… that people always tell me to “just be myself” and forget that I have already tried that and traumatized everybody.
… that people have yet to learn that I want to be invited so I can say No.
… that I often wonder what the part of my brain that used to memorize telephone numbers is doing now.
… that no one understands that I have an on again off again relationship with reality
… that when you tap a video online you can see how much longer it plays but you can’t do the same to people.
… that I like to surround myself with people who have extensive vocabularies but still choose to say ‘fuck’ a lot.
… that people don’t see that I am so fine that I stay in the house all day because I am like a collector’s item.
… that the key to looking amazing is looking like crap most of the time so looking good is more of a surprise.
… that if I am giving you any attention, you should feel blessed since my real passion is ignoring people.
… that most people don’t realize that getting old means you prefer day drinking to staying out all night.
[Thanks, Bob!]