The (Not So) Funny Papers
Preach, Sister!
From the fabulous Margaret and Helen:
Margaret, I'm mad as hell and I have a few things I need to get off my chest. First, and most important, how the hell do Russians dope in Curling? Do you down a fistful of Xanax before you gently push the stone across the ice?
And speaking of Russians, there is something called a Russian Bot messing with our elections. One of them goes by the name @RealDonaldTrump. Now I don't know what a bot is, but I assume it looks like an asshole with a bad comb over.
For the love of man, do Trump's Twitter followers have any decency? These kids are not actors. They are re-acting to watching their friends get murdered by an 18 year old maniac with an assault rifle. I hope that is something these so called Patriots never have to experience.
The GOP's hypocrisy has no bounds. They can limit and restrict my right to an abortion or my grandson's right to get married, but the right to own a gun is a sacred gift from God. Because we all know that if the disciples had AR-15's, Jesus would have said, "Let's blow the shit out of those damn Romans. Make Nazareth Great Again."
And we know these NRA bought and paid for politicians aren't going to do a damn thing. If slaughtering elementary school kids didn't create new laws, this won't even phase them. And give me a break. Trump is all talk. No limits. No regulations. Bigger bullets. Longer barrels. Anything to make up for that tiny, orange carrot hanging between his legs.
We're talking about arming teachers instead of un-arming children. We're making plans to turn our schools into prisons rather than banning assault rifles from an unregulated, redneck militia. Somehow the solution to gun violence is more guns. Now that is some serious bullshit.
And when they are not attacking kids, these "Christians" are worshipping a golden calf. Actually it's more orange than gold. And more fool's gold than real gold. A foolish orange cow with a bad comb over.
Well, just like that precious Emma Gonzales, I call bullshit. The solution to gun violence is not more guns. And the NRA is not a membership organization for gun owners. It is a domestic terrorist organization for gun manufacturers. It buys politicians and then forever holds them hostage.
Margaret Mead once said, "Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed, it's the only thing that ever has." Never again indeed. If my daughter will take me, I'm going to that march in DC. And if I get anywhere near that golden cow, I'm going to slap that comb over right off its orange head.
Bullshit. The whole Trump presidency is bullshit. I mean it. Really.
Donald Trump and the GOP Have This All Wrong
On March 30 1981, the most closely guarded man in the world, President Ronald Reagan was the intended target of an assassin. The phalanx of security that surrounded him was impressive and well armed. Highly trained Secret Service, and uniformed District of Columbia Police were tasked with guarding the President. The armed professionals that day were bested by a disturbed individual, betting on fame that would be his ticket for the affections of a film actress Jody Foster. A poor aim, luck and a fast as light speed trip to the hospital saved President Reagan that day.
After events in Parkland, all the usual suspects, the NRA, Donald Trump, the Republican hierarchy, and the guns at all costs true believers are back; "we need more guns in schools! We can train and arm teachers to save students and Make America Great Again!". Would that it were that simple.
Where are the teachers found that can effectively secure students in an active shooter situation and go into full Rambo mode to dispatch evil that is willing to take as many souls as possible? Where is the NRA's champion good guy teacher with a gun? How much collateral damage will be caused by a close quarters gunfight in a classroom?
To turn teachers in to Militia men, willing to take a bullet, such creations are a fantasy of the NRA and now it seems to be the Great White Hope of the politically deluded. No amount of MAGA enthusiasm can be successful in Close Quarters Combat. For if evil is on a quest, no amount of armed encircling security can prevent a trigger pulling finger. Didn't help Ronald Reagan and it won't help a teacher and the students under siege with split seconds to decide what to do.
Quote Of The Day
I rise today to say treason is not a laughing matter. It is a serious crime embedded in the Constitution, punishable by death. But since your Commander-in -Chief chose to raise it at a political rally, let's have a discussion about treason… Is it treason for a presidential campaign to meet with a hostile foreign power to sell out our democracy and rig the election? Is it treason for a presidential campaign to meet with Russian spies who promise information that was negative about a political opponent and then fail to report that meeting to law enforcement officials? Is it treason for your former National Security Advisor to be a Russian asset sitting at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue doing the bidding of Vladimir Putin? How dare you lecture us about treason. This is not a dictatorship. It's a democracy, and we do not have to stand for a reality show host masquerading as president of the United States." ~ Hakeem Jeffries, Democratic Congressman from New York
We Could All Use A Good Laugh
Especially in the wake of the Orange Shitgibbon's desire to have a little parade of his own down the streets of DC.
Word.
Wouldn't It Just Be Easier to Tell The Truth?
This. Is. Brilliant.
It's All Chaos From Here On In
From The Palmer Report:
The sitting President of the United States has been caught committing serious crimes to rig the election in his favor, and then committing more crimes while trying to cover it up. The prosecutors have him all but nailed for obstruction of justice. The president is only left with no-win options. His popular support is weak and his own party is still trying to prop him up, but wary that a few more blows and it'll become impossible. Donald Trump is now living Richard Nixon's endgame nightmare, but the outcome is less predictable, because even Nixon wasn't this mentally unstable.
Welcome to 2018, or 1974 revisited if you like. Trump now has his back against the wall. There are days where he appears to understand that, and days where he's lost in a delusional haze, but the bottom line is that he's not getting past this. Maybe he'll agree to testify for Robert Mueller. Maybe he'll tell the truth, which would incriminate him. Maybe he'll lie, which would also incriminate him. Maybe he'll plead the Fifth, which would incinerate what's left of his presidency. We have no idea what he'll do, because even he keeps changing his mind out loud.
We do know, however, that we're entering a period of chaos. We can see it just from how rapidly the endgame moves are surfacing. Everyone from Trump's current Attorney General and current CIA Director, to his former FBI Director and his former Acting Attorney General, have all testified about him for the Special Counsel. People like Rick Gates, who didn't want a deal, now suddenly want a deal, because they know it's now or never.
All of the players in this scandal are trying to figure out how to play chess in a manner which keeps them from going to prison, and at the center of it all is a mentally deranged "President" who is intent on playing Hungry Hungry Hippos. Deals and confessions and accusations and incriminations will now be the norm. Revelations and bombshells will now land daily, as everyone jockeys for position. Donald Trump's remaining allies will launch whatever feeble or not-so-feeble counterattack they've been saving for the very end. Then we'll find out that Mueller has had an entire deck of aces up his sleeve all along.
We don't know precisely what will come next, both because this guy is too unstable, and because when the last guy was in this situation, this was roughly the point at which he quit. Nixon had the sense to understand that he wouldn't survive the obstruction charges. He knew it was about to finish him politically, so he bailed. What would have happened if Nixon had refused to resign, and he were five times crazier and ten times stupider? Welcome to 2018. Trump will go down in the end. But it's all chaos from here on in until he does.
Quote Of The Day
The President said he was going to run America like his businesses. Apparently we have reached the part where he would usually just declare bankruptcy and run away." ~ Jason Kander, Let America Vote
Oh No She Di'n't…
Oh yes she DID.
Burn
He Shoots…and scores for the Win!
Happy New Year!
Or as I also like to call it…
https://twitter.com/voenixrising/status/947582113603207168
The (Not So) Funny Papers
Fuck You, Trump
The (Not So) Funny Papers
So the Republicans in Alabama are About to Elect a Pedophile to the Senate
And the evangelicals are just fine with that. Because having a child rapist is better than having a Democrat.
Got it.
WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with this country? When did we slip into the Upside Down?
More importantly, how do we get rid of the Demogorgon in the White House that's normalizing all this and return to the real world?
Quote of the Day
We must never never adjust to the present coarseness of our national dialogue, with the tone set at the top. We must never regard as normal the regular and casual undermining of our democratic norms and ideals. We must never meekly accept the daily sundering of our country. The personal attacks, the threats against principles, freedoms and institution, the flagrant disregard for truth and decency, the reckless provocations, most often for the pettiest and most personal reasons, reasons having nothing whatsoever to do with the fortunes of the people that we have been elected to serve. ~ Senator Jeff Flake, (R) Arizona
I am no fan of Jeff Flake. Never have been. But it was quite heartening—not to mention just a little bit surreal—to hear him stand up in the Senate yesterday and finally say (as a Conservative) what we on the Left have been saying since last November. Trump is unfit for office. Period.
I'm Not a Witch…
…but I do approve of this message!
I curse Donald Trump and I curse his ideas. I invoke the Hex of Obsolescence.
May he be devoured by his own shadow, may his name stick in every throat, may the favoring of him bind to the earth every roving foot until the nail of hatred is pulled, may his ideas twist to lance any hand which will not renounce its greed, may the churned mud of lies clot every closed heart with weakness and fear, may he and his works fall and be devoured by the teeming creatures that feast on rot and putrescence, may his ugliness be sunk into emptiness and ruin, may his name and his word turn to dust and be driven like ash before a fiery wind, never to find rest in any fertile field, nor nourish any fruit.
All The Signs Were There…
From 2012!
https://twitter.com/voenixrising/status/263302113524867072
https://twitter.com/holytaco/status/266038965528821760
https://twitter.com/AIntercessor/status/264053170802659328
And from 2013…
So, apparently Putin is the right-wing's new heartthrob. Well golly. Imagine that: right-wingers lusting after an autocratic oligarch.
— Angelo Carusone (@GoAngelo) September 10, 2013
And to be filed under Some Things Never Change…
https://twitter.com/keirshiels/status/279874487351119872
Submitted Without Comment
The Pale Man represents all institutional evil feeding on the helpless. It's not accidental that he is a) Pale b) a Man. He's thriving now. pic.twitter.com/t3VXTc2V0F
— Guillermo del Toro (@RealGDT) February 2, 2017
Imagine How Dangerous He'd Be…
…if he actually surrounded himself with competent boot-lickers?
From Palmer Report:
Donald Trump's attorney Michael Cohen was set to voluntarily testify today before the Senate Intelligence Committee behind closed doors about his role in the Trump-Russia scandal. But after he made a last minute move that went against the Senate's wishes, it decided to cancel his private testimony and subpoena him to testify in public instead.
The controversy began when Cohen violated his agreement with the Senate by releasing a statement to the media declaring his innocence just before his testimony was set to take place. This prompted the Senate committee to decide that, because Cohen was speaking publicly about his testimony, he shouldn't be allowed to testify in private. It promptly sent him home – but his respite will be a very brief one.
Manu Raju of CNN has revealed that "Senate Intel now playing hardball with Trump lawyer Michael Cohen: Now plan OPEN session for Cohen to testify publicly" (link), while NBC News is confirming that he's being subpoenaed to force him to deliver that public testimony (link). If Cohen defies the subpoena, the Senate can find him to be in contempt of Congress. At that point a judge would have to decide whether Cohen can be legally compelled to show up and testify. This comes even as the Trump-Russia scandal is exploding in every direction over the past twenty-four hours.
Last night it was revealed that Donald Trump campaign chair Paul Manafort has been under a secret surveillance warrant the entire time, and that he's about to be indicted by Special Counsel Robert Mueller. Based on the timing of the warrant, it's believed that Trump was picked up on Manafort's wiretap when the two regularly spoke by phone after Trump took office. Meanwhile, Michael Cohen is about to be compelled to blab in public about his own role in the scandal.
Try Harder
Ass.
Quote of the Day
We are leaderless. America doesn't have a president. America has a man in the White House holding the spot, and wreaking havoc as he waits for the day when a real president arrives to replace him." ~ Charles M. Blow, writing in The New York Times
Blow continues:
Donald Trump is many things—most of them despicable—but the leader of a nation he is not. He is not a great man. Hell, he isn't even a good man.
Donald Trump is a man of flawed character and a moral cavity. He cannot offer moral guidance because he has no moral compass. He is too small to see over his inflated ego.
Trump has personalized the presidency in unprecedented ways—making every battle and every war about his personal feelings. Did the person across the street or around the world say good or bad things about him? Does the media treat him fairly? Is someone in his coterie of corruption outshining him or casting negative light on him?
His interests center on the self; country be damned.