Seriously?

There are days I wonder how some of the people I support at work manage to get out of bed and dress themselves without assistance.

We have a dedicated laptop and projector for use with company presentations. The laptop has a local account called Presenter. There is a sticker on the machine, right below the keyboard, that has that user name and its password clearly displayed.

I set up the equipment this morning for a meeting. I logged in and made sure everything was working properly, like I always do.

A half hour later I received a panicked call stating that they couldn’t get into the system.

WTF?

The automatic screen lock (that I had to pull teeth to get approved, even though it’s a HIPAA requirement) had activated and no one knew the password.

Seriously? NO ONE KNEW THE PASSWORD.

I walked into the conference room, pointed out that the password was right there in front of their faces, logged the machine back in and left.

It is now abundantly clear why our country is moving in the direction it is.

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There's No Difference Between the Democrats and Republicans?

Oh, I don’t think so.

  • Democrats haven’t banned the teaching of Mexican history (Arizona).
  • They didn’t call a young lawyer who spoke before Congress a “slut” (Limbaugh).
  • They don’t question the findings of 97% of the world’s scientists that global warming is real.
  • They aren’t trying to suppress voters.
  • They don’t believe child labor is a fine idea (Gingrich).
  • They don’t consider ketchup (Reagan) or pink slime a “vegetable” in school lunches.
  • They don’t support the idea that women shouldn’t receive equal pay for equal work. (Republican Congress).
  • Or that women should be forced to have ultrasounds or other medical interventions before choosing to have an abortion (Texas).
  • They don’t believe anyone who looks Hispanic should be stopped in the street and forced to show papers (Arizona).
  • They don’t think privatizing Social Security will be a “great deal” for the elderly (Romney).
  • They don’t think gay people are destroying traditional marriage.
  • They don’t believe corporations are people (Supreme Court).
  • They don’t think any one faith should take precedence over another (Religious Right).
  • They don’t believe that creationism (a religious belief) should be taught side-by-side with natural selection (science).
  • They don’t think all taxation is bad (Tea Party).
  • They don’t think ILLEGAL Wall Street shenanigans should go unpunished.
  • They don’t see the benefits of empty “trickle-down” promises that have NEVER been realized.
  • They don’t believe women who’ve been raped should be forced to carry a child that results from that rape (Santorum).
  • They don’t think it’s wise to open National Parks to developers looking to make a buck.
  • They don’t think that parking American corporate profits overseas to avoid paying taxes shows much dedication to America.
  • They don’t think teachers are overpaid.
  • They don’t think it’s wise to allow people to carry guns and use them unless there’s a damn clear reason.
  • They don’t like the idea of unregulated industry, given that it’s recently brought us to the brink of Depression.
  • They remember what dangerous, shoddy products existed before there were laws for safety.
  • They don’t think college students should be burdened with high-interest loan rates.
  • They don’t think people protesting should be sprayed and beaten.
  • They don’t resent the poor.
  • They don’t think Obama is a Muslim.

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Five Questions

    • Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

I’ve had a lot of unexplainable things happen during the course of my life. When I was in high school, we lived in a new, never-before-occupied house that I swear must have been built over an Indian Burial Site. Many times we’d all be downstairs and doors would slam upstairs—with all the windows in the house closed. Later, when I was away at college my mom would often sleep downstairs in my room because of my dad’s snoring. That stopped the one night the bed started shaking. More recently, I was working on the deserted fifth floor of Phoenix Memorial Hospital in a room that had been created for the unboxing and prepping of new computers. The door was closed, and I was happily absorbed in my work when I heard a loud knock at the door.  I opened the door and no one was there. I looked out at the length of the hall. Not a soul in sight (and no one could’ve run away between the time I heard the knock and when I answered the door). It was shortly after that I learned the floor had at one point been the psych ward and that one of the patients had hanged himself there. Since that point the floor had a “reputation” for being haunted. Ghosts? I don’t know. I prefer the term, “Unexplained Phenomenon.”

As far as aliens are concerned, I believe there is definitely life—intelligent and Republican otherwise—out there; I just don’t believe they would travel tens or hundreds of light years to come here unless it was to simply observe a dominant planetary species gone insane.

    • Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

Air. And Air.

    • Smell the air. What do you smell?

Desperation.

    • What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

The inside of a church. ANY church. Absolutely makes my skin crawl. Of course I have the same reaction when entering a WalMart or just about any airport after the TSA was formed.

    • Choose East Coast or West Coast?

I’m definitely a West Coast boy!

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Betty White is to Golden Girls as Robert Clary is to…

You know what’s sad? Learning that all but one of the actors in one of your favorite TV shows from childhood are dead.

There was absolutely nothing on the television machine at all last night, so Ben and I started channel surfing and came across reruns of Hogan’s Heroes. Good lord, I grew up with Stalag 13.

“I see noth-thing! I know noth-thing! ”

  • Bob Crane (Hogan) – dead 1978, age 49
  • Werner Klemperer (Klink) – dead 2000, age 80
  • John Banner (Schultz) – dead 1973, age 63
  • Richard Dawson (Newkirk) – dead 2012, age 79
  • Larry Hovis (Carter) – dead 2003, age 67
  • Ivan Dixon (Kinch) – dead 2008, age 76
  • Robert Clary (LeBeau) – age 86, the only surviving cast member

In Internet parlance, “I has a sad.”

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Peace Out

Ray Bradbury, 1920-2012

Thank you Mr. Bradbury, for taking my gaze outward and upward when I was but a wee young thing. From The Martian Chronicles to The Illustrated Man to Farenheit 451 to I Sing the Body Electric and countless others, you had a profound influence on my life and will not be forgotten.

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I've Seen Things…

“I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Attack ships on fire off the shoulder of Orion. I watched C-beams glitter in the dark near the Tannhauser gate. All those moments will be lost in time…like tears in rain.” ~ Roy Batty, Blade Runner

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The One That Got Away

When you were a kid, was there ever one toy that you wanted with all your heart and soul that Santa never brought you?

With me it was this:

That Christmas I implored the big fat man in the red suit to bring me this thing. Point a colored laser at your target, hold down the trigger and watch the thing disappear:

How cool is that? If only it really worked that way.  Of course it wasn’t a real laser, and just because your target didn’t actually blow up made no difference to the imagination of a nine year old.

The fact that I never got this cool gun is one of those weird little things that stayed with me for years afterward. The fact that my parents absolutely lavished gifts on my sister and I that Christmas—and for many, many subsequent ones—never quite offset the disappointment of not finding a Plazer waiting under the tree.

Until a few weeks ago, I had completely forgotten about the Plazer, but then I stumbled across this site, and it all came rushing back. (And to be honest, rediscovering a hell of a lot of other toys that I did get that I’d completely forgotten about.) Further Googling led me to this—which probably explains why I never got the gun. I’m sure my folks tried it out in the store, discovered it was a piece of crap, and refused to throw away the $8.88 (which was a decent chunk of change back then) on something that didn’t work to begin with.

Santa, you’re forgiven—and thanks again for all the other amazing stuff you did bring me over the years.

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MIB 3

Wow. For the first time this summer I’ve left a movie not feeling like I’d been forcibly penetrated.


MIB 3 was a very fun romp, with an tear-at-your-heartstrings ending that was just about perfect. This is the type of movie that CGI was made for. It’s unobtrusively there to help tell the story, but not be the story. (Are you listening, George Lucas?)

Casting Josh Brolin as a young Tommy Lee Jones was sheer genius.

All I can say is go see it—especially if you liked its two predecessors.

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Five Questions

    • Who is your current celebrity crush?

This guy.

    • Have you ever gone skinny dipping?

Duh.

    • How do you vent your anger?

Is this your first time at my blog?

    • Do you have a collection of anything?

Vinyl records.

    • Do you prefer talking on the phone or video chatting online?

Neither.

    • What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

Hate: it’s a toss-up between screaming children and my work phone. (The similarity is not unnoticed.)
Love: the surf.

 

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Five Questions

Another meme. That famous tool used by bloggers the world over when they’ve got nothing else worth posting.

I got a list of a hundred questions from somewhere. That’s way too much to tackle in a single post and some of them I just flat out refuse to answer (last four of my social security number, mother’s maiden name—Seriously?), but I’ll try to post a few every couple days until I get bored or make it through the list. I’m not tagging anyone, but feel free to play along.

  • If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

Driving somewhere, most likely to or from work.

  • Do you prefer to be behind the camera or in front of it?

Behind.

  • Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Fleetwood Mac from the mid-to-late 70s. They could do no wrong.

  • What was the last lie you told?

Telling one of my users that the reason her Adobe Acrobat was crashing was because there had been an auto-update overnight and she hadn’t rebooted since it had been applied. (In my defense, rebooting did solve the problem.)

  • Do you believe in karma?

As a strict Atheist, no. But I’d like to think that the ignorant assholes making other people’s lives a living hell do eventually get bitch slapped, even if there’s no grand design behind it.

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Quote of the Day

“The world has achieved brilliance without conscience. Ours is a world of nuclear giants and ethical infants. We know more about war than we know about peace, more about killing than we know about living. If we continue to develop our technology without wisdom or prudence, our servant may prove to be our executioner.” ~ General Omar Bradley

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Quote of the Day

“I contend that we are both atheists. I just believe in one fewer god than you do. When you understand why you dismiss all the other gods, you will understand why I dismiss yours.” ~ Stephen Roberts

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I Don't Smoke…

…but I have other health issues I’m not exactly paying as much attention to as I should, and after seeing this, it’s time to start because this is exactly how I feel about my man.

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Thank You, JC Penney

Right on cue, One Million Moms, the Harpy Division of the hate group American Family Association, is foaming at the mouth because of JC Penney’s Father’s Day Sale Flyer.

And they are very, very, disturbed:

“One Million Moms (OMM) is disturbed that JC Penney’s (JCP) is continuing down the same path of promoting sin in their advertisements. In JCP’s June catalog, there is another homosexual ad, but this time with two dads celebrating Father’s Day. The advertising booklet began arriving in mailboxes yesterday. If their marketing department follows the same plan they did in May, this mailer will be available to view on their website on June 1.

“The ad shows two men on the floor playing and hugging their two children at home. It reads, ‘First Pals – What makes Dad so cool? He’s the swim coach, tent maker, best friend, bike fixer and hug giver – all rolled into one. Or two. Real-life dads Todd Koch and Cooper Smith with their children Claire and Mason.’

“It is obvious that JCP would rather take sides than remain neutral in the culture war. JCP will hear from the other side so they need to hear from us as well. Our persistence will pay off! One day we will answer for our actions or lack of them. We must remain diligent and stand up for Biblical values and truth. Scripture says multiple times that homosexuality is wrong, and God will not tolerate this sinful nature.

“OMM will continue to avoid shopping at JCP until they take a neutral stand. If you receive their advertising booklets or catalogs in the mail, OMM recommends you write “REFUSED…RETURN TO SENDER” on your JCPenney catalog and try sending them back. If they receive an onslaught of their returned magazines, they will take notice. Also, you may email, call, or use their contact form on their website to unsubscribe from their mailers so you will no longer have these delivered to your home. If you have a store credit card, you can close your account, if you have not already done so, to help get the message across that you have no plans to shop with them in the future. Be sure to tell them why you are unsubscribing and canceling your credit card.”

Poor babies. They don’t even know you can’t return Third Class mail. And seriously, how many of the One Dozen Shrews shop at JCP anyway?

If they keep boycotting every company that embraces marriage equality, pretty soon they won’t be able to set foot outside their homes.

But wait…isn’t staying at home supposed to be their place according to their Big Book O’Bullshit?

Being the godless deviant that I am, I used their own complaint form to tell them what I thought about their little temper tantrum. Feel free to do the same yourself.

Hello Moms,

Thanks for drawing my attention to the new JC Penney Catalog that shows a HO-MO-SEXUAL family WITH CHILDREN! Oh my LORD!  When I saw it I was flabbergasted! I was like: OMG! I have to tell EVERYONE I know about this! But first I got right on the phone and called the local JC Penny Store, emailed their corporate marketing department (again, thanks for the link, you’re so helpful!) and THANKED THEM for EMBRACING EQUALITY. Not only that, I sent your helpful links to all my friends on Facebook and Twitter and Reddit and Foursquared and my e-mail list and told them that they all need to contact Penney’s and commend them as well.  And on Saturday we’re planning a big gay SHOP AT PENNEY’S party at our mall.

With any luck Penny’s stock will soar just like Starbuck’s did when you boycotted them.

Keep up the good work!  I hear that your other boycotts have been so successful in increasing profits for the businesses that you Target (get it? Target?) that they’re all like PLEASE BOYCOTT US MOMMIES! PLEASE? PLEASE? I love it.

BTW, did you know that the companies who design and build the computer hardware and software you’re using also embrace EQUALITY? How soon can we expect a statement that you’ve destroyed all your computers and have gone back to using a tools more suited to your Bronze Age mentality, like stone tablets and smoke signals?

I do have one other question for you: what’s it like to live a life so consumed with hate for your fellow human beings that you’re blinded to anything else?  And don’t give me that “hate the sin but love the sinner” bullshit. Based on recent public statements by some of your fellow “Christians,” it’s clear you don’t just want to prevent gays from participating in the full rights and responsibilities of United States citizens; you want us dead.

Hitler had the same idea about the Jews.

“Oh, but that was different…”

No it wasn’t. It was HATE, pure and simple. And you and your cronies are the face of it in these early years of the 21st Century. Think about that.

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