Category: Politics

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Word.

From Driftglass:

They really aren't that complicated.

Because.  There. Is.  No.  Tea.  Party.

As we Liberals have said many, many, many times before—as we were saying immediately after they appeared on the national scene and were slobberingly embraced by the national media as a Totally New Awesome Shiny Object—the Tea Party is nothing more than the same, cranky, white pig-ignorant GOP base voters who have been flinging the United States off of one cliff after another for most of my adult lifetime.

The same, old (very old) coalition of bigots, fundies and assorted other proudly ignorant meatsticks (tarted up for the cameras with a drizzle of "intellectuals" and think-tank manikins and a sprinkle of a few self-loathing minorities) that have been the bedrock of the GOP since Nixon—a mob of lobotomized shouters who cheered for every treason and catastrophe of the Bush on at 120 decibels right up until he started to lose.

After which they started to become exponentially more publicly unhinged.

Then came the Black President, after which they lost their shit completely and forever.

But of course, Serious People in Polite Society are never supposed to recognize such things, so instead of doubling over in laughing when millions of Republican meatsticks put on tricorner hats and hied their fat asses down to the local Ramada Inn to rally in favor of everyone pretending they'd out for a short beer for the last 20 years or so…the Mainstream Media went right along with the scam.

As one reviled, loser wrote back in 2009, while Very Serious people like David Brooks were ooh-ing over all of these newly minted "independents" that were suddenly abroad in the land, the word "Independent" had lost any meaning at all

Nobody knows what "independents" want, because "independent" as a modern political category is a textbook example of what Kurt Vonnegut defined in "Cat's Cradle" as a "granfalloon":

"…a proud and meaningless association of human beings"

Because "independent" can mean any-damn-thing, or nothing at all.

As the same, reviled loser wrote back in 2009 as the protobaggers were figuring out where to order Gadsden Flags in bulk:

And based on simple observation, guess who appears to be the largest group of late-blooming independents?

Those fucknozzles who, after giving Dubya the longest tongue bath in modern political history while calling everyone else a traitor, started gagging on the sheer tonnage of bullshit their creepy idolatry of George W. Bush was requiring them to swallow and obediently regurgitate every fucking day, that's who.

Most newly minted "independents" seem to be little more than Republicans who are fleeing the scene of their crime, but at the same time still desperately want believe in the inerrant wisdom of Rush Limbaugh. They are completely incapable of facing the horrifying reality that that they have gotten every single major political opinion and decision of their adult lives completely wrong, so instead they double-down on their hatred of women and/or gays and/or brown people and/or Liberals, and blame them for the miserable fuckpit their leaders and their policies have made of their live and futures.

Like German soldiers after the fall of Berlin, they have stopped running away from the catastrophe they created only long enough to burn their uniforms.

But they fool no one.

Except, apparently, David Fucking Brooks.

Actually, I got that last bit wrong: turns out they fooled a whole lot of wealthy, influential people in the press because so many people in the press got to be and wealthy, influential by being just such colossal fools.

All of which is made geomentrically more depressing when I go back to my archives and note that, yep, I sure as shit predicted this exact phenomenon 2006 during the height of the Age of Boosh:

… In five years, having voted for Bush will have become the parachute pants of this decade. 

It will become the "Oh my GOD. What the fuck was I thinking?" shameful secret people will occasionally and elliptically allude to by piping up with, "well, he did good after 9/11" as schoolchildren are taught what a disaster on every front and by every measure he was, and as adults who now have to pay and pay dearly for the myriad lies and crimes and follies of George W. Bush recount his Top 100 Fuckups and bitterly laugh and laugh and laugh.

As I said, Teabaggers really aren't that complicated.  They only made to appear so by their collaborators in the national media who categorically refuse to call them out by their real name.

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In a Nut Shell

Can I burn down your house?

No

Just the 2nd floor?

No

Garage?

No

Let's talk about what I can burn down.

No

YOU AREN'T COMPROMISING!

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Pig People on the March

Bill Kristol thinks Republicans should carry the shutdown fight on for a couple weeks.

"It's not going to be the end of the world, honestly, even if you're on nutrition assistance from the federal government," Kristol added. "I believe that no one is going to starve in Arkansas because of the shutdown."

How about you go without food for a couple weeks, asshole?

I think we're way beyond time for pitchforks and guillotines in this country.

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Asshats!

From Margaret and Helen:

"…the more Republicans I meet, the more I like my dog. Just once I would like to see a politician with an ass too small to fit his own head. It has been a rough few weeks sitting back trying to get my rest and stay out of politics, but honestly, there seems to be no end to this madness and I once again find myself not able to keep my mouth shut. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke. Let me count the new ways the Republicans found to wear their ass for a hat…

One. I heard a Congressman from Texas today say that Obamacare was forcing hard-working, middle class families to purchase health insurance they don't need. Now there is a congressman who has definitely put his head in a place where the sun doesn't shine. Show me someone who doesn't need health insurance and I'll show you the second coming of Jesus. And for the record, it's called the Affordable Care Act because before it was passed, healthcare was no longer affordable for most Americans. Do these Tea Party asshats really take us for fools?

Two. We are a country that blindly followed Bush's codpiece into "preventive" war not once but twice. Now a bunch of children get gassed to death by a dictator and we are suddenly too weary for war. Really? Republicans too weary for war. Sounds to me that they are too weary for a black commander-in-chief. Oh dear me. Did I say that out loud? God forbid someone suggest that Republicans are racists. He's a Muslim from Kenya with a fake birth certificate…short version: he's black.

Three. Not crazy enough for you? How about thinking the answer to gun violence is more guns? We're up to what, about one mass shooting a month now? It sure seems like there are plenty of guns to go around. How about we try a different approach like asking ourselves why we need more guns than actual people in this country. Are there really that many deer to hunt? And something tells me if the British are coming again, it's not with muskets. One thing is for sure: Guns don't kill people… but they make it real easy.

Four. Oh but for the love of God if Texas wasn't dealing with enough crazy already with Rick Perry, we now have to deal with Ted Cruz. Now here's a guy who talks in circles so effectively, it's no wonder his head eventually ran into his ass. In an effort to show off his grasp of the situation, he had to go and bring Dr. Seuss into the mix. For the record Senator Cruz, the moral of Green Eggs and Ham is to try something new… you might like it. For example, 40 million people might actually like having access to healthcare. Cruz staged his ridiculous talk-a-thon against cutting off debate only to then turn around and join 99 other senators in voting to cut off the debate. He's no Wendy Davis. That's for sure. But exactly what should we expect from a man who said, "We need 100 more like Jesse Helms in the U.S. Senate." If brains were leather, Cruz wouldn't have enough to saddle a junebug.

I could go on, but must I really? Let me sum it up for you. Now that the government is closed, will hard-working, middle class federal employees get paid? No. Will Congressmen get paid? Yep. They'll continue to get their $174,000 a year, and they will have health insurance as well. Asshats everywhere. I mean it. Really."

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Traitors

String the House Republicans up, the whole fucking lot of them. Osama Bin Laden's stated goal was to bring the USA to its knees economically. He called Iraq war "America's gift to me." He'd be so proud of the GOP and their Sociopathic Teabagging Masters.

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Speaking of Summing Up My Thoughts Exactly…

Some of you may have noticed I didn't write a word about the twelfth anniversary of 9/11. That's because my thoughts on the matter are—for lack of a better term—politically incorrect. While I'm not worried about losing readers, I just wasn't sure I wanted to put anything out there and figured that the old axiom, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all" was probably the best course of action.

But then I ran across the following from Talking Points Memo, and it summed up my feelings exactly.

You mention that some people seem to feel that the right "owns" 9/11, and that may contribute to their bristling at the annual commemorations. I think that's close, but not quite it, at least not from my perspective. My memory is of a tremendous feeling of unity after 9/11—I was living in MA at the time, and I had (and have) lots of family in NYC. In the wake of 9/11, and for the first and only time in my life I bought an American flag for my car, and I flew it in a spirit of defiance of terrorism and pride in my country. And I felt a bond with everyone else who had a flag on their car—there was a communal feeling that we all seemed to share.

That all changed as the response from Bush and Co. began to take shape. Instead of beginning a national conversation, they urged everyone to go shopping. And they began pushing for war. Worse, the "with us or against us" dynamic emerged, splitting the sense of unity I think most of us felt. I remember quite clearly that the flags on the cars in my community began to feel less like a recognition of a traumatic experience we had all shared and more like jingoistic support for Bush's militarism. I removed my flag, as did many others, and the flags that remained were inevitably displayed by people who also were strong supporters of Bush.And to this day, I remain conflicted about how to feel about 9/11. After the attacks there was a moment when we might have been able to move forward in some productive directions, to tackle some really difficult issues, with a unified sense of purpose. This moment was replaced with political division and hostility toward dissent. So it's not that I feel that the right owns 9/11. I feel that the right corrupted a precious opportunity for real progress. And we're still paying the price, not only for the lost opportunity, but also for the effects of the dreadful actions that 9/11 gave rise to.

It's hard to commemorate 9/11 without being overwhelmed by disappointment and frustration about the awful stuff that followed.

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Wayback Machine

Plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose…

Why?

June 26, 2008

One question that's gripped me in regards to the current situation in this country is a simple, "Why?"

Why are the Republicans and their supporters so hell bent on destroying the planet? Why are they hell bent on everlasting war in the Middle East? Why are they so obsessed with what everyone else does in their bedrooms, when their own desires are so often revealed to be festering cesspools of hypocrisy?

Why is McCain such a fucktard? I mean, seriously. Eight years ago he was someone who—while I did not like—I at least had a modicum of respect for. But now? The man can't even present a consistent message from hour to hour, much less day to day. This is the best the Republicans can come up with? And for the love of all that is holy, why is this man following George Bush's playbook when the smirking chimp is riding on a 23% approval rating that's falling by the hour?

Why is the Republican Wingnut Brigade so vehemently attacking Barack Obama, a man who by all rights has done nothing but rekindled hope in this country, something that has been absent from our collective consciousness for nearly a decade? (Nevermind. I guess I answered my own question there.)

Why are so-called Christian leaders in this country acting in ways completely opposite the teachings of their savior, and why haven't the true followers of those teachings risen up and denounced these screeching harpies for what they are? Why has "Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself," turned into "Hate everyone who doesn't agree with you?"

The question of what causes men to do evil has perplexed philosophers for thousands of years, so I seriously doubt I'll ever have any rational answer to any of these questions, or even an answer to what can be done to enlighten these poor souls who seem so wrapped up in their own darkness and destruction.

When I started upon my spiritual path nearly 30 years ago, one of my very first teachers told me, "Evil has no power over you. It is impotent. In order for it to flourish you must first give it permission." It's a lesson that's stuck with me and has been perfectly illustrated during the last eight years as the people of this country have blithely handed the proverbial keys to the kingdom over to the forces of darkness.

Now the question is, how do we get those keys back?

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Still Funny After All These Years

Another gem from my archive at the Wayback Machine:

The Pope and George Bush are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

The President and His Holiness, however, have seen it all before, so to make it a little more interesting, the President says to the Pope, "Did you know that with just one little wave of my hand I can make every Republican in the crowd go wild?"

The Pope doubts it, so Bush shows him. Sure enough, the wave elicits rapture and cheering from every Republican in the crowd. Gradually, the cheering subsides.

The Pope, not wanting to be outdone by such a level of arrogance, considers what he could do. "That was impressive. But did you know that with just one little wave of MY hand I can make EVERY person in the crowd go crazy with joy? This joy will not be a momentary display like that of your subjects, but will go deep into their hearts, and they will forever speak of this day and rejoice."

The President seriously doubts this, and says so. "One little wave of your hand and all people will rejoice forever? Show me."

So the Pope slapped the shit out of him.

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Word

Eventually, either the rich will pay taxes or they'll be lined up in front of this generation's guillotines.

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Get Off My Lawn!

"It was a fine speech, but I didn't hear any conciliatory remarks. I didn't see any specific reference like, 'I reach out my hand to the other side of the aisle.'" ~ Senator John McCain, spewing projectile diarrhea—as usual—from his oral orifice today.

It's been four years, dude. You lost. Let it go.

Oh, and John? One more thing: GO FUCK YOURSELF.

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Dear Red States…

Dear Red States:

We're ticked off at your Neanderthal attitudes and politics and we've decided we're leaving. We in New York intend to form our own country and we're taking the other Blue States with us.

In case you aren't aware that includes California, Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Illinois and the rest of the Northeast.

We believe this split will be beneficial to the nation and especially to the people of the new country of The Enlightened States of America (E.S.A).

To sum up briefly:

You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.

We get stem cell research and the best beaches.

We get Andrew Cuomo and Elizabeth Warren. You get Bobby Jindal and Todd Akin.

We get the Statue of Liberty. You get OpryLand.

We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.

We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs.

You get Alabama.

We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states pay their fair share.

Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families. You get a bunch of single moms.

With the Blue States in hand we will have firm control of 80% of the country's fresh water, more than 90% of the pineapple and lettuce, 92% of the nation's fresh fruit, 95% of America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners) 90% of all cheese, 90 percent of the high tech industry, most of the US low sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors, all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal Tech and MIT.

With the Red States you will have to cope with 88% of all obese Americans and their projected health care costs, 92% of all US mosquitoes, nearly 100% of the tornadoes, 90% of the hurricanes, 99% of all Southern Baptists, virtually 100% of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

38% of those in the Red states believe Jonah was actually swallowed by a whale, 62% believe life is sacred unless we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44% say that evolution is only a theory, 53% that Saddam was involved in 9/11 and 61% of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher morals then we lefties.

We're taking the good weed too. You can have that crap they grow in Mexico.

Sincerely,

Citizen of the Enlightened States of America