Month: March 2007

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Movies I Love to Hate

The Matrix Reloaded

I stumbled upon this mess today on TNT. I saw Reloaded originally on the big screen back in 2003, but I was so disappointed after seeing the original that I almost walked out of the theater on more than one occasion and haven't seen it since. But like a bloody wreck on the side of the freeway, when I happened upon it today I had to stop and look.

Like so many others, after I saw The Matrix I was thrilled to hear there would be two more films in the series. And I had such high hopes for those flicks. The original Matrix was of course outstanding, blowing everyone away by raising the bar on special effects and addressing several heretofore (at least personally) unexamined questions about the nature of what we call reality. The impression I got from Matrix II was that the writers and director only needed a bridge to get to the third act, and the easiest way to do that was to take all the good points of the original and just turn them up to mind-numbing volume, throwing all restraint and subtlety to the wind. I found it pretentious and just plain bad on so many levels: over-long fight sequences (especially the hundred Smiths in the ghetto school yard – hey, if fighting one Smith is good, fighting dozens has to be great, right?), the albino dreadlock twins, the existential mumbo jumbo ramped up to the n-th degree, and the completely unbelievable (even keeping in mind the characters by then knew how to "play" the matrix to its full effect) 101 freeway chase sequence that I didn't think would ever end.

It almost made me wish I was watching it on disk instead of on-air so I could fast forward though those parts.

In all honesty, I did end up flipping between Reloaded and episodes of Movin' Up on TLC (I think the host, Doug Wilson, is kinda cute and I love the way flirts with the gay couples that occasionally appear on the show), and finally abandoned it altogether during the last ten minutes to watch a bit of Breakfast at Tiffany's. Damn, George Peppard was hot back in the day. Sizzlin'. I had a thing for him even when I was a kid. (And he grew old damned gracefully too. Woof. We miss ya, George.)

The only thing worse than The Matrix Reloaded would be the bastard that followed it, The Matrix Revolutions. Ugh. Don't even get me started.

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Gingrich Admits Extramarital Affair During Clinton Impeachment

Hypocrisy

Pronunciation: hi-'pä-kr&-sE also hI-
Function: noun
Inflected Form(s): plural -sies
See Republican.
Etymology: Middle English ypocrisie, from Anglo-French, from Late Latin hypocrisis, from Greek hypokrisis act of playing a part on the stage, hypocrisy, from hypokrinesthai to answer, act on the stage, from hypo- + krinein to decide — more at CERTAIN
1 : a feigning to be what one is not or to believe what one does not; especially : the false assumption of an appearance of virtue or religion
2 : an act or instance of hypocrisy

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Doing the Happy Dance

I got the results from my PET scan today. I'm all clear and Not. Going. Anywhere.

So beyotches, it looks like I'll be around for many, many more years to poke sticks into the eyes and ears of political and religious hypocrites wherever they may be hiding on the internets!

Furthermore, my ENT said today that I was a very unusual case. I don't know if I really believe him or not, but I am supposedly one of only 7 other people in the entire country whose disease was diagnosed and treated at the same stage and same time as I was and who are still alive and healthy today.

Mom always said I was special…

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The Best News Since November

Vermont votes to Impeach Bush and Cheney.

No, this isn't a joke.  It's time for the other states to get their acts together and pile on, hopefully turning this snowball into the avalanche that finally brings down the Bush/Cheney crime syndicate and restores our country to the rule of law.

We the people have the power—and the responsibility—to remove executives who transgress not just the law, but the rule of law.

The oaths that the President and Vice President take binds them to "preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States." The failure to do so forms a sound basis for articles of impeachment.

The President and Vice President have failed to "preserve, protect and defend the Constitution" in the following ways:

1. They have manipulated intelligence and misled the country to justify an immoral, unjust, and unnecessary preemptive war in Iraq.

2. They have directed the government to engage in domestic spying without warrants, in direct contravention of U.S. law.

3. They have conspired to commit the torture of prisoners, in violation of the Federal Torture Act and the Geneva Convention.

4. They have ordered the indefinite detention without legal counsel, without charges and without the opportunity to appear before a civil judicial officer to challenge the detention—all in violation of U.S. law and the Bill of Rights.

When strong evidence exists of the most serious crimes, we must use impeachment—or lose the ability of the legislative branch to compel the executive branch to obey the law.

George Bush has led our country to a constitutional crisis, and it is our responsibility to remove him from office.

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Body Worlds

I went to see Body Worlds at the Arizona Science Center this evening. I'd been hoping to somehow be able to see this exhibit since I first got word of it back in the late 90s, but I figured the chance of that ever happening was remote at best. Not only was it only touring Europe and the Far East at that time, it seemed to spawn controversy wherever it went. And knowing the uptight, body and death-phobic attitudes of my fellow Americans, and how Christofascists certain, umm… "narrow-minded" individuals had the propensity for raising a stink about anything they disapproved of, I figured the exhibition would never be allowed into this country, much less that I'd ever get a chance to see it in person.

I had all but forgotten about Gunter von Hagen's work until billboards for the show started appearing across Phoenix. Imagine my surprise when I learned that not only had the exhibit arrived in the U.S., it was going to be on display in this backwater, armpit-of-a-city!

Despite nearly a decade having passed since I learned of it, I still wasn't sure if I'd be completely disgusted or totally enthralled when I actually got around to seeing it in person.

In reality, I had neither reaction. All I can say is that it was interesting. I had wanted to be a doctor when I was a kid, and since I had grown up building Renwal's Visible Man model (and dozens of variations thereof), the basic nuts and bolts of human anatomy weren't exactly foreign to me. In fact, the pieces of the Body Worlds exhibit reminded me of nothing more than incredibly detailed plastic models. It was hard at times to keep in mind that these had at one point been real, living people.

I didn't see anything that I personally would consider controversial or in poor taste, and if anything the atmosphere in the exhibition hall seemed to be one of reverence. People were talking in hushed tones and seemed to be very mindful of what they were seeing.

What surprised me the most about the anatomical displays themselves was not the unusual posing of the subjects (another source of outrage from certain segments of society), but rather seeing the actual size of the internal organs. Some are much larger, and others much smaller than I had ever believed. It's one thing to intellectually know the bones of your inner ear are small; it's quite something else to actually see them. Did you know that your trachea is at most the diameter of your middle finger, or that your kidneys are about the size of those small, portable laptop computer mice? It was an intriguing, thought-provoking hour, but by the time I'd made my way through the entire exhibition, I'd seen enough and was ready to go home.

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Worst Person in the World

Yes, even worse than Preznit McFuckwit. Ann Coulter, the walking, talking, mass of festering pus who put the c in cunt has been at it again. No need to repeat her hate speech here. Suffice to say it's already circled the planet at least a dozen times, but this time it's not playing very well anywhere except in the vacuous skulls of the hate-filled "christians" of the far reich wing. No two ways about it, every time this attention- starved meth-head opens her twat piehole, nothing but toxic waste gushes out. If there's one person even more deserving to be taken out by an errant meteorite than the wanking chimp himself, it's this skanky ho.

At least someone at CNN is paying attention.

There are those who will undoubtedly say that by calling her names I'm stooping to her childish level.

I. Don't. Care.

The Democrats seem to have have this twisted view that they need to be above all the name calling and mud slinging that the Republicans are so well known for. On a purely philosophical level I definitely agree with that. It's a lesson that was drummed into most of us by our parents when we were growing up. "Don't sink to their level." But on the other hand, the only way to take on a schoolyard bully is to stand up to him and kick him in his fucking nuts. And someone needs to do that very publicly to Coulter and her ilk. If the Dems would show even half the spine that the American people apparently believed they possessed when they voted them back into the majority last November, the entire Bush administration would be buried in subpoenas by now and would be lawyering up against imminent impeachment proceedings. But sadly, that isn't so. Because Democrats are "nice," we get toothless non-binding resolutions that can't even be brought up for discussion, much less the full-fledged purging of the Executive branch that this country is crying out for.

Jeezus Fucking Christ! Is it any wonder that most of the people in this country are walking around seething with anger? It's not because of our fellow citizens; we're for the most part united in the belief that our country is being led down a very wrong path by an administration that has exhibited no respect for the rule of law and has demonstrated time and again the only thing it excels at is incompetence. We're angry because of what is (or rather, what is not) happening in Washington!

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Not the Worst Film I've Ever Seen

But after Marc and I threw a couple Hamiltons away on Ghost Rider this afternoon, I can say without reservation that it definitely falls squarely in my personal Top 10 list of flicks that should never have seen the light of day. It wasn't so bad that it warranted asking for our money back (I only did that after seeing Nightfall many years ago) but from overhearing comments from fellow movie-goers as the theater emptied, we were definitely not alone in our less-than-favorable opinions.

And a personal note to Nick Cage: Lose. The. Rug. The color's wrong. The style's wrong. Either spend the bucks on a good piece or take a clue from Bruce Willis and just shave it all off, because what you've got going on right now just isn't working.

Maybe it's that whole flaming skull motif the designers were hoping to mirror, but Cage looked dreadful in this flick. Dreadful as in worn-out, washed-up and run over with a tractor.

In my opinion, they should've stayed with the actor who played the young Johnny, Matt Long, and reconfigured the story to reflect the actor's younger age. I mean c'mon…would you rather share a ride on a hog with this:

Or this:

Be honest.

I have to admit, I come with a pre-existing bias. Matt appeared in the short-lived series Jack and Bobby, which had been one of my major guilty pleasures until the WB axed it after only a single season.

I mean, even the bad guy, Blackheart, played by Wes Bentley (who sharp-eyed viewers will recognize as the video-obsessed teenage drug dealer from American Beauty) looks like he'd be more fun in bed on a bike than ol' Nick.

Okay, so my sideburn fetish is rearing its ugly head again. Shoot me.

With all this being said, it was still good to spend some time with Marc, so the afternoon wasn't a total waste…

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To Be Filed Under…

Why do the cute ones always hook up with the shrews?

I saw this piece of hotness-on-the-hoof on some home improvement show on TLC a while back. He was a sweet, good-looking guy who did all the work while she sat on her fat ass and directed. In a spasm of what appeared to be completely out-of-character generosity, the bitch finally "allowed" him to have one piece of his artwork in their her living room.  All I can figure out is that women like these must give great head.  Why else would these men—who could do so much better—stick with 'em?

Dude, "Ditch the bitch and make the switch."

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A Must-Do List for the Democratic Congress

Dear Democratic Congress:

If you're not going to impeach the motherfuckers in the White House, can you at least stand up and put legislation in place to undo a few of the horrific things they've done to the United States since taking power? It's not that hard, and you've got the fracking majority! What more do you need?  Can you finally grow some spines and stand up to Mr. 23% approval rating? The country is behind you!

This list is far from exhaustive, but it's a good starting point:

  • Restore Habeas Corpus
  • Stop Illegal Spying
  • Ban Torture, Really
  • Close the C.I.A. Prisons
  • Account for "Ghost" Prisoners
  • Ban Extraordinary Rendition
  • Tighten the Definition of Combatant
  • Screen Prisoners Fairly and Effectively
  • Ban Tainted Evidence
  • Ban Secret Evidence
  • Better Define "Classified" Evidence
  • Respect the Right to Counsel

These are no-brainers, for Chrissake! Would you please step up and use the power that we gave you in November? Stop trying to make nice with the other side of the aisle. God knows they never tried during the last six years!

Sincerely,

The People Who Elected You