 – Top 5 favorite bands?
Bands? Are the 60s calling? I have eclectic tastes. I like Jazz, Classic Rock, Old School Disco and Pop. So let's say Duke Ellington (currently grooving on "Blues in Orbit"), Chicago, Elton John (from the 70s), Alec Costandinos, and the Pet Shop Boys
14 – Top 5 favorite songs?
Of all time? the last week? Impossible to answer because it would probably change before I finish this post.
15 – Biggest pet peeve?
Willfully stupid people. Clueless drivers. The entire Republican party. Hateful "Christians." People who are famous for being famous, i.e. the Kardashians. (Now there's a Venn Diagram for you!)
16 – Story from your childhood.
In sixth grade I'd just discovered the wonder of scientific thermometers. While at recess one day I snuck back into my classroom determined to discover the boiling point of water. The minute I put the thermometer in the boiling water it broke into two pieces. I had a witness to the deed, but I swore her to secrecy, and while she almost turned me in weeks later when the broken thermometer was discovered, I never fessed up and never got caught.
17 – I wish…
I had a new career and job that I actually looked forward to going to in the morning.
18 – Favorite foods?
Mexican
19 – Story about your day.
I spent most of the morning composing the last blog post. Then I went out and had lunch with Ben. And then the alien invasion began.
20 – Top 5 CILFs (Celebrities I'd Like to Fuck)?
Well, I guess based on this that Seth Rogen is on the list. But if you're talking about the other four (I only get 4?) they'd be Eddie McClintock, Channing Tatum (jeez, who wouldn't?), Skylar Astin, and lastly—Darren Criss (who I envision being a very pushy bottom).
21 – Top 5 favorite movies?
Personal Services, Blade Runner, Auntie Mame, Koyaanisqatsi, and a toss-up between Vicror/Victoria and 2001: A Space Odyssey.
22 – Top 5 favorite TV shows?
Doctor Who, NCIS, Chelsea Lately, Being Human and American Horror Story
If you count shows that are no longer aired, you can add Battlestar Galactica, Fringe, and Falling Skies to the list. It's more than 5. Deal with it.
23 – Random fact about yourself.
I didn't have my tonsils removed until I was in my 40s. (And NO, that's not a euphemism for anything.)