How a sinister manager slowly pushes you to quit:
Step 1 – I’d get a little cold. Less friendly, less supportive. You notice it but brush it off.
Step 2 – I’d stop noticing your work. No appreciation, no recognition. You’re getting slightly demoralized now.
Step 3 – You’re suddenly not in important meetings anymore. Things move without you. It hurts but whatever, I guess.
Step 4 – Your good work gets taken away. You’re left with random, low-impact tasks. You feel devalued. This feeling ruins your evenings.
Step 5 – You’re told to “do better” but no one tells you what that actually means?!?! This is turning into actual frustration.
Step 6 – Out of nowhere, “performance concerns” come up. You panic. “What am I doing wrong?”
Step 7 – You try to fix things… but the goalpost keeps changing. You just had your first anxiety attack.
Step 8 – They start watching everything you do. Small mistakes become a big deal. You’re constantly walking on eggshells now.
Step 9 – I’d become harder to reach. No guidance, but still judging your work. You’re feeling deflated.
Step 10 – Everything gets written down. Emails, notes, “just documenting.” You know they’re setting you up to fail.
Step 11 – You get put on a Performance Improvement Plan. It looks official, but it doesn’t have clear metrics. You’re angry.
Step 12 – You start hearing lines like “this might not be the right fit.” Subconsciously you’re prepared to leave and never look back.
Step 13 – Your workload gets weird. Either way too much or barely anything. You’ve started making applications elsewhere.
Step 14 – You feel confused all the time. You’re trying harder but it’s not landing. You can’t wait to get out of here.
Step 15 – I’d hint that leaving might be easier. You AGREE. Like, so much easier. Now, if only you had another back-up option.
Step 16 – You’re exhausted and your self-esteem has taken a major hit… and quitting starts to feel like the only way out, with or without a back-up option. You quit. They win.
Bad employers are very good at psychological pressure. As an employment lawyer, I’m trained to spot these patterns early and see what’s coming next. Follow along to learn.
2 Comments
Been there, lived through it. No fun.
In my case, it was a known area manager who had a big ego. When a company combination happened, he became my area boss. HE didn’t like me as he seemed to consider me “a threat” to his dominance. In many ways, I knew his job and how it interfaced with my job. This was a perceived threat to him, it seemed. I was not “his” hire, but an inheritance. The owner liked me and what I could do for the company. In a :just doing my job” orientation rather than one who apparently sought higher job titles. I evolved into a manager that never had “manager” after my name. In the department I was in, in what I did, I sought to keep things running smoothly and without drama, no matter the situation. The new boss did not understand or perceive that I could make him look good, too. His mistake!
As the owner liked me and my job performance, my new boss could only fire me “for cause”. So he and his underling manager sought to orchestrate “for cause” many times. Each time, I fixed the messes they built, quietly. Not hard to miss things which had never been an issue, when they suddenly happen “out of nowhere”. So I just upped my game to compensate.
So each “shit” job I was handed, I did it differently and better than anybody else had previously done. Gaining good custeomr reviews from other employees (who seemed to have sensed what was going on).
I never talked bad about management or even addressed these issues. I just looked at what I used to do, let that stay in the background, as I progressed into the future.
Over 46.5 years, I had several direct managers and a few area managers. I tried to work well with all of them to promote the company and what we could do, which was obviously noticed by all. Most liked that, but that one boss with the ego, he did not. I was his “baggage” as he did not hire me, just inherited me.
In many areas, this “boss” was a very poor one. It was amusing that ll of this formerly-direct employees could do an impersonation of his “You stupid son-of-a-bitch”. The best one was by his oldest son!
I wanted this boss’s approval and validation. I did everything to not challenge his fragile ego, as a normal part of my life at work. His problem solving capabilities were not stellar. Decisions I could have made and orchestrated in minutes, he took days to even make a decision! When I saw that, I just smiled and shook my head. He was a drain on the total operation. Which was probably relized when he finally retired a year or so ago. Many of us do not envy his wife, but then SHE might be the one who really wears teh pants in that family, with a leash around him.
Could I have not accepeted the job demotions? Sure. Problem was that I only had $3k in my checking account. Didn’t want to have to admit getting fired, either. Going to a competitor with my higher-level credentials, being fired, to me that made me look like “damaged property”, so that could have thwarted efforts to find a new job. So I persevered. I eventually got back into my prior department, as a cherished employee. I knew that eventually I would completely discover whom had orchestrated my employment issues. I DID and it was who I thought it was. The ego-driven boss. In one meeting, he revealed himself in how he praised me as what I used to do (which was uncharacteristic of him) and when his final comment was “And that’s what (the owner) wants”, his voice tone changed very slightly, to indicate the decision was not his, but the owner’s. Later, the direct manager he put in place was fired, too. THEN things got better, again.
When I retired, it was at a time I chose and on my terms. It was “time”. I’m still a cherished former employ and friend to many employees still there, plus some of the younger ones who have apparently heard of me from others.
Many accomplishments I would never have thought about in earlier times, but I did them. All in the orientation of “continuous improvement”, against all odds. Maintaining the company culture of outstanding customer service in the process. I had learned how to do “work arounds”, when needed, and do them quietly.
I met and interacted with lots of great people, many of which became friends. I did some really neat things, which still makes me smile.
The workplace “games” played by managers to motivate people to leave are many, extracting a toll on the victimes. Depression being one of them. It took me 7 months to get past that part of things, after I accepted the lower-level job.
In reality, the “games” are played by secretly-paranoid managers who generally do mediocre in getting the best performance from their employees. Performance is good enough to win a few awards, but not good enough for really stellar performance needed in our modern world. There are some financial reasons for “the games”, too. Professional demeanor, done correctly, always wins over “petty”, though.
I HOPE that Ben comes through this whole deal unscathed and in a better employment and financial position!
Big bummer!