I am so tired of the phlegm, of the goop, of the snot. I am so tired of the acid reflux. I am so tired of the itching that becomes nearly unbearable after dark and how small blisters are still forming after a total of twelve weeks of prednisone that have caused leg swelling and blood-sugar readings that are off the chart. I am so tired of not being able to feel anything in my lower left jaw and lip. But most of all, I am so tired of not being able to swallow. The other night I dreamt I was eating and I can’t tell you how satisfying it was to feel the food going down normally and not ending up in my windpipe. Alas, it was only a dream.
Yeah, I’ve made adjustments to my physical life, but emotionally I’ve still not fully caught up. Ben brought a big, juicy burrito home for lunch today. His dad dropped off some pastries from a French bakery. I could have put either one in the Ninja and turned them to liquid, but some days it’s just not worth the effort.
All I know is a year ago before the sugery if I knew what the situation would be 12 months later, I would never have gone through with ANY of it.
And with that I’ll close for tonight. I’m going to go devote my full attention to the remainder of Celecration before heading to bed. Tomorrow’a new day, no doubt full of fresh horrors. so get a good night’s sleep my friends.I know I shall try.
❤️ you all.
—MA
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