Dear Leader is bugfuck nuts.

we know this. it’s not open to debate. we’ve all seen the erratic behavior. the pants-shittingly infantile tantrums. the utter lack of impulse control. the mood swings. the ever-shifting incoherence he wreaks on the world, as the family of raccoons that live inside his fat, waterlogged head randomly chew through allthe wires.

but you know who else is equally deranged?

Preznit Fuckwit’s stalker-slash-diaper-nurse, that’s who.

you know who I’m talking about: the Ivanka-esque blonde who’s ever-present, following three steps behind Dear Leader, everywhere he goes. the one whose official job is to make a broken-inside rage-baby feel good about himself.

Donny went on a posting spree yesterday, one that was even more crazypants than usual, shitting out dozens of childish memes all over his crappy app.

but of course, it wasn’t Donny pulling those antics all by himself. it’s Natalie Harp who curates all that shit in the first place and shows it to Donny, at which point he goes ‘hurr hurr hurr, so funny.’

so yeah, she’s every bit as bugfuck nuts as Dear Leader.

she’s also every bit as transphobic.

isn’t that charming? Donny and the diaper nurse are doubling down on the childish ‘Kaitlan Collins and Dylan Mulvaney, who can even tell them apart’crack that Donny made at the Correspondents’ Dinner. why? it wasn’t a particularly clever — or even remotely accurate — remark. it’s just a sad reminder that we’re dealing with the most infantile administration ever. it’s just sewer clowns and bridge trolls.

now, somebody please explain to me, what the fuck even is this?

seriously, who’s panicking? who is this aimed at? it’s just Donny and Nattie, high on their own supply, smiling at each other and going ‘they’re so scared of us.’

how fucking dumb.

and it’s all so delusional.

which man, exactly, ‘saved America’? the psychotic teenager who was so out of control that his cold and distant parents shipped him off to a military academy, so he’d be out of their hair? the serial predator who used to fight with his dead pedo bestie over which one of them had the right to ‘own’ the Motel-a-Lago ‘spa girls’? the racist game show host? or the current doughy pantload in the Oval Bordello?

who even comes up with this stuff? oh look, it’s the worst remake of North by Northwest ever.

let’s get real. any real-life scenario where George Washington meets Dear Leader would simply be George repeatedly smacking Donny upside the head and going ‘what the fuck is wrong with you? America doesn’t have kings, you stupid dipshit.’

how MAGA-pickled does your brain have to be to sit down at an AI prompt and go ‘draw me Dear Leader saving George Washington from falling off of Mount Rushmore and there should be a clock with lightning in the sky, because it’s all something something something time travel’?

this is like proudly announcing to the world, ‘look how mentally ill I am.’

so is this.

let’s do a quick fact check. does Donny in real life actually look as handsome and heroic as he does in that AI-generated drek?

yeeesh.

of course he doesn’t. that ‘cosmic commander’ bullshit is just the diaper nurse stroking the piss-baby’s ego. ‘look how rugged you are, sir!’

seriously, how can Natalie keep from swooning, being in such close proximity to such a hunk of alpha masculinity?

it’s all so fucking idiotic. no other world leader needs to be coddled like this. no other head of state runs their own social media site devoted to stroking their fragile ego. at this point, even Kim Jong-un has to be all ‘come on, dude. tone it down. you’re embarrassing yourself.’

and then there was this shit. Donny and Nattie farted out at about a dozen variations on the ‘Donny 2028’ theme, each one dumbfuckier than the next.

oh please. Donny wishes he looked anywhere near that good, ever.

it’s time for another fact check. here’s a photo from yesterday, by Matt Kaminsky, of Dear Leader waddling his way back to the White House after cheating at golf.

look, I’m going to go out on a limb here and make a prediction: there isn’t going to be any serious effort to run Donny again in 2028. all we’re seeing here is Donny’s minders trying to troll us, and get us all riled up over nothing. it’s a distraction — along with a generous dollop of letting Donny think he has a chance to run in 2028, just to keep him mollified.

but here’s where Nattie and Donny’s posting spree goes from stupid to reckless.

oh gee, Commander Crazypants is warmongering again. I have no idea what he imagines he’s accomplishing here, aside from antagonizing the country that’s currently shut down the Strait of Hormuz. does Donny actually believe that shitting out threats on social media is an effective way of negotiating?

Donny has clownfucked himself into an unwinnable don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran, a quagmire that’s now in it’s fifth month, with no end in sight — and now he’s making things worse for himself, by posting first and thinking never.

oh, it’s our tanker now? what, we’re going to board Iranian oil tankers? just like that?

that’s a pretty strong boast — especially considering that there are reports that Donny’s gin-soaked Secretary of Death had to put his jolly little war on hold, because we’re fucking running out of munitions.

The U.S. military had been poised Friday to launch an intensive series of strikes against Iran, which could have lasted up to two weeks, the officials said.

But the operation was delayed so diplomacy could proceed and as officials discussed the effect a major attack could have on the U.S.’s shrinking stocks of Patriot and other air defense interceptors.

gee, maybe Piss-Drunk Pete should have spent less time obsessing over the testosterone levels of his warfighting warfighters and more time on making sure he had enough bombs on hand to win the war he thought would be over in an afternoon.

which brings us to this exchange between Meet the Press’ Kristen Welker and UN Ambassador Mike Waltz, because — well, you have to hear it to believe it.

Welker: “NBC News is reporting that the Pentagon is actually rationing some defense weaponry amid diminishing supplies. is America backing away from a larger military attack because our stockpile has been depleted?”

Waltz: “look, we have to take a step back here. a lot of stockpiles were depleted … the administration inherited a depleted military under the Biden administration.”

Welker: “but you acknowledge that they’re depleted?”

Waltz: “I want to be crystal clear. the US military has everything that it needs to conduct this campaign, and I have to tell you, the people who are leaking this nonsense deserve to be in jail.”

got that? America doesn’t have enough munitions, because of that meanie Joe Biden, who was old and icky and smelled bad — but we also have more munitions than we need, and anyone saying otherwise needs to rot in prison.

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hey, speaking of rotting in prison — everything totally fucking sucks right now, but at least we can all enjoy Andrew Tate (or, more likely, some flunky posting for him) continuing to bellyache about how super unfair it is for an ahem alleged rapist and sex trafficker awaiting extradition for his ahem allegedcrimes to be deprived of his liberty.

boo fucking hoo.

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It feels like a good portion of this nation is on death watch right now.

My social media feed is filled with photos and videos gleefully documenting the markers of his physical deterioration, with rising hope as his public appearances grow more sporadic, with almost giddy prognostications of his departure date from this place. People are posting their plans as if preparing for New Year’s Eve or a World Series Championship.

I am not exactly one of those people.

Yes, he has been an odious blight upon this planet and a cancerous presence to this nation. He is, without question, one of the single most objectively horrible human beings our species has produced.

Setting aside the reality that his passing would elevate a successor who is smarter, shrewder, less impulsive, and potentially far more effective in accelerating this country’s slide into theocracy, authoritarianism, and economic devastation for everyone but the billionaire cadre of amoral tech bro vampires who elevated him to the platform to begin with.

But I don’t wish for his death.

I wish he’d never been born.

If he departs this mortal sphere as I type this, it will do nothing to undo all the evil that his now bruised hands have wrought, to erase every vile thing his presence has exposed as he ascended politically.

It will not rewind the years of those who lived in squalor and poverty in New York City, on whose backs he built his jittery, hollow empire.

His death will not bring financial restitution to the thousands of workers and contractors left abandoned by the many bankruptcies that emancipated him from responsibility.

It won’t give back wholeness and healing to the girls and women he violated in secret or maligned in public.

It will not reverse the irreparable damage he has done to a political party whose members individually and collectively abandoned every legal and moral expectation to fall prostrate before him.

It will not elicit repentance in a white Evangelical Church that parted ways with the compassionate, loving namesake of its faith tradition and fashioned a vicious, sneering, profane, God-mocking idol out of his antithesis and bowed down before it.

His passing now could not allow us to unsee the repugnant grievance cult he unleashed here; the historically hateful movement of miserable people who’ve spent the last decade reveling in an unrepentant ugliness because he gave them consent.

It will not remove the legion of incompetent, predatory, corrupt sycophants he poisoned our government with; people who have and will continue to dismantle and pervert our systems of care and legal oversight.

And his death, as much as it would feel like an initial reprieve from the chaos he has engineered and the unfathomable suffering he has spearheaded, would do nothing to conceal the vile sickness he exposed within the people around us: the long-simmering racism, the scalding contempt for foreigners, the phobic hatred of human beings for their gender identity or sexual orientation.

Long after he is gone, we will be left with what we now know about our family members and friends and neighbors; about the people in our churches, about the parents of our children’s friends; about the pillars of our communities, about those we trust to govern us, to protect and serve us.

These atrocities, sadly, will all long outlive him.

He lived, and his life has done its brutal, irreversible damage.

And with that being true, I do not wish for his death; not yet.

I hope and pray that he lives long enough to face legal accountability for his crimes; that he will not depart this place before escaping consequences for the willful disregard he has spent 80 years showing for the laws of our land, for the disparate humanity that has called this place home, and for the sacred and powerful platform he never deserved to begin with.

I want him to live long enough to face a cell before he faces his maker.

And I want to live long enough to see it.

That will be cause for true celebration.

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here comes a spoiler alert: you know that deteriorating Oompa Loompa in the Oval Bordello — the one with the fluorescent tangerine yap and the fucked-up rat’s nest of cotton candy bullshit on his head, and the stinky diapers, and the cankles, and the neckgina, and the rotting hands — the one who’s turned America into a festering shithole?

well, it turns out that he isn’t very popular. in fact, he’s fucking toxic.

that sound you hear is Donny Convict’s poll numbers cratering.

According to a new Washington Post-Ipsos poll released yesterday, only 15% of Americans strongly approve of Trump’s job as president, down 2% from what was already a record low in April. For context, the first poll conducted after the Jan. 6 attack on the Capitol still had 27% of the country strongly approving of Trump, down from a high of 35% the year before. His once “unshakable” base has now dwindled to about 1 in 6 Americans. Nearly half, or 47%, strongly disapprove.

wrap your mind around that: only 15% of Americans ‘strongly approve’ of Dear Leader.

that 15% represents what remains of the MAGA chuds who are too dim to realize that Donny has made their lives worse, along with everyone else’s — and there are only about as half as many of these brain-dead dipshits now as there were when Donny did his failed crybaby insurrection five and a half years ago.

let’s put that number in perspective.

Still, 15% of Americans are hanging strong with Trump. But then again, that’s less than the 19% who aren’t convinced the earth is round. Some people just don’t want to acknowledge reality.

yup, there are more dumbfucks walking around refusing to believe what their own eyes tell them about the shape of the planet than there are ‘strong’ supporters of Donny.

is it any wonder that Dear Leader is toxic right now? everything totally fucking sucks, it’s his fault, and everyone knows it.

we’ve got state-sponsored racism, and masked government thugs gunning down whoever looks at them funny. greed and corruption are off the charts, with a chief executive whose only interests are lining his own pockets and turning the White House into an even tackier version of his Florida golf motel.

and we’ve got that unwinnable don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran that just resulted in the tragic deaths of two more American service members.

nobody voted for that shit. oh sure, Dear Leader’s cultists may have voted for the racism and the incoherence and the owning the libs, but they sure as hell didn’t vote for some clusterfuck of a war that’s raised the price of every fucking thing. so even they’re pissed at Donny right now.

plus, he’s a fuck-up. he’s fucked up our once-strong economy. he’s fucked up our relationships with our allies. he’s fucked up the East Wing, the South Lawn, the Rose Garden, and the Reflecting Pool.

he even fucked up America’s 250th birthday party. who fucks up a birthday party?

Donny, apparently.

how completely fucking embarrassing. you only get one shot at a 250th birthday party, and Donny whiffed.

so yeah, even the law-wattage chuds are starting to figure out that he’s not the messiah they thought he was. he’s a very naughty boy.

enjoy your 15% ‘strong approval’ rating, Donny. you did that!

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you know what else is unpopular? ass-spraying mayhem. that shit’s got a zero percent strong approval rating.

you know what else is unpopular? ass-spraying mayhem. that shit’s got a zero percent strong approval rating.

Grocers and retailers rushed to pull products containing iceberg lettuce off shelves on Saturday, as Taylor Farms issued a recall, notifying customers that lettuce shipped to 27 states may have been contaminated.

The largest produce company in the country is under scrutiny after federal officials linked the company’s Mexico plant to an outbreak of illness from cyclospora, a parasite that can cause severe illness, including vomiting, cramping and explosive diarrhea.

now, it’s all well and good that shit is finally being dealt with, but check out this paragraph that’s buried down all the way at the bottom of the NY Times’ report.

On Thursday evening, Taylor Farms executives met with the White House and the Food and Drug Administration to try to distance the company from the outbreak and air concerns about the official investigations into the outbreak.

what the fuck?

the fact that these sons of bitches were at the White House, trying to obfuscate their culpability, should be the lede of the story — not something mentioned in passing two paragraphs up from the end. most folks don’t even bother to read that far.

on top of that: how did Taylor Farms executives end up at the White House, anyway, right in the middle of this developing story? what corrupt shitwaddery is this?

I asked Google’s janky six-fingered plagiarism robot if Taylor Farms’ CEO had ever made political donations to Donny, and oh fucking boy, has he ever.

Bruce Taylor, CEO and chairman of Taylor Fresh Foods (Taylor Farms), and his company have a history of contributing to conservative and Republican political campaigns, including a notable $1 million donationtied to pro-Trump political funding infrastructure. Public campaign finance data and recent federal disclosures tracked by sources like OpenSecretsoutline these contributions. [1, 2, 3, 4]

oh, and the fuckery afoot here gets worse — and goes back more than a decade. feast your eyes on this, from the World Socialist Web Site.

In August 2013, the FDA’s traceback confirmed that the salad mix behind cyclosporiasis outbreaks in Iowa and Nebraska was supplied by Taylor Farms’ Mexican subsidiary to Olive Garden and Red Lobster restaurants. The FDA stated then, as the company states now, that grocery store packages were not implicated. That season, 631 laboratory-confirmed cases were reported across 25 states.

In October 2024, slivered onions Taylor Farms supplied to McDonald’s caused an E. coli O157:H7 outbreak that killed one person and sickened more than 100.

everyone should be fucking furious right now. this is yet one more example of off-the-charts corporate greed and corruption. Taylor Farms has been sickening and even killing Americans for years, and has been allowed to escape accountability, over and over.

and of course, Little Donny Fuckface is right in the middle of it, hosting late-night meetings with the culprits.

color me shocked.

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everything continues to totally fucking suck, but at least we can enjoy watching Andrew and Tristan Tate getting arrested.

Andrew and Tristan Tate have been arrested in US on British extradition request. They face 59 charges of rape, trafficking for sexual exploitation, assault and offences relating to indecent images of a child and extreme pornography.

this couldn’t have happened to a nicer couple of shitweasels. here’s the video.

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as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.

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monday: you wanna talk about ‘deformed’?

Nosferatu McGoebbels is what would happen if an irrational hatred of all that is decent and good in this world became a real boy.

just take a listen to what this undead shit-goblin has on his mind.

“it’s not a coincidence that when you look at these violent Antifa demonstrations, not one of the people that is demonstrating looks like a normal person. not one looks normal. they’re all deformed in some way in their appearance, in their dress, in their mannerism.”

‘deformed’?

bro, have you looked in a mirror lately?

wait, what am I saying here? vampires can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

 

okay, that certainly explains a lot.

let’s just give the final word on the subject of Stephen Miller to the folks at The Onion, because they’re so fucking good at this.

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tuesday: smell that? that’s the sweet smell of liberty

now let’s all watch as MAGA screech monkey Eric Metaxas teaches a master class in the difference between freedom and free dumb.

“‘air quality alert.’ so you’re like, okay, whatever that means. it’s going to be hot and humid, okay, air quality alert. then it says, it tells you, limit outdoor activity. and I thought, who’s telling me how to live my life? I’m an adult man, in a free country. you’re telling me, ‘limit outdoor activity’? so this is Big Brother with your tax dollars, telling you how to live? how dare they? how dare they say that? who are they? who has the right to tell me or you or anyone anything? it’s a free country, I can do whatever I want. but somebody in the government has the temerity to say ‘limit outdoor activity.’”

okay, I had to watch that clip two or three times, just to make sure that Eric Metaxas wasn’t mocking people who think like this. oh no, he’s serious. he’s super fucking outraged to be asked to follow voluntary health guidelines.

dude, Canada is burning to the ground right now, and all that smokey shit is floating right right down into our country. yeah, for your own good, you might want to avoid filling your lungs with that.

oh, you think so? well you can get the fuck out of here with your useful advice, because nobody tells Eric Metaxas what to do.

and this, my friends, is the difference between freedom and free dumb.

freedom is the ability to live your life as you see fit. free dumb is doing stupid shit specifically because someone tells you not to.

this is why so many of these dumbfucks died during covid — because nobody tells MAGA what to do.

so go for it, Eric. step outside and breathe deeply. fill your chest with all that smokey goodness. mmm, feel that tightness? that overwhelming urge to cough up a lung? that’s free dumb!

and while you’re at it, go play in traffic. that’ll really stick it to The Man.

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wednesday: attention, citizens! new patriot guidelines have dropped

yes, this is an actual post that the White House put up on Elon’s Nazi Bar and Child Porn Emporium.

okay, the top row is pretty easy to figure out. don’t tread on the flag, yadda yadda. whatever. the bottom row is a complete mystery. what’s the unpatriotic part, being a sore loser? being a sore winner? not showing up at all for the bronze medal? oh wait — it’s being a guy and playing women’s sports. way to be incoherent AND completely fucking transphobic at the same time, White House.

but it’s the middle row that really has me perplexed. wearing a sombrero is unpatriotic? really?

now, I wanted to know if everyone’s gotten the memo on this. so, in the name of Responsible Journalism and Everything™, I asked Google’s janky six-fingered plagiarism robot to show me ‘pictures of Republicans wearing sombreros’ — and this is what it served up: six-time international lap hockey champion Handy Oakley, tarted up for Halloween in Mexican cosplay, along with her boyfriend, dressed as in ICE thug.

they’re such charming people. so classy. I hope the vigorous beetlejuicings this guy is getting is worth the embarrassment of being seen in public with a complete ninny

but the plagiarism robot also showed me this.

and this.

so now I’m really confused.

hey guys — don’t nobody tell Eric Metaxas that he’s not allowed to wear a sombrero, because you know what he’ll do next.

thursday: just fuck off

now, why am I unsurprised to learn that Fox News found object Jesse Watters is a brainless giggling shitstack who thinks rape is super fucking hilarious?

“women on base, you better be careful, HEH HEH. port calls, women, HEH, Asia, you better be careful. because these guys are going to be wild animals and you better watch out. [bursts out laughing]”

shut the fuck up, piggy. what the fuck is wrong with you?

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friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™

on Friday, some fucking idiot threw one of his most childish tantrums ever — and that’s saying a lot.

the fucking idiot got Big Mad at Canada for allowing themselves to burn to the ground.

I shit you not.

how dare Canada inconvenience us with their stupid smoke? why aren’t they raking their forests? well, the fucking idiot’s gonna settle Canada’s hash, but good. he’s going to make them pay a smoke tariff! boo-yah, Canada!

what a fucking idiot.

the fucking idiot also got Big Mad at that imaginary inflatable Antifa frog who put that skillionty-mile-long slash into his beloved Epstein Reflecting Pool.

look at what Antifa is making the fucking idiot do. now he has to go out and find a vandal-proof liner.

gee, if only there were some way of putting a fucking-idiot-proof liner around the entire country.

then it was time for the fucking idiot to attend his one scheduled public event for the day: a reception for FIFA at his fugly golden tower in New York City.

the fucking idiot used this festive occasion to whine once again about the 2020 election, and also to ramble incoherently about [checks notes] not getting credit for [checks notes again] 250 years? what the fuck?

fact check: the fucking idiot’s father was born in The Bronx.

here, the fucking idiot asks if anyone knows what he’s talking about. the answer is no.

apparently, the fucking idiot’s freakishly tall son is freakishly awesome at handling balls. who knew?

finally, when the reception was over, the fucking idiot, looking extremely svelte, was forklifted into his big boy booster seat on Marine One and flown to his New Jersey ex-wife cemetery, where he’ll be spending the weekend.

and because the press wasn’t allowed at any point to get near the fucking idiot, not one reporter had the opportunity to stand up and, at long last, ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’

how fucking idiotic is that?

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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there are days when everything in the news is so profoundly idiotic that I don’t even know where to begin. yesterday was one of those days — so once again, I’m just going to drag out the Big Wheel of Moron™, give it a spin, and see where it lands. ready? here we go.

 

what. in the actual. fuck.

first of all, let’s all breathe a sigh of relief, because this vulgar abomination isn’t real — at least, it isn’t real yet. what Preznit Fuckwit’s shat out onto his crappy app is the product of some janky six-fingered plagiarism robot.

but the question must be asked: was the AI that ginned this up trained on a copy of The Rise And Fall Of The Third Reich? it’s a legit question, because you know who else was in madly in love with eagles with their wings all spread out and shit? of course you do.

oh look, it’s Adolf Hitler, giving a speech in front of a ginormous Nazi eagle, and everyone in the audience is sieg heiling to beat the band. which, as long as we’re on the subject, reminds us of —

why does everything this administration does turn out to be something the Nazis did first?

nobody asked for this. nobody said, ‘gee, Donny there isn’t enough golden shit trashing up the White House yet. is there any way you can wedge some vulgar Nazi-themed eagle into the mix, maybe above the front door?’

it’s bad enough that all of Donny’s policies remind that he’s trying to build his own fucked-up Turd Reich, does he really have to steal all their symbolism as well?

well, that was fun. are you ready for another spin of the wheel? here we go—

fuck, it landed on Donny again. come on Donny, stop being such an attention hog.

reporter: “what are your plans for the housing bill?”

Donny: “I don’t— know. I think it’s so— unimportant by compared to— by compared to the Save America Act. the housing bill is a bill that can get approved. they worked on it long and hard. it’s very— bipartisan. that means Democrats like it. and it’s uhhhhh— maybe— even— uhhhhh, it’s, it’s probably maybe more that way, they’re getting things that I wouldn’t necessarily agree to. nobody knows more than housing in the history of the presidency, nobody, nobody, no— well like me, in housing. I made a lot of— I made a lot of money. I made a lot of money with housing.”

heh heh, he said ‘long and hard.’

oh my god, Donny’s brain is fried. folks, I want to assure you there are no transcription errors in that excerpt. I took great pains to type out that torrent of incoherence exactly as it seeped from Dear Leader’s rancid anus-mouth. yes, he actually said ‘by compared to’ — twice.

let me ask you a question: do you think Donny even knows what’s in the housing bill he’s refusing to sign? because he sounds like a fifth-grader called upon to get up in front of the whole class to give an oral report on a book he absolutely forgot to read.

‘… and so if you have courage, they give you a red badge, and that’s why everyone should read The Red Badge of Courage.’

Donny’s oral report on the Red Badge of Housing Bill is just as nonsensical, because — spoiler alert — the illiterate fuck didn’t read it, and he can’t remember what he was told about it, because he was too busy watching himself on Fox News to listen. all he knows is that Democrats like it, which means it must be baaaaaad.

look, you can take Donny’s word for it, because he knows more about housing than all the housers. big strong housings, with tears in their eyes, come up and tell him so every day.

this guy’s a fucking idiot, and he’s making policy decisions based on vibes. what could possibly go wrong?

ugh. help us, Big Wheel of Moron™, and spin us the fuck out of here.

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so, for those of you keeping score at home:

if you come to our nation’s capital and you so much as dip your pinky into the sacred and holy Epstein Reflecting Pool, you will spend the rest of your life in the hoosegow.

but it you come to DC in order to bludgeon cops with flagpoles, break into the Capitol, and take a shit on the floor of the House, the government will pardon you, apologize to you for the inconvenience, and — if Donny gets his way — enrich you beyond your wildest dreams

holy shit. spin us out of here, Big Wheel.

Dr. Oz has no freaking clue how insurance works, does he?

“of the people who signed up, 40% never use the insurance. let me ask you, John, you have health insurance — do you use it once a year? in Obamacare right now 40% of the people ostensibly signed up never use the insurance … we have a lot of fake people on the policies.”

wait, what?

on what planet is paying for insurance and not using it proof of fraud?

now look. I pay X dollars a month for car insurance. I’ve never filed a claim, because I’ve never had an accident. according to Dr. Oz, that somehow means I’ve been defrauding that cute little Geico gecko for years. I would never do that. I mean, look at this little homey. he’s fucking adorable.

now, this would all be hilarious of Dr. Oz were merely some loudmouth drunk at the end of the bar, ranting about all those goddamned Obamacare fraudsters, before passing out face-down in a puddle of his own sick.

but Oz is the administrator of the US Centers for Medicare and Medicaid Services. that’s way too much power for any crackpot this ignorant to hold — and he’s going to use this counterfactual bullshit as an excuse to kick people off Obamacare.

my head hurts. let’s give this accursed Wheel one final spin.

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ha! you knew we’d eventually land on Donny’s Big Vacant Shitpile Of Nothingness, didn’t you?

as Aaron Rupar sagely observed when he posted this clip, ‘this is some epic cope.’

Larry ‘Three Sheets’ Kudlow: “help me out, I want to be a part of this.”

Fox correspondent: “perhaps now that the closing bell is here, we’re gonna get more people out here.”

yeah, you keep telling yourself that — that people were only waiting for Wall Street’s closing bell to ring at 4pm before heading to the Mall. let us know how that works out for you.

my god, Fox News wants so hard for Donny’s Ginormous Barren Abyss to be a success, and it just ain’t happening. four days after it opened, the Great American State Fair remains a ghost town.

oh, wait — here comes someone. let’s see if we can get them to stop for an interview.

oops, our mistake. it was just some random tumbleweed.

it’s four more days until July 4th, and things are just going to keep getting stupider.

lucky us.

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the thing about Donny’s Reflecting Pool debacle is that everyone can see with their own eyes just how badly he’s fucked up.

this isn’t like some don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war half a world away, or some loony policy decision whose ruinous effects won’t come to light for months or years.

no, this one’s a huge clownfucked mess, and it’s right there in front of everyone’s faces.

and so Donny’s decided to solve this self-inflicted disaster in the most Donny way possible: by declaring that if you touch his beloved Pool, you’re going to jail for a millionty skillion years.

The United States Park Police have arrested multiple individuals for vandalizing our Nations magnificent Reflecting Pool. Who would do such a thing? These are very serious crimes having to do with the destruction of National Monuments. Years in jail! Work will begin immediately on its repair. President DJT

years in jail! make them do hard labor! feed them bread and water! off with their fucking heads!

let’s be crystal clear here: nobody is vandalizing Dear Leader’s big watery shitpile. that’s a fever-swamp hallucination that exists only inside Donny’s waterlogged head.

nobody is doing this. nobody is going down the the Atifa store and buying the biggest goddamned Antifa knife they can, and the heading over to the Pool — which has 24-hour live cameras directed at it seven days a week — and somehow slashing the shit out of it, and then making a clean getaway, without being seen.

what people are being carted away in handcuffs for is touching the paint chips that have already broken off, or fishing them out of the water.

one person charged told The Post he touched the peeling paint but did not cause damage. Another was heard telling officers she pulled a piece of floating paint out of the water.

what an excellent use of law enforcement time and resources, nailing people for the heinous crime of Grand Theft Paint Chips — all because the colicky piss-baby in the Oval Bordello can’t ever take responsibility for his own fuck-ups.

it’s all so fucking stupid and childish. nonetheless, America’s tipsiest US Attorney was all over Fox News yesterday, vowing to prosecute any miscreant or ne’er-do-well who even looks at the Reflecting Pool funny.

“these are cases that will be prosecuted to the full extent. if there are more serious products that are put into the Reflecting Pool to create more algae, or a bigger problem, then we’ll consider more serious charges. but make no mistake: making DC beautiful is a priority, and if you damage, vandalize, or do anything to impact something like the Reflecting Pool, you can be prosecuted.”

once again: nobody is doing this. nobody is vandalizing the Pool. nobody is putting ‘products’ into the pool to ‘create more algae.’ they don’t even sell that shit at the Antifa store. I just checked.

Jeanine Pirro — who was appointed to her job because she’s loyal, not because she’s competent (or sober) — is going to prosecute innocent people who did nothing wrong, just to please Dear Leader.

this is so dumb. this is the Sandwich Guy all over again.

remember the Sandwich Guy? he was the dude who got arrested for lobbing his lunch at a DC cop.

Tipsy McBoxwine was so super fucking horny to make an example out of Sandwich Guy that she dressed up in Holstein cow cosplay to moo loudly about how she was going to prosecute the shit out of him.

remember what happened next? she tried to get a grand jury to indict Sandwich Guy for felony assault, and the grand jurors were all ‘are you kidding us, Jeanine? it’s a fucking sandwich.’

most prosecutors would have let it go after that, but because Pirro is apparently as big a glutton for self-humiliation as Dear Leader is, she then charged Sandwich Guy with a misdemeanor, and wasted taxpayer money on a pointless, three-day trial.

spoiler alert: Sandwich Guy got acquitted, because it was a fucking sandwich, Jeanine.

and now, here were are all over again. Pirro is going to waste government resources and money on pointless show trials, and fuck with the lives of innocent people — and in the end, all these people are going to walk free, because it’s fucking paint chips, Jeanine.

let’s recap just how the fuck we got here.

Donny invented an imaginary problem where none existed, and then bragged that he was the only person in the world who could solve it. without bothering to consult a single expert, he handed a juicy contract worth millions to an incompetent crony, who did a slapdash job that went way over budget. then, without waiting to see what the actual results were, he praised himself and took a victory lap. when it all blew up in his big, dumb pumpkin face, he hired some other unqualified crony to implement a ‘fix’ that just made the everything worse — at which point he started blaming everyone else and whining about how it was all a conspiracy against him. so unfair! so unfair!

if all that sounds familiar, that’s because it is. this is the same template Donny applies to every single one of his fuck-ups, whether it’s a bankrupt casino or a botched don’t-you-dare-call-it-a-war on Iran.

and now, Donny has the National Guard ‘protecting’ his fugly green Pool, because of course he does.

that’s Donny’s ultimate solution to everything, to turn America in a police state.

lucky us.

we haven’t had a Hero of the Day for a while, so let’s have one now: the person or persons posting on Instagram as vjaybombs.

they’ve been projecting awesome images all over DC. check this out.

my favorite is Nosferatu McGoebbels as a bat, projected onto the Lincoln Monument.

the link to the original video on Instagram is here. go show them some love.

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hey, remember when the President of the United States wasn’t a malignant toad who gleefully shits all over the values we hold dear? this guy does.

“it’s why the exhibits here focus not just on policies, but on the shared values that make democracy possible. a belief in the intrinsic dignity and worth of all people, and that no one is above the law — or beneath its protection. a belief in checks and balances in our government, and an accountability that comes with it. an independent judiciary, and a robust free press. a belief that our military and law enforcement owe allegiance not to any president or political party, but to the people and our Constitution. a belief in the peaceful transfer of power after the people have spoken in fair and free elections. recognizing that in a large, complicated society like ours, no group or faction gets its way 100% of the time. and a belief that qualities of character — honesty, integrity, kindness, compassion, a sense of duty and honor — those things matter in our public dealings, just as they do in our private lives.”

that, of course, was Barack HUSSEIN Obama, speaking at yesterday’s opening of the Obama Presidential Center in Chicago. in the span of one minute and twenty-five seconds, Obama lays out all the things we’ve lost — and must regain — in the years since Little Donny Fuckface inflicted himself on us.

checks and balances. the peaceful transfer of power. kindness and compassion. remember that shit? the firehose of fuckery has been spraying nonstop into our faces for so long that it’s easy to forget that none of what we’re going through right now is normal. blatant corruption isn’t normal. incoherent foreign policy isn’t normal. masked government thugs on the streets of our cities isn’t normal.

thank you, Barack Obama, for reminding us of this.

no wonder the malignant toad in the Oval Bordello hates Obama.

Obama is everything Donny isn’t — and never will be. he’s smart, he’s articulate, he’s physically fit. he has class, he has style, he has dignity. he has the respect of his peers. he can speak in complete sentences, and finish a coherent thought. he has tangible accomplishments — and he has a wife who actually loves him, and isn’t some pedo-bestie hand-me-down.

oh yeah, and there’s also that whole Peace Prize thing.

Michelle Obama: “you were doing the people’s work. rescuing our economy. expanding healthcare. ending a war. ordering the bin Laden raid. saving the auto industry. winning a Peace Prize.”

that’s right, the real Peace Prize — the Nobel one, not that ginned-up trinket that FIFA fished out of some Cracker-Jack box and bestowed upon Dear Leader.

hey, did you catch the Email Lady’s joyous cackle at the 21-second mark in that clip? I think in that moment, Hillary laughs for all of us.

we definitely need to gif that shit.

here’s a pro tip for Donny: live your life in such a way that the whole world doesn’t piss itself with glee while recounting all your failings. oh wait, too late for you, pal.

Stephen Colbert was at the Obama Center — in a tan suit.

masterful troll, sir.

every living former president and first lady was in attendance.

you know who was conspicuous in his absence? that ginormous piss-baby back in the Oval Bordello, that’s who. he couldn’t make it to Chicago, because he was too busy being, well, a ginormous piss-baby.

at the same time Obama was being feted in Chicago, Donny was ostensibly participating in a Medal of Honor ceremony — but of course, the whiny fuck couldn’t go five entire seconds without making it all about himself.

“only a few have received our highest— military distinction, the Congressional— Medal of Honor. I wanted to give it to myself, but I was informed I couldn’t do it.”

shut the fuck up, Cadet Bone Spurs. I don’t think they give out medals for having a note from your doctor.

the nerve of this five-time draft dodger, imagining that he’s somehow deserving of our nation’s highest military honor.

for what, pray tell? for clownfucking our entire country into a humiliating surrender in Iran? I’m pretty sure they don’t give out medals for incompetence, either. maybe Donny’s friends at Four Seasons Total Foreign Policy Disasters can gin one up for him.

can you imagine Obama ever whining about how unfair it is to be denied an honor he hadn’t earned? of course you can’t. Obama has dignity, and isn’t a narcissistic valor-stealing shit-goblin.

now it’s time to pour one out for MAGA. they’re going through some things right now.

stuff a sock in it, racist. exactly how did Barack and Michelle Obama ‘divide America’? by presidenting and first-ladying while black?

seriously, I defy any one of these bigoted shit-kazoos to come up with an explanation of Obama’s supposed divisiveness that doesn’t boil down to ‘I got mad because a black man was president.’

grow the fuck up.

oh look, professional campaign-loser Joey Mannarino wants to contribute to the discourse.

boo fucking hoo, crybabies. munch on binkie

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now check out this slice of prime dumbfuckery. the situation keeps getting worse over at Donny’s brand-new Epstein Reflecting Pool.

remember all that hydrogen peroxide they dumped into the pool a couple days ago, to deal with the algae problem? you’ll never guess what all that peroxide did: it dissolved all that brand-new blue paint and sent it to the surface in huge sheets.

look at this shit.

but wait, the clownfuckery gets even more clownfuckier. the incompetents that Donny hired to fix the algae problem were cronies of Donny’s, and they got a $1.7 million no-bid contract, because of course they did. that’s on top of the $14 million no-bid contract that some other crony of Donny’s got for doing that shitty blue paint job in the first place. and not one of these dumbfucks ever stopped to ask ‘why are we dumping paint-stripper into a freshly painted pool?’

shitty timelines don’t get shitty all by themselves. they need a corrupt and incompetent Dear Leader to give them a little nudge in the right direction.

it’s just one more thing for the next president’s Secretary of Unfucking All That Shit to deal with.

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remember the 2006 movie Idiocracy? its premise was ‘what if everyone in America was a fucking moron — and what if the biggest fucking moron of all was the president?’

within the world of the movie, it took hundreds of years for the United States to devolve into a state of permanent, unending stupidity.

it real life, it only took ten.

lucky us.

take a look at the heaping slice of dumbfuckery that happened on Saturday, the day before Donny’s beloved cage fight: motorcycles were zipping through the air above the White House fountain.

let me just gif that shit, because you won’t believe it unless you see it. does this not look like a deleted scene from Idiocracy?

it was a crass display of toxic hypermachismo, just as our founders intended.

seriously, I’ll bet if old Ben Franklin could have seen this, he would have been all “I said ‘it’s a republic, if you can keep it.’ I didn’t say anything about a pedo president shitting his vulgar aesthetic all over the People’s House. what the fuck is wrong with you?”

look, if watching dipshits do somersaults on motorcycles floats your boat, go for it. we’re not here to police anyone’s idea of entertainment. but keep that shit off the grounds of the White House. it’s loutish and undignified.

when Idiocracy was released in 2006, the idea of a nation of morons ruled over by a oafish fool seemed like something that could only be mocked in a movie — yet here we are. that’s because stupid timelines don’t get stupid all by themselves. they need idiots like Preznit Fuckwit to make them stupid.

hey, remember in Idiocracy how President Camacho made his State of the Union entrance, firing an assault weapon?

I guarantee that Donny Convict would love to make an entrance like this, but he’s too old and feeble — and, above all, Preznit Five Deferments is much too chickenshit to ever pull an actual trigger. so he does the next best thing: he arranges for muscle-bound numbskulls to beat the shit out of each other for his own personal entertainment.

Roman Empire much?

that’s really what this is all about: Donny’s infantile winners-and-losers worldview. I would love nothing more than to explain this to you, but Robert Reich has beaten me to it.

Trump and his regime are seeking to project an America that’s like the winner of a cage match.

Trump sees everything and everyone in terms of dominance or submission, and he’s hellbent on dominance. “You’ll never take back our country with weakness, you have to show strength and you have to be strong,” he told his supporters on January 6, 2021, before urging them to go the Capitol.

He views America as locked in a zero-sum match with the rest of the world, and there’s no limit to our violence.

well-adjusted people don’t think like this. well-adjusted people understand that we’re all trapped on this planet together, and the best possible outcome requires all of us to peacefully coexist and get along with each other.

but just try explaining any of that to the Oval Bordello diaper-shitter whose entire life has been one long mission to prove to the world that he’s not the whiny loser that his tyrant Klansman father always told him he was.

here’s one problem with seeing every fucking thing as a battle to be won: you end up beefing with the weather.

his was all so fucking pointless and stupid. it’s an objective fact that the Sunday weather forecast in DC was abysmal, and it’s also fact that the cagefuck event had to be delayed for hours because of the abysmal weather

but because the White House is run by children who shit their pants over every fucking thing, they had to insult the poor schmuck whose job it was to accurately report the weather, calling them a ‘friendless loser.’

it’s all so fucking dumb.

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wait, did I say that this cage-fight thing was all about Donny’s dominance-and-submission worldview? I was wrong. it was also about making a profit, and making sure Dear Leader gets a cut of the action.

it turns out that the whole goddamned thing was a money-making venture, from start to finish. this gaudy cagefuck was held on the lawn of the People’s House, but if We the People wanted to see it, we had to pony up first.

as for the event itself, it was just one shameless commercial after another, projected onto screens right in front of the White House

here’s Brendan Ballou, founder of the Public Integrity Project, to lay out just why this is so fucked up.

MS Now: “right now let’s take a look at some of the ads appearing on the White House lawn. there is beer, crypto, nicotine pouch ads, and they’re all inside the claw there. and you took issue at the branding at the event and UFC’s broadcast partner Paramount Skydance, so what are your concerns about the branding?”

Brendan Ballou: “ultimately, we have any number of laws that are trying to prevent our national parks and national monuments being used for for-profit, corrupt endeavors, which is exactly what’s going on here. the UFC, which is very closely allied to Donald Trump, stands to make a lot of money from it’s branding, not to mention the 1.5 million dollar individual sponsorship packages that it’s selling. Donald Trump stands to make a lot of money through the stock that he has invested in the UFC’s Paramount company… this is a literalization of the corruption we’re experiencing in America right now, where you literally have sponsorships that the president and his friends are going to benefit from at our national monuments.”

corporate logos slapped all over our government, that shit’s literally out of Idiocracy.

nd now, we really need to hear from Josh Hokit, who had this heartfelt message of peace and unity after successfully beating the shit out of his opponent.

“Michelle Obama is a man!”

what a charmer.

why even go there? it is too really much to ask that these fuckstains check their hate and bigotry at the door, and not vomit it into all of our faces? if this nitwit had kept his hateful mouth shut, we could have only assumed he was a piece of shit. now that he’s opened it, we all know it for sure.

this is what happens when you give the worst people in the world free reign to be the worst people in the world: the truth always outs.

instead of having Josh Hokit whale the tar out of dinguses, can we not arrange for him to try to get the round peg in the round hole? because that’s what really would be entertaining to me.

the ultimate joke’s on this asshole, however, because he’s getting paid in fake money.

The Ultimate Fighting Championship (UFC) announced on Friday that it will pay bonuses to fighters in a form of cryptocurrency issued by Trump family business World Liberty Financial at the heavily publicized White House mixed martial arts event on Sunday.

The development connects the Trump family’s financial interests to the high-profile UFC competition being promoted on government property. The competition on the south White House lawn is scheduled for 14 June, Donald Trump’s birthday.

oh how great. not only are these violent dipshits getting imaginary money whose only use is paying for crimes, it’s being done so in a way that personally profits Dear Leader — because of course it does.

everything is a grift with this gonif.

it’s cheap, it’s crass, and it’s downright un-American.

in the 1970s, Jimmy Carter had to sell his peanut farm just so there wouldn’t be any appearance of impropriety. fifty years later, all that shit’s out the window. we’ve normalized greed and corruption. Donny turns everything into one more opportunity to enrich himself off the powers of his office, and the cowards in Congress and the worthless scribblers of the corporate-controlled press just stand around like the useless lumps they are.

Idiocracy. it’s what’s for breakfast.

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this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:

practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.

to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.

we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.

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