Just push the damn button already, and put us out of this never-ending misery!
as another stupid week comes to a close here in America, let’s look back at the dumbest fucking shit that happened.
monday: Biggus Dickus has a wife, you know
where the fuck does Donny find these people?
CNN’s KFILE reveals the man leading the hantavirus response in the U.S. is a specialist in penile implants with little public health experience and hosted a podcast called “Erection Connection.”
wait, what? I understand what all of those words mean, but when you put them together in that order, I’m mystified.
so you’re telling me that the guy Dear Leader picked to deal with a potential hantavirus crisis is a crackpot who doesn’t believe in vaccinesand has no fucking clue how to handle a public health emergency — but if you need a homey to biggify your pantsmonster, he’s your man?
Uncle Tim Walz was right, these people are all weirdos — and not just weirdos, but dick-obsessed weirdos.
need proof? let’s start with Donny’s former Acting Attorney General and current US Representative to NATO. dude sold toilets specially engineered for super-endowed bros who were tired of having their massive wieners go plunking in the water when they sat down to do their business.
then there’s Dear Leader himself, who can’t stop waxing rhapsodic about the enormity of Arnold Palmer’s 9-iron.
Lady Space Laser was absolutely smitten with Hunter Biden’s freakishly ginormous trouser trout.
don’t even get me started on six-time international lap-hockey champion Handy Oakley.
and if you want to get penis-adjacent, there’s always roasted ball-sack aficionado Tucker Swanson McNear Carlson, who believes that microwaving the family jewels is the True Way Forward.
these freaks and oddballs need to all get a grip. no, wait — what am I saying?
MAGA, when it comes to your weens, don’t get a grip. keep your fucking hands where I can see them.
tuesday: just a perfectly normal dude, doing perfectly normal stuff
the morbidly wealthy, they’re so relatable, am I right?
the Space Nazi was part of the gaggle of gazillionaires who accompanied Donny to China this week, and — well, who among us hasn’t been at a state dinner at the exact moment the ketamine kicks in?
This is what happens when you eat Ketamine for dessert pic.twitter.com/AnPFtx9aJQ
— Liam Nissan™ (@theliamnissan) May 14, 2026
what the fuck was that? we need to gif that shit, pronto.
now, I’ve never experienced the wonders of ketamine, so can someone please tell me — does it affect your gait?
Why does he walk like this pic.twitter.com/STsdveIuxq
— Ethan Levins 🇺🇸 (@EthanLevins2) May 14, 2026
why does the Space Nazi jerk his right arm like that? what the fuck is he staring at up on the ceiling?
again, another prime giffable moment.
if I had a trillion dollars, I’d def hire someone to give me walking lessons.
I’ll say this about the Chinese — at least they had the good sense to keep the silverware out of harm’s way.
wednesday: shut the fuck up
stand back, everyone. Fox News found object Jesse Watters has been doing his own research.
“I did some research on ‘the blacks.’ blacks, for 150 years, have only represented 10% to 15% of the American population. okay? that’s not that much. so if they wanna have more seats, they gotta get in between the sheets.”
how awesome. in one short soundbite, Jesse manages to be racist, paternalistic, condescending and crude. he’s won the Fucknut Quadfecta.
Republicans have spent the last two weeks working overtime to disenfranchise black voters by gerrymandering their districts out of existence — and this is the smirking buffoon’s sage advice? to get busy fuckin’?
they say that a gif is worth a thousand words, so here you go, Jesse, this one’s for you.
thursday: verily, she doth spew bullshit unto you
oh look, it’s transdimensional-traveler-obsessed goofus and noted biblical scholar An Appalling Lunatic, here to give us an extremely fucked-up lesson in religion.
Anna Paulina Luna: “and so it’s interesting because you have, you know, the evolution of the King James Bible, as we all know that story. he wanted to get remarried, they re-wrote it. it’s what happened.”
Representative Lunatic is so fucking dumb, and all simpering meathead Joe Rogan can do is sit there with a stupid grin on his face and go ‘right,’ because he’s as big an ignoramus as Appalling Ann.
King James didn’t want to get remarried. that’s not what the King James Version of the Bible is all about. the British king who wanted to get remarried was Henry VIII, the jamoke famous for prancing about with a haunch of meat in each fist.
and Eighth Hank didn’t rewrite any Bible. what he did was he form the Church of England and put himself in charge of it, so he could get busy offing an endless series of spouses. remember, the merry fucking wives of Windsor?
(don’t even ask me what this is all about. I googled ‘merry wives of windsor gif’ and google gave me Batman. hey, everyone — I’m as good as doing my own research as Jesse Watters!)
but I digress. here’s my point:
it must be nice to be a wingnut and go on podcasts like Meathead Rogan’s and just be eternally wrong from dawn until dusk — because none of these shitwits knows dick about anything, and no one ever corrects you.
it’s a fucking oroboros of stupid.
oh look, you actually get something useful if you google ‘oroboros gif.’
friday: the further adventures of Some Fucking Idiot™
on Friday, some fucking idiot made exactly two public appearances. the first was when he deigned to talk to reporters aboard Fuckface Force One as it flew home from Beijing.
math, how does it even work?
what is the fucking idiot even saying? it’s just meaningless gibberish.
oh, and speaking of gibberish—
the fucking idiot is so monumentally stupid. someone told him that Dem candidate James Talerico identifies as ‘cisgender’ and the fucking idiot heard it as ‘six genders,’ and now he repeats it all day long.
and no press appearance would be complete without the fucking idiot accusing a reporter of treason.
the fucking idiot’s second appearance was in a pre-taped interview with Bret Baier, where he threw yet another of our close allies under the bus.
how wonderful. the fucking idiot has one meeting in China, where he’s too dumb to realize he’s being disrespected by Xi — and now, all of a sudden, Taiwan needs to ‘cool it a little bit.’
he’s such an easily-played moron.
then, to top it all off, the fucking idiot doubled down on his dumb-ass statement that he ‘doesn’t think about Americans’ financial situation.’
yeah, keep on reminding voters that you couldn’t give less of a shit about them. let’s see how that works out for you in the midterms.
and, despite all the dumbfuckery going on right in front of their faces, neither Bret Baier nor any of the reporters aboard Fuckface Force One stood up to ask ‘what the fuck is wrong with you?’
how fucking idiotic is that?
this is going to be my closing message for the foreseeable future:
practice self-care. do what you need to do to keep sane. if that means you need to disengage with my daily posts for a while, I get it. this community of ours will still be here when you return.
to all the people who have signed on in the days since the election, welcome aboard. settle in as we all try to deal with the shitfuckery that’s ahead of us.
we are all in this together, and we are all here for each other.
1 Comments
Thank you for the inclusion of the ‘BIGGUS DICKUS’ scene from ‘The Life of Brian’. It totally helps to ‘levan’ the horrors of MAGA Politics. (Didn’t Biggus have a Wife as well?) 🙂