From John Pavlovitz:

I'm going to hell.

At least this is what American Evangelicals often like to tell me.

Apparently though, I'm not alone.

According to them I'm in very good company, as a vast portion of the planet will be eventually be joining me in the corporate weeping and the gnashing of our collective teeth—along with the billions of others, whose incessant torment is already currently in progress.

And sure, on some days the thought of such eternal damnation does seems like more than a bit of a bummer, and I find myself struggling not to let it ruin beautiful afternoons at the park, quiet moments with my kids, and joyous dinners with friends.

The idea of not going to Heaven certainly tends to cast a pall over things at times: movies, vacations, kickboxing classes.

However, the more I begin to visualize the actual Heaven these folks are supposedly excluding me from, the less and less worrisome the prospect becomes:

Apparently Heaven is going to be strictly America First.

Only English will be spoken in Heaven. Everyone else will just have to adjust.

It's also going to be very, very, very white; with caucasian dudes (like God and Jesus) running the show and making the rules. The ladies will be taking care of the meals and the kids and whatnot.

There will of course, be no Muslims, Hindus, Buddhists, Jews, Wiccans, Unitarians, Agnostics, Atheists, backsliders, heretics, doubters, sinners, or Democrats there.

(There may be a few Mainline Protestants, if they manage to slip through security.)

In American Evangelical Heaven, there will be no gays or lesbians; no transgender people, no bisexual folks, no non-binary or gender fluid individuals—or anyone aiding and abetting them by actually respecting and loving them here on earth.

Also from what I'm able to gather by the brimstone prognosticators here who are certain of their inclusion, American Evangelical heaven will be filled with people who:

• deny others healthcare
• withhold charity from the poor
• politically support predators
• willfully destroy the environment
• fiercely guard their borders
• contest the value of black lives
• fear immigrants, refugees, and people with brown skin

Of course, these will not be issues in Heaven, since there will be no hunger or thirst, no suffering or pain, no sadness or grief. In other words—there will be no one there to bother them with any actual need requiring their compassion, like there were here on earth.

In American Evangelical Heaven, there will be no beggars or poor to be a drain on society Everyone there will have pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps. (Well, actually they'll have all received unmerited mercy and grace they could never deserve—but why quibble over technicalities.)

I've been a Christian for most of my life, and I've seen hell used as a way of modifying behavior and controlling people by preying upon their greatest fears. I've seen it wielded like a weapon in the hands of people who don't seem all that loving or merciful (or fun to be around.)

I've seen Heaven turned into a gated community of straight white, politically partisan American people—where diversity really won't be represented and where difference will be turned away at the door.

It's evolved into a fortified bunker of nationalism, homophobia, misogyny, and bigotry.

The more the image of these people's Heaven becomes, the less and less trepidation I have of my soul's resting place somewhere outside of it.

Receiving their damnation actually begins to feel like dodging a bullet.

I may be condemned to suffer all manner of unimaginable horrors, but I won't have to suffer their hateful, exclusionary, angry religion, or to live surrounded by people who seem so joyful at the thought of other's damnation and so callous toward such a vast swath of humanity supposedly made in the image of God.

If Heaven is filled with only American Evangelicals—I'll pass.

Hell seems like a much more beautiful place.

Shorter version? "Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company." ~ Mark Twain