You know that part of a job interview when the person behind the desk turns to you and asks, "So…do you have any questions?" and you're supposed to spew forth a bunch of crap to show you've done your homework and are interested in the company's direction and outlook for the future? Questions that you know are bullshit, they know are bullshit, and yet you're still expected to do that kabuki dance nevertheless?
After having gone through a dozen interviews over the last four months, at this point this is how I would love to respond:
Y'know, I've done my due diligence and have researched the company and really have no questions that haven't already been answered online or you haven't addressed during the past half hour. But I would like to add a few further things for your consideration.
I know you're not going to hire me. Don't look so surprised. I've been to this rodeo often enough to know now that even though you saw my resume and thought, "This guy has great experience and the skill set we're looking for. Get him in here!" the look on your face when we first met told me all I needed to know. I walked in and you immediately saw, "Old guy who probably won't be able to lift a printer or crawl under a desk—and certainly won't have the mental agility to keep up in the constantly changing world of I.T.."
Well I have a response to that. I was lifting printers and crawling under desks as recently as four months ago in my last position. I've been keeping up with each new development of personal computing when my passion was ignited the first time I touched a Commodore VIC-20 back in 1983. My newsfeed is tech! I've built PCs from scratch. I know how they go together and what to look for when they don't work. And as far as mental agility is concerned, at my last position we were having multiple issues with Windows 10—including in-house software not installing—and I thought outside the box, did my research, and came up with a solution. I may not know Office 365 or some other piece of software, but that's only because it wasn't in use at any of my previous jobs. That doesn't mean I can't get up to speed on it in a short amount of time.
I show up to work on time. I do my job. I am reliable and can be counted on to do something if asked and seek better ways of doing things if I see something that needs improvement. I have people skills that only time and experience can impart. And if you're worried about me retiring, that's not going happen for at least another decade if I want full benefits—and we both know that these days people seldom stay at any one job for that length of time anyway No, if I'm happy, treated with respect, and like a company, I'll be in it for the long haul because I hate interviewing and don't ever want to have to go through this again.
I'm sorry that my knowledge, experience and people skills do not come in a shiny 22-year old package fresh out of school with a pocket full of certifications that you were hoping could be the forward-thinking face of I.T. to your customers, but if you want someone with my kind of background and skill set, you need to take the years that go along with it.
Thank you for your time. It was a pleasure meeting you. Have a nice day.
Preach!