Adobe Bridge is working again. The program starts up quickly, and thumbnails generate almost instantaneously. There's been no update from Adobe. I haven't changed anything within the program itself. This is beyond weird, but nonetheless welcome.
But now I've gotten so used to using XnView, does it even matter? Yeah, each program does certain things the other does not, but ultimately in the end my final cataloging process forces me back to Bridge. Will I switch back permanently? Probably not. XnView allows me to do several things Brige does not, including color-coding all the non-JPG or GIF images that need to be converted, making them stand out easily.